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Sexual Interest in Relationships: Navigating the Range Between “Low-to-No” and “High”

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Sexual Interest in Relationships:  Navigating the Range Between “Low-to-No” and “High”</h1>
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<strong>Richard
 Nicastro, PhD digs deeper into the important relationship dynamic of 
sexual interest.  While acknowledging the normalcy of an imbalance, he 
suggests the shortest route to a solution that works for both couples is
 understanding and empathy for these differences.</strong></div>
There 
are certain relationship dynamics that impact a couple’s sex life and 
certain relational dynamics that arise from their sexual relationship. 
One particular pattern has to do with the expectations that result when 
one partner wants more frequent sex than the other—when one partner 
wants sex and the other can take it or leave it (and more often then not
 prefers to leave it).<br />
There is a scene in Woody Allen’s film 
Annie Hall that captures this dilemma. The main character Alvy (played 
by Woody Allen) is talking to his therapist, and when the therapist asks
 if Alvy and his partner are sleeping together, Alvy states, “Hardly 
ever, maybe three times a week.” The next scene is Alvy’s partner Annie 
(played by Diane Keaton) talking to her therapist, and when Annie’s 
therapist asks if she is having sex with Alvy, she responds, 
“Constantly, I’d say three times a week.”<br />
<em>One partner’s sexual deprivation might be another’s sexual saturation.</em><br />
It’s
 not uncommon for couples to have an imbalance in sexual desire and 
sexual interest. Navigating these waters can be a real challenge, with 
misunderstandings, power struggles and feelings of rejection resulting. 
This is particularly the case for the person who feels loved through 
sex. In these instances, the answer “No, I’m not in the mood” can feel 
like an emotional sledgehammer instead of a simple truth-of-the-moment 
for the other.<br />
<h3>
No Sexual Interest: Understanding Your Partner’s Sexual Experiences and Expectations</h3>
<h4>
The Parter with Low-To-No Interest in Sex</h4>
Imagine
 that you’re being asked to do something you really don’t want to do. 
Now imagine being asked this week after week, month after month. You’d 
probably get pretty frustrated at some point, and you might even find 
yourself becoming angry with the person making these unwanted requests. 
For some people with little-to-no-sexual desire, requests for sex can 
feel laborious. As one wife described: “Every time my husband wants sex,
 I hear myself internally yelling, ‘No, not again!’”<br />
This same 
wife also shared that after she does have sex with her husband, she 
anticipates a sexual respite for a while. She even joked, “After I get 
my teeth cleaned I can take comfort in the fact that it won’t happen for
 another six months!”<br />
So for the person with no sexual interest or desire, after sex has occurred, their mindset might look something like:<br />
<ul>
<li>A commitment/duty has just been met (“one that I’m not that crazy about”);</li>
<li>And
 since this obligation has been recently fulfilled, there is now the 
expectation that there will be a period of time with no sex;</li>
<li>If this “no sex” zone isn’t respected, tension or anger may result.</li>
</ul>
<h4>
Heightened Sexual Interest: Understanding The Partner with High Interest in Sex</h4>
Whenever
 this partner has sex, his/her experience is one of being fed 
emotionally and sexually. This sexual hunger doesn’t have an on-off 
switch and it doesn’t become completely satiated for long. In fact, a 
once-in-a-while sexual experience can feel like it is only highlighting 
what is missing, what this person believes should be occurring more 
frequently.<br />
Adrian has been married to his wife for six years. 
He’s always had a high sex drive and would prefer to have sex about five
 times a week. His wife’s libido is much quieter, and she can go for 
weeks without even thinking about sex. He described becoming physically 
uncomfortable if he goes too long not having sex, and the longer he 
waits, the more he thinks about and fantasizes about sex.<br />
After having sex with their partner, the high sex drive individual’s experience may appear as follows:<br />
<ul>
<li>They feel like a vital need has been met and therefore feel emotionally closer to their partner;</li>
<li>They eagerly anticipate future sexual experiences and hope that this will happen sooner rather than later;</li>
<li>As
 time passes and they are faced with a string of unmet sexual advances, 
they become increasingly tense and irritable. They can start to feel 
unwanted and may even feel like something is wrong with them for 
“wanting so much sex”;</li>
<li>After prolonged rejections, they may even
 try to suppress sexual longings (a suppression that may ultimately lead
 to underlying resentments).</li>
</ul>
When you consider the 
subjective experiences of each partner (low-desire and high-desire), you
 can see how they are worlds apart not only in their desire to have sex,
 but also in what it’s like for each of them to have and <em>not</em> to have sex.<br />
There are no easy “solutions” to such discrepancies. These differences create <em>tensions</em>
 (both within each person and between the couple as a whole) that need 
to be consciously managed and negotiated. This process starts with an 
honest, non-judgmental awareness of each other: what it’s like to have 
sex when you don’t want to, what it’s like to not have sex when you feel
 overwhelmed by the desire to have sex.<br />
When empathy becomes part of the communication field, <em>mutual understanding</em> allows for these tensions to be looked at and worked through together, rather than by just one of you.</section>

Sexual Interest in Relationships: Navigating the Range Between “Low-to-No” and “High”

Sexual Interest in Relationships: Navigating the Range Between “Low-to-No” and “High” Richard Nicastro, PhD digs deeper into...

How To Be Happier: 14 Ways To Be Happy Now

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There are little changes you can make to be happier everyday and have a lot more joy in your life.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Sometimes we wish we could wake up everyday and be happy, but that doesn't always happen. That doesn't mean to say you can't drastically turn your life around so you fill everyday with things that make you happy.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It might seem like there's some huge secret on how to become happy, but the secret to being happy lies with you and the decisions you make.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Related: </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=mental-health-books"><span style="color: #e06666;">10 Best Books About Mental Health That Will Improve Your Life</span></a></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=mental-health-books"><span style="color: #e06666;"><span style="font-kerning: none;"></span>The Six Simple Rules To Get Anything You Want In Life</span></a></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you're feeling down, these are 14 things you can do right now to be happier:</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>1. Focus On You</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">We spend so much time trying to make other people happy and please others through our work, friends and family and we often forget to focus on ourselves. Take some time to put yourself first and do some things that actually make you happy and take a break from the pressure of pleasing others and having to be the best at everything. You won't please everyone in life so don't stress about trying to be perfect. Focus on yourself and pursue your goals and dreams.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>2. Reevaluate Your Life</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Are you unhappy with your job? Does your current living situation make you unhappy? Is your relationship or friends bringing your down? Take a good look at everything in your life and imagine what you would change if you could. Then do it. Don't settle for anything that makes you unhappy, even if it means distancing yourself from people or places.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>3. 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There's a whole world out there so if you're feeling stuck and unhappy in life, you should go and discover it.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>4. Let Go Of What's Bringing You Down</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If a situation is out of your control, there's no point in stressing out about it, just let it go. Stop focusing on the negatives in your life and start thinking about everything that makes you happy and what you're thankful for. If someone has got something against you, don't let them get to you. If a situation is persistently affecting your happiness, let it go and get out of that situation as soon as possible. Let go of the negativity and start letting in the positive vibes.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>5. Plan Your Future</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you feel stuck in a certain situation right now, remember that it won't last forever. Whatever you're going through will pass and in a matter of months or years, your life will be completely different and you'll probably make a lot of new friends and have new people come into your life. Think of your ideal life and start planning it. Make little goals to get closer to the life where you wake up every day and feel happy. Anytime you feel like your unhappiness will never go away, remember that this too shall pass.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>6. Clear Your Thoughts</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">We tend to focus on things that are worrying us more than anything, and by doing so we make ourselves extremely unhappy. We get stressed about even the smallest things and can't stop thinking about anything that goes bad or anything wrong that's happened. Take some time to clear your head and listen to some calming music or a relaxation app that can help you focus on positive thoughts and letting go of the negatives.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>7. Don't Look At Social Media</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">We're all guilty of it. We scroll aimlessly through Instagram, check Facebook and Twitter and like pictures of lifestyles that we don't have and follow people who we think have much better lives than us. This has a hugely negative effect on your mental health because it makes you think that so many other people have amazing lives and you don't, which is completely false. People who post about their lives on social media often do so through a filter and make a showreel of their best moments. In reality, they have very normal lives and deal with all the same problems we do. So delete all the apps that you don't need and limit your time on social media to one or two days per week.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>8. Make Better Choices</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you feel an emptiness inside and you try to fill it with bad choices such as junk food, alcohol, spending money etc. you should take time to reflect on how these things actually make you feel and if they're really making a positive impact on your life. Try to fill the void with activities or things that will benefit your health, such as, walking, dancing, exercising, going for lunch with a friend or taking up a new hobby.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>9. Distance Yourself From People Who Make You Unhappy</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">We've all had a friend in our lives who we don't really class as a friend because they always cancel plans, are unreliable and only contact you when they need something. Yet we put up with these people even though the only way they impact your life is by making you unhappy. Part of making the decision to be happy is choosing who you surround yourself with in life. If you have people in your life who aren't genuinely there for you and make you unhappy, do not feel guilty about ending that friendship or relationship and distancing yourself from them. It will better your life in the long run.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>10. Have A Routine</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It might seem difficult to get into a routine if you often stay up late watching TV on your laptop, or you keep working late into the early hours of the morning. However, a steady routine will greatly benefit your happiness and make you more motivated and energetic in your day to day activities. If you let yourself drift from one day to the next, not knowing exactly what you're doing each day, you're not going to have a happy and positive mindset.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>11. Have A Clear Out</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">A great way to clear your mind is to clear your surroundings.  If you have a lot of things lying around your house, adding to mess and untidiness, this can impact your mind and happiness by making you feel unorganised. Go through your wardrobes and drawers and get rid of anything you don't really need. Organising your space will help to organise your life.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>12. Exercise </b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">I know you don't want to hear it, but exercise has a huge benefit for your mental health and happiness. Even if you can't remember the last time you properly exercised, plan to get out of the house this week and go for a light jog and a walk. You'll look and feel better and the more enjoyable the exercise is, the more likely you are to stick at it. Find a type of exercise that is fun for you, it doesn't have to be the gym. You could try pilates, hot yoga, rebounding, boxing, swimming, dancing and so much more. Have a fun exercise routine and you'll feel happier instantly.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>13. Talk About Your Feelings</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">A lot of people tend to keep their feelings bottled up and keep everything to themselves in an attempt to be strong. This is doing the opposite effect of making you happy and keeping everything to yourself is one of the worst things you can do. Talking about how you're feeling can make you feel a million times better and getting everything off your chest will help to make you feel happy instantly. You can talk to a friend, a family member, a co-worker, a counsellor, a therapist or even an online therapist on a site like <a href="http://go.tryonlinetherapy.com/aff_c?offer_id=2&aff_id=1526"><span style="color: #e06666;">BetterHelp</span></a>, which you can do from the comfort of your own home.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>14. Focus On A Project</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Instead of letting your mind wander to unhappy thoughts and getting stressed out about life, channel your energy into a project that will better your life and make you happy. You could start working on a business idea, start a blog, journal, scrapbook or anything that will fill your time and keep you busy with something that is fun to work on.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: center;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Pin it for later:</span></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-9_jJD1WAKH0ztWkpuMVrQzsdML7jLdq2Lo1pkJOOxdxXkxUigmyDwtXyZb_cF_y1QPWHcWHgZJgcYYfpAyW5cu6z_9sGH0OiaSc2jkCPIEx8Z9KMW7BIDA_Sf4IrwRExr7RXGWo74g/s1600/how+to+be+happier.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" these are things you can do right now to have a happier mindset How To Be Happier: 14 Ways To Be Happy Now" border="0" data-original-height="1300" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjA-9_jJD1WAKH0ztWkpuMVrQzsdML7jLdq2Lo1pkJOOxdxXkxUigmyDwtXyZb_cF_y1QPWHcWHgZJgcYYfpAyW5cu6z_9sGH0OiaSc2jkCPIEx8Z9KMW7BIDA_Sf4IrwRExr7RXGWo74g/s1600/how+to+be+happier.png" title="How To Be Happier: 14 Ways To Be Happy Now" width="225" /></a></div>

How To Be Happier: 14 Ways To Be Happy Now

If you're asking yourself 'How can I be happier?' these are things you can do right now to have a happier mindset. Whethe...

How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff

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How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff</h1>
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</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">If
 you’re wondering why your relationships often go awry or seem more 
difficult than they should be, perhaps it’s time to consider your role. 
 “I have a role?” you ask.  Yes, you just might.  The baggage you’ve 
been carrying could be weighing you AND your relationships down.<br />
There
 are many ways that your stuff can get in the way of how you relate to 
people.  What is your narrative about yourself and how others will treat
 you?  Your value?  This story plays out as an <em>underlying belief system</em>
 in which you filter how you see the world.  You might be unconsciously 
scanning your environment for evidence to support your story.  What if 
your story is inaccurate?<br />
Here are some possible ways you might be sabotaging your relationships by not owning your stuff:<br />
<ul>
<li>You
 have rigid expectations of how others are with with you and can be 
easily disappointed, leading you to cut off from people –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>People will let me down.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>You
 are a people pleaser to avoid conflict but you carry resentment for 
doing more than your share or being taken advantage of –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>People will reject or abandon me unless I make them happy.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>You struggle to let intimate partners in too close to you yet desperately want connection. –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>I am unlovable</strong> …or… <strong>Intimate relationships</strong> <strong>can’t be trusted.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>There is a big difference between how your portray yourself to others and how you feel.  –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>I am not ok</strong>…or…<strong>There is something wrong with me.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
Belief
 systems such as the ones above can develop from painful experiences or 
messages received from the important people in your life about 
connection, love, safety and your value.  This can reflect itself in 
unhealthy relationship patterns.  You might even be attracting partners 
who reinforce your negative story!<br />
If you’ve never worked through 
your painful experiences, you can inadvertently sabotage your 
relationships with your narrative.  You might ASSUME that things happen a
 certain way and these expectations can either make it be so (self 
fulfilling prophecy) or make it hard to believe someone’s intentions.  
This can also ultimately lead to a self fulfilling prophecy when the 
partner who never gains trust finally leaves because it’s too painful to
 stay!<br />
If you take ownership of your wounds and the strategies in 
which you developed to defend against further pain, your world view can 
actually shift.  Self-love, fulfilling relationships and a sense of 
peace become possible.<br />
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<strong>How to unwind out of a painful past</strong><br />
If you can do the following three things, you have a great chance of lightening your load and break out of unhealthy patterns.<br />
<ol>
<li>Identify your issues.</li>
<li>Understand the source of the problem.</li>
<li>Resolve the issues with deeper level change.</li>
</ol>
This
 can be done by finding a local therapist to help, processing with a 
trusted friend or diving into the world of self help if you’re more of a
 “Do-It-Yourself” type.  Check out my mini guide, Break Your Unhealthy Relationship Patterns for a step in the right direction.<br />
What
 you’re trying to avoid is inadvertently sabotaging your relationships 
with unresolved emotional issues.  This deeper kind of work is the 
ultimate act of self-care for YOU and your relationships, potentially 
with life long impact.<br />
Be well.</section></div>

How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff

How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff If you’re wondering why your relationships often go awry or seem ...

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How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff

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