Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

<h2 style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #5d696f; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.3; margin: 18px 0px;"> Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship?</h2> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s1600/sex+and+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="sex and relationship" border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="592" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s320/sex+and+relationship.jpg" title="sex and relationship" width="320" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once feel like an act of pure connection and pleasure, then seemingly turn into an overwhelming topic that only creates tension, insecurity, rejection and discomfort in your relationship? Many couples suffer from intimacy “issues” and I often hear complaints by my clients in regards to “incompatible sex drives.” This can often lead to arguments, full-blown resentment and even affairs, as the lack of understanding the underlying issues of each other’s sexual needs, desires, and (especially) discomfort and expectations fall to the waist-side.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> My approach to understanding physical intimacy is largely influenced by the emotional security and understanding of each other within the relationship. This doesn’t mean that sex has to become rigid and overly emotional, but it does mean that in order for both parties to feel desire and passion, emotional vulnerability is truly key. Can you trust your partner? Do you feel they really understand you (or want to?) Do you feel the commitment you have to each other is sacred? Do you enjoy your relationship, feel appreciated and acknowledged?</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sexual issues within a relationship are most often a symptom of a deeper problem. Identifying what that may be requires personal reflection, but also involves strengthening your communication and challenging yourself to be open about your own feelings about love, sex, and overall emotions.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> While sex may have felt “easy” and safe in the beginning of your relationship, it may now cause conflict between you and your partner. It may feel like an obligation; it may feel overwhelming or not reciprocated; you may feel rejected, embarrassed or frustrated.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> (Relax… this is quite normal and here’s what you can do about it).</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> First thing’s first. Get clarification!</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Don’t be afraid to ask your partner about sex, even if you feel these are things you <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">should already know. </em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> What does sex represent to them? How do they feel they show love and feel connected to you? How important is sex? How often do they expect it?  What helps create the mood for them? How does it make them feel when sex isn’t fully enjoyable or when it isn’t present in your relationship? How comfortable with sex do they feel they are? How do they view intimacy and is that important to them? What specific things really turn them on?  What are their biggest fantasies? <span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Most importantly, are they feeling connected to you on all other levels of your relationship?</strong></span></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> All of these questions about sex in relationships require trust, honesty, and vulnerability. All of these questions embody truths that outline your partners underlying meaning(s) of your relationship, sex in its entirety, and <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">how they feel about themselves</em> in relation to sex with you. Answering these questions may allow you both to uncover the hidden issues that haven’t been discussed or fully understood, which have been displaced onto the topic of sex in your relationship.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Communicating about sex in relationships is part of strengthening your entire connection and can even positively affect your self-esteem and sex drive. Good sex, along with other elements of your relationship, <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">take effort, patience and emotional vulnerability for both members.</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sex may feel like a dark cloud hovering over your bed, but once you start understanding the elements that have contributed to it, you may find that it’s an opportunity to really bond with each other, rather than be the percieved cause of disconnection. You may also uncover each other’s perception of sex altogether which can be very helpful when identifying each other’s needs and overall differences that have been fueling the disconnection.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Bottom line, “sex” changes as the relationship changes and it’s important to realize that sex in relationships may have underlying meanings to each person that aren’t easy to address. Best practice is to remember that if sex in your relationship is creating anxiety and frustration, there is a good chance that both partners aren’t feeling secure in their relationship.</div>

Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship? How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once f...

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Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div> <div class="social-share-container"> <div style="text-align: left;"> Fresh off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in Washington DC, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop with John Gottman.  Dr. Gottman is a dominant figure on the relationship research and couples therapy scene since the mid 80’s, when he began observing couples fighting in his “original couples laboratory,” dubbed the Love Lab.  His findings provided some of the scientific underpinnings of what we know about what maintains and erodes intimate relationships.</div> </div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">The Love Lab has been given new life and a new name; the Gottman Love Lab Experience is now being offered as “the world’s first science-based relationship evaluation service,” measuring three primary important areas of your relationship; friendship, conflict and shared meaning.<br /> Along with this cutting edge assessment opportunity for couples who are able to make it to Seattle, Washington, he is also offering therapists a new online tool, the Gottman Relationship Checkup, providing the ability to receive a score reviewing couples strengths and vulnerabilities, with feedback for possible treatment suggestions.<br /> From a recent study Dr. Gottman conducted of 40,000 Relationship Checkup participants, he has new data.  I compiled some relationship research nuggets on heterosexual couples from his presentation.  You might find some of the results surprising!<br /> <strong>For how many couples in therapy is at least one partner considering an exit?</strong>   66%<br /> 82% of couples are having problems with <strong>loneliness in the relationship</strong><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-11014" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" /></a></div> <strong>What About Problems with Intimacy and Sex?</strong><br /> Romance 83%<br /> Sex Quality 55%<br /> Sex Frequency 49%<br /> <strong>How many partners had problems with trust?</strong>   66%<br /> <br /> <strong>The Top 3 Things Couples Fight About</strong><br /> 86% Not having fun anymore<br /> 76% Finances<br /> 74% No emotional connection<br /> Speaking of conflict, the biggest obstacle to productively navigating conflict in relationships is flooding.  This means the heart gets to 100 beats per minute which makes it nearly impossible to communicate from a calm, grounded place as your physiology will get the best of you.  In fact, when flooded, communication can be erratic, irrational and possibly damaging to the relationship.  The antidote is self-soothing or helping each other soothe, if possible.  Sometimes leaving the situation (in a structured time out) is the best thing a couple can do for a relationship.<br /> <strong>96% of couples are flooded during conflict</strong><br /> Though I didn’t catch all of the numbers Dr. Gottman shared at his presentation, particularly the gay and lesbian stats, what I did notice was a trend demonstrating that compared to heterosexual couples, they did a much better job with conflict and communication.<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <strong><em>“As far as interaction, gay and lesbian couples really have a lot to teach heterosexual couples.” </em></strong></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> – John Gottman</div> Something to think about.  I will leave you with one more nugget and it’s an important one to consider for those who are struggling in married or long term relationships:  The #1 predictor of divorce is contempt.  If you are calling your partner names, assassinating their character or hitting below the belt in other ways…and you would like to save your relationship, please seek counseling for help.</section></div>

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know Fresh off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Sympos...

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