9 Biggest Must Dos In Your Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"></span><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9dU07b0dc9oF2PPdrr1D5L9UA1hyphenhyphenLJ9f5jNGVovmIyCI0Ad0xzYcPI171JrEE65ACzfFCxvvD3jJg6MPsf7MqaXBYxTMRuWKl5ZB5X60r12MwGA60WlfP4Ald3GqFjGemGQjDk39vwq4/s1600/coupledating.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9dU07b0dc9oF2PPdrr1D5L9UA1hyphenhyphenLJ9f5jNGVovmIyCI0Ad0xzYcPI171JrEE65ACzfFCxvvD3jJg6MPsf7MqaXBYxTMRuWKl5ZB5X60r12MwGA60WlfP4Ald3GqFjGemGQjDk39vwq4/s640/coupledating.jpeg" width="640" /></a></div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> <br /></div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> Every serious relationship demands a couple of things, without them a relationship will begin or continue to have problems. If you want to ensure a healthy and happy relationship, these things listed below are a must-do to ensure your partner is happy and more in love than ever.</div> <h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 9. EXPRESS</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> We have all heard this and it’s something we all already know but at times even though we know it we often forget the importance. We feel that we have done enough to express our love towards our partner and we start taking it for granted that our partner already knows that we love them. This is where things start to go wrong. Remember, It is never ever enough. You have got to keep on expressing in various ways, every day, to express your love to your partner. May it be a sticky note on the fridge or a kiss on the cheek, a compliment or giving your jacket to her on a cold night or watching his favourite sport with him! Just express in your special little ways.</div> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 8. LISTEN AND BE HEARD</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> Always be there to listen to your partner, whatever they have to say. Relationship is more than going out, having fun and being physical. Meaningful relationships are built on words and moments of silence you’ve spent with each other. Be the first one to ask your partner how there day has been, don’t just ask but listen carefully. Give your advice according to your understanding so your partner notices that you are taking interest. Similarly, share about your day, tell them details so they can be a part of your day as much as you are.</div> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 7. TRUST THEM</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> There is no relationship without trust. Often people find a relationship worth holding on to after various unpleasant experiences and that’s why many a times they have issues in trusting their partner. Learn to push your bad experiences behind you, in the past, where they belong and learn to trust your partner. Don’t get into a relationship unless and until you trust them completely.</div> <h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 6. HELP THEM</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> When people say ‘be there for your partner’, they actually mean that you need to help them! Help them physically, emotionally, mentally and every which way possible. Whether it’s about fixing a chair or fixing your partner’s emotional state, you’ve got to help them because only you have been given that power by your partner. When they say they love you, that means they love every bit of you and everything you do, so be confident when you take a decision to help them in some way. Believe in yourself that you can fix whatever is wrong in their life.</div> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 5. SURPRISE THEM</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> It’s important to have the element of surprise in your relationship. It makes both of you to look forward to spending time with each other. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a new dress or an expensive cologne. It could even be something a lot simpler, like cooking for your partner after they have had a long tiring day.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Drawing a bath with candles and flowers for you and your partner to relax in or it could be as spontaneous as arranging a gaming night for your man and his friends. There are a thousand ways you can surprise your partner, you’ve just got to have that will every once in a while.</div> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 4. APPRECIATE THEM</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> Again, even though you think your partner already knows how much you appreciate them, still do it.<br style="box-sizing: border-box;" />Even if you have said it before, say it differently again. Everyone likes compliments and being appreciated throughout their lives. Have you ever heard of someone saying “I’m done with all the appreciation in my life, I don’t want it anymore!” No!… right? So always tell your partner how much you value the efforts and things they do for you.</div> <h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 3. CHECK WITH THEM WHEN YOU BOTH ARENT TOGETHER</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> One thing I personally love is that after all these months, in fact almost a year, my partner often messages me at work to check how my day was going also if I took lunch, makes my day. Initially I thought this is something that happens in every relationship and after a few months it stops since you both gradually stop practicing it but the fact that she still does it makes me feel loved and cared for. Also, it makes me believe some things never change. Do that with your partner, it matters.</div> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22px;"><h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 2. HAVE A DAILY PRACTICE OF YOUR OWN</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> Make a habit of something. Like I and my partner will never leave the house without a kiss and it’s the first thing we do when either one of us comes home. It’s our little practice and it’s something we take very seriously. Such practices are silent promises of a relationship that mark the continuity and the strength of a relationship. Whether It’s going for a walk every night or watching TV together, make a habit that involves the two of you, together.</div> <h2 style="box-sizing: border-box; color: inherit; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 30px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> 1. REMIND YOURSELF OF HOW LUCKY YOU ARE</h2> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px;"> This is the most important thing that every person should do. At the end of the day when you lie down on the bed, recall every small thing your partner does that many others don’t do in their relationship! Be thankful for those things cause what you have today many don’t.</div> </span></div>

9 Biggest Must Dos In Your Relationship

Every serious relationship demands a couple of things, without them a relationship will begin or continue to have problems. If you wa...

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Six Tips To Save Your Marriage Fro Break-Up

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; color: #666666; float: left; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="http://jadeafrican.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/angry-african-american-couple-400x295.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you feeling hopeless about your relationship with your partner? Do you want to rescue your marriage and to lead a happy life with your partner? If you are having trouble to maintain a good relationship with your wife, then you need to follow these simple yet effective formula to re-establish a good relationship with your wife that can be extended for longer.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. Change Yourself</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If your attempts to change your partner’s behavior have not gone well so far, then it is time that you changed yourself.<br />• It would be better off for you to figure out what you could do to stay loving and good humored with your wife.<br />• You need to let go your ego and behave the way she wants you to. This is one of the easy ways for resurrecting your marriage.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">2. Take Decisions Jointly</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It is better you adopt a policy to reach solutions to problems jointly. If any one of you takes an upper hand in solving the problem, then the other’s ego will be hurt. By jointly discussing a dilema and coming out with a good solution will help you to put away all your differences with your partner.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Spend More Time With Your Partner</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One of the easy ways to recreate those happy moments of marriage once again is to spend quality time with your partner.<br />• There is no harm in smiling, hugging, caressing, being appreciative as well as having more sex with your partner.<br />• The feeling that you care for her and her feelings will drive her to be more loving and passionate to you.<br />• Helping her out in her jobs, agreeing more and praising her at every right opportunity is sure to increase her love towards you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. Do Away With Negativity</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you would like to lead a peaceful and taint free relationship, then it is important for you to throw all the negativity out of the window. All sorts of criticisms, accusations, blames, digs, bad remarks, anger and sarcasms will only take your relationship from bad to worse. If you want to survive in a relationship, then you must make sure that the ratio of good to bad interactions is five to one. Aim higher for extending your relationship life long.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Never Fall For Relationship Destroying Habits</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you are a person who is having an extramarital affair, having drug addictions or is an excessively angry person, then you are not going to sustain your marriage. It is better to get help and to get out of these habits and to lead a happy life with your spouse.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">6. Learn The Skills Of Happy Marriage</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #666666; font-family: Titillium, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 28.7999992370605px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> No one can be a perfect husband or a wife. But, you can reach near perfection by going through a lot of marriage and relationship books as well attend marriage education courses to learn certain skills to develop a healthy partnership with your spouse. You will be able to not just save your marriage, but will also make it to be a highly successful one.</div> </div>

Six Tips To Save Your Marriage Fro Break-Up

Are you feeling hopeless about your relationship with your partner? Do you want to rescue your marriage and to lead a happy life with ...

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7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s640/12.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views on life and how to live it, and when two people get into a relationship they start sharing a life together, and that’s when the fights slowly start to happen. It’s perfectly normal to fight your significant other, but the fights should not get out of hand and should be controlled by one of the two. I’m going to mention some of the most common relationship fights, because these fights can often lead to harsh breakups (I’ve seen them happen and also been through a few). The point of this article is to prepare you guys for the negativities that come with every relationship and I’ll try my best to teach you how to deal with those negativities. Let’s begin.<span id="more-114" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 7. Fights pertaining to money</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> “Money” is one of the strongest evils of the world, we all need it, some of us have a lot of it, some of us don’t have enough to lead a normal life, some of us have more than enough but we still want more. Every person is different in this aspect and money is something that can literally cause a lot of damage to any relationship if it’s not properly dealt with. My ex, for example, always expected me to spend on her even when I didn’t have enough, this made me feel bad about myself and greatly lowered my self-esteem and made me apply for small-time jobs just to make her needs meet. Eventually, I started believing that the relationship was fueled with money, which shouldn’t be the case in any relationship because money is a very temporary luxury, so even though I started earning a lot of money, I left her. I’ve seen even the richest of friends go poor over one stupid decision. The girl I’m with now, who I mentioned in my previous article – “<a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #f53e2a; text-decoration: none;">10 Ways to really make her happy</a>“, is an amazing person. She knows I spend a lot on myself and on her, she keeps asking me to lower my expenses and to save more for our future. It’s not unhealthy to sit and talk about money if it’s going in a positive direction, try and understand what your partner means, try to grasp where they are coming from. Don’t shun the idea of saving. But if it seems like a relationship where money is discussed more than it should be, you’re with the wrong person.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 6. Fights about In-laws</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It is bound to happen at one point. When you find your significant other, you need to be prepared to be okay with their family. The fights happen because you naturally can’t love their family like your own no matter how hard you try, but you still have to keep trying. You can’t be happy with your partner if you don’t respect their family, because your partner expects that from you and they understand that you don’t see eye to eye with them but they will still love you for smiling at the awkward dinners and just being nice around them. My in-laws are a blessing on me because they didn’t make things difficult for me, but I’ve known a few friends who’ve had major fights over this point. A friend of mine chose to just stay quiet in front of his in-laws because he just didn’t like them, I told him that’s not the way but he didn’t listen. Eventually, the inevitable fight happened and it was caused because his girlfriend was sad about him not respecting her family. You have to be very selfless here, look at it through your partner’s eyes and you’ll get it.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 5. Fights caused by jealousy</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Jealousy is another natural element of everyone’s life, it happens and it can easily be controlled, it’s all in your head and the insecurities caused by jealousy can be very fatal for a relationship. We often get jealous of our partners, but it’s okay as long as it’s the sweet sort of jealousy. My girlfriend knows her limits with her friends and she knows I’ll never bound her from anything, so she doesn’t give me a reason to be jealous of anything. One easy way to deal with jealousy is to get a strong grip over your insecurities and to end them. If you’re insecure about yourself, you’ll always be insecure about your relationship which causes jealousy to appear in the mix in a way it really shouldn’t.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 4. Fights about “Nothing”</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This might seem funny to most people in new relationships, but people who’ve been together for a couple of years know what I’m talking about. Fights over “nothing” are very common in couples who know and love each other for too long. These fights are so trivial that both sides have no idea how the fight started in the first place. These fights are caused by other tensions that are left unsolved in the past, these little tensions slowly develop into a fight that leads nowhere and the couple starts being normal with each other after a while. To avoid such fights, make sure you speak your heart out with each other all the time. Don’t think that you shouldn’t tell them something if it’s bothering you just because it would lead to an argument, have that argument to save yourselves from a bigger argument later. Speak your mind, be free.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 3. Fights over bad habits</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> I used to smoke cigarettes, and a lot of them per day. My ex didn’t mind because she herself used to smoke. But my girlfriend now, the amazing woman that she is, doesn’t smoke or do anything of the sort. She told me to stop smoking, not because she didn’t like it, but because she wanted me to be a healthier person. As long as she was clear about it, I had literally no second thoughts about leaving that habit. So we didn’t fight over my bad habit. Fights over bad habits occur when your partner wants you to refrain from something but give little or no reason or justification for it. They need to understand that they need to tell you “why” your bad habit is “bad” for you, just saying something like “stop it because I don’t like it” isn’t a strong enough way to make you leave something. Leaving a bad habit is a very hard process and having an open-minded partner helps by a mile.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 2. Fighting because of friends</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Ah friends, they’re important aren’t they? We all have a very close group of friends who we call our best friends, we listen to them, we help them out, we love them for who they are, we want to spend more and more time with them, but friends are also often the reason for couples to fight. I’ve noticed this more with girls than with guys, because I have a personal example for this. My guy friends are all very cool with my girlfriend, they like her and they hang out with us without asking me to “make her stay out of our guy time”. But one fine day, my girlfriend was pretty upset, because one of her girls told her some very mean lies about me, she didn’t believe what she said but she was just upset over the fact that one of her close friends isn’t okay with me. I tried my best to make her friend like me but I’m not required to so I stopped after a while, a while later my girlfriend discovered that her “close friend” wanted to make her hate me because she was, and I quote, “too tired of seeing us so happy”. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty psychotic, but it happened. So natually, my girlfriend stopped talking to her to avoid any more of said issues. Try not to let your friends get too involved in your relationship, don’t let them judge you for your decisions (true friends never do, anyway) it is bound to cause a lot of problems later.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 1. Fights over the past</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Some people have a harder time letting go of the past than others. Some people linger on to it and want to keep something to themselves for leverage, it shouldn’t be like that because it’s not healthy but that’s how it is. If your significant other musters up the courage and strength to tell you everything about their past, even their most embarrassing of mistakes, please don’t use those things against them in the past. Accept them completely for who they were and for who they are, do NOT linger on to the past.</div> </div>

7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views...

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When To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfRH4xf-vmg1dgjSjueu8VWzsAlP9Bt0mUgRX17cXFFdjK6euE03CV5TiEGgMDz8KNTjCpuZZV5YxHsDhj2o4oZsa5wdBAb-UQy2n2hQfh-lfu5TgUg7DvoDyyKJkXd96zpBPl4gOa_NQ/s1600/African-American-Couple-Arguing-in-Bed-1024x682.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfRH4xf-vmg1dgjSjueu8VWzsAlP9Bt0mUgRX17cXFFdjK6euE03CV5TiEGgMDz8KNTjCpuZZV5YxHsDhj2o4oZsa5wdBAb-UQy2n2hQfh-lfu5TgUg7DvoDyyKJkXd96zpBPl4gOa_NQ/s400/African-American-Couple-Arguing-in-Bed-1024x682.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Not every relationship is meant to last for a life time. YES! That’s true. Not all relations work out. You need to admit this fact. If you feel you are not with the ‘right partner’ you should just get out of that relation without wasting any more of your time.</span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Based on my experiences and learning I have list down signs of bad relationships. If you feel you are experiencing one or more of these, you should know it’s time for you to get out of this bad relationship.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">5. Feeling Worthless:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You are a beautiful person and you should feel like one. If you are in a relation that makes you feel worthless then there is no point to carry on. If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, or love you for the person you are, there is no need to stay with that person. Never, ever settle for less than your worth.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. Lack of Passion:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You don’t have to be just comfortable in your relationship. You should be passionate about your relation. If any of you is not passionate with the other, then your relationship has already ended. There is no point to linger on with a person who doesn’t love you passionately.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. Abusive Relation:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Whether it’s physical abuse, mental torture or emotional abuse, you should not take it. You deserve a partner who can treat you with love, care and respect. Don’t let anyone to degrade you emotionally or hit you physically.</span></div> <h3 class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">2. He Wants You To Change:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You should be loved for the person you are. That is most important thing to realize. If your partner wants you to change as a person then they don’t deserve you. Healthy relations do need compromises and a little change of habits but it doesn’t mean that other person has right to rule your life. Love should be unconditional. If he demands you to transform into a totally new personality, you should know it’s time to get out of this relationship.</span></div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">1. Lame Excuses:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">…..’But we are together for so long’, if that’s the only reason you are staying together, just forget it. Don’t force yourself to be in an unhealthy relation just because you both are together for years. Don’t give yourself lame excuses for staying in that relation. Ask yourself why you want to stay in that relation. If you don’t get a valid answer just break out of it.</span></div> <div class="p4" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">Talk To Me:</b></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">If you are experiencing any of these signs of bad relationship, you should know it’s high time to move on.</span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <ul style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"> <li class="li1" style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: square; padding-bottom: 5px;"><span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Tell us your experiences about having a bad relationship?</span></li> <li class="li1" style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: square; padding-bottom: 5px;"><span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">How did you manage to get out of your bad relationship? Comment below</span></li> </ul> </div>

When To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?

Not every relationship is meant to last for a life time. YES! That’s true. Not all relations work out. You need to admit this fact. If ...

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What Is Dating?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <h1 class="title" id="page-title" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; float: left; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 39px; font-stretch: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 62px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; margin-top: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="404" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjITeoFgMaaKz9pZjXrIObhjLsKRVpUNsV-HkA8zGUiVf0Du8U6mQpx1SUBQWLyZmUuCxsTnD5TEmwRB1MtnhctDCwbrsHnYycYaKs0KDHMP5uSTVtNJlabpITJKxObHkucVubYTrwtAY8/s640/dating+vs+relationship.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="640" /><span style="letter-spacing: -0.05em; text-align: left;">What is Dating?</span></h1> <br /> <div class="block block-system block-main block-system-main odd block-without-title" id="block-system-main" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: Roboto, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: 22px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="block-inner clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <article about="/dating-basics/what-is-dating" class="node node-page node-published node-not-promoted node-not-sticky author-admin odd clearfix" id="node-page-4" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" typeof="foaf:Document"><div class="content clearfix" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field field-name-body field-type-text-with-summary field-label-hidden" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-items" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="field-item even" property="content:encoded" style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespect.org, we </div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> define <span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;">“dating” as two people in an intimate relationship. The relationship may be sexual, but it does not have to be. It may be serious or casual, straight or gay, committed or open, short-term or long-term. The important thing to remember is that dating abuse can occur within all kinds of intimate relationships.</span></div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Types of Dating</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You and your friends may use the word “dating” or you may not. People describe relationships in different ways. Whatever you call it, we want you to understand and feel comfortable with whatever type of relationship you are in. Some of the most commonly used words to describe dating are:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Going out</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Together</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Being with someone</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Seeing each other</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hubby/wifey status</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Just friends</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Friends with benefits</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Hooking up</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Regardless of the label you use, you and your partner should both accept the same definition for your relationship.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> But I’m Not Dating!</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are other types of relationships that might not be considered dating that are just as real and that we can help you with here. Maybe you have a child with somebody, but do not consider yourself to be in a dating relationship with that person. Having a child together could feel like more than just dating, or you might have chosen not to be together anymore; there is no one way that relationships must work.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Another possibility is that you and your partner are married. Of course marriage is different from dating in some ways, but you might be surprised at how similar they really are! What makes a dating relationship healthy or unhealthy usually applies to marriage as well.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> At loveisrespect, we focus on dating but this site is relevant to everyone.</div> <h2 style="border: none; font-family: inherit; font-size: 29.25px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 300; letter-spacing: -0.05em; line-height: 46.8px; margin: 10px 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; text-rendering: optimizelegibility; vertical-align: baseline;"> Who is a Partner?</h2> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Simply put, a dating "partner" refers the person you’re in a relationship with. A healthy partner is:</div> <ul style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 10px 25px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.2em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Respecting</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Trustworthy</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Honest</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Dependable</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 12px 0px 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Supportive</li> </ul> <div style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin-bottom: 10px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you’re in a long-term, committed relationship or looking for casual dating experiences, you can still experience abuse. People who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender or queer/questioning (LGBTQ) can be in abusive relationships too. In fact, studies show that dating violence occurs at the same rates in same-sex relationships as in opposite-sex relationships.</div> </div> </div> </div> </div> </article></div> </div> </div> </div>

What Is Dating?

What is Dating? "Dating" means different things to different people, particularly across generations. At loveisrespe...

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Why Women Cheat (And How To Stop It)

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; color: #222222; float: left; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="http://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/iStock_000006197201XSmall.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Since this blog is concerned with encouraging successful relationships, let’s look at some of the reasons why women cheat on their partners.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #1: She’s Not Being Fulfilled Emotionally</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As I’ve said many times before, the half-life of romantic love is six months to a year. After that point, the initial rush of excitement and passion fades, and relationships begin to settle into a calmer, more intimate level. Unfortunately, it’s extremely easy to fall into a rut; what was new has become common place, or even expected. You’re no longer on your best courting behavior, so you’re not as quick or effusive with the compliments as you used to be. You don’t notice her new hairstyle, or that new dress she’s wearing… one that she bought specifically for you. Now that you’re more relaxed and at ease with the relationship, you allow yourself to be more selfish. You don’t devote as much of your time and attention to her and her interests. You come home from a long day at work or class and all you want to do is play Call of Duty for a couple of hours as you decompress; the last thing you want to do is listen to your girlfriend complain about the office politics or the girl in class she feels is always trying to one-up her. Your days together start to blur; it’s a monotonous repetition of wake up, breakfast, work, dinner, sleep, and the only place you take her is for granted. Your conversations are short and superficial, because your attention is elsewhere… maybe even on that cute girl you always see at the Starbucks as you stop for your morning caffeine hit.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And before you know it, your girlfriend is cozying up with that guy from the office with the dreamy eyes. Why? Well, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em> weren’t meeting her emotional needs… so she went elsewhere to find them.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How To Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Women are emotional creatures; feeling not just loved but <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">desired</em> and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">appreciated </em>is incredibly important, especially in a relationship. Sadly, our society has conditioned them to be deferential towards men, to avoid making men upset or being too demanding or burdensome. As a result, women are far less likely to be upfront about what they need, emotionally. In many cases, they may know they have a need, but be unable to verbalize it, leaving the man confused and the woman frustrated and annoyed.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need to avoid ruts in the relationship. Routine and familiarity can be numbing, which will in turn leads to boredom… and boredom is the death of relationships. You need to add a certain level of impulsiveness and unpredictability to keep the relationship fresh and exciting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> In addition, you need to remember: communication is key. You need to be emotionally honest with her and be willing to engage her own emotional needs. If she feels that she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can’t</em> talk to you about what she needs, if she feels as though that her issues or wants will just be brushed aside or ignored, she’ll start looking for someone who will appreciate her.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #2: The Sex Has Gone Stale</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It used to be that the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. If you had a free moment, the two of you would be headed straight to the nearest horizontal surface. Or the nearest broom closet. Or the bathroom. You used to pull her hair and bite her neck, she used to smack your ass like a pissed off nun; she used to bend like a pretzel and you were the undisputed <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">king</em> of oral. There wasn’t a position in the book you didn’t try and a few that you may have invented. The orgasms were fast, furious and all over the place – in all senses of the word. Sex could last for <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hours.</em> You used to fuck like <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">gods. </em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And now? Seven to eight minutes of missionary, once a month… twice, if you’re lucky. Half of the time, you’ve found that the only way you can get off is by fantasizing about someone else. Hell, there are times that you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actively avoiding</em> sex. You never thought you would, but it’s become so mind-numbingly routine and boring that there are times you’d really much rather just browse RedtTube and jerk off instead.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And then one day you come home an hour early and find your best beloved riding your boss like she’s about to win the Triple Crown.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just as the infatuation of a new relationship fades, the physical passion and desire will ebb and flow. Time, comfort and familiarity can cause desire to recede in any relationship; Billy Bob Thornton once said of Angelina Jolie: “She may be the hottest woman in the world but after enough time, it’s kind of like fucking the couch.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> nce again: routine leads to boredom and boredom is the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">death </em>of relationships… especially boring sex.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Desire will ebb and flow over the years, but if you want to avoid boredom, you have to be an active participant in your sex life. This doesn’t mean moving your hips, by the way. You can’t just expect nothing but a minimum of foreplay followed by a few minutes of missionary or female superior sex to stay interesting for all your life, and just throwing doggie style into the mix isn’t going to cut it either. To start with, change your location. If you’re mostly having sex in the bedroom… get out of bed. Bone on the floor. Bend her over the couch. Fuck in the shower, in the closet… anywhere but the same old, same old.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Don’t underestimate the importance of foreplay; to you it may be what you have to sit through before you get to the good stuff, but to her, it’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">important</em>. The more orgasms you can provide –<em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not </em>just through penetration – the more satisified she will be. The more satisfied she is, the less likely that she’s going to step out on you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> While you’re at it, work on your communication skills. Open communication and honesty is absolutely key here. You both need to be able to open up to each other and be honest; if she feels like the sex is getting boring, and she can’t tell you, then she’s going to find herself more interested in other guys… ones who she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hasn’t</em> been having the same old sex, over and over again. And don’t forget to be willing to talk about what you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actually </em>want. Be willing to explore your fantasies. You may be getting stuck in the sex rut when what you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really </em>want is some Principal and Naughty Student action… and she may want you to tie her up and spank her silly but can’t quite bring herself to admit it to you.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason 3: You’ve Let Yourself Go</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Let’s be honest: when you’re single, you take <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">much</em> better care of yourself than when you’re in a relationship. After all, you’ve gotta compete with all of those other guys out there. You’ve gotta keep your edge! So you watch what you eat, put your time in at the gym. You keep your clothes fresh, stylish and clean, your hair impeccably coiffed and your breath is <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">always </em>minty fresh.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> At least, it <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">used </em>to be. Ever since you and your girl became exclusive… well, you’ve gotten a little more comfortable with her and maaaybe you haven’t been hitting the gym quite as often as you should. A few too many snacks, too many romantic dates to your favorite restaurants instead of staying in and cooking have taken their toll on you. But it’s ok… she loves you anyway, and you don’t need to impress her anymore. And hey, you’re not out on the prowl any more so you don’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> need to throw some product in your hair today, right?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Before you know it, you’re not the guy you used to be. You’ve gone up a couple pants sizes and your wardrobe is more “functional” than “fun”. Your hair’s started to go, you’re spending more time in sweats than in suits and a lot more time on the couch than on the treadmill. But hey, it’s not like she hasn’t loosened up a little too, right?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well, maybe that’ll comfort you when her personal trainer at the gym has been coming for some “extra” sessions, if you know what I mean.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well this one’s simple: maintain some standards. Time and age may make mockery of us all eventually, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t put up a good fight. It’s easy to let things slide when you don’t feel the need to impress her anymore or that you don’t have anything to prove… but that’s going to be the exact reason why she’s out looking at Captain HotBuns instead. Keep up with your exercise, eat healthy and maintain your style. In fact, you may want to get her involved; two can work better than one when it comes to trying to keep each other on a healthy lifestyle.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #4: She’s Bored.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Maybe it’s the sex. Maybe it’s the relationship. Or maybe it’s that you don’t offer her the excitement she craves. Maybe you and she have different cultural appetites; you’re TVs and beer, she’s opera and Cabernet Sauvignon. Maybe when you were both young and single she was the wild party girl and you convinced her that it was time to settle down. It may be that she has intellectual needs that aren’t being met and all of your conversations are focused around the Real Housewives of Orange County.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Or perhaps she feels that things have been stagnant – or worse, degrading – for so long that it’s time for a change. And you have to admit, finally “letting” the cute banker at the gym who’s been chatting her up finally take her out is going to be exciting in ways she hasn’t felt in a long, long time.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m sure you can see this coming, but I’m going to say it again: Communication, communication, communication. If you’re sensing a theme here, then good. Both you and your lady <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">need</em> to have full and open lines of communication. If she’s feeling a lack in her life, or if she’s feeling restrained or held back and she feels as though she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can’t </em>bring it up to you, then you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going</em> to have problems.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And while you’re busy listening attentively to what she’s trying to tell you, you need to mix things up. I’m not saying that you have to live a life of constant spontaneity where every day is an unplanned delight, but you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">should</em> follow the maxim that variety is the spice of life. Engage your intellectual curiosity and make concerted efforts to try new things – or to go back and do older ones you’ve since given up. Settling down doesn’t mean you can’t go out and party; in fact, it should be <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better. </em>Don’t think of her as your girlfriend or wife when you’re making plans to go bar-hopping or clubbing. Think of her as your <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">partner in crime</em>.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #5: You Cheated On <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Her</em></h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you thought you were in love or you just couldn’t resist the call of the new, the fact of the matter is, you strayed. You stepped out on your woman, you got busted, and now she’s doing <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the exact same thing to you</em>. You’d appreciate the irony if it didn’t drive a spear through your heart every time you thought about her with another man.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Congratulations genius… now you know how <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> felt when <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you </em>did it. She may not be cheating on you as revenge, but you’re going to have to face the fact that you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">did</em> give her a “get out of fidelity free” card when she didn’t dump your ass right then and there. Now <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you </em>have a decision to make about how you’re going to respond.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Do I <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really </em>have to spell this one out for you?</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #6: Some People are Just <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Bad</em> at Monogamy</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> She didn’t mean to. It was just a simple friendly dinner with a friend from work when they were out of town closing the sale. But after the third glass of wine his hand was resting on her knee but it was totally harmless, so she just left it there. And yeah, they were snuggled up in the cab back to the hotel. And ok, maybe she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">did</em> go back to his room with him, but it was just for a quick nightcap. One thing lead to another and… well, look, she’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really sorry</em>, ok?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just as she was the last two or three times.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> That you know about.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">care</em> about you. She honestly does. But the fact remains that she is <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not </em>the sort of person who can make and keep a monogamous commitment to someone, even someone she loves. Maybe you thought you could change her. Maybe she honestly thought things would be different this time. But they weren’t, and now you have a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> To be perfectly honest… you can’t. There are people who simply aren’t wired for only sleeping with one person at a time, and trying to force them into that particular mold is akin to trying to nail Jello to a tree. The best thing in those cases is for complete and utter honesty <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">up front</em>. If she – or you, for that matter – are the sort of person who honestly <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em> good at monogamy, she has the obligation to her partners to inform them <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">at the beginning.</em>.. and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em> have the obligation to listen and take her seriously. You also have to be honest with <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">yourself</em> on the matter of whether you can handle an open or semi-open relationship. You can’t go into a relationship thinking that her attitude or beliefs are just a phase that either she will grow out of or that you can persuade her to drop. You won’t be the first person to try to change her… and with that attitude, you certainly won’t be the last.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> With some women, an open relationship is part of the price of entry. She will love you with all of her heart, and she will always come back to you at the end of the day, but there <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">will</em> be other men in her life – physically, if not emotionally – and you have to be able to handle that if you want to be with her. Otherwise the best thing you can do for the both of you is to end things quickly and cleanly and find someone new.</div> </div>

Why Women Cheat (And How To Stop It)

Since this blog is concerned with encouraging successful relationships, let’s look at some of the reasons why women cheat on their par...

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When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S-300x199.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Fotolia_39989248_S.jpg 850w" width="640" /></div> <div class="social-share-container"> <h3> I once heard a client say with great pride that she has always been “honest” in her relationships.  She told people how she felt about them and situations at hand.  For her it was inauthentic or “fake” not to be this way.  I validated that this has been her belief system, likely learned at some time, then moved to how it might have made others feel to be on the receiving end of her honesty.  This generated a pause…</h3> </div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">“Well, I have never really had a filter…”  After another pause she was able to look at the possibility that her honesty has caused some pain for those around her.  She was able to question whether this style had ultimately served her and how learning to edit might improve her relationships.<br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> <em>“Words are powerful.  Be careful how you use them because once you have pronounced them, you cannot remove the scar they leave behind.”  </em></div> <div style="text-align: center;"> – Vashti Quiroz-Vega</div> Honesty and open communication in relationships are strengths and couples that engage this way have a better chance of avoiding the build up of resentment as well as solidifying their very foundation as emotional safety with each other is reinforced. Even topics producing anger are better off handled openly.  A study by James McNulty, PhD looked at the positive effects of expressing anger around important issues in relationships.  This is quite the opposite of the common practice of sweeping problems under the rug (not a healthy relationship choice).  Couples with strong interaction and self-soothing skills to contain reactivity can benefit from this type of honesty.<br /> Honesty that doesn’t work so well are feelings expressed as criticism or contempt.  Regardless of how you feel about a situation it serves the relationship well to shape your language in a way that is most likely to be received and not elicit a defensive reaction. But when anger is involved it can be challenging to manage your reaction to allow for a more productive response.  If you’ve often engaged with people in an unfiltered way, there have surely been consequences along the way.<br /> Having disagreements and yes, arguments, are often part of the couple dynamic.  It doesn’t mean there’s necessarily anything wrong with your relationship but if you navigate the blips efficiently, your relationship can thrive as you both learn through experience that you can work things out, together.  If communication and self-soothing are skills that you and your partner struggle with, consider educating yourself around these topics to be better prepared to practice the healthy and loving kind of honesty.<br /> So toss out, <em>“I’m just being honest”</em> from your vocabulary because if you have responded that way, you’ve probably said something that hurt your mate and you feel the need to defend, which is never productive.  Find a more loving and compassionate way to relay the message and be prepared for the chance that your partner will still react with anger.<br /> Part of being human is that sometimes we piss each other off.  How we work through that is what counts.</section></div>

When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships

When Honesty is Not the Best Policy in Relationships I once heard a client say with great pride that she has always been “honest” i...

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Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s1600/download+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s320/download+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <figure class="entry-thumbnail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; max-width: 1030px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></figure><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.5rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that now is your time to build your own life and not worry about things like settling down and having children — especially if you’re a female entrepreneur?</h2> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It makes sense, right? This is the only time in your life when you have no ties, no mortgage, no kids to support. This is the only time you can really do something ambitious, if you’re being practical.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let’s face it, you’re not ready anyway. You’re busy building your company, figuring out who you are, what you want.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And everyone around you agrees. Everyone!<br /> Now is the time to live ! (By which you mean building the next change-the-world company, of course.) You’ve moved to New York. Or San Francisco. Or Palo Alto. Or Boston. With the express purpose of building something.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a noble cause. There is nothing more professionally satisfying as building something. Something you love. Something you can “get behind.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But…<br /> There was this girl. This guy.<br /> Eh, fuck it. You’re busy. You have more important things to do. Changing the world is a full-time job and if you don’t do it now, when will you?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s the thing: I know you. You’re probably one of the many people I’ve mentored or hired. On multiple occasions, you’ve explained to me (as if I were your batty old aunt, but I’m not taking it personally) that you have no time to get to know anyone because you’re busy doing your work.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a complete fallacy. Work and relationships are not incompatible. (Ask Mark Zuckerberg.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’ll wager that there is something about big transient cities that distorts everyone’s sense of time. You become convinced that you have time for everything you find challenging, that your ultimate horizon is infinite. This is only the beginning for you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But you don’t know how much time you have. And even if things go well for you, your time is finite. You can’t figure out your professional life now and your personal life later. (Unless you’re the rare thirteen-year-old entrepreneur, in which case, I might demur.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And here is why: As with coding and management and matters of finance and marketing, relationships have a learning curve. You learn the basics of “relationshiptiva” (note to copyed: yes, I made up that word): How to deal with sexual etiquette, mundane everyday things, scheduling, and appropriate meetings with close friends, and some equitable plan for who’s supposed to pay for dinner or wash the dishesthis time. These are basics. And if you’re learning them in your thirties, it’s going to be much harder.<br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because in a few years, however young you think yourself (how old is thirty, really?), you will be approaching midlife and you won’t be as adaptable as you once were. There are reasons for this, many of which are biological. Your body won’t respond the same way. You’ll have knee problems that didn’t exist when you were running sophomore track. You can’t stay out till 4:00 a.m. anymore, because now the same alcohol intake has somehow resulted in a hangover that’s a multiple of what it once was — and you will never ever have appreciated a nice soft pillow more. And if you think you can fend these things off with diet and exercise, you should probably buy a good solid book on the aging process or find a professional athlete over the age of thirty to talk to. They will speak of massage therapists and bone density and necessary nutritional supplements. You can mitigate these things, but you can’t entirely avoid them.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But that is not the point. The point is that thirty (or thirty-two, or thirty-five) is not the age when you want to be practicing serious relationships for the first time. Because learning how to develop a meaningful, sustainable relationship and keep it healthy takes some extended practice. You have to get beyond the basics  - the sexual negotiations and the decisions about whose clothes go where and how to talk about exes. You have to figure out how to fight well, how to negotiate major value conflicts (if you can — some are impossible), and how to deal with the inevitabilities that come your way.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And those inevitabilities are myriad: At some point, you and your partner will go through a period of disillusionment when someone else turns your head or your partner’s. Maybe you have an affair, maybe you don’t. At some point, one of you will have significantly more career success than the other. This will become a point of tension. As will the disparity in income that usually accompanies it. At some point, you will disagree on how to raise your child and you will each wield the child as the ultimate weapon in a battle of wills. (I’m just doing what’s best for our child!) And at some point, one of you will have a major life issue that costs you everything or close (cancer, financial ruin, miscellaneous crisis), and the other person will have to decide to commit to or not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. And if you do decide to spend a life with someone, you have to decide that you are willing to face all of these things and acknowledge that some of them could happen sooner than you expect.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are too important to learn how to face those issues at the last minute. You have to go through a few of them to know how to properly conduct one. You have to fail. You have to date a few terrible people. You have to be the asshole yourself sometimes. You have to learn how not to be the asshole. You have to spend tons of time together — so much time that sometimes you feel indistinguishable from each other and you find that both reassuring and disturbing. You have to have a vicious fight and know it’s not ending you and that you’re going to have to work to repair it and that the effort is worthwhile. These things take time.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not suggesting, mind you, that you settle down in your twenties. I don’t envision you in a ranch home in the suburbs at twenty-six, feeding your toddlers Cheerios and pureed organic carrots and carting them to and from soccer practice in the family.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m just saying that it’s worth it to look at your romantic relationships nakedly. (Metaphorically, not literally. Unless that’s your thing — in which case, contemplate in the nude as much as you want.) Work at a relationship the way you work at your work. Spend the time. Make the effort.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need the practice. You need to learn. Some of you can wait another ten or twenty years to do that. And some of you may be the rare bachelors and bachelorettes who have no intention of ever being in a serious committed relationship ever. But not most of you, especially if you’re envisioning a spouse and kids sometime before you can start collecting social security. You need time — and lots of it.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And you need to remember that work is not everything. I met my fiancé at work, which is not a way that Detached Professional Me would ever advise anyone to go about meeting people. Under the circumstances, we had to decide fairly quickly whether we were willing to get fired.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> What was more important: the job or the relationship? We picked the latter. Fortunately, nobody got fired. But if I had been sent packing, I wouldn't regret it. Jobs are replaceable. People you truly love are not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I think it’s fair to say — with no scientific evidence — that deathbed wishes rarely include, “If only I had put another twenty hours a week in at the office! That slightly cleaner product release would have made all the difference.” But that guy, that girl? You might regret that.</div> <br /> <a name='more'></a></div>

Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that...

Read more »

Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s1600/download+%25282%2529.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="275" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhPjDXRbaEKBzaskXNrWxsunaijtk3DnCCJ3tq3rZ_vJIdQfbSy1_Lu-FscQGwobLZeFKij1wW-s_TlNwwJIaXxoZHH85yB4WNcUEg-0TRil_BHVYjwkqgdxt0MZhVCcHt0bQqQgdccSvw/s320/download+%25282%2529.jpg" width="320" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <figure class="entry-thumbnail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; max-width: 1030px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></figure><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.5rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that now is your time to build your own life and not worry about things like settling down and having children — especially if you’re a female entrepreneur?</h2> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It makes sense, right? This is the only time in your life when you have no ties, no mortgage, no kids to support. This is the only time you can really do something ambitious, if you’re being practical.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let’s face it, you’re not ready anyway. You’re busy building your company, figuring out who you are, what you want.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And everyone around you agrees. Everyone!<br /> Now is the time to live ! (By which you mean building the next change-the-world company, of course.) You’ve moved to New York. Or San Francisco. Or Palo Alto. Or Boston. With the express purpose of building something.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a noble cause. There is nothing more professionally satisfying as building something. Something you love. Something you can “get behind.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But…<br /> There was this girl. This guy.<br /> Eh, fuck it. You’re busy. You have more important things to do. Changing the world is a full-time job and if you don’t do it now, when will you?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s the thing: I know you. You’re probably one of the many people I’ve mentored or hired. On multiple occasions, you’ve explained to me (as if I were your batty old aunt, but I’m not taking it personally) that you have no time to get to know anyone because you’re busy doing your work.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is a complete fallacy. Work and relationships are not incompatible. (Ask Mark Zuckerberg.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’ll wager that there is something about big transient cities that distorts everyone’s sense of time. You become convinced that you have time for everything you find challenging, that your ultimate horizon is infinite. This is only the beginning for you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But you don’t know how much time you have. And even if things go well for you, your time is finite. You can’t figure out your professional life now and your personal life later. (Unless you’re the rare thirteen-year-old entrepreneur, in which case, I might demur.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And here is why: As with coding and management and matters of finance and marketing, relationships have a learning curve. You learn the basics of “relationshiptiva” (note to copyed: yes, I made up that word): How to deal with sexual etiquette, mundane everyday things, scheduling, and appropriate meetings with close friends, and some equitable plan for who’s supposed to pay for dinner or wash the dishesthis time. These are basics. And if you’re learning them in your thirties, it’s going to be much harder.<br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Because in a few years, however young you think yourself (how old is thirty, really?), you will be approaching midlife and you won’t be as adaptable as you once were. There are reasons for this, many of which are biological. Your body won’t respond the same way. You’ll have knee problems that didn’t exist when you were running sophomore track. You can’t stay out till 4:00 a.m. anymore, because now the same alcohol intake has somehow resulted in a hangover that’s a multiple of what it once was — and you will never ever have appreciated a nice soft pillow more. And if you think you can fend these things off with diet and exercise, you should probably buy a good solid book on the aging process or find a professional athlete over the age of thirty to talk to. They will speak of massage therapists and bone density and necessary nutritional supplements. You can mitigate these things, but you can’t entirely avoid them.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> But that is not the point. The point is that thirty (or thirty-two, or thirty-five) is not the age when you want to be practicing serious relationships for the first time. Because learning how to develop a meaningful, sustainable relationship and keep it healthy takes some extended practice. You have to get beyond the basics  - the sexual negotiations and the decisions about whose clothes go where and how to talk about exes. You have to figure out how to fight well, how to negotiate major value conflicts (if you can — some are impossible), and how to deal with the inevitabilities that come your way.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And those inevitabilities are myriad: At some point, you and your partner will go through a period of disillusionment when someone else turns your head or your partner’s. Maybe you have an affair, maybe you don’t. At some point, one of you will have significantly more career success than the other. This will become a point of tension. As will the disparity in income that usually accompanies it. At some point, you will disagree on how to raise your child and you will each wield the child as the ultimate weapon in a battle of wills. (I’m just doing what’s best for our child!) And at some point, one of you will have a major life issue that costs you everything or close (cancer, financial ruin, miscellaneous crisis), and the other person will have to decide to commit to or not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s not a question of whether each of these things will happen; it’s a question of when. And if you do decide to spend a life with someone, you have to decide that you are willing to face all of these things and acknowledge that some of them could happen sooner than you expect.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are too important to learn how to face those issues at the last minute. You have to go through a few of them to know how to properly conduct one. You have to fail. You have to date a few terrible people. You have to be the asshole yourself sometimes. You have to learn how not to be the asshole. You have to spend tons of time together — so much time that sometimes you feel indistinguishable from each other and you find that both reassuring and disturbing. You have to have a vicious fight and know it’s not ending you and that you’re going to have to work to repair it and that the effort is worthwhile. These things take time.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m not suggesting, mind you, that you settle down in your twenties. I don’t envision you in a ranch home in the suburbs at twenty-six, feeding your toddlers Cheerios and pureed organic carrots and carting them to and from soccer practice in the family.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m just saying that it’s worth it to look at your romantic relationships nakedly. (Metaphorically, not literally. Unless that’s your thing — in which case, contemplate in the nude as much as you want.) Work at a relationship the way you work at your work. Spend the time. Make the effort.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need the practice. You need to learn. Some of you can wait another ten or twenty years to do that. And some of you may be the rare bachelors and bachelorettes who have no intention of ever being in a serious committed relationship ever. But not most of you, especially if you’re envisioning a spouse and kids sometime before you can start collecting social security. You need time — and lots of it.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And you need to remember that work is not everything. I met my fiancé at work, which is not a way that Detached Professional Me would ever advise anyone to go about meeting people. Under the circumstances, we had to decide fairly quickly whether we were willing to get fired.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> What was more important: the job or the relationship? We picked the latter. Fortunately, nobody got fired. But if I had been sent packing, I wouldn't regret it. Jobs are replaceable. People you truly love are not.</div> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I think it’s fair to say — with no scientific evidence — that deathbed wishes rarely include, “If only I had put another twenty hours a week in at the office! That slightly cleaner product release would have made all the difference.” But that guy, that girl? You might regret that.</div> <br /> <a name='more'></a></div>

Why You Cannot Afford To Push Relationships Into The Future

Are you in your twenties? Are you an entrepreneur? Have you been told by your friends, your advisors, and your professional peers that...

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