9 Signs He's Not A Cheater

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <img src="https://hips.hearstapps.com/cos.h-cdn.co/assets/15/39/1443021006-couple.jpg?crop=1xw:1.0xh;center,top&resize=768:*" /></div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> Being cheated on is the worst. You feel rejected but also pissed. You don't know who you can trust. Well, scientific studies have narrowed down some traits that are statistically more common in guys who cheat, so here are some signs (not confirmation, obviously) that your guy will never stray.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">1. You bring home the same amount of money. </span>A recent study from the American Sociological review showed that partners were less likely to cheat if they were in the same (or similar) income brackets. Men were more likely to cheat if they made a lot more money than their partner, and they were most likely to cheat if they made a lot less. So if you two have similar paychecks, you've got statistics on your side.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">2. He's from the Midwest. </span>According to this poll, Midwesterners are just too well-mannered to cheat on their partners. </div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">3</span><span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">. His friends are also faithful. </span>People are more likely to cheat if their friends are also cheaters, according to M. Gary Newman, author of <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">The Truth About Cheating.</em> If his friends are trustworthy, it's likely he's trustworthy too.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">4. He feels loved and trusted. </span>According to a study conducted by Newman, most men don't cheat because they're not satisfied sexually. They cheat because they're seeking emotional satisfaction.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> </div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">5. He's an extrovert.</span> Extroverts are less likely to go along with the influence of others. Research shows that introverts are actually more likely to cheat because they're more likely to agree to someone propositioning them. So even if he's always out there meeting new people, you actually might be safer.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">6. He just seems like the kind of guy who wouldn't cheat. </span>According to a real study that people spent time on, researchers found that you can trust your gut when it comes to guys who look like they'd cheat. If your gut is telling you "no," then it's a good idea to listen to that gut.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">7. He's really into Pantera. </span>Yeah, according to this survey conducted by the <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Mirror</em>(so, questionable), heavy metal listeners are apparently the least likely to cheat.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">8. He comes from a big family.</span> A survey from adult meet-up site Seeking Arrangements shows that cheaters are usually only children. Ask if he has a sister.</div> <div class="body-text" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">9. He has a hard time getting it up. </span> A sad study published in the <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Archives of Sexual Behavior </em>showed that men who are easily aroused are more likely to cheat, so I guess mark one in the "pros" column for whiskey dick.</div> </div>

9 Signs He's Not A Cheater

Being cheated on is the worst. You feel rejected but also pissed. You don't know who you can trust. Well, scientific studies have na...

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13 Things Not To Say To Someone Who's Always In A Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><img height="392" src="https://hips.hearstapps.com/cos.h-cdn.co/assets/15/40/480x294/gallery-1443818021-coryandtopanga.jpg?resize=3978:*" width="640" /></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;"><br /></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">1. "How do you spice it up?" </span>As if it weren't already spicy. When you're in a really, really good relationship, you don't have to search for spices — they're just there in infinite supply. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">2. "You're young! You need to get out there and experience what the world has to offer you." </span>And by that do you mean "have one-night stands with guys who don't know what they're doing and first dates that are awkward as hell"? I don't judge if that's what you enjoy. But if I found My Person, there's no point in going on dates that I don't really want to be on. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">3. "How's the ball and chain doing?" </span>Or "How's the <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">boyyyyyyfriend</em>?" you might say while rolling your eyes as if to suggest it's such a chore to be in a happy, steady relationship. He's great and we love the shit out of each other, actually! Thanks for asking.</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">4. "People in long-term relationships are just people who are way too comfortable with each other." </span>Allow me to clarify: A comfortable relationship is not an unhappy relationship. I'm comfortable with my significant other in the sense that I will walk around with no makeup and send him ugly selfies. Comfort does not make us <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">dislike</em> each other.</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">5. "It's so weird that you have no one else to compare him or your relationship to. How can you even tell if he's <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">T</em><em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">he </em>One?"  </span>This is hard to understand for someone who hasn't found their person yet, but if you have found your person, you know. To put it in simple terms — your favorite personal belonging probably isn't your favorite because some external force made you realize that it is. Your favorite green bracelet is your favorite green bracelet because you love it and it means something to you. It's that simple. So, yeah, I just know. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="span" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">6. "I don't believe in monogamy." </span>And I do. Which is why I am me, and you are you. Oh, look, a poem! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">7. "Come on, just be my wingwoman!" </span>Uh, no, that's boring for me. I don't bring you out on my dates because you'd rather poke your eyes out than be a third wheel, which is totally fine. But that's what being your wingwoman feels like to me. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">8. "Doesn't it get boring?" </span>If it were boring I wouldn't be doing it. I'm in a committed relationship with a person, I am not in a committed relationship with boredom. Thanks though. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">9. "You can't be together long-term if you don't hook up with other people first." </span>This is a real thing that someone told me once, and it blew my mind. Just because the first guy I got with ended up being the only guy I wanted to get with doesn't mean that it's not real. (See no. 5 above, ahem.)</div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">10. *Not ever inviting me to girls' things where it's mostly single girls because they assume you don't want to come.* </span> Just because I am in a relationship doesn't mean I am against hanging out with single people. When I'm going out with my best girlfriends, the last thing I am thinking about is anyone's relationship status. So if you're going out for a fun night of drinks and food, whether or not you're looking for hookups, count me in! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">11. "How do you know? You've only been with one guy." </span><---The  sAsSy remark you get whenever you try to give relationship advice. Yes, I have only been with one guy. Because he's an awesome hell of a guy who treats me exactly as I should be treated. Because I know how good it feels to be in a happy relationship, I know that the way that douchebag is treating you is wrong. And you deserve to be happy! </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">12. "You must think about other guys all the time."</span> I mean yeah, I have eyes. I think that Eric Decker is hot as hell because he is. I acknowledge that a man is attractive as he walks past me on the street because I am a living human. Just because I am monogamous doesn't mean I want to rip off my clothes at the sight of a hot man who isn't my man. </div> <div class="p2" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Georgia, "Times-New Roman", serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; margin-left: 47.5938px;"> <span data-redactor-tag="strong" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">13. "Do you <em data-redactor-tag="em" data-verified="redactor" style="box-sizing: border-box;">really </em>think he's ever only been with you?" </span>I really do because we're in a trusting relationship. That's what monogamous relationships are. And that's what I like having in my life. </div> </div>

13 Things Not To Say To Someone Who's Always In A Relationship

1. "How do you spice it up?"  As if it weren't already spicy. When you're in a really, really good relationship, you...

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Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

<h2 style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #5d696f; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.3; margin: 18px 0px;"> Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship?</h2> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s1600/sex+and+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="sex and relationship" border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="592" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s320/sex+and+relationship.jpg" title="sex and relationship" width="320" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once feel like an act of pure connection and pleasure, then seemingly turn into an overwhelming topic that only creates tension, insecurity, rejection and discomfort in your relationship? Many couples suffer from intimacy “issues” and I often hear complaints by my clients in regards to “incompatible sex drives.” This can often lead to arguments, full-blown resentment and even affairs, as the lack of understanding the underlying issues of each other’s sexual needs, desires, and (especially) discomfort and expectations fall to the waist-side.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> My approach to understanding physical intimacy is largely influenced by the emotional security and understanding of each other within the relationship. This doesn’t mean that sex has to become rigid and overly emotional, but it does mean that in order for both parties to feel desire and passion, emotional vulnerability is truly key. Can you trust your partner? Do you feel they really understand you (or want to?) Do you feel the commitment you have to each other is sacred? Do you enjoy your relationship, feel appreciated and acknowledged?</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sexual issues within a relationship are most often a symptom of a deeper problem. Identifying what that may be requires personal reflection, but also involves strengthening your communication and challenging yourself to be open about your own feelings about love, sex, and overall emotions.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> While sex may have felt “easy” and safe in the beginning of your relationship, it may now cause conflict between you and your partner. It may feel like an obligation; it may feel overwhelming or not reciprocated; you may feel rejected, embarrassed or frustrated.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> (Relax… this is quite normal and here’s what you can do about it).</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> First thing’s first. Get clarification!</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Don’t be afraid to ask your partner about sex, even if you feel these are things you <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">should already know. </em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> What does sex represent to them? How do they feel they show love and feel connected to you? How important is sex? How often do they expect it?  What helps create the mood for them? How does it make them feel when sex isn’t fully enjoyable or when it isn’t present in your relationship? How comfortable with sex do they feel they are? How do they view intimacy and is that important to them? What specific things really turn them on?  What are their biggest fantasies? <span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Most importantly, are they feeling connected to you on all other levels of your relationship?</strong></span></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> All of these questions about sex in relationships require trust, honesty, and vulnerability. All of these questions embody truths that outline your partners underlying meaning(s) of your relationship, sex in its entirety, and <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">how they feel about themselves</em> in relation to sex with you. Answering these questions may allow you both to uncover the hidden issues that haven’t been discussed or fully understood, which have been displaced onto the topic of sex in your relationship.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Communicating about sex in relationships is part of strengthening your entire connection and can even positively affect your self-esteem and sex drive. Good sex, along with other elements of your relationship, <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">take effort, patience and emotional vulnerability for both members.</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Sex may feel like a dark cloud hovering over your bed, but once you start understanding the elements that have contributed to it, you may find that it’s an opportunity to really bond with each other, rather than be the percieved cause of disconnection. You may also uncover each other’s perception of sex altogether which can be very helpful when identifying each other’s needs and overall differences that have been fueling the disconnection.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Bottom line, “sex” changes as the relationship changes and it’s important to realize that sex in relationships may have underlying meanings to each person that aren’t easy to address. Best practice is to remember that if sex in your relationship is creating anxiety and frustration, there is a good chance that both partners aren’t feeling secure in their relationship.</div>

Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship? How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once f...

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How to have healthy habits to establish success in your relationship

<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> What is a successful relationship? What does a successful relationship even look like? We may have all wondered these questions at some point in our life.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2jG9iVe5-BMeSIjTRZgUtfLCWihLKxwyJN3Td5TT0Xfhyphenhyphen844Lcrf7tRNVml_0RktrZDe8L0oUNo-NArzhvG3VahGhUhtnVPUfvS_ek6_LjIPRDzf1Qt-4SBohivznsG6V34oGRAiIT8Cg/s1600/success+in+your+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="198" data-original-width="291" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg2jG9iVe5-BMeSIjTRZgUtfLCWihLKxwyJN3Td5TT0Xfhyphenhyphen844Lcrf7tRNVml_0RktrZDe8L0oUNo-NArzhvG3VahGhUhtnVPUfvS_ek6_LjIPRDzf1Qt-4SBohivznsG6V34oGRAiIT8Cg/s1600/success+in+your+relationship.jpg" /></a></div> Often, my clients and I use words such as <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">healthy </em>or <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">successful </i>when describing goals within their treatment. Many of my clients initially start their process with describing their conflicts and frustrations. It’s not uncommon to hear, “The way we argue is unhealthy. We desperately need help <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">communicating </em>so we can have a successful relationship.”</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> A common misconception is learning to communicate more effectively will fix your relational issues. Although my counseling style teaches better communication and listening skills, it is not the <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">only component to creating a successful relationship. </em>Although communication is a key factor in enhancing understanding and facilitating connection within the relationship, it is in my opinion, that communication itself can’t sustain a successful relationship or deepen the connection and intimacy <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">entirely.</em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> So… then, what the heck <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">is a successful relationship </em>and what’s the effective recipe to get there?</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> “A healthy, successful relationship” is an <span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box;">evolution</span> of commitment, self-awareness and vulnerability.</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> Unfortunately, a successful relationship does not have a finish line and it’s more about a deep sense of security rather than a distinguishable accomplishment. It challenges our traditional definitions of “success,” and it begins when two people know and understand themselves (or are consistently open to trying to<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">). </em>The evolution of creating a successful relationship happens when two people push their own boundaries to jeopardize their emotional safety with each other. It happens when both partners really understand themselves to the core of their emotions, needs, behaviors and insecurities. This is the bulk of <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">vulnerability</em>, which inspires natural relational growth and security.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> To be clear, being in a successful relationship does not void you or your partner of struggle, nor does it mean you are an expert communicator at all times. Creating a successful relationship is more about knowing yourself well enough to acknowledge when you’re reacting in a way that is pushing your partner away. It’s forcing yourself to be vulnerable no matter how terrifying it may be. It’s committing to your own self-development just as much as it’s committing loyalty to your partner.</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> It’s knowing when your pride is in overdrive and your defensives are clogging your ability to be honest and authentic to yourself and/or to your partner. It is then, when <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">communication </em>is extremely helpful. When you can articulate your needs and fears in a de-escalated way and ask for what you need, your partner <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">hears you.</em> You cannot effectively communicate (or begin the evolution of creating a successful relationship) if you aren’t attune to yourself or are not aware of your behaviors, intentions and needs. This is why I am suggesting that being a “good communicator” is more than just using <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">I statements </em>and actively listening to each other. Being in a successful relationship requires vulnerability and self-awareness within the communication, which only makes it more effective.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;"> I personally understand how difficult this process can be.</div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> As I have had my share of unhealthy relationship experiences in my past. As I reflect back to my past relationship failures, I can now acknowledge several things that took me years to understand. In those moments, I remember constantly feeling heartbroken, unworthy, insecure and completely insane. I never felt good enough for any of my “boyfriends” and always felt I had to prove or deny something deep within myself. I stumbled around for years just trying to find a partner<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> who wouldn’t leave me.</em> That seemed simple enough…<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> right? </em>I did not realize this at the time, but I was looking for a partner to help me feel secure with myself. This only put a lot pressure on my boyfriends in hopes that they could <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">fix </em>me, help me feel confident and lower my insecurities. Instead,<em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </em>it produced the complete opposite outcome and most cheated on me or were rarely available at the times I needed them the most. This pattern reinforced to me for years, <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">I wasn’t worthy and would never be in a successful relationship.</em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23x3AotoZqorzZvQEbOvThcUU7xaG5qfGiCP6go96_xlOvUjpF_qPIP7QlfAel9sdJgGhGOihIOTguRLZf3XwHglWu5W3gjZfs3zwMYdHJtxwmGmelzS9YzsGEI4Fxo0SdiaW_jGfqfEZ/s1600/a+successful+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="222" data-original-width="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg23x3AotoZqorzZvQEbOvThcUU7xaG5qfGiCP6go96_xlOvUjpF_qPIP7QlfAel9sdJgGhGOihIOTguRLZf3XwHglWu5W3gjZfs3zwMYdHJtxwmGmelzS9YzsGEI4Fxo0SdiaW_jGfqfEZ/s1600/a+successful+relationship.jpg" /></a>One day, I decided I needed to choose to be alone. <em style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </em>A little bitter (at the time I believed I was on the path of relational destruction due to the “lack of good men out there”), I decided that being alone <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">had to be better </em>than dating men that had the tendency to bring out the worst in me. I wrote a list of all the things that I needed and wanted from a relationship. I laughed and then I cried; emotions of hope soon dwindled into sadness as I felt completely torn and discouraged. <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">How would I ever find a relationship like this, did it even exist? </em>Again, not realizing at the time, but I would soon realize that this relationship <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">does exist </em>but it requires a whole lot of work on <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">myself. </em></div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I went to graduate school to become a therapist (who would have thought?) and dug deep within my own process, I attended my own counseling and realized that a crucial part of this puzzle was missing all along.</div> <blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box;">  <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">I had to establish a positive relationship with my own self before I was able to find, create and sustain a healthy relationship with someone else. </span>I had to look in the mirror and take accountability for my inability to process my own emotions and my refusal to be real with myself. I had to take ownership of my pain, insecurities and defenses. I had to accept these [personal] things were a huge contributing factor to my past failed relationships and recognize it wasn’t just because “<span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;">I picked the wrong men.”</span></div> </blockquote> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I was never in a “healthy,” successful relationship until I met my husband. How do I know? Well… Because, when I challenged myself to understand myself better, my self confidence grew and my intention of wanting a relationship shifted significantly. I attracted my husband with genuine qualities verses acts of desperation and insincerity. I was able to soothe myself when I felt uncomfortable, verses relying solely on him to take away my fears and then getting angry with him because he couldn’t. I pushed myself to be vulnerable and took the necessary risks which helped him understand me and prevented me from exploding with resentment as I used to do in the past. This left little to no room for him to have to make his own assumptions of my reactive behavior.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> All of this work I was doing on myself, (and I may add, <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">all of the work he was also doing on himself), </em>made a huge difference in our abilities to get close to each other. It’s a relationship I never knew was possible. We’ve had our ups and definitely had our downs, but what makes our relationship “successful,” is the evolution of committing our lives to each other, as well as ourselves. We now have learned throughout the years how to show up and operate in our most authentic self and we constantly push ourselves to be transparent with each other. We are vulnerable, sometimes emotionally messy, but we are honest and true.</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I would encourage you to reflect on your own behaviors and possible incongruences with your thoughts, actions and emotions. Especially before you are quick to blame your partner or your lack of partners when you’re feeling really misunderstood or alone. Building understanding within yourself is essential to promoting longterm success in your relationship(s). Check your patterns, your beliefs, your insecurities. Check your behaviors and your defenses. Understand what you need and why you need it. Be honest and vulnerable with yourself and it will take you and your relationship in a whole new direction. It’s terrifying, but it’s worth it!</div> <div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;"> I’m here to help! Thanks for reading.</div>

How to have healthy habits to establish success in your relationship

What is a successful relationship? What does a successful relationship even look like? We may have all wondered these questions at some ...

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