Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

<h2 style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #5d696f; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.3; margin: 18px 0px;"> Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship?</h2> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s1600/sex+and+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="sex and relationship" border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="592" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s320/sex+and+relationship.jpg" title="sex and relationship" width="320" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once feel like an act of pure connection and pleasure, then seemingly turn into an overwhelming topic that only creates tension, insecurity, rejection and discomfort in your relationship? Many couples suffer from intimacy “issues” and I often hear complaints by my clients in regards to “incompatible sex drives.” This can often lead to arguments, full-blown resentment and even affairs, as the lack of understanding the underlying issues of each other’s sexual needs, desires, and (especially) discomfort and expectations fall to the waist-side.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> My approach to understanding physical intimacy is largely influenced by the emotional security and understanding of each other within the relationship. This doesn’t mean that sex has to become rigid and overly emotional, but it does mean that in order for both parties to feel desire and passion, emotional vulnerability is truly key. Can you trust your partner? Do you feel they really understand you (or want to?) Do you feel the commitment you have to each other is sacred? Do you enjoy your relationship, feel appreciated and acknowledged?</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sexual issues within a relationship are most often a symptom of a deeper problem. Identifying what that may be requires personal reflection, but also involves strengthening your communication and challenging yourself to be open about your own feelings about love, sex, and overall emotions.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> While sex may have felt “easy” and safe in the beginning of your relationship, it may now cause conflict between you and your partner. It may feel like an obligation; it may feel overwhelming or not reciprocated; you may feel rejected, embarrassed or frustrated.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> (Relax… this is quite normal and here’s what you can do about it).</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> First thing’s first. Get clarification!</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Don’t be afraid to ask your partner about sex, even if you feel these are things you <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">should already know. </em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> What does sex represent to them? How do they feel they show love and feel connected to you? How important is sex? How often do they expect it?  What helps create the mood for them? How does it make them feel when sex isn’t fully enjoyable or when it isn’t present in your relationship? How comfortable with sex do they feel they are? How do they view intimacy and is that important to them? What specific things really turn them on?  What are their biggest fantasies? <span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Most importantly, are they feeling connected to you on all other levels of your relationship?</strong></span></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> All of these questions about sex in relationships require trust, honesty, and vulnerability. All of these questions embody truths that outline your partners underlying meaning(s) of your relationship, sex in its entirety, and <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">how they feel about themselves</em> in relation to sex with you. Answering these questions may allow you both to uncover the hidden issues that haven’t been discussed or fully understood, which have been displaced onto the topic of sex in your relationship.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Communicating about sex in relationships is part of strengthening your entire connection and can even positively affect your self-esteem and sex drive. Good sex, along with other elements of your relationship, <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">take effort, patience and emotional vulnerability for both members.</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sex may feel like a dark cloud hovering over your bed, but once you start understanding the elements that have contributed to it, you may find that it’s an opportunity to really bond with each other, rather than be the percieved cause of disconnection. You may also uncover each other’s perception of sex altogether which can be very helpful when identifying each other’s needs and overall differences that have been fueling the disconnection.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Bottom line, “sex” changes as the relationship changes and it’s important to realize that sex in relationships may have underlying meanings to each person that aren’t easy to address. Best practice is to remember that if sex in your relationship is creating anxiety and frustration, there is a good chance that both partners aren’t feeling secure in their relationship.</div>

Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship? How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once f...

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Ninetips For Building A Loving Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #222222; float: left; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img height="266" src="http://ioneblackdoctor.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/179133949.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="400" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These indispensable tips were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family and even work relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px;"> <div id="mobile_ad_top"> </div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself,breathe and “calm down.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <em>Remember: your partner is not the enemy.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <em><br /></em></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>2. Separate the facts from the feelings.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong><br /></strong><strong>3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.</strong>What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>4. Develop and cultivate compassion.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of <em>good fire</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>6. Partner, heal thyself.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>7. Ask questions when you’re unsure or are making assumptions.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>8. Make time for your relationship.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>9. Say the “hard things” from love.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.</div> </div>

Ninetips For Building A Loving Relationship

How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to ...

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10 Ways To Build Loving Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <img alt="THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship 10 Ways to Build Loving Relationship" height="316" src="https://static.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/Y9Rm_i3NF-KSh9tEEJJHXwMubGAv0Mhwsai8mPYXA9g/mtime:1438161330/sites/default/files/styles/header_slider/public/image_blog/Z_7.jpg?itok=pLRen4Vl" width="640" /><br /> <br />  <span style="background-color: white; color: #131313; font-family: "fselliot" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 700;">THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship.</span><br /> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These are indispensable tips, written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family, and even work relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without fear. </span><br /> Don't interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don't make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you're too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe, and calm down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Remember: your partner is not the enemy.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">2. Separate the facts from the feelings.</span><br /> What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I'm seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What's the real truth?</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Once you're able to differentiate facts from feelings, you'll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">3. Connect with the different parts of yourself. </span><br /> Each of us is not a solo instrument. We're more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your "gut" saying?</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> For example: My mind is saying "definitely leave her," but my heart says "I really love her."</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">4. Develop compassion.</span><br /> Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don't have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">5. Create a "we" that can house two "I's." </span><br /> The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself — compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual "I" contributes to creatimg a "we" that is stronger than the sum of its parts. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">6. Partner, heal thyself.</span><br /> Don't expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don't try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">7. Relish the differences between you. </span><br /> The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don't need a relationship with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they're often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">8. Ask questions.</span><br /> All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners' behavior means. For example: "She doesn't want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore." We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what's not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">9. Make time for your relationship. </span>No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making "play dates" and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">10. Say the "hard things" from love.</span><br /> Become aware of the hard things that you're not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you're feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.</div> </div>

10 Ways To Build Loving Relationship

  THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship. How many of us have learned how to build loving relatio...

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17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_53954545_S-750x500.jpg" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how children view themselves and their place in the world.  Parents, no matter how old your child (or adult child), it’s never too late to help them integrate these lessons.</strong></div> Our children grow up so fast.  Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them for everything they’ll encounter.  Angel and I talk to course students and coaching clients on a regular basis – mothers and fathers alike – who share these sentiments.  They worry about their children.  They wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point.  And Angel and I totally get it too.  Oftentimes we feel the same way.  We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we discuss it frequently, just like most parents.<br /> In fact, from what we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their children is more important to most parents than just about anything else – health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income and political affiliation.  So the reality is, to a great extent, we all collectively care about our children.   And that’s a really beautiful thing when you think about it.<br /> Anyway, I awoke this morning thinking about all of this – especially the miraculous, life-changing responsibility of parenthood – and two related thoughts immediately crossed my mind:<br /> <ul> <li>Whoa!  Time flies.  How in the world did Angel and I suddenly become parents to a little boy that’s running all over the place and asking questions about everything under the sun?</li> <li>There are so many important truths I want to share with Mac… as soon as feasibly possible.</li> </ul> So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents…<span id="more-4358"></span><br /> Here are 20 simple yet powerful truths you can add to your daily conversations with your child that will gradually change how they think about themselves and their place in the world, and ultimately transform how they live their life.  Please remember, also, that it’s never too late to discuss these truths – in most cases they are equally relevant to youngsters, adolescents, and adult children alike.<br /> <ol> <li><strong>Learning how to think is far more useful than learning what to think.</strong> – A big part of your life is a direct result of the decisions you make; if you don’t like your life for some reason, it’s time to start making changes and better decisions.  And the same is true for all of us, including our children.  It’s crucial that our children gradually grow to understand that THEY must learn to make good decisions for themselves, without us.  Parents can only guide by example and put their offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life story lies in their own hands.  You can walk beside your child most of the time, but not in their shoes.  And someday, when you’re not around, they’ll come to a fork in the road that forces them to think for themselves.  Which is why it’s important to teach your child how to think, not what to think.  (The remaining points in this article will help you do just that.)</li> <li><strong>Everything is hard before it’s easy, and we get stronger as we go.</strong> – One of the best things you can do for your child as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, all<img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-10408" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S.jpg 849w" width="300" />ow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand – allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves.  Journeying through life on your own two feet is a learning process – you become stronger as you go.  It’s like a little girl who struggles to find her way home from school without her parent’s help – doing it the first few times is daunting and scary, but in the long run she’s safer and better off having learned the way.</li> <li><strong>The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.</strong> – When we are really young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year.  The key is to help your child understand that tempering unrealistic expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration.  With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t exactly the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to.  This isn’t a bad thing – it makes life interesting, if we’re willing to see it that way.</li> <li><strong>Worry is the cruelest enemy of personal growth.</strong> – Worrying does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all.  When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.  And, as every child knows deep down, there are much better ways to use an imagination.  Do your best to remind them of this.</li> <li><strong>Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.</strong> – If you want to be effective in life, you can’t base your attitude on how things are.  Instead, you have to choose your attitude so it supports and expresses the way you wish to be.  It’s not about expecting the best to always happen, but instead accepting whatever happens and then making the very best of it.  Truly, most of our long-tern frustration and stress comes from the way we respond and react to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.  Learn to adjust your attitude, and all that extra frustration and stress is gone.  Practice this in your own life, so your child can witness the results firsthand.</li> <li><strong>Reflecting on what we’re grateful for makes us happier and healthier.</strong> – In <em>1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently,</em> Angel and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.  And the really good news is it works for children too.  In one celebrated example, Dr. Robert Emmons, of UC Davis, asked teenage students to keep a gratitude journal – over ten weeks, the young undergrads listed five things that had happened in the past week which they were grateful for.  The results were astoundingly powerful – the students who kept the gratitude journal were up to 25% happier, more optimistic about their future, and got sick less often during the controlled study.  They even got more exercise than usual.  The bottom line is that children who keep a gratitude journal are statistically happier, more optimistic, and healthier.  As soon as your child is old enough, help them start one.</li> <li><strong>The lifelong pursuit of happiness is about finding meaning.</strong> – Pursuing happiness is not <img alt="" class="alignright size-full wp-image-9811" height="266" sizes="(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg 400w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-350x234.jpg 350w" width="400" />at all the same as feeling happy, which is a fleeting emotion dependent on momentary circumstances.  This is something that tends to confuse us when we’re young.  Happy moments feel great and are often fun-filled – if the sun is shining, by all means we should bask in it.  But happy moments always pass, because time passes.  The lifelong pursuit of happiness, on the other hand, is far more elusive; it’s not based on a particular momentary circumstance.  What you are really pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your “why” has significance, you are living your life on your own terms, which makes the inevitable obstacles that arise on your path that much easier and more fulfilling to overcome.  In essence, you are putting forth effort and pushing forward because doing so brings meaning into your life.  (Do your best to help your child find their “why,” and let them know that it’s OK if it changes over time.)</li> <li><strong>The right journey is the destination.</strong> – The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it.  It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters – goals that move forward with you as you chase them.  It’s all about meaningful pursuits – the “moving” – and what you learn along the way.  Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between.  In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and memories are made.  You can’t get any of that without firsthand living.  In other words, the right journey is the destination.  Remember this truth, live by it… set an example for your child.</li> <li><strong>The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want.</strong> – “Don’t think about eating that chocolate donut!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate donut, right?  When we focus on not doing something, we end up thinking more about it.  The same philosophy holds true in all walks of life, regardless of our age.  By persistently trying to move away from what we don’t want, we are inadvertently forced to think about it so much that we end up carrying it’s weight along with us.  But if we instead choose to focus our energy on moving toward something we DO want, we naturally leave the negative weight behind as we move forward with our lives.</li> <li><strong>Actions always speak 100% louder than words.</strong> – Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.  Keep this in mind.  Let your children watch you set an example every day in all that you do, and then reinforce your actions with verbal guidance.  Ultimately, all of us – young and old alike – need to remember that what we really want in life comes from what we really do in life.</li> <li><strong>The willingness to do hard things opens significant doors of opportunity.</strong> – One of the most important abilities you can help a child develop in life is being OK with some level of discomfort.  Because the best things are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them.  Mastering a new skill is hard.  Building a business is hard.  Writing a book is hard.  A marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Staying in shape is hard.  All are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.  If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.</li> <li><strong>Uncertainty is inevitable and must be embraced to achieve anything worthwhile.</strong> – When we act with some level of uncertainty, this uncertainty often chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.  Thus, learning to embrace uncertainty relatively early in life is a must.  Because if we need to know exactly how every little thing will turn out, we’ll avoid many life-changing projects, career moves, relationships, etc.  Starting a business, for example, could be a very worthwhile thing to do, but if you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it.  Continually cowering in the face of uncertainty like this means you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong.  For if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been.</li> <li><strong>Lack of effort holds more people back than intelligence ever could.</strong> – It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without putting forth diligent effort.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless to a person who’s unwilling to put in the effort and take action.  Remember this, and do your best to praise your child for their effort, not their intelligence.  When you praise your child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they CAN control – the amount of time and energy they put into their work.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that progress through hard work is possible.  They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life.  Conversely, emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s control, and it provides no good formula for responding to failure.  In turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing element for them, and thus disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow.</li> <li><strong>Not everything will go as planned, but we can still be prepared.</strong> – For every youngster that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens of others who start strong and get derailed.  Help your child understand that if this happens to them, it isn’t a bad thing.  Unexpected obstacles may come along to shift their perspective, to strengthen their resolve, or to change their direction for the better.  And the destination they fall in love with someday may not even exist now.  For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths of working at Facebook and Snapchat didn’t exist.  Neither did the job of professional coach and writer at Marc and Angel Hack Life.  So if a child can’t plan out their future in its entirety, what should they do?  Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what they can do now that will benefit them no matter what the future brings.  Read inspiring books.  Write.  Learn and practice useful skills.  Build things.  Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences.  Help people.  Cultivate healthy relationships.  These efforts will assist in any future circumstances that come their way.</li> <li><strong>Incredible distance can be covered over time with tiny steps.</strong> – Most people fritter their free time away on things that don’t matter, like TV, video games, social media, etc.  A year of that and you have absolutely zero to show for it.  But if you painted every day, or practiced your web design skills, or wrot<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-10647 alignleft" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" />e on a blog, or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built something interesting.  And you’ll have some great life experiences too – experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned this,” which, sadly, many people can’t do.  Also, it’s important to mention that although it may seem easier for younger people to do these things, it’s 100% possible for all of us to take tiny steps in the right direction, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives.</li> <li><strong>Goals don’t make positive changes happen, rituals do.</strong> – What’s the difference between goals and rituals?  As a parent, your goal is to be a great role model, while your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a great example for your child each day.  If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to grow a successful business, while your ritual is your daily work ethic combined with your management, marketing and sales processes.  If you’re a fiction writer, your goal is to write a novel, while your ritual is the writing schedule you follow each day.  Now think about this:  If you ignored your goals for a while and focused solely on your rituals, would you still get positive results?  For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 20 pounds, and instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results?  Yes, you would.  Gradually, you would get closer and closer to your goal without even thinking about it again.  The earlier we learn this in life, the longer we have to make our positive daily rituals work in our favor.  But it’s never too late either.  <em>(Angel and I build tiny, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)</em></li> <li><strong>Trustworthiness is the foundation of progress.</strong> – The underlying key, for all of us, is to be trustworthy in our relationships.  When someone gives someone an employment or business opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy – that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system.  Someone who has established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more trusted, and more likely to be recommended.  So do you best to teach you child to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in all personal and professional relationships.  When we adhere to this philosophy, we end up building a good reputation and people appreciate and endorse us more openly, which is the best way to get a job, a business investor, or another good friend.</li> </ol> </section></div>

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how chil...

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