Important Of Healthy Relationship

<h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Our relationship with others is one major factor that characterizes us as humans and distinguishes us from animals. Because relationship makes the world go round, we all demand a healthy and happy relationship with our partners, loved ones and everyone we relate with on daily basis.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A healthy relationship is essential for maintaining our mental health and psychological problems affecting many people can be traced to abusive relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A lot of young persons have been in many bad relationships that they do not know what a healthy one looks like. These traits I’m sharing below should give you an idea of what to look out for in a relationship which is healthy.</div> <ol style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Both Partners Trust Each Other</strong></li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There is absolutely no relationship without trust. It is the bedrock of any kind of relationship you can think of.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> In a healthy relationship, both partners can trust each other without any form of reservation. They can also vouch for each other’s character and be sure that even when saying the truth is not favourable, they would always be faithful to each other.</div> <ol start="2" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Openness</strong></li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Both partners in a healthy relationship can freely communicate their feelings, emotions and wants.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> They are not afraid to express how they feel, knowing fully well that the other partner is there to help them get through any issue they might be having.</div> <ol start="3" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Both Parties Are Responsible For Their Happiness</strong></li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> In my post titled <strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the principal way to finding happiness in your relationships</strong>, I made it clear that the first way to have a happy relationship with others is to first love yourself. That is, you must first be happy with yourself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: both; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0em 0px 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> People in a relationship must know that they are responsible for their own happiness. We often make the mistake of pushing the burden of making ourselves happy to the other person, however, this should not be.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Partners should know that they are there to compliment and support each other, not to shift responsibility entirely unto the other person.</div> <ol start="4" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Conflicts Are Handled Maturely</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One of the traits of a good relationship is that both persons involved deal with issues in a matured way. It is impossible for misunderstandings not to arise in an association of two different people, however, the conflict is resolved amicably and everyone moves on.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Those in healthy relationship do not make reference to their partner’s past mistakes. In addition, your thinking should not be how to jet out of the relationship every time conflict arises.</div> <ol start="5" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No Abuse</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Abuse in relationships can be emotional, physical or verbal. All these are contrary to characteristics of a healthy relationship.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Both partners respect each other’s feelings not to engage in any form of abuse. Good relationships seek ways to settle scores without name calling, battery or adoption of  silent treatment.<br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="http://assets.vixendaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/signs-of-emotional-abuse-in-a-relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="364" data-original-width="728" height="160" src="https://assets.vixendaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/signs-of-emotional-abuse-in-a-relationship.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <a name='more'></a></div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <ol start="6" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Both Partners Put The Relationship First</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because they value each other, partners in healthy relationship do not do things or take important decisions that will affect the relationship without considering the other person. There is no selfishness in a good relationship.</div> <ol start="7" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Their Reason For Being Together Is Unconditional</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Today, almost everyone wants to be in a relationship because of the benefits they want to get from the other person.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A healthy relationship is an unconditional one, with love as the binding factor. Partners are not in it for financial, material or physical reason.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A healthy relationship can weather any storm because people are in it for the right reasons.</div> <ol start="8" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Relationship Is 100-100</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One piece of advice we hear from relationship counsellors is that a relationship should be 50-50, a good relationship, however, should be 100-100.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A healthy relationship is one in which both partners commit to giving 100% each.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The idea of giving a 50 means you are withholding some part which will not augur well if you are to get your partner to fully commit to the relationship.</div> <ol start="9" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Relationship Is Fun</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A very good trait of a healthy relationship is that you are enjoying it and not enduring. You can do things together and share wonderful moments.</div> <ol start="10" style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 20px 40px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 5px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">No One Is Trying To “Manipulate” The Other</strong></li> </ol> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> In a healthy relationship, partners are not trying to manipulate or fix each other.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Both persons respect each other’s differences and acknowledge that neither force nor nagging can change anyone.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are other characteristics to measure a healthy relationship, however, these are the most important ones.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Please bear in mind that a healthy relationship does not mean total absence of misunderstanding, however, if the relationship ticks more than 60 percent of these characteristics, then you can say that it is most likely a good one.<br /> <div> <br /></div> </div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> </div>

Important Of Healthy Relationship

Our relationship with others is one major factor that characterizes us as humans and distinguishes us from animals. Because relationship ma...

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6 Common Mistakes That End Relationships

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDuW1hJ-seB1u4OSvPRQg9P-SGGhTNZBCPozO4Kl8x0Xhhr6j1KTn7JKUIzJcX-69AkobyeGSLx4ztQk4eWZv5ehKzprTowo4K87nTgAwmmgX-MczftElE8MQsMidmvcqFjV0FukPkaSQ/s1600/11234.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="background-color: transparent; margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="484" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDuW1hJ-seB1u4OSvPRQg9P-SGGhTNZBCPozO4Kl8x0Xhhr6j1KTn7JKUIzJcX-69AkobyeGSLx4ztQk4eWZv5ehKzprTowo4K87nTgAwmmgX-MczftElE8MQsMidmvcqFjV0FukPkaSQ/s640/11234.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> We see it happen all the time, even the strongest and longest of relationships fail and fall apart completely. It happens with the strongest of people, because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes. This is going to be both personal and general, because I am going to mention a few instances on how one of these things affected my relationship. <span id="more-323" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span>These are going to be the six most common mistakes that end even the strongest of relationships. Let’s begin.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 6. Thinking your relationship is the source of all your happiness</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Some people get so deeply involved in their relationships that they start seeing it as their one and only source of happiness in the world. That burden is an impossible one to bare for any person regardless of how much they love you, no one should be seen as the source of all your happiness because no one will ever be able to live up to that level of expectation no matter the amount of love they have for you. Always remember to find happiness in yourself before you go looking for happiness in others. Be happy with who you are, with the life you live, with the obstacles you’ve tackled and bring out the happiness from all of these elements, then you can SHARE that happiness with your partner for a very long lasting and healthy relationship.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 5. Thinking that broken trust can’t be brought back again</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> When someone breaks your trust, it hurts, it hurts more than we know to handle, but it happens and we all go through it. But the key here is to remember how much you love the person, if you love them enough then you need to have faith in the trust you can remake with your partner. It’s not going to be an easy task, every next day your mind will tell you to stop working so hard on what can’t be fixed, but slowly and gradually the trust you two once made will come back, maybe not in the stainless form it once was in, but in a fixed state that can be groomed and made stronger than ever. So never lose the faith so easily.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 4. Thinking that relationships should be easy</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Relationships aren’t easy, they are the hardest to maintain and stabilize for a long period of time. When you want to love someone, be prepared for the world you’re entering, because it’s not an easy one in any sense of the word. Easy relationships end as quickly and as easily as they start off. Real and pure relationships will have a LOT of ups and downs, maybe more downs than ups. True relationships also require a lot of sacrifice and change, change you might not like, so be prepared to change something about yourself when the time comes. Know that relationships are the most beautiful things in the world, likewise they’re also not a walk in the park.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 3. Thinking that it’s okay to lie “a little”</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Lying is wrong, regardless of the details. Your lie may be very small and harmless, but it’s still a lie. And once you let yourself be okay with “lying a little”, you’ll slowly move towards the direction of “lying a lot”. One lie leads to another lie and you’ll soon find yourself in a ruthless web of lies and you have no way to free yourself from that horrible web. So don’t lie, just don’t, the truth may have bad consequences at first but they let you move on without the fear of hiding something and lying about it.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 2. Not able to share enough time with your partner</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> I’ve seen some of the strongest relationships break and fade away due to lack of time shared from one side. When you’re with someone, you start a life with them, there’s no “me” anymore, there’s “us” and you need to stay in that frame of mind throughout your relationship if you want to make it work. You need to make sure you have enough time to not make your partner feel ignored or God forbid, jealous. If you’re someone who can sometimes get “very busy”, don’t commit to anyone, work on your routine and manage your time first. Remember, time is one of the most precious gifts you can give someone and it’s one of the pillars of every relationship.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 1. Not being able to move on and start life anew</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> The past is scary, the past is filled with torment and heartbreak. The past will live with you and make you forget your present if you give it the power to. And it becomes more painful when you drag someone along with you, someone who keeps trying to make you happy but you keep moving back to the sorrows of your past, it’s very hurtful because I’ve been through it. Whatever happened in your past isn’t your partner’s fault and they can NOT be blamed for the sorrows you went through in your past, don’t give them the burden they can’t carry. Make sure you learn to forgive and forget, and then start life fresh and anew with your partner, with the amount of love and care they deserve.</div> </div>

6 Common Mistakes That End Relationships

We see it happen all the time, even the strongest and longest of relationships fail and fall apart completely. It happens with the stron...

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20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve your relationship, noting that it usually doesn’t just “happen” but requires effort to be sure it gets adequate attention.  </strong></div> Let’s face it: there is a staggering volume of marriage/relationship help advice out there. Any Internet search on the topic will give you page after page of relationship “How to’s” and “What not to do’s.” Depending on your perspective, this can be either good news (the easy availability of helpful information) or bad news (trying to navigate the overwhelming maze of relationship tips).<br /> The truth is, there is also a great deal of overlap in what is being said about how to strengthen a marriage/relationship—and while some authors are more eloquent in how they get this information across than others, often the underlying message is consistent. This is good news. The repetition in marriage/relationship advice suggests that there are important hard-and-fast principles that couples should pay attention to.<br /> So rather than searching for the golden goose that will magically send you down the path of marital or relationship bliss, it’s time to roll up your sleeves and give your relationship the attention it deserves.<br /> <br /> <strong>20 Relationship Tips:</strong><br /> <ol> <li>Couples need to set up a <strong>clear boundary</strong> around their relationship—this boundary involves saying “no” to the influences that can undermine your relationship.</li> <li>Healthy marriages/relationships require <strong>balance</strong> between having shared couple-experiences that will feed the relationship while at the same time nurturing their individual interests and pursuits.</li> <li>Without a clear expression of <strong>commitment</strong> to the relationship, trust and emotional security will suffer. A strong relationship foundation is built on mutual commitment.</li> <li>Direct, <strong>clear communication</strong> should always be a top priority.</li> <li>Being <strong>attuned to your needs</strong>, wants and desires is the first step in getting them met—when you’re unclear about your own needs, how can your spouse/partner ever meet them?</li> <li>Not everything needs to be discussed, analyzed and “processed” between partners. Letting go, <strong>giving your partner the benefit of the doubt</strong>, and practicing forgiveness will go a long way in creating a fulfilling relationship.</li> <li>Words have the power to build empathic bridges between partners, and <strong>words</strong> also have the power to hurt and create a wasteland of distance between you. Choose your words wisely.</li> <li>Important issues that are repeatedly ignored, minimized or go underground will resurface with a vengeance. A healthy relationship requires <strong>facing uncomfortable issues</strong> from time to time.</li> <li>Like a wildfire, emotional wounding and defensiveness can spiral out of control and quickly consume a relationship.  Couples need to be <strong>mindful of the negative cycles</strong> that arise in their relationship.</li> <li>Deliberately <strong>creating positive experiences</strong> and interactions between the two of you (while facing the uncomfortable issues that need to be addressed) should be an ongoing priority.</li> <li>Emotional intimacy and closeness are built upon both partners being consistent, <strong>emotionally available</strong> and responsive to one another.</li> <li>Expecting to get all (or even most) of your needs met whenever you want is like expecting the weather to change based upon your whims and preferences.  Unrealistic <strong>expectations</strong> lead to unhappy marriages/relationships.</li> <li>For some, emotional closeness is a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; for others, sexual intimacy leads to <strong>emotional intimacy</strong>.</li> <li>Passion and <strong>fulfilling sex</strong> often needs to be talked about, planned and negotiated (a lack of sexual spontaneity isn’t necessarily a sign of marital/relationship problems).</li> <li>What makes you feel loved and <strong>emotionally connected</strong> may be very different from what makes your partner feel loved and emotionally close. Communicating and understanding these differences can go a long way in improving your relationship.</li> <li>Certain differences between your and your partner’s <strong>communication styles</strong> and emotional expressiveness need to be accepted. You can’t make an introvert outgoing, and likewise, don’t expect an extrovert to happily sit home every evening.</li> <li>Friendships are built on joint activities and common interests. In addition to being lovers, couples need to <strong>learn to be friends</strong>.</li> <li>Couples who actively practice <strong>gratitude and appreciation</strong> feel a deep sense of connection with one another. It’s too easy to simply focus on what bothers you about your mate while ignoring why you fell in love with him/her in the first place.</li> <li>While a relationship obviously takes two committed people, one person can make a difference in improving the overall <strong>quality of the relationship</strong>.</li> <li>Fulfilling, healthy relationships are co-created, not found. Couples who <strong>work together</strong> (at keeping their relationship strong) are more likely to stay together.</li> </ol> While it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the information presented in this article, remember that you can pick one or two items from the above list and began implementing them into your relationship right away. As a marriage/couples counselor, I’ve seen couples make big differences in their relationship with a simple and relatively small change—the goal is to be consistent and persistent with whatever positive change you’re trying to make.</section></div>

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve ...

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What Is Dating?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <h1 class="title" id="page-title" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; float: left; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 39px; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 62px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjITeoFgMaaKz9pZjXrIObhjLsKRVpUNsV-HkA8zGUiVf0Du8U6mQpx1SUBQWLyZmUuCxsTnD5TEmwRB1MtnhctDCwbrsHnYycYaKs0KDHMP5uSTVtNJlabpITJKxObHkucVubYTrwtAY8/s640/dating+vs+relationship.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="640" /><span style="letter-spacing: -0.05em; text-align: left;">What is Dating?</span></h1> <br /> <div class="block block-system block-main block-system-main odd block-without-title" id="block-system-main" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="block-inner clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <article about="/dating-basics/what-is-dating" class="node node-page node-published node-not-promoted node-not-sticky author-admin odd clearfix" id="node-page-4" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" typeof="foaf:Document"><div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-items" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespect.org, we </div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> define <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;">“dating” as two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual, but it does not have to be. It may be serious or casual, straight or gay, committed or open, short-term or long-term. The important thing to remember is that dating abuse can occur within all kinds of intimate relationships.</span></div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Types of Dating</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You and your friends may use the word “dating” or you may not. People describe relationships in different ways. Whatever you call it, we want you to understand and feel comfortable with whatever type of relationship you are in. Some of the most commonly used words to describe dating are:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Going out</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Together</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Being with someone</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Seeing each other</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hubby/wifey status</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Just friends</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Friends with benefits</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hooking up</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Regardless of the label you use, you and your partner should both accept the same definition for your relationship.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> But I’m Not Dating!</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are other types of relationships that might not be considered dating that are just as real and that we can help you with here. Maybe you have a child with somebody, but do not consider yourself to be in a dating relationship with that person. Having a child together could feel like more than just dating, or you might have chosen not to be together anymore; there is no one way that relationships must work.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Another possibility is that you and your partner are married. Of course marriage is different from dating in some ways, but you might be surprised at how similar they really are! What makes a dating relationship healthy or unhealthy usually applies to marriage as well.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> At loveisrespect, we focus on dating but this site is relevant to everyone.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Who is a Partner?</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Simply put, a dating "partner" refers the person you’re in a relationship with. A healthy partner is:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Respecting</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Trustworthy</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Honest</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dependable</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Supportive</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you’re in a long-term, committed relationship or looking for casual dating experiences, you can still experience abuse. People who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer/questioning (LGBTQ) can be in abusive relationships too. In fact, studies show that dating violence occurs at the same rates in same-sex relationships as in opposite-sex relationships.</div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </article></div> </div> </div> </div>

What Is Dating?

What is Dating? "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespe...

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8 Signs You’Re In A Sincere Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfv81oM_lqJo4B1q5Fpf1NGKRHEzEJodnX7FrC8XtuejutAkJyzKSAVHrGkTWtpW5q5GoM8ZdiRD8ci_P_HVJd0Ja2tsnrlpo_jimJtOm_4WyJfZ6Pi6-atLlskQfOZTDo2vWtiXditY/s1600/shutterstock_250140205-333x250.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFfv81oM_lqJo4B1q5Fpf1NGKRHEzEJodnX7FrC8XtuejutAkJyzKSAVHrGkTWtpW5q5GoM8ZdiRD8ci_P_HVJd0Ja2tsnrlpo_jimJtOm_4WyJfZ6Pi6-atLlskQfOZTDo2vWtiXditY/s400/shutterstock_250140205-333x250.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span style="line-height: 1.5;"><br /></span></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span style="line-height: 1.5;">In my humble opinion, one of the few things of paramount importance in any man’s character include sincerity. Not just to people, but to your chosen career, your goals, the zeal with which you endeavour to achieve those goals, your ethics, your family, and basically everything of import you set yourself out to do. There is little purpose in doing things halfway. Similarly, you can’t play both sides. Sincerity is not coloured in shades of grey. It is the key to building healthy, lasting and trustworthy relationships. And when your sincerity and devotion are reciprocated, it makes all the effort that goes into a relationship worthwhile. So, without further ceremony, let me introduce you to the 8 signs that confirm you are in a sincere relationship.</span></div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 1. Good communication</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This is one of the most talked about things for any relationship, and yet, it is still sadly lacking in several relationships that we know or are a part of. If there could be one cardinal rule for a relationship, it would be communication. Whether it has been six months to your relationship or 15 years, communication is a major aspect of what keeps the relationship alive and kicking. When people stop communicating, relationships grow stagnant, and gradually die. They say assumptions are the termites of relationships. They’re right. In a sincere relationship, partners don’t continuously assume. Sure, with time people develop their own silent methods of communication, not unlike familiar body language, but your partner’s insight does not always extend to the inner workings of your mind, and sincere couples know that it is always healthier to express and ask. I feel it prudent to quote Dostoyevsky here; “Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.”</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 2. You empower each other</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Sincere couples respect each other. They don’t pull each other down. Many people often tend to give backhanded compliments to their partners, in an endeavour to change them. This is not the sign of a sincere relationship. Sincere couples recognise their partners’ gifts and abilities, and support and inspire them to achieve. You know your partner is sincere when their compliments are genuine, they’re words are encouraging, and their motive is pure.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 3. Honesty</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> People in sincere relationships are honest and open with each other. They don’t play mind games. They don’t say one thing and mean the other. They don’t make promises they can’t keep. They don’t say that he/she is just a friend, when it is subconsciously more than that. They don’t tell little white lies, because it is hardly ever a little white lie. If you’re having to lie about it, you may have to rethink your reasons for doing so. Not to mention your relationship. But sincere couples also understand that brutal honesty isn’t always the key. Sometimes, saying those hard truths gently is what honesty in a sincere relationship is all about. Sincere couples place a high value on honesty and trust. They understand that lying will only weaken the bond they share.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 4. They have their priorities right</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Does he say he’ll call, and he doesn’t? Does she say she’ll make plans to meet once she’s done with work, but instead chooses to go out with colleagues for a drink? Does he promise to make more time for your relationship, but never pulls through? Sincere couples understand that fulfilling commitments and making their partners a priority is a major determining factor to a lasting relationship. Sure, “she’ll understand”, but taking that fact for granted is what wrecks relationships. You are with your partner because you chose them, then why make them a convenience rather than a priority?</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 5. No blame game</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Sincere couples argue productively. They don’t lose their temper, and all hell most certainly does not break loose when they do not approve of something in their relationship. Their arguments are healthy, discussing the whys and hows first, and leading up to the solutions. There is no name-calling. Since, even though the fight may be over, the day would be past, but those harsh words would remain in hearts and build up hurt and resentment. Sincere couples first and foremost calm themselves down, refrain from being judgemental, and endeavour to imagine themselves in the other one’s shoes to lead to a better understanding of their perspective.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 6. You both want the same things in life</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> You are two people in an honest relationship. That entails being straightforward about what you two want out of this relationship and life. If what one of you wants is to establish a career and marriage is just not on your cards, then it should go without saying that your partner is not only aware of your feelings but also on the same page. If you never want children, and you are sincere in your relationship, then your partner ought to be apprised of your feelings on the subject. Sincere couples have all their cards on the table, they don’t bluff each other, and they most certainly don’t mislead their partners.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 7. Your relationship comes first</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This does not mean placing your partner up on a pedestal and catering to their every whim. Nor does it mean putting yourself last all the time to the point of letting yourself face neglect at your own hands. It simply means being realistic and realising that many times, you shall have to choose between your relationship and some other aspect of your life. But sincerity to your relationship means that often in life, we would be given the opportunity to compromise on our personal needs to allow our relationship to remain congenial and operative. The key, I have always felt, lies in perceiving these situations for what they are, and choosing to put our relationship above all else. And when you are truly faithful and sincere with your relationship, you understand that it more often than not, deserves to be given precedence.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 8. Your life is better with them in it</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This is rather simple. When someone makes you a better person by being in your life, that is when you know what you have is sincere and genuine. If your partner is a fundamentally honest person, then he/she would most likely have a positive influence on your life; their honesty may rub off on you. But above all, when a person makes you so wholly and profoundly happy, then you know that what you two share is unaffected, sincere and free from illusions.</div> </div>

8 Signs You’Re In A Sincere Relationship

In my humble opinion, one of the few things of paramount importance in any man’s character include sincerity. Not just to people, but ...

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When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-300x199.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S.jpg 850w" width="640" /></div> <div class="social-share-container"> <h3> I once heard a client say with great pride that she has always been “honest” in her relationships.  She told people how she felt about them and situations at hand.  For her it was inauthentic or “fake” not to be this way.  I validated that this has been her belief system, likely learned at some time, then moved to how it might have made others feel to be on the receiving end of her honesty.  This generated a pause…</h3> </div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">“Well, I have never really had a filter…”  After another pause she was able to look at the possibility that her honesty has caused some pain for those around her.  She was able to question whether this style had ultimately served her and how learning to edit might improve her relationships.<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <em>“Words are powerful.  Be careful how you use them because once you have pronounced them, you cannot remove the scar they leave behind.”  </em></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> – Vashti Quiroz-Vega</div> Honesty and open communication in relationships are strengths and couples that engage this way have a better chance of avoiding the build up of resentment as well as solidifying their very foundation as emotional safety with each other is reinforced. Even topics producing anger are better off handled openly.  A study by James McNulty, PhD looked at the positive effects of expressing anger around important issues in relationships.  This is quite the opposite of the common practice of sweeping problems under the rug (not a healthy relationship choice).  Couples with strong interaction and self-soothing skills to contain reactivity can benefit from this type of honesty.<br /> Honesty that doesn’t work so well are feelings expressed as criticism or contempt.  Regardless of how you feel about a situation it serves the relationship well to shape your language in a way that is most likely to be received and not elicit a defensive reaction. But when anger is involved it can be challenging to manage your reaction to allow for a more productive response.  If you’ve often engaged with people in an unfiltered way, there have surely been consequences along the way.<br /> Having disagreements and yes, arguments, are often part of the couple dynamic.  It doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with your relationship but if you navigate the blips efficiently, your relationship can thrive as you both learn through experience that you can work things out, together.  If communication and self-soothing are skills that you and your partner struggle with, consider educating yourself around these topics to be better prepared to practice the healthy and loving kind of honesty.<br /> So toss out, <em>“I’m just being honest”</em> from your vocabulary because if you have responded that way, you’ve probably said something that hurt your mate and you feel the need to defend, which is never productive.  Find a more loving and compassionate way to relay the message and be prepared for the chance that your partner will still react with anger.<br /> Part of being human is that sometimes we piss each other off.  How we work through that is what counts.</section></div>

When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships

When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships I once heard a client say with great pride that she has always been “honest” i...

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How And Ways To Stop Repeating Past Mistakes In Love

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; clear: left; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img alt=" While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault How and ways to Stop Repeating Past Mistakes in Love" src="http://static.eharmony.com/dating-advice/wp-content/uploads/2013/04/stoprepeatingpatternsinrelationships1-397x267.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault (poor role models, dysfunctional patterns in your family growing up, etc.), it is your responsibility to move beyond them. The good news is that you can absolutely get past those old patterns in love and attract someone who will meet you on even ground and become the romantic partner you’ve always dreamed of having. The only hard part is that no one else is coming to make this situation better for you, and it is up to you to invest in doing the necessary work.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Why some people find love and others don’t has nothing to do with fate or worthiness but whether one has identified and cultivated the capacities that support happy, healthy, real love to flourish and thrive. The best place to begin creating a very different kind of relationship than any you’ve had in your past, <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">is in your own relationship with yourself.</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Any relationship you’ll ever have is only going to be as good as the relationship you have with yourself. And those places where you have problems relating to yourself will also be troublesome in creating a relationship with someone else. For instance, if you’re constantly making yourself wrong, you’ll find that eventually others will be more than happy for you to take the blame for everything going wrong between you. If you chronically berate yourself and speak in disrespectful ways to yourself and about yourself, you will exert an almost magnetic pull on even the most loving people around you to begin doing the same.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Some of these patterns might not show up immediately, but eventually they will. And when they do, you’ll be startled. You’ll wonder, how did I create another relationship with my critical father? How did I get into bed yet again with someone who is always making me wrong just like my mom? Yet, it’s not really your mother or your father. They may have treated you that way 20, 30, even 40 years ago, but actually it’s you who has been treating yourself the same way ever since.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Inside of not evolving that dynamic in your own relationship with yourself (which we will often not do when stuck in blaming our parents to the point where we are not taking responsibility for the choices we are making to perpetuate the same dynamic with ourselves), you will have a tendency to duplicate your old painful patterns in love again and again and again.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The way you can begin to make great progress in your relationship with yourself is to make a deep commitment to recognize and stand for your own value and worthiness to love and be loved.</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Make a promise to yourself to do whatever it takes…to go the extra mile in your efforts to become the man or woman you’d need to be in order to prepare yourself to have authentic love in your life.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Your commitment to yourself needs to then begin showing up in your actions…</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are they reflective of your commitment to have a great love in your life?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you living in integrity with that vision?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you taking the risk to show up in ways that are generative of the life you’re committed to creating?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> To support you in your budding commitment towards self-love, let me explain where most people tend to get stuck: It’s often in learning how to connect with and gaji our own feelings and needs. Most of us were not taught how to check in with ourselves so we could learn to be aware and respectful of our own needs and desires. Some of us were even trained out of having our feelings and asserting our needs in ways that would have created healthy dynamics of mutuality, depth, understanding and authentic care. Yet these skills of self-awareness and self-care are foundational to being able to set clear, healthy boundaries that allow a relationship to flourish.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not talking about walls here. Walls don’t let anybody else in. Boundaries, however, are fluid and allow us to be clear with others about what we can do, and what we can’t do, what we want and what we don’t want. They allow us to say no when something doesn’t feel aligned with our own well-being or integrity, and to say yes to those things that do. And, contrary to our fear that if we don’t give someone else everything they want from us, they might leave, boundaries actually serve to make our container of love stronger.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> For good boundaries, the ability to recognize yourself as a separate autonomous individual who is holding ultimate responsibility for your own happiness in life, is necessary in order to create a healthy, happy relationship with another human being.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A wonderful way to begin practicing honoring your own feelings and needs and setting good, healthy boundaries is to ask yourself in any given moment, “Where is my attention?” Most of us have our first attention on others and are more aware of the feelings and needs of others than we are of our own feelings and needs. This is the core of co-dependence and will create toxicity in relationships over time. For example, have you ever felt yourself merge so much with another that you became unable to differentiate their emotions and needs from your own? Have you ever believed that things would get better and that the relationship would succeed if you could just give more and step so fully into the other person’s shoes that you could entirely understand them? Have you ever found yourself disappearing your own feelings and needs in order to care for the feelings and needs of someone else? Many of us have. And it’s a misunderstanding of what mature love really is.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And so, in taking a stand to create happy, healthy love, you want to identify the growth and development you must begin to engage now in preparation for having this love. This particular practice is learning how to keep your first attention on yourself while also being sensitive and available to care for the feelings and needs of others.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> For many of us, this is a real evolutionary edge, for we have only before known either self-abandonment or self-absorption! But true love will require more of us. And our task in making a commitment to call in great love is to become a great lover. A lover of maturity and depth who has cultivated the capacity to show up as a grown-up in order to co-create a grown-up love. Commit to your own evolution in love…and your beloved cannot help but follow.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">With love,</em></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <i> Team</i></div> </div>

How And Ways To Stop Repeating Past Mistakes In Love

While many of your difficulties in love are not really your fault (poor role models, dysfunctional patterns in your family growing up,...

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Characteristics Of Successful Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; clear: left; float: left; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <img src="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=5-player-v01.03.html" style="height: 360px; visibility: visible; width: 480px;" width="480"></iframe></div> </div> </div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> Successful relationships are based on the following components:</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Communication</b>. Listen to your partner. Avoid blame and judgment. Do not make assumptions. Don't let your emotions dictate your behavior.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Trust and respect.</b> A sense of trust is present when each person feels safe to be open, honest and genuine. Respect helps build this through not judging or criticizing the other's opinions, feelings and beliefs.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Team approach.</b> When tough times hit, try to remember you're on the same team. You either both win or both lose. Support each other and work together. Relationships are not meant to be a tug of war <i>against</i> each other. In fact, you both should be on the same side pulling against the world.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Deal with problems as they arise</b>. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship. Addressing differences one at a time helps avoid bad feelings spoiling a good relationship. Do not hold grudges; work through the matter and let it go.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Share responsibility and decision making.</b> Healthy relationships are an equal partnership. This applies to the work involved as well as the power dynamics between the couple.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Fight fair.  </b>Judging your partner undermines a relationship. Address behavior without criticizing the person. Know where your partner's vulnerable spots are and <i>never</i> use these during conflicts.</div> <div style="background-color: white; font-family: proxima-nova, arial, helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1.2em; margin-top: 1.2em;"> <b>· Take care of yourself.</b> It is your responsibility to know what you want and determine how to achieve that. Make any requests of your partner clear and direct. It is not okay to blame someone for your failure to assert yourself.</div> </div>

Characteristics Of Successful Relationship

Successful relationships are based on the following components: · Communication . Listen to your partner. Avoid blame and judgment...

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Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s1600/download+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s320/download+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <figure class="entry-thumbnail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; max-width: 1030px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></figure><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.5rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that now is your time to build your own life and not worry about things like settling down and having children — especially if you’re a female entrepreneur?</h2> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It makes sense, right? This is the only time in your life when you have no ties, no mortgage, no kids to support. This is the only time you can really do something ambitious, if you’re being practical.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let’s face it, you’re not ready anyway. You’re busy building your company, figuring out who you are, what you want.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And everyone around you agrees. Everyone!<br /> Now is the time to live ! (By which you mean building the next change-the-world company, of course.) You’ve moved to New York. Or San Francisco. Or Palo Alto. Or Boston. With the express purpose of building something.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a noble cause. There is nothing more professionally satisfying as building something. Something you love. Something you can “get behind.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But…<br /> There was this girl. This guy.<br /> Eh, fuck it. You’re busy. You have more important things to do. Changing the world is a full-time job and if you don’t do it now, when will you?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s the thing: I know you. You’re probably one of the many people I’ve mentored or hired. On multiple occasions, you’ve explained to me (as if I were your batty old aunt, but I’m not taking it personally) that you have no time to get to know anyone because you’re busy doing your work.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a complete fallacy. Work and relationships are not incompatible. (Ask Mark Zuckerberg.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’ll wager that there is something about big transient cities that distorts everyone’s sense of time. You become convinced that you have time for everything you find challenging, that your ultimate horizon is infinite. This is only the beginning for you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But you don’t know how much time you have. And even if things go well for you, your time is finite. You can’t figure out your professional life now and your personal life later. (Unless you’re the rare thirteen-year-old entrepreneur, in which case, I might demur.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And here is why: As with coding and management and matters of finance and marketing, relationships have a learning curve. You learn the basics of “relationshiptiva” (note to copyed: yes, I made up that word): How to deal with sexual etiquette, mundane everyday things, scheduling, and appropriate meetings with close friends, and some equitable plan for who’s supposed to pay for dinner or wash the dishesthis time. These are basics. And if you’re learning them in your thirties, it’s going to be much harder.<br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because in a few years, however young you think yourself (how old is thirty, really?), you will be approaching midlife and you won’t be as adaptable as you once were. There are reasons for this, many of which are biological. Your body won’t respond the same way. You’ll have knee problems that didn’t exist when you were running sophomore track. You can’t stay out till 4:00 a.m. anymore, because now the same alcohol intake has somehow resulted in a hangover that’s a multiple of what it once was — and you will never ever have appreciated a nice soft pillow more. And if you think you can fend these things off with diet and exercise, you should probably buy a good solid book on the aging process or find a professional athlete over the age of thirty to talk to. They will speak of massage therapists and bone density and necessary nutritional supplements. You can mitigate these things, but you can’t entirely avoid them.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But that is not the point. The point is that thirty (or thirty-two, or thirty-five) is not the age when you want to be practicing serious relationships for the first time. Because learning how to develop a meaningful, sustainable relationship and keep it healthy takes some extended practice. You have to get beyond the basics  - the sexual negotiations and the decisions about whose clothes go where and how to talk about exes. You have to figure out how to fight well, how to negotiate major value conflicts (if you can — some are impossible), and how to deal with the inevitabilities that come your way.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And those inevitabilities are myriad: At some point, you and your partner will go through a period of disillusionment when someone else turns your head or your partner’s. Maybe you have an affair, maybe you don’t. At some point, one of you will have significantly more career success than the other. This will become a point of tension. As will the disparity in income that usually accompanies it. At some point, you will disagree on how to raise your child and you will each wield the child as the ultimate weapon in a battle of wills. (I’m just doing what’s best for our child!) And at some point, one of you will have a major life issue that costs you everything or close (cancer, financial ruin, miscellaneous crisis), and the other person will have to decide to commit to or not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. And if you do decide to spend a life with someone, you have to decide that you are willing to face all of these things and acknowledge that some of them could happen sooner than you expect.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are too important to learn how to face those issues at the last minute. You have to go through a few of them to know how to properly conduct one. You have to fail. You have to date a few terrible people. You have to be the asshole yourself sometimes. You have to learn how not to be the asshole. You have to spend tons of time together — so much time that sometimes you feel indistinguishable from each other and you find that both reassuring and disturbing. You have to have a vicious fight and know it’s not ending you and that you’re going to have to work to repair it and that the effort is worthwhile. These things take time.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not suggesting, mind you, that you settle down in your twenties. I don’t envision you in a ranch home in the suburbs at twenty-six, feeding your toddlers Cheerios and pureed organic carrots and carting them to and from soccer practice in the family.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m just saying that it’s worth it to look at your romantic relationships nakedly. (Metaphorically, not literally. Unless that’s your thing — in which case, contemplate in the nude as much as you want.) Work at a relationship the way you work at your work. Spend the time. Make the effort.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need the practice. You need to learn. Some of you can wait another ten or twenty years to do that. And some of you may be the rare bachelors and bachelorettes who have no intention of ever being in a serious committed relationship ever. But not most of you, especially if you’re envisioning a spouse and kids sometime before you can start collecting social security. You need time — and lots of it.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And you need to remember that work is not everything. I met my fiancé at work, which is not a way that Detached Professional Me would ever advise anyone to go about meeting people. Under the circumstances, we had to decide fairly quickly whether we were willing to get fired.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> What was more important: the job or the relationship? We picked the latter. Fortunately, nobody got fired. But if I had been sent packing, I wouldn't regret it. Jobs are replaceable. People you truly love are not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I think it’s fair to say — with no scientific evidence — that deathbed wishes rarely include, “If only I had put another twenty hours a week in at the office! That slightly cleaner product release would have made all the difference.” But that guy, that girl? You might regret that.</div> <br /> <a name='more'></a></div>

Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that...

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Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s1600/download+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s320/download+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <figure class="entry-thumbnail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; max-width: 1030px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></figure><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.5rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that now is your time to build your own life and not worry about things like settling down and having children — especially if you’re a female entrepreneur?</h2> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It makes sense, right? This is the only time in your life when you have no ties, no mortgage, no kids to support. This is the only time you can really do something ambitious, if you’re being practical.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let’s face it, you’re not ready anyway. You’re busy building your company, figuring out who you are, what you want.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And everyone around you agrees. Everyone!<br /> Now is the time to live ! (By which you mean building the next change-the-world company, of course.) You’ve moved to New York. Or San Francisco. Or Palo Alto. Or Boston. With the express purpose of building something.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a noble cause. There is nothing more professionally satisfying as building something. Something you love. Something you can “get behind.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But…<br /> There was this girl. This guy.<br /> Eh, fuck it. You’re busy. You have more important things to do. Changing the world is a full-time job and if you don’t do it now, when will you?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s the thing: I know you. You’re probably one of the many people I’ve mentored or hired. On multiple occasions, you’ve explained to me (as if I were your batty old aunt, but I’m not taking it personally) that you have no time to get to know anyone because you’re busy doing your work.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a complete fallacy. Work and relationships are not incompatible. (Ask Mark Zuckerberg.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’ll wager that there is something about big transient cities that distorts everyone’s sense of time. You become convinced that you have time for everything you find challenging, that your ultimate horizon is infinite. This is only the beginning for you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But you don’t know how much time you have. And even if things go well for you, your time is finite. You can’t figure out your professional life now and your personal life later. (Unless you’re the rare thirteen-year-old entrepreneur, in which case, I might demur.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And here is why: As with coding and management and matters of finance and marketing, relationships have a learning curve. You learn the basics of “relationshiptiva” (note to copyed: yes, I made up that word): How to deal with sexual etiquette, mundane everyday things, scheduling, and appropriate meetings with close friends, and some equitable plan for who’s supposed to pay for dinner or wash the dishesthis time. These are basics. And if you’re learning them in your thirties, it’s going to be much harder.<br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because in a few years, however young you think yourself (how old is thirty, really?), you will be approaching midlife and you won’t be as adaptable as you once were. There are reasons for this, many of which are biological. Your body won’t respond the same way. You’ll have knee problems that didn’t exist when you were running sophomore track. You can’t stay out till 4:00 a.m. anymore, because now the same alcohol intake has somehow resulted in a hangover that’s a multiple of what it once was — and you will never ever have appreciated a nice soft pillow more. And if you think you can fend these things off with diet and exercise, you should probably buy a good solid book on the aging process or find a professional athlete over the age of thirty to talk to. They will speak of massage therapists and bone density and necessary nutritional supplements. You can mitigate these things, but you can’t entirely avoid them.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But that is not the point. The point is that thirty (or thirty-two, or thirty-five) is not the age when you want to be practicing serious relationships for the first time. Because learning how to develop a meaningful, sustainable relationship and keep it healthy takes some extended practice. You have to get beyond the basics  - the sexual negotiations and the decisions about whose clothes go where and how to talk about exes. You have to figure out how to fight well, how to negotiate major value conflicts (if you can — some are impossible), and how to deal with the inevitabilities that come your way.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And those inevitabilities are myriad: At some point, you and your partner will go through a period of disillusionment when someone else turns your head or your partner’s. Maybe you have an affair, maybe you don’t. At some point, one of you will have significantly more career success than the other. This will become a point of tension. As will the disparity in income that usually accompanies it. At some point, you will disagree on how to raise your child and you will each wield the child as the ultimate weapon in a battle of wills. (I’m just doing what’s best for our child!) And at some point, one of you will have a major life issue that costs you everything or close (cancer, financial ruin, miscellaneous crisis), and the other person will have to decide to commit to or not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. And if you do decide to spend a life with someone, you have to decide that you are willing to face all of these things and acknowledge that some of them could happen sooner than you expect.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are too important to learn how to face those issues at the last minute. You have to go through a few of them to know how to properly conduct one. You have to fail. You have to date a few terrible people. You have to be the asshole yourself sometimes. You have to learn how not to be the asshole. You have to spend tons of time together — so much time that sometimes you feel indistinguishable from each other and you find that both reassuring and disturbing. You have to have a vicious fight and know it’s not ending you and that you’re going to have to work to repair it and that the effort is worthwhile. These things take time.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not suggesting, mind you, that you settle down in your twenties. I don’t envision you in a ranch home in the suburbs at twenty-six, feeding your toddlers Cheerios and pureed organic carrots and carting them to and from soccer practice in the family.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m just saying that it’s worth it to look at your romantic relationships nakedly. (Metaphorically, not literally. Unless that’s your thing — in which case, contemplate in the nude as much as you want.) Work at a relationship the way you work at your work. Spend the time. Make the effort.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need the practice. You need to learn. Some of you can wait another ten or twenty years to do that. And some of you may be the rare bachelors and bachelorettes who have no intention of ever being in a serious committed relationship ever. But not most of you, especially if you’re envisioning a spouse and kids sometime before you can start collecting social security. You need time — and lots of it.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And you need to remember that work is not everything. I met my fiancé at work, which is not a way that Detached Professional Me would ever advise anyone to go about meeting people. Under the circumstances, we had to decide fairly quickly whether we were willing to get fired.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> What was more important: the job or the relationship? We picked the latter. Fortunately, nobody got fired. But if I had been sent packing, I wouldn't regret it. Jobs are replaceable. People you truly love are not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I think it’s fair to say — with no scientific evidence — that deathbed wishes rarely include, “If only I had put another twenty hours a week in at the office! That slightly cleaner product release would have made all the difference.” But that guy, that girl? You might regret that.</div> <br /> <a name='more'></a></div>

Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that...

Read more »