Ten Dating Tips To Follow

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border-width: 0px; clear: left; color: #363127; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 2px; padding: 0px;"> <img src="http://betterafter50.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/online-dating-tips.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border-width: 0px; color: #363127; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 2px; padding: 0px;"> Whether you are new to the dating scene, are reentering the dating scene, or are a serial dater, you can use dating tips and advice. No one is a dating expert – even the most beautiful and wealthy people all struggle with matters of the heart. Everyone can learn something about how to date more, how to attract the types of people we want to attract, and how to make sure initial chemistry blooms into an enduring relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border-width: 0px; color: #363127; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 2px; padding: 0px;"> The truth is, there are no magic formulas, no fail-proof tricks, no cunning ways of trapping Mr. or Miss Right. There are however some essential facts that you should always bear in mind along the way. Dating tips are just that -- tips, not one-size-fits-all guarantees. Different tacks will work for different people. It depends on the situation, who we are, where we are in our lives, etc. However, there are some threads of advice that are fairly universal and can benefit anyone who practices them:</div> <div style="background-color: white; border-width: 0px; color: #363127; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 2px; padding: 0px;"> <b style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Top 10 Dating Tips</b></div> <ol style="background-color: white; color: #363127; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Get prepared for dating. If you really want to succeed in the dating game, be ready to commit to dating. Half-heartedness won't work. In fact, it won’t even get you half-way. If you really want to date, put some effort into it. Do some research and think about what you want out of dating. Prepare yourself for the inevitable rejection we all face at some point in dating and commit not to give up.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Get your act together. Begin a regime of looking your best. Join a gym, read health magazines, get fit and start a diet. Get your hair cut or styled and begin a new regime of good grooming or beauty treatment. Though it will not find you a date in itself, you will feel a million times more confident about yourself, and others can sense that.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Go shopping and treat yourself to new clothes and even a whole new look. Get your image right, one that you can manage and live with, but one that flatters you. Don't try to be someone you’re not, but amplify and accentuate your positives. Throw out those tired jeans, old sweaters or cardigans and spruce yourself up. Your date will appreciate that you demonstrated some effort.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Think about what you want to gain from dating and what timeframes you expect. Do you see yourself married within 2 years? If you do, then approach dating accordingly. If you are more laid back and don't take dating too seriously then ask yourself some honest questions about why you are dating and what you hope to achieve. If it is purely sex then ask yourself if you are about to be honest with those you hope to date.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Surround yourself with people who will support your dating aims. By following the first four tips you will feel better and be more focused. Don’t sabotage this by sitting around with friends who are negative about love and relationships (often the married ones). Start attending social functions frequented by singles. Sitting alongside couples at dinner parties in suburbia is not necessarily where you need to be right now.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Choose those you have a good chance of dating. Be realistic. In other words, your dating is based on the whole package you present as well as just your personality. If you are looking for a glamour girl or boy and want to date someone trendy and gorgeous, great! Just know that others will expect you to be the same.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Join clubs, societies, sports events, drama groups -- anything that might help you meet like-minded potential partners. You will not meet people by staying indoors and playing video games – many have tried and failed at this approach.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Take time off from dating occasionally if it’s not going well or causing dating fatigue. Recharging your batteries and keeping confidence and optimism levels high is an absolute must. We all hit rough patches, but don’t let your search for love become a death march. Date in phases if necessary.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Enjoy dating for what it is, dating. It is meeting people and socializing and spending time in the company of stimulating individuals who may or may not play a bigger part in your life down the road. The fact is, most people have something interesting to offer. While you may not be out on the dating scene looking for new friends, you may well find one or two fabulous people along the way.</li> <li style="border-width: 0px; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px 30px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 2px;">Never make yourself too available. People like mystery and enigma and the thrill of the chase when dating. As part of keeping up the mystery, do not sleep with your dates early on. The longer a person is made to chase and fall for you within reason, the more likely that love may blossom. (And yes, this goes for both men AND women!) If the chemistry peaks too early, your emotions may never have time to catch up and the relationship will eventually wither away. </li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; border-width: 0px; color: #363127; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 2px; padding: 0px;"> <br /></div> </div>

Ten Dating Tips To Follow

Whether you are new to the dating scene, are reentering the dating scene, or are a serial dater, you can use dating tips and advice. N...

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What Is Dating?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <h1 class="title" id="page-title" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; float: left; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 39px; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 62px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjITeoFgMaaKz9pZjXrIObhjLsKRVpUNsV-HkA8zGUiVf0Du8U6mQpx1SUBQWLyZmUuCxsTnD5TEmwRB1MtnhctDCwbrsHnYycYaKs0KDHMP5uSTVtNJlabpITJKxObHkucVubYTrwtAY8/s640/dating+vs+relationship.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="640" /><span style="letter-spacing: -0.05em; text-align: left;">What is Dating?</span></h1> <br /> <div class="block block-system block-main block-system-main odd block-without-title" id="block-system-main" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="block-inner clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <article about="/dating-basics/what-is-dating" class="node node-page node-published node-not-promoted node-not-sticky author-admin odd clearfix" id="node-page-4" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" typeof="foaf:Document"><div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-items" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespect.org, we </div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> define <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;">“dating” as two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual, but it does not have to be. It may be serious or casual, straight or gay, committed or open, short-term or long-term. The important thing to remember is that dating abuse can occur within all kinds of intimate relationships.</span></div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Types of Dating</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You and your friends may use the word “dating” or you may not. People describe relationships in different ways. Whatever you call it, we want you to understand and feel comfortable with whatever type of relationship you are in. Some of the most commonly used words to describe dating are:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Going out</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Together</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Being with someone</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Seeing each other</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hubby/wifey status</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Just friends</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Friends with benefits</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hooking up</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Regardless of the label you use, you and your partner should both accept the same definition for your relationship.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> But I’m Not Dating!</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are other types of relationships that might not be considered dating that are just as real and that we can help you with here. Maybe you have a child with somebody, but do not consider yourself to be in a dating relationship with that person. Having a child together could feel like more than just dating, or you might have chosen not to be together anymore; there is no one way that relationships must work.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Another possibility is that you and your partner are married. Of course marriage is different from dating in some ways, but you might be surprised at how similar they really are! What makes a dating relationship healthy or unhealthy usually applies to marriage as well.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> At loveisrespect, we focus on dating but this site is relevant to everyone.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Who is a Partner?</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Simply put, a dating "partner" refers the person you’re in a relationship with. A healthy partner is:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Respecting</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Trustworthy</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Honest</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dependable</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Supportive</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you’re in a long-term, committed relationship or looking for casual dating experiences, you can still experience abuse. People who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer/questioning (LGBTQ) can be in abusive relationships too. In fact, studies show that dating violence occurs at the same rates in same-sex relationships as in opposite-sex relationships.</div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </article></div> </div> </div> </div>

What Is Dating?

What is Dating? "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespe...

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Time to Rethink What Thought You Knew About Romantic Relationships and Affairs

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> Time to Rethink What Thought You Knew About Romantic Relationships and Affairs</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S-768x513.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_94618063_S.jpg 848w" width="640" /></div> <div class="social-share-container"> <div style="text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <span class="st_facebook_large" displaytext="Facebook"></span> <span class="st_twitter_large" displaytext="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_pinterest_large" displaytext="Pinterest"></span> <span class="st_linkedin_large" displaytext="LinkedIn"></span> <span class="st_googleplus_large" displaytext="Google +"></span> <span class="st_email_large" displaytext="Email"></span></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">Esther Perel has an unmistakeable presence.  The Belgian speaker, therapist, author and TedX sweetheart has been challenging us all, including therapists like myself, to rethink our paradigms around romantic relationships and infidelity.<br /> Recently at the Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in DC, I had the opportunity to hear her speak about shifts in romantic relationships and the heart of the matter in modern day affairs.<br /> According to Esther, “expectations put on a romantic relationship are at an all time high” and mirror cultural shifts that have occurred.  There is more ambiguity with roles, social hierarchies and prohibitive religious structures are less intact, there is more freedom for self expression and happiness seeking for the individual is a higher priority.<br /> As we have moved away from community living with families and friends nearby, we have less sense of belonging.  “When we lived in the village we knew everything about the couple; every fight and every fuck,” she said, matter of factly.  As many issues there surely were with such intertwined living, now that the pendulum has swung to the other side and we now face the public health crisis of loneliness.  And couples have become more isolated, often rely on one person, each other, to be their trusted confidante, best friend, best lover and intellectual equal.<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <em>“Our modern model for modern marriage is that one person will give us what an entire village used to provide.” </em></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> – Esther Perel</div> This is why the pain around infidelity is different today.  This betrayal can be incredibly traumatic because it threatens the sense of self, challenging the idea that this person was “the one.”  And the digital age of social media, texts and emails can feel like “death by a thousand cuts” to the one who has been betrayed and has discovered messages and other cyber evidence of an affair.<br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_194581581_XS-300x100.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-11046" height="100" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_194581581_XS-300x100.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_194581581_XS-300x100.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_194581581_XS-350x117.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Fotolia_194581581_XS.jpg 600w" width="300" /></a></div> <strong>What lies at the heart of an affair?</strong><br /> Esther reports it’s not usually really about the sex.  In her experience, she has found there has been a yearning to bring back some kind of vitality, recapture lost parts, an entitlement to seek out desires or simply be happier than we are.  Some affairs happen after years of monogamy in a relationship where the person never thought they would do such a thing but they feel driven to feel special, important, to beat back a sense of deadness.  And wanting what you can’t have can also be intoxicating.<br /> She touches on the issues that come up around “romantic consumerism,” that we now have thousands of people at our fingertips via dating apps and online sites.  This raises the question, how will you know when you’ve found “the one” with so much choice?<br /> <strong>What can modern couples do differently to preserve their relationships?</strong><br /> <ul> <li>Reconsider the expectations you put on each other.</li> <li>Rely on friends and family for some of your emotional burdens and need for connection.</li> <li>Keep your relationship dynamic fresh with new experiences, breaking up routines and maintaining even a little mystery between each other.</li> <li>Continue to find ways to make each other feel special and prioritized.</li> </ul> Intimate relationships, particularly long term, can inherently run into problems when the couples focus drifts too far away from the living, breathing relationship itself.  Like most plants, it needs attention and water to survive.  Yes, the paradigm around romantic relationships has changed but this doesn’t need to mean they are all destined for failure.  It’s an alert signaling the need for us all to rethink their meaning in the context of the world around us as and maybe most importantly, face and adapt to our societal issue of loneliness head on.<br /> <br /></section></div>

Time to Rethink What Thought You Knew About Romantic Relationships and Affairs

Time to Rethink What Thought You Knew About Romantic Relationships and Affairs Esther Perel has an unmistakeable presence.  T...

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5 Tips For Starting A New Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5L3oeBKplVY1XHMT-1w-Qa33P7UbeAbQ74LTNenRV4mEmds7k-AeZR0u3PZtJzmE_PGU1GxEnQi1KOr5qC07xBGn22vB3b3JdHkXGJyq00C0mStzWUfXhak1ltQ7wGQ8kB6TwiZpH0Kk/s1600/5-tips-start-relationship-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5L3oeBKplVY1XHMT-1w-Qa33P7UbeAbQ74LTNenRV4mEmds7k-AeZR0u3PZtJzmE_PGU1GxEnQi1KOr5qC07xBGn22vB3b3JdHkXGJyq00C0mStzWUfXhak1ltQ7wGQ8kB6TwiZpH0Kk/s400/5-tips-start-relationship-1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Beginning a relationship can feel a lot like entering uncharted waters (no matter how many times you've done it). There's no map. Every girl you date has unique personality traits, needs and desires, so you can't necessarily approach each relationship the same cookie-cutter way.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Perhaps you're ready to take things to the next level with someone you've been dating. Or maybe you want to be with a friend you've developed feelings for over time. Regardless of how you've arrived at this crossroads, five practical tips can help you get off to a good start and navigate your path as a couple. These tips aren't tricks, rules or games. Leave that to dating -- you know, that casual, noncommitted time spent together doing things like going to movies or out to dinner. The approaches we'll discuss here are fitting if you want to set yourself up for something much more: a relationship that's about an emotional, committed connection.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> 5. Get Clear on What You Want</h2> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> First things first. Identify what you want out of a relationship. Think big picture here. Maybe you want to see multiple girls at one time to play the dating circuit. Or maybe you want to fall in love and be in a monogamous relationship. Whether casual or committed, relationships are much easier (and more fun) if you know what you want out of the experience before you start one.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Our brains are wired to experience lust, romantic love and attachment (a sense of calm and security for a long-term partner), according to Dr. Helen Fisher, an anthropologist and expert on romantic love. She says it's possible to experience these three distinct types of love simultaneously -- even for three people at the same time. Which ones are most important to you? If you're after all three in one person, great! Just get clear on what you desire so you can manifest it.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Actualize your ideal relationship by listing qualities you’re looking for in a partner. Religious values, intelligence, hair color: Whatever you care about, put it on your wish list. Next, whittle it down to qualities you can’t live without. You might have a list of 30 preferences, but only seven non-negotiables. Consider only dating people who make your short list. Why? It’s simple: You’re more likely to find the relationship you want.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> When you find your non-negotiables in one person, you've got something special! That kind of connection doesn't happen every day, so protect and cherish what you have.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> 4. Share Your Intentions With Her</h2> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Share your intentions with the girl you're dating. Do it relatively early on, not six months into seeing her. This means explaining your expectations and hopes not only for your own future, but for your future together. Do you hope the relationship grows into something long-term, or do you plan tosplit up when you move across the country for school soon?</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Talk instead of making assumptions. Different activities and gestures mean different things to different people. Meeting each other's parents or getting physically intimate automatically equates to a monogamous relationship to some people, but it might mean casual dating to others. Remember, sharing intentions doesn't mean you have to know specifics like whether this girl is right for you now or is the one you want to marry down the road. It's about disclosing the direction you're going, not necessarily the destination. Where are you headed? Answering this question helps avoid miscommunications, hurt feelings, lost time and bruised egos.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> 3. Be Your (Best) Self</h2> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> You should be able to be yourself around your special lady friend. What are you normally like when it comes to things like hobbies, humor, spirituality or goals? Do you change when you're around her? Hopefully, not much. Sure, sometimes change can be a good thing if she helps you evolve and mature. But in general, if you behave in ways that are inconsistent with who you really are to satisfy, impress or appease her, you might be dating the wrong person.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Real affection is when someone is into you for you. It comes from a place of acceptance, not a place of deception where a woman has been duped by an act you've put on.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> Gravitate toward girls who celebrate and encourage the authentic you, not the ones who press you to change for them rather than for yourself.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> 2. Show Her You Get Her</h2> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> People mostly feel (and give) affection in one of five main ways, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, author of best-selling book "The Five Love Languages." Chapman defines the five love languages as physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time and gifts. He advocates <a href="http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/tips/5-communication-tips-for-romantic-relationships.htm" style="color: #005288; text-decoration: none;">communicating</a> your feelings for your partner using the language she most identifies with. You can tell her "<a href="http://health.howstuffworks.com/relationships/advice/first-to-say-i-love-you.htm" style="color: #005288; text-decoration: none;">I love you</a>," "You're so beautiful" or other words of affirmation 100 times a day, but if her language is physical touch, she's not going to feel the magnitude of what you're trying to communicate. A hug and kiss when she walks in the door or a foot rub while watching a movie probably will go further in making her feel cherished and close to you. (And don't forget to let her know your own love language.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> A big part of a successful relationship is to show your girl you get her. For example, don't keep giving her roses if she's made numerous comments that wildflowers are her favorite. If spending quality time together is big for her, say yes to her invitations to go on walks, watch the sunset or turn off the TV at dinner and talk instead. If you don't, no matter what you do, she probably won't feel very loved or understood.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> 1. Mind Your Money</h2> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> If you want to date one or more people at a time just to have fun, carefree experiences, knock yourself out. Spend whatever you've budgeted for the ladies. Have a great time!</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> But if you're looking for an intimate relationship and perhaps something more long-term, let's assume you want to be with a woman who's with you for you -- not your money (or lack thereof). It's fairly easy to have a good time with almost anyone when you're doing fun things like dining at nice restaurants, attending swanky events or living the high life. Right?</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-top: 15px; padding: 0px; width: auto;"> So, find out if you two have a close bond by doing free or cheap things together. If you're able to feel closeness and have a blast without spending a dime, what's holding you two together probably has more to do with your dynamic than you simply being a vehicle to fun times.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: table-cell; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; height: 46px; line-height: 19.695999145507813px; margin: 15px 0px 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 10px; vertical-align: middle; width: 380px;"> <br /><br /></h2> </div>

5 Tips For Starting A New Relationship

Beginning a relationship can feel a lot like entering uncharted waters (no matter how many times you've done it). There's no m...

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How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSP7-ZL7AyPeCbMVzB0ajoo7rCx86J7gbBR20YVlCvzCuYUKG74S6sm9IARR46LG1afJtKKsf0ELbnmU4sOGbg3I0JcCaMKAX2uZ9WrORPzQKpYV7GXatDQPCXUYDz5Osz5ZGLjU1akXn5/s1600/man+woman+dqwe.png" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can learn how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Doesn’t seem like that makes sense, does it? Stick with me here for a second and you’ll understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are kind of like Fight Club: if you’re you’re dating someone, you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going </em>to fight. There’s no getting around it. It’s the inevitable result of being in a relationship with another person – there’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going</em> to be conflict, no matter how (drift) compatible you may be.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Trying to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</em> fighting means trying to avoid conflict – which usually means that important issues get swept under the rug in the name of “keeping the peace” instead of, y’know, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving </em>them. And of course, we all know how well denial works when it comes to conflict resolution.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Rather than trying to <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</i> conflict, people in the most successful relationships learn <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how </em>to fight so that they don’t end up doing more damage to one another. But learning <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> to fight is only part of the answer. You also have to know how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting so that you can actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em>things and move on to the more important parts of the relationship… like the make-up sex.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> So just <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> can you stop fighting with your partner? Well I’m glad you asked…</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span id="more-5460" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1) Walk It Off</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Anger is like fire; when properly harnessed, it’s an incredibly useful and important tool. On the other hand, if you’re careless with it then you’re going to lose control and it will end up destroying everything you care about.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan is that anger is rarely a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rational</em> emotion. It’s almost impossible to have a practical discussion with your partner when you’re caught up in anger; it’s entirely too easy to get distracted by side issues or to dredge up old issues to justify why you’re so pissed right now. And like fire, anger can be deceptive. Just because the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">immediate</em> argument is over doesn’t mean that you’re not still ticked off. Like a campfire, it may <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">seem</em> like things are settled, but one errant spark and suddenly the whole thing flares up again and burns the forest down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you want to stop fighting and actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em> things, then you need to give yourself time to cool down. Separately.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Yes, separately. It can be hard to let go of things when the person who’s ticking you off is right there with you; you end up feeling pressured to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">say</em> you’re better, even if you’re still angry. So the best thing you can do? Get a little bit of space and let yourself calm down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You want to get away from the scene of the argument (which is going to just keep reminding you of the fact that you’ve had one) and do the things that let you cool off. Take a walk. Hit the gym and jump on the treadmill and burn out that fire by exhausting yourself. Go listen to music that helps calm you down. Beat on the heavy bag like it owes you money.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are a lot of people who will tell you that you shouldn’t walk off, that every argument should be resolved right then and there. This is a spectacularly, crossing-the-streams-level <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">bad</em>idea; not every conflict is one that can be resolved in one sitting and trying to do so while you’re still angry makes it next to impossible. It’s better to take time to vent, decompress and come back when you’re cool and collected.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just make sure you let your partner know what you’re doing and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em>; just standing up and storming out is a great way to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> hurt someone. Tell them: “Look right now I’m too angry to think straight. I need to go do X to calm down so we can sort this out. I’ll be back in 15 minutes/a half hour/an hour.”</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 2) Ask Yourself: Is This The Hill You’re Willing To Die On?</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that trips a lot of people up: sometimes we pick the wrong battles, whether we’re the aggressor or not. We get upset over the wrong things. We get into fights – or make fights worse – because we don’t stop to ask ourselves whether the fight is one <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worth having</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One of the most common conflicts in relationships involves the desire to be “correct” rather than “right”. Chalk it up to how men and women are socialized; men are taught that they’re supposed to be “doers” while women are the “feelers”. Men tend to look for concrete “do this and things will be better” solutions to conflicts. Unfortunately, one of the ways that we tend to express this is by pointing out that the other person is mistaken or doesn’t understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let me tell you: there’s nothing like telling a person “no, you’re wrong” to turn a minor fight into a major confrontation. This is a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> bad idea when your goal is to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop fighting in the first place.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If we take the classic domestic conflict of “you don’t help me do the dishes” and respond with all the ways that we <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> contribute (paying the bills, picking up around the house, whatever) then we’re trying show that what we do is equivalent… which it may well be in terms of comparative time/effort spent, but that doesn’t actually address the issue.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Similarly, yeah, your girlfriend may have seen what <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">looked</em> like you flirting with the cute redhead from Accounts Receivable, but <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">clearly</em> nothing was going on, therefore it’s completely unreasonable for her to be mad at you!</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan with this approach is that we tend to equate being correct with having the budbahasa high-ground and that immediately puts <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everybody</em> on the defensive. Suddenly you’re feeling unfairly attacked while <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> is hearing you tell her that she has no right to feel the way that she does. Now you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">both</em> put in the position where you’re no longer actually addressing the problem, you’re arguing about who’s “right” and there’s no real way to back down without losing face. Now you’re fighting to defend your <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ego</em> and there’s no real way to “win” without losing at the same time.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Being factually correct doesn’t mean that you’re actually in the right – especially when it’s not about the “facts” but about how a person’s behavior makes the other person <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feel. </em>Being “correct” isn’t going to win you any points, especially when your partner’s seeing it from a completely different perspective. “Winning” the argument is a pyrrhic victory when it ruins the relationship in the process, especially when it’s over comparatively <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">minor details</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You have to ask yourself: “Is this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> the hill I want to die on?” Are you really willing to prolong the fight, or even make it worse, rather than just swallowing your pride and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listening to what she’s actually saying</em>?</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 3) Apologize. The Right Way.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The fastest way to stop fighting is simple: apologize. But you can’t just say “well, sorry” and expect everything to be magically ok. You have to apologize the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">right</em> way.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is another area that trips a lot of people up: we tend to equate apologizing with being morally wrong. Why should we apologize when we don’t believe we’ve done anything wrong?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well… because like I said earlier: being “correct” doesn’t mean that you’re “right”. Apologizing isn’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">just</em> about who’s wrong or who’s right. It’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">also</em> about taking responsibility for how you’ve made other people feel. A sincere apology means understanding <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> your partner is upset with you and copping to your part in having made it happen.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> First: make sure you understand what you’re actually apologizing <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">for</em>. The best way to do this: try to summarize your understanding as to why she’s upset. “You’re upset because you saw me flirting with Helena, am I right?” Then <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listen</em>. Don’t defend yourself – just listen to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> she’s upset. Then apologize for it. “I understand. I’m sorry I hurt you by doing X.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Did you do something wrong? That’s (sometimes) debatable. What <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em> debatable is the way you made her feel. And if you actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">care</em> about the person you’re dating, then you damn well <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better</em> care about how you make her feel.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Notice very carefully that this is the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">active</em> voice. There is nothing more infuriating than a weaselly non-apology apology like “I’m sorry you were hurt”; it’s a lisan way of putting the blame on <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">her</em> for being unreasonable, rather than taking responsibility for your part in hurting her. Similarly, you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">never</em> give an apology with a qualifier. Saying “I’m sorry, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">but…</em>” is telling her that not only are you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry but once again, she’s wrong for feeling that way in the first place.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> (To pre-empt the obvious objection: if you feel that she’s consistently unreasonable about the way she feels, then it’s probably well past time the two of you broke up. Either you’re right and she’s impossible, in which case you shouldn’t be dating her in the first place or <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she’s</em> right and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re</em> the asshole and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> shouldn’t be dating <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em>. Same result either way.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And above all else: never, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ever</em> apologize just to make the fight stop and get her off your back. This not only invalidates the apology – because you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry<i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> – </i>but tells her that you’re not going to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> anything about it. You’re essentially interacting on bad faith- you have no intentions of actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving</em> the problem, you just want her to shut up. This is incredibly insulting on just about every level and is only going to hasten the inevitable demise of your relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Also: if you’re the one being apologized to – <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">accept the apology without editorializing</i>. Responding to “I’m sorry, I was an asshole” with “Yup, you were” is just going to start the fight all over again.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 4) Stop Fighting, <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Then</i> Resolve The Issue</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you’ve been following the steps, then ideally you’ve both calmed down and gotten to a point where you’ve forgiven each other. <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This</em> is the time to work out a resolution to the cause of the fight. It’s great that you’ve stopped fighting but that’s just treating a symptom. Unless you actually address the cause, then all you’ve done is just put things on pause until you fight <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">again.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Resolving the conflict should be a collaborative approach. This means you have to work on this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">together</em> to fix things, not just dictate terms to one another as though you’re negotiating the Treaty of Versailles. You want to ask two questions: “What do you need to make things better?” and “How can we make this happen?” <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are inherently a partnership; you’re supposed to be working together towards a common goal and understanding. They’re not about “who wins” and “who loses”; <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everyone</em>loses when you’re fighting, no matter who’s actually in the right. Collaborating together to find a way to make things right reinforces the fact that at the end of the day, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re on the same side.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s worth noting: not every solution is going to be a compromise. Sometimes you have to be willing to accept that what you’ve done has hurt your partner and that you’re going to need to make concessions in the name of <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> hurting them. That’s part of the price of entry to being in a relationship with someone; if you’re unwilling to pay it… well, then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them in the first place.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1)Take Time To Make Up.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You’ve managed to stop fighting. You’ve worked together to find a solution. Now it’s time to make up… and in many ways, this is the most important part of arguing with your partner. You may have patched up the issues from the fight, but you’re both still going to feel the sting of the fight and those lingering emotions can poison your relationship if you don’t take care of them.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As it turns out, there’s actually some truth to the old adage of “don’t go to bed angry”; going to sleep can actually preserve negative emotions or even make them <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worse. </em>It doesn’t do you any good to try to stop fighting if all you’re going to do is cement the anger and hurt.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is why making up is important. You’re not just resolving the problem, you’re reminding one another that even though you may fight, you still have that core of love and affection for one another. Yes, you may get angry, but that doesn’t mean that at the end of the day, you don’t love each other. It’s important to keep that in sight.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Taking the time to make up afterwards is a form of relationship self-care. It’s a way of reinforcing the bond and making each other happy again. You’re soothing the hurt that you’ve both caused and replacing it with love and contentment. It reaffirms the strength of your relationship and rewards you for fixing the problems instead of just fighting over and over again.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And besides… if you don’t take time to make up, when are you going to have that awesome make-up sex when you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> stop fighting?</div> </div>

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this...

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How to have healthy habits to establish success in your relationship

<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> What is a successful relationship? What does a successful relationship even look like? We may have all wondered these questions at some point in our life.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2jG9iVe5-BMeSIjTRZgUtfLCWihLKxwyJN3Td5TT0Xfhyphenhyphen844Lcrf7tRNVml_0RktrZDe8L0oUNo-NArzhvG3VahGhUhtnVPUfvS_ek6_LjIPRDzf1Qt-4SBohivznsG6V34oGRAiIT8Cg/s1600/success+in+your+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="198" data-original-width="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2jG9iVe5-BMeSIjTRZgUtfLCWihLKxwyJN3Td5TT0Xfhyphenhyphen844Lcrf7tRNVml_0RktrZDe8L0oUNo-NArzhvG3VahGhUhtnVPUfvS_ek6_LjIPRDzf1Qt-4SBohivznsG6V34oGRAiIT8Cg/s1600/success+in+your+relationship.jpg" /></a></div> Often, my clients and I use words such as <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">healthy </em>or <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">successful </i>when describing goals within their treatment. Many of my clients initially start their process with describing their conflicts and frustrations. It’s not uncommon to hear, “The way we argue is unhealthy. We desperately need help <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">communicating </em>so we can have a successful relationship.”</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> A common misconception is learning to communicate more effectively will fix your relational issues. Although my counseling style teaches better communication and listening skills, it is not the <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">only component to creating a successful relationship. </em>Although communication is a key factor in enhancing understanding and facilitating connection within the relationship, it is in my opinion, that communication itself can’t sustain a successful relationship or deepen the connection and intimacy <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">entirely.</em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> So… then, what the heck <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">is a successful relationship </em>and what’s the effective recipe to get there?</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> “A healthy, successful relationship” is an <span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">evolution</span> of commitment, self-awareness and vulnerability.</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Unfortunately, a successful relationship does not have a finish line and it’s more about a deep sense of security rather than a distinguishable accomplishment. It challenges our traditional definitions of “success,” and it begins when two people know and understand themselves (or are consistently open to trying to<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">). </em>The evolution of creating a successful relationship happens when two people push their own boundaries to jeopardize their emotional safety with each other. It happens when both partners really understand themselves to the core of their emotions, needs, behaviors and insecurities. This is the bulk of <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">vulnerability</em>, which inspires natural relational growth and security.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> To be clear, being in a successful relationship does not void you or your partner of struggle, nor does it mean you are an expert communicator at all times. Creating a successful relationship is more about knowing yourself well enough to acknowledge when you’re reacting in a way that is pushing your partner away. It’s forcing yourself to be vulnerable no matter how terrifying it may be. It’s committing to your own self-development just as much as it’s committing loyalty to your partner.</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> It’s knowing when your pride is in overdrive and your defensives are clogging your ability to be honest and authentic to yourself and/or to your partner. It is then, when <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">communication </em>is extremely helpful. When you can articulate your needs and fears in a de-escalated way and ask for what you need, your partner <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">hears you.</em> You cannot effectively communicate (or begin the evolution of creating a successful relationship) if you aren’t attune to yourself or are not aware of your behaviors, intentions and needs. This is why I am suggesting that being a “good communicator” is more than just using <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">I statements </em>and actively listening to each other. Being in a successful relationship requires vulnerability and self-awareness within the communication, which only makes it more effective.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> I personally understand how difficult this process can be.</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> As I have had my share of unhealthy relationship experiences in my past. As I reflect back to my past relationship failures, I can now acknowledge several things that took me years to understand. In those moments, I remember constantly feeling heartbroken, unworthy, insecure and completely insane. I never felt good enough for any of my “boyfriends” and always felt I had to prove or deny something deep within myself. I stumbled around for years just trying to find a partner<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> who wouldn’t leave me.</em> That seemed simple enough…<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> right? </em>I did not realize this at the time, but I was looking for a partner to help me feel secure with myself. This only put a lot pressure on my boyfriends in hopes that they could <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">fix </em>me, help me feel confident and lower my insecurities. Instead,<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </em>it produced the complete opposite outcome and most cheated on me or were rarely available at the times I needed them the most. This pattern reinforced to me for years, <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">I wasn’t worthy and would never be in a successful relationship.</em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23x3AotoZqorzZvQEbOvThcUU7xaG5qfGiCP6go96_xlOvUjpF_qPIP7QlfAel9sdJgGhGOihIOTguRLZf3XwHglWu5W3gjZfs3zwMYdHJtxwmGmelzS9YzsGEI4Fxo0SdiaW_jGfqfEZ/s1600/a+successful+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="222" data-original-width="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23x3AotoZqorzZvQEbOvThcUU7xaG5qfGiCP6go96_xlOvUjpF_qPIP7QlfAel9sdJgGhGOihIOTguRLZf3XwHglWu5W3gjZfs3zwMYdHJtxwmGmelzS9YzsGEI4Fxo0SdiaW_jGfqfEZ/s1600/a+successful+relationship.jpg" /></a>One day, I decided I needed to choose to be alone. <em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </em>A little bitter (at the time I believed I was on the path of relational destruction due to the “lack of good men out there”), I decided that being alone <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">had to be better </em>than dating men that had the tendency to bring out the worst in me. I wrote a list of all the things that I needed and wanted from a relationship. I laughed and then I cried; emotions of hope soon dwindled into sadness as I felt completely torn and discouraged. <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">How would I ever find a relationship like this, did it even exist? </em>Again, not realizing at the time, but I would soon realize that this relationship <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">does exist </em>but it requires a whole lot of work on <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">myself. </em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I went to graduate school to become a therapist (who would have thought?) and dug deep within my own process, I attended my own counseling and realized that a crucial part of this puzzle was missing all along.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;">  <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">I had to establish a positive relationship with my own self before I was able to find, create and sustain a healthy relationship with someone else. </span>I had to look in the mirror and take accountability for my inability to process my own emotions and my refusal to be real with myself. I had to take ownership of my pain, insecurities and defenses. I had to accept these [personal] things were a huge contributing factor to my past failed relationships and recognize it wasn’t just because “<span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;">I picked the wrong men.”</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I was never in a “healthy,” successful relationship until I met my husband. How do I know? Well… Because, when I challenged myself to understand myself better, my self confidence grew and my intention of wanting a relationship shifted significantly. I attracted my husband with genuine qualities verses acts of desperation and insincerity. I was able to soothe myself when I felt uncomfortable, verses relying solely on him to take away my fears and then getting angry with him because he couldn’t. I pushed myself to be vulnerable and took the necessary risks which helped him understand me and prevented me from exploding with resentment as I used to do in the past. This left little to no room for him to have to make his own assumptions of my reactive behavior.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> All of this work I was doing on myself, (and I may add, <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">all of the work he was also doing on himself), </em>made a huge difference in our abilities to get close to each other. It’s a relationship I never knew was possible. We’ve had our ups and definitely had our downs, but what makes our relationship “successful,” is the evolution of committing our lives to each other, as well as ourselves. We now have learned throughout the years how to show up and operate in our most authentic self and we constantly push ourselves to be transparent with each other. We are vulnerable, sometimes emotionally messy, but we are honest and true.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I would encourage you to reflect on your own behaviors and possible incongruences with your thoughts, actions and emotions. Especially before you are quick to blame your partner or your lack of partners when you’re feeling really misunderstood or alone. Building understanding within yourself is essential to promoting longterm success in your relationship(s). Check your patterns, your beliefs, your insecurities. Check your behaviors and your defenses. Understand what you need and why you need it. Be honest and vulnerable with yourself and it will take you and your relationship in a whole new direction. It’s terrifying, but it’s worth it!</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I’m here to help! Thanks for reading.</div>

How to have healthy habits to establish success in your relationship

What is a successful relationship? What does a successful relationship even look like? We may have all wondered these questions at some ...

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5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship

<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxsH_bRJAzfYkC7PoO1MV2bOx8tQ9c4OwXz43ElpOZTOCLs_zlX1aMF1w0cgrpYbKvH7dq043qPIMrUlbhXZzVUQrO0o3N086ouo3eeegzw2-Vml7Vnt6DTxDxt0DWaa7AlhUsry3zkI/s1600/How+To+Deal+With+Being+Ghosted.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ghosting is one of the most cruel and painful things someone can do in a relationship 5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="740" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiSxsH_bRJAzfYkC7PoO1MV2bOx8tQ9c4OwXz43ElpOZTOCLs_zlX1aMF1w0cgrpYbKvH7dq043qPIMrUlbhXZzVUQrO0o3N086ouo3eeegzw2-Vml7Vnt6DTxDxt0DWaa7AlhUsry3zkI/s1600/How+To+Deal+With+Being+Ghosted.png" title="5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship" width="436" /></a></div> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Ghosting is one of the most cruel and painful things someone can do in a relationship. No one wants to be left in the dark and wondering why their other half has stopped contacting them and cut off communication in the relationship. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It can be heart breaking and confusing to have someone you love suddenly stop texting or calling and acting as if you don't exist anymore. Ghosting is one of the worst ways to end a relationship and no one deserves to be treated like that.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Due to millennial culture, many people find it acceptable to end relationships by texting, over social media or purely by disappearing and stopping all contact with the person i.e. ghosting. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you've been ghosted in a relationship, you'll understand how hard it is to come to terms with the fact that someone who means a lot to you doesn't want anything to do with you anymore, but you must remember that it is not your fault and by ghosting you, their actions have shown what type of person they really are.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">What Is Ghosting?</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Ghosting is 'the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.' </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Ghosting can happen with friends, someone you're dating or someone you're in a long term relationship with. Ghosting is a very cowardly way to break up with someone and it shouldn't be tolerated.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Breaking up with someone is a very difficult thing to do and should always be done face to face when possible. Ghosting can cause emotional hurt and damage and it's not fair on you to have someone end a relationship suddenly just like that. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You can feel very unimportant and frustrated when a boyfriend or girlfriend has ghosted you, especially when you'd developed feelings for them. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">You can feel like you've been pushed to the outside and disrespected by that person seeing as they don't have the decency to talk to you directly and tell you how they're feeling.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It's very rude for someone to suddenly stop returning your calls or texting you and it's very hard to understand why anyone would act like that towards someone they cared for. It hurts to realise you've lost someone with no explanation and that you could really mean that little to them. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It's normal to feel sad and upset about your partner stopping contacting you, and here are five things to do if you've been ghosted in your relationship by your boyfriend or girlfriend.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">1. Don't Wait To Hear From Them</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The worst thing you can do is wait around to hear from them, which will lead to you overthinking, being paranoid, getting upset and being sad that they're not contacting you. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">It can be very hard to come to terms with, but you have to accept that they probably won't be in contact with you again and as horrible as it is, it's better to not wait around, wondering if they're ever going to call or text because you'll end up going out of your mind with worry, stress and anxiety. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">The best way to deal with it is to not expect them to call at all and start the process of moving on from the relationship.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">2. Ask Them To Explain Their Behaviour</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You deserve an explanation as to why they've behaved like this and cut all contact. It's a horrible way to be treated and it can be extremely hard to understand why someone would shut you out of their life all of a sudden, especially if you were together for a long time and were very close with each other. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You can call them or send them a text, asking them to explain why they've done what they've done and give you the explanation you deserve. If they have any decency and respect for you, they'll meet you face to face to discuss things like a mature adult.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">3. Don't Stalk Them On Social Media</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It can be so tempting to constantly look at their social media to see what they're doing instead of being with you. You'll only torture yourself and make yourself upset and stressed by looking at their Facebook, Instagram, or Snapchat to try and keep up with their life. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">If they have no interest in your life, you shouldn't try to stay connected with theirs. If they're still ignoring your messages and you've given up completely on them, it may be best to delete them off social media so you don't have to be reminded of them all the time.</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"> </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Forgetting about them and erasing any memories of them can be the easiest way to start healing from the hurt caused and move on from the break up.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">4. Get Closure</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Leaving things open and without any explanation as to why they've left you and stopped all communication can be very hard to move on from. Try to get some type of closure so you can start rebuilding your life without that person. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">This can be very hard to do when you can't understand why they've cut you out in the first place, but try and ask them to speak with you face to face to let them know how much they've hurt you and have them explain why they've ghosted you and stopped contacting you. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Understanding why they've done this and getting closure is the best way to move on from this painful situation.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 36px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">5. Move On From The Relationship</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-font-kerning: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">The best way to recover from the hurt of being ghosted is to leave the relationship in the past and move on without that person in your life. Stop thinking about why they're not contacting you, stop waiting around to hear from them and start living your life with people who make you happy and deserve your time. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Leave them in the past and try to distract yourself from thinking about them because if they treated you with the disrespect of ghosting you, they don't deserve a minute of your time. </span><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Give yourself time to cry and be upset about it, but pick yourself up and realise that it could of been much worse if they stopped talking to you after you'd developed stronger feelings. Whatever you do, don't give the person a second chance, because they'll end up doing the same thing again down the line.</span><br /> <br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Pin it for later:</span></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE-NFJDmYOKdPvWXsug2JRUvSrpWQuZE-xXm8uHlYxy6yzSR2Dyo65qvfKDPnHwKfaZ2y9WT1UcJsEX7w8jyMVN71PPUQl7wUU97wosDzOPvLlHDmpuRMD3nEvHynW40nOMh-Qbv9xfx8/s1600/How+To+Deal+With+Being+Ghosted.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Ghosting is one of the most cruel and painful things someone can do in a relationship 5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhE-NFJDmYOKdPvWXsug2JRUvSrpWQuZE-xXm8uHlYxy6yzSR2Dyo65qvfKDPnHwKfaZ2y9WT1UcJsEX7w8jyMVN71PPUQl7wUU97wosDzOPvLlHDmpuRMD3nEvHynW40nOMh-Qbv9xfx8/s1600/How+To+Deal+With+Being+Ghosted.png" title="5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship" width="210" /></a></div> </div>

5 Things To Do If You're Ghosted In A Relationship

Ghosting is one of the most cruel and painful things someone can do in a relationship. No one wants to be left in the dark and wonderin...

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