How To Reduce The Pressure Of The First Date

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <br /></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLH-X9v3WePD73wpP4Iz3rFPw7YxkbsXSm4QJqitW2hEa5N-rVa8vbDc6E0w4_bwmOpBeQsgASuzSs8IA8ZDCn4joNzPWm1sIzfqpCOw87wgcCZ-NxdMgqsURmEC0pGclw0Gzx9BU52Hs/s1600/tip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLH-X9v3WePD73wpP4Iz3rFPw7YxkbsXSm4QJqitW2hEa5N-rVa8vbDc6E0w4_bwmOpBeQsgASuzSs8IA8ZDCn4joNzPWm1sIzfqpCOw87wgcCZ-NxdMgqsURmEC0pGclw0Gzx9BU52Hs/s400/tip.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br /></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you’re 25 and fancy free or 65 with grown children, first dates for the majority of people are <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">pressure moments</em>—a situation in which you have something at stake and the outcome is dependent on your performance.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> When pressure is your chaperone, you become overly self-conscious, anxious, a poor listener, and abrupt speaker, and poor judgment that causes you to be unlike a “gentleman or lady.” Pressure makes you unattractive — it’s the opposite of your Fairy Godmother. And while performing under pressure does not guarantee love at first meeting, it does increase the chances that there will be a second date. Then, anything is possible. Here are the 4 most common first date pressures and how to reduce them so you can be your best when it matters most.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. The Pressure to Look Good</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Pressure on first dates is created by wanting to be attractive to others and uncertain if you will be. Most try to reduce this pressure by enhancing how they look via their dress or hairstyle. These “attractiveness boosters” help but physical appearance only takes you so far. It’s more effective to reduce first date pressure by <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">switching your focus</em> from how you <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">look</em> to others to how you <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feel </em>about yourself.  Prior to the date, remember your assets, reaffirm your self worth, and look for fun. You’ll feel more confident and positive and your own experiences will confirm — as do many studies — that people who are positive and confident are attractive to others.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Date Place Pressure</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Dates, like battles, can be won and lost because of location, and choosing the wrong location can turn a date into a battle. Where to go becomes a pressured decision and decisions made under pressure are usually bad. Reduce <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">right place pressure</em> by remembering that nature guides you to seek an empowering environment so you can flourish. Be considerate of your date, but take more time to think about what type of location allows you to be authentic. A restaurant you can’t afford doesn’t. Even if your date doesn’t choose the meeting place, if you are relaxed and authentic, you will be having fun and most likely he or she will too. Case in point is that most people try to reduce this first date pressure by selecting a place his or her date would like. A hot place might be impressive to your date, but it could also prevent you from having a charming, fun conversation, let alone hearing one. A celebrity chef restaurant might be impressive, but the expensive hidangan makes you jittery, especially when ordering!</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Conversational Pressure</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Conversation is a natural and spontaneous occurrence, but when it comes to a first date, people feel pressured to do it “right.” Topics to discuss or not, what information to share or keep private, often turn into worry. Nobody wants a dating aftermath to be, “I never should have said that. I was boring, and we had nothing to talk about. I was too quiet, and I sounded silly.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Most people reduce conversational pressure by increasing their awareness to what they will say and how they say it and before the date, deciding what they will not disclose, like past relationships, or financial status.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You can reduce conversational pressure by expressing your thoughts and feelings about the topics you discuss in the moment. Thoughts and feelings represent intimate levels of communication—they are your uniqueness and add color to the conversation. Sharing them makes you more interesting to others and knowing their thoughts and feelings make them more interesting to you.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s easy to integrate thoughts and feelings into your first date conversation. Just preference your statements with “I think…I feel.” Instead of giving details of your job, express your thoughts and feelings about your job –your date will learn a lot more about what makes you tick.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Encourage your date to share his thoughts and feelings too and refrain from evaluating them – that would add pressure; rather ask for more of his thoughts and feelings so you make the conversation even more authentic. The goal is to have a first date conversation that helps you feel connected. If you do, you will want a second date. If you don’t, you don’t.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because it’s a hardwired human need to want a relationship, first dates are important to us. Your most effective way to reduce the pressure is to remember that a first date is not a do or die situation, but an <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">opportunit</em>y to have <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fun</em> and meet someone that can enhance your life and even if it doesn’t work out, there are always more dates to come. When you date along these lines, you’ll feel less first-date pressure and enjoy yourself when it matters most!</div> </div>

How To Reduce The Pressure Of The First Date

Whether you’re 25 and fancy free or 65 with grown children, first dates for the majority of people are  pressure moments —a situatio...

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13 Things Not To Say To Someone Who's Always In A Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><img height="392" src="https://hips.hearstapps.com/cos.h-cdn.co/assets/15/40/480x294/gallery-1443818021-coryandtopanga.jpg?resize=3978:*" width="640" /></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">1. "How do you spice it up?" </span>As if it weren't already spicy. When you're in a really, really good relationship, you don't have to search for spices — they're just there in infinite supply. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">2. "You're young! You need to get out there and experience what the world has to offer you." </span>And by that do you mean "have one-night stands with guys who don't know what they're doing and first dates that are awkward as hell"? I don't judge if that's what you enjoy. But if I found My Person, there's no point in going on dates that I don't really want to be on. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">3. "How's the ball and chain doing?" </span>Or "How's the <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">boyyyyyyfriend</em>?" you might say while rolling your eyes as if to suggest it's such a chore to be in a happy, steady relationship. He's great and we love the shit out of each other, actually! Thanks for asking.</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">4. "People in long-term relationships are just people who are way too comfortable with each other." </span>Allow me to clarify: A comfortable relationship is not an unhappy relationship. I'm comfortable with my significant other in the sense that I will walk around with no makeup and send him ugly selfies. Comfort does not make us <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">dislike</em> each other.</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">5. "It's so weird that you have no one else to compare him or your relationship to. How can you even tell if he's <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">T</em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">he </em>One?"  </span>This is hard to understand for someone who hasn't found their person yet, but if you have found your person, you know. To put it in simple terms — your favorite personal belonging probably isn't your favorite because some external force made you realize that it is. Your favorite green bracelet is your favorite green bracelet because you love it and it means something to you. It's that simple. So, yeah, I just know. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="span" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">6. "I don't believe in monogamy." </span>And I do. Which is why I am me, and you are you. Oh, look, a poem! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">7. "Come on, just be my wingwoman!" </span>Uh, no, that's boring for me. I don't bring you out on my dates because you'd rather poke your eyes out than be a third wheel, which is totally fine. But that's what being your wingwoman feels like to me. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">8. "Doesn't it get boring?" </span>If it were boring I wouldn't be doing it. I'm in a committed relationship with a person, I am not in a committed relationship with boredom. Thanks though. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">9. "You can't be together long-term if you don't hook up with other people first." </span>This is a real thing that someone told me once, and it blew my mind. Just because the first guy I got with ended up being the only guy I wanted to get with doesn't mean that it's not real. (See no. 5 above, ahem.)</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">10. *Not ever inviting me to girls' things where it's mostly single girls because they assume you don't want to come.* </span> Just because I am in a relationship doesn't mean I am against hanging out with single people. When I'm going out with my best girlfriends, the last thing I am thinking about is anyone's relationship status. So if you're going out for a fun night of drinks and food, whether or not you're looking for hookups, count me in! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">11. "How do you know? You've only been with one guy." </span><---The  sAsSy remark you get whenever you try to give relationship advice. Yes, I have only been with one guy. Because he's an awesome hell of a guy who treats me exactly as I should be treated. Because I know how good it feels to be in a happy relationship, I know that the way that douchebag is treating you is wrong. And you deserve to be happy! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">12. "You must think about other guys all the time."</span> I mean yeah, I have eyes. I think that Eric Decker is hot as hell because he is. I acknowledge that a man is attractive as he walks past me on the street because I am a living human. Just because I am monogamous doesn't mean I want to rip off my clothes at the sight of a hot man who isn't my man. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">13. "Do you <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">really </em>think he's ever only been with you?" </span>I really do because we're in a trusting relationship. That's what monogamous relationships are. And that's what I like having in my life. </div> </div>

13 Things Not To Say To Someone Who's Always In A Relationship

1. "How do you spice it up?"  As if it weren't already spicy. When you're in a really, really good relationship, you...

Read more »