How And Ways To Stop Repeating Past Mistakes In Love

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; clear: left; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img alt=" While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault How and ways to Stop Repeating Past Mistakes in Love" src="http://static.eharmony.com/dating-advice/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/stoprepeatingpatternsinrelationships1-397x267.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault (poor role models, dysfunctional patterns in your family growing up, etc.), it is your responsibility to move beyond them. The good news is that you can absolutely get past those old patterns in love and attract someone who will meet you on even ground and become the romantic partner you’ve always dreamed of having. The only hard part is that no one else is coming to make this situation better for you, and it is up to you to invest in doing the necessary work.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Why some people find love and others don’t has nothing to do with fate or worthiness but whether one has identified and cultivated the capacities that support happy, healthy, real love to flourish and thrive. The best place to begin creating a very different kind of relationship than any you’ve had in your past, <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is in your own relationship with yourself.</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Any relationship you’ll ever have is only going to be as good as the relationship you have with yourself. And those places where you have problems relating to yourself will also be troublesome in creating a relationship with someone else. For instance, if you’re constantly making yourself wrong, you’ll find that eventually others will be more than happy for you to take the blame for everything going wrong between you. If you chronically berate yourself and speak in disrespectful ways to yourself and about yourself, you will exert an almost magnetic pull on even the most loving people around you to begin doing the same.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Some of these patterns might not show up immediately, but eventually they will. And when they do, you’ll be startled. You’ll wonder, how did I create another relationship with my critical father? How did I get into bed yet again with someone who is always making me wrong just like my mom? Yet, it’s not really your mother or your father. They may have treated you that way 20, 30, even 40 years ago, but actually it’s you who has been treating yourself the same way ever since.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Inside of not evolving that dynamic in your own relationship with yourself (which we will often not do when stuck in blaming our parents to the point where we are not taking responsibility for the choices we are making to perpetuate the same dynamic with ourselves), you will have a tendency to duplicate your old painful patterns in love again and again and again.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The way you can begin to make great progress in your relationship with yourself is to make a deep commitment to recognize and stand for your own value and worthiness to love and be loved.</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Make a promise to yourself to do whatever it takes…to go the extra mile in your efforts to become the man or woman you’d need to be in order to prepare yourself to have authentic love in your life.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Your commitment to yourself needs to then begin showing up in your actions…</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are they reflective of your commitment to have a great love in your life?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you living in integrity with that vision?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you taking the risk to show up in ways that are generative of the life you’re committed to creating?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> To support you in your budding commitment towards self-love, let me explain where most people tend to get stuck: It’s often in learning how to connect with and gaji our own feelings and needs. Most of us were not taught how to check in with ourselves so we could learn to be aware and respectful of our own needs and desires. Some of us were even trained out of having our feelings and asserting our needs in ways that would have created healthy dynamics of mutuality, depth, understanding and authentic care. Yet these skills of self-awareness and self-care are foundational to being able to set clear, healthy boundaries that allow a relationship to flourish.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not talking about walls here. Walls don’t let anybody else in. Boundaries, however, are fluid and allow us to be clear with others about what we can do, and what we can’t do, what we want and what we don’t want. They allow us to say no when something doesn’t feel aligned with our own well-being or integrity, and to say yes to those things that do. And, contrary to our fear that if we don’t give someone else everything they want from us, they might leave, boundaries actually serve to make our container of love stronger.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> For good boundaries, the ability to recognize yourself as a separate autonomous individual who is holding ultimate responsibility for your own happiness in life, is necessary in order to create a healthy, happy relationship with another human being.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A wonderful way to begin practicing honoring your own feelings and needs and setting good, healthy boundaries is to ask yourself in any given moment, “Where is my attention?” Most of us have our first attention on others and are more aware of the feelings and needs of others than we are of our own feelings and needs. This is the core of co-dependence and will create toxicity in relationships over time. For example, have you ever felt yourself merge so much with another that you became unable to differentiate their emotions and needs from your own? Have you ever believed that things would get better and that the relationship would succeed if you could just give more and step so fully into the other person’s shoes that you could entirely understand them? Have you ever found yourself disappearing your own feelings and needs in order to care for the feelings and needs of someone else? Many of us have. And it’s a misunderstanding of what mature love really is.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And so, in taking a stand to create happy, healthy love, you want to identify the growth and development you must begin to engage now in preparation for having this love. This particular practice is learning how to keep your first attention on yourself while also being sensitive and available to care for the feelings and needs of others.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> For many of us, this is a real evolutionary edge, for we have only before known either self-abandonment or self-absorption! But true love will require more of us. And our task in making a commitment to call in great love is to become a great lover. A lover of maturity and depth who has cultivated the capacity to show up as a grown-up in order to co-create a grown-up love. Commit to your own evolution in love…and your beloved cannot help but follow.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With love,</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <i> Team</i></div> </div>

How And Ways To Stop Repeating Past Mistakes In Love

While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault (poor role models, dysfunctional patterns in your family growing up,...

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10 Mariage Tips Every Wife Need To Learn

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; color: #404040; float: left; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="130" src="https://deenaroseministries.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/marriage-logo12.jpg" width="400" /></div> <br /> <ol style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 20px 3em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Respect your husband</strong>.  – </em>Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">earn </em>it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Guard your heart</em>.</strong>  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">God, husband, kids…in that order</em>.</strong>  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Forgive</em>.</strong>  – No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ;)) – you will keep resentment from growing.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Over-communicate</em>.</strong>  – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Schedule a regular date night</em>.</strong>  – This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Never say the “D Word”</em>.</strong>  – If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Learn his love language</em>.</strong>  – Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it <a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com/" sl-processed="1" style="border: 0px; color: #9c5d5f; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">here</a>.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Never talk negatively about him</em>.</strong>  – I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Choose to love</em>.</strong>  – There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.</li> </ol> </div>

10 Mariage Tips Every Wife Need To Learn

Respect your husband .  –  Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world i...

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3 Roadblocks to Forgiveness in Relationships

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 3 Roadblocks to Forgiveness in Relationships</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/Fotolia_39595257_S-750x500.jpg" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> Dr. Richard Nicastro, PsyD, explores things that complicate forgiveness in relationships.  Sometimes the part of us that feels truly indignant remains rigid.  Can you get to a place where letting it go is possible?</div> <div style="text-align: center;"> —–</div> <strong>Imagine this scenario:</strong><br /> Your spouse/partner has wounded you in some way. S/he has now expressed what feels like genuine remorse to you. Maybe you’ve even said you accept the apology you were offered, but now you’re wondering whether that was just lip service, because you don’t feel forgiving at all. Quite the contrary. You feel frozen in an anti-forgiveness stance.<br /> However, you really and truly want to forgive. You don’t think your partner is going to repeat the behavior that caused the hurt. You know that forgiveness is good for you, that holding onto resentment will ultimately rob you of peace.<br /> And yet, you can’t forgive him/her. Why?<br /> <h2> <strong>What’s holding you back? Obstacles to forgiveness</strong></h2> The mind is powerful, complicated, and incredibly nuanced. And to make it even more complex, there are different levels of mind: there’s the conscious mind that we’re in touch with, but there’s a whole ’nother level that’s at work beneath the surface, while we’re carpooling the kids or weeding the garden or prepping for a work presentation.<br /> We don’t need to stop what we’re doing to zero in on what’s going on in our subconscious, but there are times (like when we feel stuck, despite our best efforts) when it pays to dig a bit deeper.<br /> So, in the above scenario, if your mate has sincerely apologized for what s/he has done to hurt you, if you really do want to forgive your mate, and yet you don’t feel able to, you may have some subconscious (aka, sneaky) barriers in the way.<br /> The bad news is that those barriers aren’t always easy to identify. And sometimes, even when we do, the level of discomfort in the wake of discovery can be so great — “That’s crazy! I don’t have guilt! What would I be guilty about? After all, it wasn’t my bad!” — that the mind resorts to a defense mechanism to protect itself and rejects the revelation altogether.<br /> The good news, however, is that once you ID the obstacles in your way to forgiveness, they tend to dissolve and allow you to proceed with your conscious wish to forgive. It’s almost as if uncovering the barriers sends the mind the memo that it doesn’t need to keep those roadblocks in place any longer.<br /> <h3> <strong>Common barriers to forgiveness: Shame, guilt, and fear</strong></h3> <strong>Shame</strong><br /> Shame is a powerful force in human life, and it can masquerade as other emotions, which is why it can be hard to detect, and yet it can impact your relationships and decisions just the same.<br /> To make it even trickier, shame is often highly illogical. This means that at times we can feel ashamed in situations that<img alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-8633" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Fotolia_38514434_S.jpg 849w" width="300" /> objectively, we know shouldn’t provoke shame. For instance, your friend tells you about her big promotion at work, and you feel an intense wave of shame over the fact that you haven’t been upwardly mobile. The shame is so acute that you want to hide from her, even though she’s just sharing with you (not competing), and you work in different fields and she’s not comparing your careers at all.<br /> Unlike guilt, which is usually connected to a discrete event, shame can make you feel like you’re the problem, not just something you’ve done or haven’t done. Shame seeps into who you are as a person, causing you to feel unworthy.<br /> If you have been actively trying to forgive your mate for a wounding but have been unsuccessful, shame may be blocking your path to forgiveness. You may subconsciously feel like you aren’t worthy of his/her apology and that therefore you aren’t in a position where you have the “right” to confer forgiveness upon anyone.<br /> <strong>Guilt</strong><br /> Guilt is as common as mud, right? And it is mud, in a way, gumming up the works, weighing you down, dirtying what was once clean until it’s beyond recognition.<br /> Feeling guilty about something or other is so common that it may sound cliche to consider it. But identifying an emotion as commonplace doesn’t make it less likely to be at work in your life.<br /> Your knee-jerk reaction might be, “But I don’t feel guilty. So I must not be.”<br /> Ultimately, guilt may not be gumming up your forgiveness works. But you won’t know that if you give in to the knee-jerk dismissal. Rather, sit with it for a while and give yourself the mental space to contemplate this. Guilt, like shame, can expend most of its energy beneath the surface of your awareness, which means it might not readily show itself when you go looking.<br /> As the partner put in the position of forgiver, guilt might be stirred in you if a small part of you wonders whether you were somehow partially culpable for your mate’s transgression. You might guiltily think you owe your partner an apology too, though you may balk at putting yourself in what you see as a “groveling” position.<br /> After all, as the forgiver, you have the upper hand, so to speak. The balance of power is skewed to you in the moment. That, also, can make you feel guilty, the truth that you like feeling more powerful than your partner.<br /> <strong>Fear</strong><br /> There are some people who say that there really are only two emotions, love and fear, and that all other emotions are merely offshoots of one of those (for instance, anger is a byproduct of fear, though the fear isn’t consciously felt while the anger rages).<br /> Whether you’re of that camp or not, it’s hard to deny that love and fear are among the most powerful of the emotions. So it’s no surprise that fear has landed on the list of barriers to forgiveness, especially when you’re trying to forgive someone you love.<br /> Again, fear may not be the presenting emotion. Fear may not be the most obvious experience for you at first glance. But underneath it all, you may be fearful that if you forgive your mate you’ll be opening yourself up to more hurt. Perhaps you’re not fully convinced that s/he won’t commit the same transgression in the future. Or you might fear that forgiving your partner will cause you to be more vulnerable and therefore exposed to a different type of hurt.<br /> Forgiving, in a real way, is setting down your grievance, is laying down your metaphoric shield and weapon. And aren’t we all defenseless without our armor?<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <b>—–</b></div> Forgiveness is not some theoretical concept that only some of us have to grapple with — it’s a real-life question that we will all face at some point or another, whether to forgive or to double-down on our indignation over being treated unfairly.<br /> Some of us learn to forgive because we are forced into a corner. In these moments, we come face-to-face with how holding onto our grievances is actually hurting us. Others work on forgiveness before heading down that dead-end road. Either way, taking the steps to identify common obstacles to forgiveness can clear a path to a more harmonious inner life when you’re ready.</section></div>

3 Roadblocks to Forgiveness in Relationships

3 Roadblocks to Forgiveness in Relationships Dr. Richard Nicastro, PsyD, explores things that complicate forgiveness in relationship...

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20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve your relationship, noting that it usually doesn’t just “happen” but requires effort to be sure it gets adequate attention.  </strong></div> Let’s face it: there is a staggering volume of marriage/relationship help advice out there. Any Internet search on the topic will give you page after page of relationship “How to’s” and “What not to do’s.” Depending on your perspective, this can be either good news (the easy availability of helpful information) or bad news (trying to navigate the overwhelming maze of relationship tips).<br /> The truth is, there is also a great deal of overlap in what is being said about how to strengthen a marriage/relationship—and while some authors are more eloquent in how they get this information across than others, often the underlying message is consistent. This is good news. The repetition in marriage/relationship advice suggests that there are important hard-and-fast principles that couples should pay attention to.<br /> So rather than searching for the golden goose that will magically send you down the path of marital or relationship bliss, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and give your relationship the attention it deserves.<br /> <br /> <strong>20 Relationship Tips:</strong><br /> <ol> <li>Couples need to set up a <strong>clear boundary</strong> around their relationship—this boundary involves saying “no” to the influences that can undermine your relationship.</li> <li>Healthy marriages/relationships require <strong>balance</strong> between having shared couple-experiences that will feed the relationship while at the same time nurturing their individual interests and pursuits.</li> <li>Without a clear expression of <strong>commitment</strong> to the relationship, trust and emotional security will suffer. A strong relationship foundation is built on mutual commitment.</li> <li>Direct, <strong>clear communication</strong> should always be a top priority.</li> <li>Being <strong>attuned to your needs</strong>, wants and desires is the first step in getting them met—when you’re unclear about your own needs, how can your spouse/partner ever meet them?</li> <li>Not everything needs to be discussed, analyzed and “processed” between partners. Letting go, <strong>giving your partner the benefit of the doubt</strong>, and practicing forgiveness will go a long way in creating a fulfilling relationship.</li> <li>Words have the power to build empathic bridges between partners, and <strong>words</strong> also have the power to hurt and create a wasteland of distance between you. Choose your words wisely.</li> <li>Important issues that are repeatedly ignored, minimized or go underground will resurface with a vengeance. A healthy relationship requires <strong>facing uncomfortable issues</strong> from time to time.</li> <li>Like a wildfire, emotional wounding and defensiveness can spiral out of control and quickly consume a relationship.  Couples need to be <strong>mindful of the negative cycles</strong> that arise in their relationship.</li> <li>Deliberately <strong>creating positive experiences</strong> and interactions between the two of you (while facing the uncomfortable issues that need to be addressed) should be an ongoing priority.</li> <li>Emotional intimacy and closeness are built upon both partners being consistent, <strong>emotionally available</strong> and responsive to one another.</li> <li>Expecting to get all (or even most) of your needs met whenever you want is like expecting the weather to change based upon your whims and preferences.  Unrealistic <strong>expectations</strong> lead to unhappy marriages/relationships.</li> <li>For some, emotional closeness is a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; for others, sexual intimacy leads to <strong>emotional intimacy</strong>.</li> <li>Passion and <strong>fulfilling sex</strong> often needs to be talked about, planned and negotiated (a lack of sexual spontaneity isn’t necessarily a sign of marital/relationship problems).</li> <li>What makes you feel loved and <strong>emotionally connected</strong> may be very different from what makes your partner feel loved and emotionally close. Communicating and understanding these differences can go a long way in improving your relationship.</li> <li>Certain differences between your and your partner’s <strong>communication styles</strong> and emotional expressiveness need to be accepted. You can’t make an introvert outgoing, and likewise, don’t expect an extrovert to happily sit home every evening.</li> <li>Friendships are built on joint activities and common interests. In addition to being lovers, couples need to <strong>learn to be friends</strong>.</li> <li>Couples who actively practice <strong>gratitude and appreciation</strong> feel a deep sense of connection with one another. It’s too easy to simply focus on what bothers you about your mate while ignoring why you fell in love with him/her in the first place.</li> <li>While a relationship obviously takes two committed people, one person can make a difference in improving the overall <strong>quality of the relationship</strong>.</li> <li>Fulfilling, healthy relationships are co-created, not found. Couples who <strong>work together</strong> (at keeping their relationship strong) are more likely to stay together.</li> </ol> While it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the information presented in this article, remember that you can pick one or two items from the above list and began implementing them into your relationship right away. As a marriage/couples counselor, I’ve seen couples make big differences in their relationship with a simple and relatively small change—the goal is to be consistent and persistent with whatever positive change you’re trying to make.</section></div>

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve ...

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17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_53954545_S-750x500.jpg" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how children view themselves and their place in the world.  Parents, no matter how old your child (or adult child), it’s never too late to help them integrate these lessons.</strong></div> Our children grow up so fast.  Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them for everything they’ll encounter.  Angel and I talk to course students and coaching clients on a regular basis – mothers and fathers alike – who share these sentiments.  They worry about their children.  They wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point.  And Angel and I totally get it too.  Oftentimes we feel the same way.  We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we discuss it frequently, just like most parents.<br /> In fact, from what we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their children is more important to most parents than just about anything else – health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income and political affiliation.  So the reality is, to a great extent, we all collectively care about our children.   And that’s a really beautiful thing when you think about it.<br /> Anyway, I awoke this morning thinking about all of this – especially the miraculous, life-changing responsibility of parenthood – and two related thoughts immediately crossed my mind:<br /> <ul> <li>Whoa!  Time flies.  How in the world did Angel and I suddenly become parents to a little boy that’s running all over the place and asking questions about everything under the sun?</li> <li>There are so many important truths I want to share with Mac… as soon as feasibly possible.</li> </ul> So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents…<span id="more-4358"></span><br /> Here are 20 simple yet powerful truths you can add to your daily conversations with your child that will gradually change how they think about themselves and their place in the world, and ultimately transform how they live their life.  Please remember, also, that it’s never too late to discuss these truths – in most cases they are equally relevant to youngsters, adolescents, and adult children alike.<br /> <ol> <li><strong>Learning how to think is far more useful than learning what to think.</strong> – A big part of your life is a direct result of the decisions you make; if you don’t like your life for some reason, it’s time to start making changes and better decisions.  And the same is true for all of us, including our children.  It’s crucial that our children gradually grow to understand that THEY must learn to make good decisions for themselves, without us.  Parents can only guide by example and put their offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life story lies in their own hands.  You can walk beside your child most of the time, but not in their shoes.  And someday, when you’re not around, they’ll come to a fork in the road that forces them to think for themselves.  Which is why it’s important to teach your child how to think, not what to think.  (The remaining points in this article will help you do just that.)</li> <li><strong>Everything is hard before it’s easy, and we get stronger as we go.</strong> – One of the best things you can do for your child as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, all<img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-10408" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S.jpg 849w" width="300" />ow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand – allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves.  Journeying through life on your own two feet is a learning process – you become stronger as you go.  It’s like a little girl who struggles to find her way home from school without her parent’s help – doing it the first few times is daunting and scary, but in the long run she’s safer and better off having learned the way.</li> <li><strong>The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.</strong> – When we are really young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year.  The key is to help your child understand that tempering unrealistic expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration.  With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t exactly the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to.  This isn’t a bad thing – it makes life interesting, if we’re willing to see it that way.</li> <li><strong>Worry is the cruelest enemy of personal growth.</strong> – Worrying does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all.  When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.  And, as every child knows deep down, there are much better ways to use an imagination.  Do your best to remind them of this.</li> <li><strong>Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.</strong> – If you want to be effective in life, you can’t base your attitude on how things are.  Instead, you have to choose your attitude so it supports and expresses the way you wish to be.  It’s not about expecting the best to always happen, but instead accepting whatever happens and then making the very best of it.  Truly, most of our long-tern frustration and stress comes from the way we respond and react to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.  Learn to adjust your attitude, and all that extra frustration and stress is gone.  Practice this in your own life, so your child can witness the results firsthand.</li> <li><strong>Reflecting on what we’re grateful for makes us happier and healthier.</strong> – In <em>1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently,</em> Angel and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.  And the really good news is it works for children too.  In one celebrated example, Dr. Robert Emmons, of UC Davis, asked teenage students to keep a gratitude journal – over ten weeks, the young undergrads listed five things that had happened in the past week which they were grateful for.  The results were astoundingly powerful – the students who kept the gratitude journal were up to 25% happier, more optimistic about their future, and got sick less often during the controlled study.  They even got more exercise than usual.  The bottom line is that children who keep a gratitude journal are statistically happier, more optimistic, and healthier.  As soon as your child is old enough, help them start one.</li> <li><strong>The lifelong pursuit of happiness is about finding meaning.</strong> – Pursuing happiness is not <img alt="" class="alignright size-full wp-image-9811" height="266" sizes="(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg 400w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-350x234.jpg 350w" width="400" />at all the same as feeling happy, which is a fleeting emotion dependent on momentary circumstances.  This is something that tends to confuse us when we’re young.  Happy moments feel great and are often fun-filled – if the sun is shining, by all means we should bask in it.  But happy moments always pass, because time passes.  The lifelong pursuit of happiness, on the other hand, is far more elusive; it’s not based on a particular momentary circumstance.  What you are really pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your “why” has significance, you are living your life on your own terms, which makes the inevitable obstacles that arise on your path that much easier and more fulfilling to overcome.  In essence, you are putting forth effort and pushing forward because doing so brings meaning into your life.  (Do your best to help your child find their “why,” and let them know that it’s OK if it changes over time.)</li> <li><strong>The right journey is the destination.</strong> – The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it.  It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters – goals that move forward with you as you chase them.  It’s all about meaningful pursuits – the “moving” – and what you learn along the way.  Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between.  In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and memories are made.  You can’t get any of that without firsthand living.  In other words, the right journey is the destination.  Remember this truth, live by it… set an example for your child.</li> <li><strong>The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want.</strong> – “Don’t think about eating that chocolate donut!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate donut, right?  When we focus on not doing something, we end up thinking more about it.  The same philosophy holds true in all walks of life, regardless of our age.  By persistently trying to move away from what we don’t want, we are inadvertently forced to think about it so much that we end up carrying it’s weight along with us.  But if we instead choose to focus our energy on moving toward something we DO want, we naturally leave the negative weight behind as we move forward with our lives.</li> <li><strong>Actions always speak 100% louder than words.</strong> – Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.  Keep this in mind.  Let your children watch you set an example every day in all that you do, and then reinforce your actions with verbal guidance.  Ultimately, all of us – young and old alike – need to remember that what we really want in life comes from what we really do in life.</li> <li><strong>The willingness to do hard things opens significant doors of opportunity.</strong> – One of the most important abilities you can help a child develop in life is being OK with some level of discomfort.  Because the best things are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them.  Mastering a new skill is hard.  Building a business is hard.  Writing a book is hard.  A marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Staying in shape is hard.  All are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.  If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.</li> <li><strong>Uncertainty is inevitable and must be embraced to achieve anything worthwhile.</strong> – When we act with some level of uncertainty, this uncertainty often chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.  Thus, learning to embrace uncertainty relatively early in life is a must.  Because if we need to know exactly how every little thing will turn out, we’ll avoid many life-changing projects, career moves, relationships, etc.  Starting a business, for example, could be a very worthwhile thing to do, but if you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it.  Continually cowering in the face of uncertainty like this means you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong.  For if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been.</li> <li><strong>Lack of effort holds more people back than intelligence ever could.</strong> – It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without putting forth diligent effort.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless to a person who’s unwilling to put in the effort and take action.  Remember this, and do your best to praise your child for their effort, not their intelligence.  When you praise your child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they CAN control – the amount of time and energy they put into their work.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that progress through hard work is possible.  They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life.  Conversely, emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s control, and it provides no good formula for responding to failure.  In turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing element for them, and thus disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow.</li> <li><strong>Not everything will go as planned, but we can still be prepared.</strong> – For every youngster that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens of others who start strong and get derailed.  Help your child understand that if this happens to them, it isn’t a bad thing.  Unexpected obstacles may come along to shift their perspective, to strengthen their resolve, or to change their direction for the better.  And the destination they fall in love with someday may not even exist now.  For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths of working at Facebook and Snapchat didn’t exist.  Neither did the job of professional coach and writer at Marc and Angel Hack Life.  So if a child can’t plan out their future in its entirety, what should they do?  Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what they can do now that will benefit them no matter what the future brings.  Read inspiring books.  Write.  Learn and practice useful skills.  Build things.  Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences.  Help people.  Cultivate healthy relationships.  These efforts will assist in any future circumstances that come their way.</li> <li><strong>Incredible distance can be covered over time with tiny steps.</strong> – Most people fritter their free time away on things that don’t matter, like TV, video games, social media, etc.  A year of that and you have absolutely zero to show for it.  But if you painted every day, or practiced your web design skills, or wrot<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-10647 alignleft" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" />e on a blog, or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built something interesting.  And you’ll have some great life experiences too – experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned this,” which, sadly, many people can’t do.  Also, it’s important to mention that although it may seem easier for younger people to do these things, it’s 100% possible for all of us to take tiny steps in the right direction, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives.</li> <li><strong>Goals don’t make positive changes happen, rituals do.</strong> – What’s the difference between goals and rituals?  As a parent, your goal is to be a great role model, while your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a great example for your child each day.  If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to grow a successful business, while your ritual is your daily work ethic combined with your management, marketing and sales processes.  If you’re a fiction writer, your goal is to write a novel, while your ritual is the writing schedule you follow each day.  Now think about this:  If you ignored your goals for a while and focused solely on your rituals, would you still get positive results?  For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 20 pounds, and instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results?  Yes, you would.  Gradually, you would get closer and closer to your goal without even thinking about it again.  The earlier we learn this in life, the longer we have to make our positive daily rituals work in our favor.  But it’s never too late either.  <em>(Angel and I build tiny, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)</em></li> <li><strong>Trustworthiness is the foundation of progress.</strong> – The underlying key, for all of us, is to be trustworthy in our relationships.  When someone gives someone an employment or business opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy – that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system.  Someone who has established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more trusted, and more likely to be recommended.  So do you best to teach you child to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in all personal and professional relationships.  When we adhere to this philosophy, we end up building a good reputation and people appreciate and endorse us more openly, which is the best way to get a job, a business investor, or another good friend.</li> </ol> </section></div>

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how chil...

Read more »