22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years

<div style="text-align: left;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkO2hzsMGQbJNfWEn1-EovYtW35brPEWKVrAIN0nMcVsAoU4YfoshR_u530IJTuPur6g2rPhKFzU4UWybk8pEqF_ZH-Pjj9lNlhZaeQxELiA0Dam5O7mm89ZBM4fKeJKeD7QCej9JusPo/s1600/22+things+i%2527ve+learned+in+22+years.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" this year has made me realise that I have a whole lot of learning to do but also that I 22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkO2hzsMGQbJNfWEn1-EovYtW35brPEWKVrAIN0nMcVsAoU4YfoshR_u530IJTuPur6g2rPhKFzU4UWybk8pEqF_ZH-Pjj9lNlhZaeQxELiA0Dam5O7mm89ZBM4fKeJKeD7QCej9JusPo/s1600/22+things+i%2527ve+learned+in+22+years.png" title="22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years" width="336" /></a></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Turning 22 this year has made me realise that I have a whole lot of learning to do but also that I've learnt so many lessons in my life so far. I've made plenty of mistakes and I've learnt from them. I've trusted the wrong people and gotten hurt because of it. I've started making the right decisions for myself and putting myself first. I definitely don't have it all figured out yet but I've learned some valuable life lessons in my 22 years.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>1. Its' 100% ok to not have your life figured out in your early 20s</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Your 20s are for discovering who you are and the things that make you happiest. Don't get stressed about not having a perfect relationship, perfect job and life in your 20s. You'll figure it out someday, but this is your time for learning.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>2. You're definitely not going to be married with kids by the time you're 24</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You have to laugh at all those times in primary school when you're teacher would ask you what age you wanted to get married at and the majority of your class said 24 or 25. Yep, that's not going to happen. Maybe for some people it does but 24 comes around a lot quicker than you'd expect! 34 is probably a much more accurate estimate for it.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>3. You're going to let the wrong people into your life</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">This is a given. The important thing is to learn not to let those types of people into your life again. These people will hurt you, take advantage of you and not value the amazing things about you. The wrong people will lead you to the right people.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>4. Never feel guilty for putting yourself first</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you're a people pleaser like me, you'll know that it's hard to put yourself first instead of doing everything for others. Never feel guilty for not wanting to do something or deciding that something isn't right for you. You don't always have to make decisions based on how it will effect others. It's so important to put your own happiness first at times.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>5. You'll learn how to say no</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you're someone who finds it hard to say no to things incase you complicate plans for someone else or don't want to put someone else out of their way, you'll learn that it's so necessary sometimes to say no to things that you don't want to do and not feel guilty about it. It's great to say yes to opportunities but it's also completely ok to say no to things you really don't want to do.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>6. You'll fall in love with the wrong people and have your heart badly broken</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You're going to fall for some jerks, no questions asked. You're going to fall for a guy who tells you he loves you but really couldn't give a crap about you. You're going to get badly hurt but you're also going to get through it and learn to never let the same horrible people hurt you again like that.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>7. You'll learn to stay away from those types of people</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You learn from your mistakes, simple as that. You learn to stay away from shitty people and you'll not let anyone hurt you like that again. You'll rise above it and be stronger than before.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>8. You'll lose friends who don't agree with your choices, and that's ok</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You don't exist to please other people. You're not here to make other people happy and conform to what others think you should be. Don't change yourself because someone doesn't agree with your decisions. Be you and if a friend is unable to accept that you're different to them then maybe they're not a friend after all. Your real friends will stick by you no matter what so only focus your time and energy on them.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>9. A lot of people are out for themselves</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Trust is something you'll learn to give sparingly and cautiously to people. A lot of people don't care about others wellbeing and will do what it takes to succeed. Be wary of people that you think aren't 100% genuine because in most cases, they're not.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>10. It's so so so important to do the things you love on a daily basis</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Your happiness and mental health comes from the things you love. If you do the things you love daily, your happiness will improve so much. Make time everyday to work on that thing that gives you happiness. It's very important to look after your mental health in your 20s.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>11. Don't stress about things that are out of your control</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you can't change it or control it, let it go. If it's out of control, release it from your life and forget all about it. Don't dwell on it and erase it from you mind.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>12. Don't try and make peace with a guy who screwed you over</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Forgive if you can and forget that a**hole immediately. Don't stay friends with someone who didn't respect you or treat you like the amazing person you are. Let them get on with their life and be glad that you escaped that mess.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>13. Casual dating is good to discover what type of person you want to be with</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The more you date people, the more you'll find out what you're attracted to and what type of person you get on best with. Go on dates for fun and enjoy every experience you have with people. Don't be afraid to go on a few dates with different people to find out what your 'type' is.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>14. One of the worst things you can do is compare yourself and your journey to others</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Social media is fake. People post highlight reels of their lives and we can't help but compare how crap our lives seem to theirs. It's great for people to be proud of their accomplishments but not when it seems all too good to be true. Unfollow that person who constantly posts about how amazing their life is. It's having a negative effect on your mind and putting you in reverse rather than making you motivated. I advise to not follow anyone, but instead walk alongside the real ones.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>15. Travel while you have the money and time to do so</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Don't be scared to invest money in yourself by travelling and seeing the world and gaining amazing life experiences. There's no rush to have a house, mortgage, car etc. in your early twenties so make the most of this valuable time and see as much of the world as possible.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>16. It's OK to try things and quit them if you realise they're not for you</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you got a new job and realised that it was the complete wrong thing for you, don't feel guilty about quitting to find the job that is right for you. If you take up a new hobby that you're not actually keen on, don't feel like failure for not continuing with it. Try as many things as possible until you find the things that make you happy.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>17. Put yourself in new situations and try as many new things as possible, even if it's nerve wrecking</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You'll grow so much as a person by putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Do the things that scare you the most. Take risks. Tick off all of the things on your list of things you've wanted to try. You'll thank yourself for pushing yourself to do new things.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>18. Remind yourself that things will get better</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Even if it seems like they won't, things will get better. In the darkest of days when you're finding it a struggle to keep going, just remember that this is temporary and amazing things are coming when you make the choices to do so. The pain and suffering is tough but you will get through this and you'll be so much stronger for it.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>19. Don't apologise for being you</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Don't change for someone else just because they don't like something about you or don't agree with your choices. As long as you're not hurting anyone and are happy then don't apologise for doing things that you want to do. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 29px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b></b></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>20. Don't rush into relationships and enjoy being single</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">People who constantly need to be in relationships are usually lacking in something big in their own lives. If you can't go six months being single then you need to seriously look at what your missing in your own life and why you can't cope on your own. Never rely on someone else for happiness and you should be able to be 100% as a single person on your own without needing anyone else. You need to be able to love yourself before you can love someone else.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>21. If you have a gut feeling that something isn't right, then don't do it</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Always follow your gut. If you have a bad feeling about something, then  you shouldn't go for it. Don't hope for the best if you know somethings not right. Assess every situation and make sure that it won't negatively effect your life.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 21px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>22. Never ever give up on the things that make you the most happy</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The one strength you have that will get you through the toughest of times are the things that make you genuinely happy. Whether it's playing an instrument, sport, cooking, dancing, writing, or anything that takes away your stress and pain, never give that thing up because it's what will get you through the toughest situations in life.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: center;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Pin it for later:</span></div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBqEeo3Z3GwzvrUSFfMICLze0DMkJtq7XMUwkv_FX68pwV_4R9YcKXEwldvB7PZO2nbUsxvfPYmam62Xv7lG6kO6jzYcJqEriVs4wCj1S63SlAjimXlADnYOMsnj0o7ctB4aXBgQUhtmM/s1600/22+things+i%2527ve+learned+in+22+years.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt=" this year has made me realise that I have a whole lot of learning to do but also that I 22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBqEeo3Z3GwzvrUSFfMICLze0DMkJtq7XMUwkv_FX68pwV_4R9YcKXEwldvB7PZO2nbUsxvfPYmam62Xv7lG6kO6jzYcJqEriVs4wCj1S63SlAjimXlADnYOMsnj0o7ctB4aXBgQUhtmM/s1600/22+things+i%2527ve+learned+in+22+years.png" title="22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years" width="210" /></a></div> </div>

22 Things I've Learned In 22 Years

Turning 22 this year has made me realise that I have a whole lot of learning to do but also that I've learnt so many lessons in my...

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17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> 17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_53954545_S-750x500.jpg" width="640" /></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how children view themselves and their place in the world.  Parents, no matter how old your child (or adult child), it’s never too late to help them integrate these lessons.</strong></div> Our children grow up so fast.  Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them for everything they’ll encounter.  Angel and I talk to course students and coaching clients on a regular basis – mothers and fathers alike – who share these sentiments.  They worry about their children.  They wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point.  And Angel and I totally get it too.  Oftentimes we feel the same way.  We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we discuss it frequently, just like most parents.<br /> In fact, from what we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their children is more important to most parents than just about anything else – health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, income and political affiliation.  So the reality is, to a great extent, we all collectively care about our children.   And that’s a really beautiful thing when you think about it.<br /> Anyway, I awoke this morning thinking about all of this – especially the miraculous, life-changing responsibility of parenthood – and two related thoughts immediately crossed my mind:<br /> <ul> <li>Whoa!  Time flies.  How in the world did Angel and I suddenly become parents to a little boy that’s running all over the place and asking questions about everything under the sun?</li> <li>There are so many important truths I want to share with Mac… as soon as feasibly possible.</li> </ul> So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents…<span id="more-4358"></span><br /> Here are 20 simple yet powerful truths you can add to your daily conversations with your child that will gradually change how they think about themselves and their place in the world, and ultimately transform how they live their life.  Please remember, also, that it’s never too late to discuss these truths – in most cases they are equally relevant to youngsters, adolescents, and adult children alike.<br /> <ol> <li><strong>Learning how to think is far more useful than learning what to think.</strong> – A big part of your life is a direct result of the decisions you make; if you don’t like your life for some reason, it’s time to start making changes and better decisions.  And the same is true for all of us, including our children.  It’s crucial that our children gradually grow to understand that THEY must learn to make good decisions for themselves, without us.  Parents can only guide by example and put their offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s character and life story lies in their own hands.  You can walk beside your child most of the time, but not in their shoes.  And someday, when you’re not around, they’ll come to a fork in the road that forces them to think for themselves.  Which is why it’s important to teach your child how to think, not what to think.  (The remaining points in this article will help you do just that.)</li> <li><strong>Everything is hard before it’s easy, and we get stronger as we go.</strong> – One of the best things you can do for your child as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, all<img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-10408" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S.jpg 849w" width="300" />ow them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and learn from life firsthand – allow them to be better people, allow them to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves.  Journeying through life on your own two feet is a learning process – you become stronger as you go.  It’s like a little girl who struggles to find her way home from school without her parent’s help – doing it the first few times is daunting and scary, but in the long run she’s safer and better off having learned the way.</li> <li><strong>The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.</strong> – When we are really young our expectations are few, but as we age our expectations tend to balloon with each passing year.  The key is to help your child understand that tempering unrealistic expectations of how something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and frustration.  With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t exactly the way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to.  This isn’t a bad thing – it makes life interesting, if we’re willing to see it that way.</li> <li><strong>Worry is the cruelest enemy of personal growth.</strong> – Worrying does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing absolutely nothing at all.  When you spend time worrying, you’re simply using your imagination to create things you don’t want.  And, as every child knows deep down, there are much better ways to use an imagination.  Do your best to remind them of this.</li> <li><strong>Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.</strong> – If you want to be effective in life, you can’t base your attitude on how things are.  Instead, you have to choose your attitude so it supports and expresses the way you wish to be.  It’s not about expecting the best to always happen, but instead accepting whatever happens and then making the very best of it.  Truly, most of our long-tern frustration and stress comes from the way we respond and react to circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.  Learn to adjust your attitude, and all that extra frustration and stress is gone.  Practice this in your own life, so your child can witness the results firsthand.</li> <li><strong>Reflecting on what we’re grateful for makes us happier and healthier.</strong> – In <em>1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently,</em> Angel and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude journal.  And the really good news is it works for children too.  In one celebrated example, Dr. Robert Emmons, of UC Davis, asked teenage students to keep a gratitude journal – over ten weeks, the young undergrads listed five things that had happened in the past week which they were grateful for.  The results were astoundingly powerful – the students who kept the gratitude journal were up to 25% happier, more optimistic about their future, and got sick less often during the controlled study.  They even got more exercise than usual.  The bottom line is that children who keep a gratitude journal are statistically happier, more optimistic, and healthier.  As soon as your child is old enough, help them start one.</li> <li><strong>The lifelong pursuit of happiness is about finding meaning.</strong> – Pursuing happiness is not <img alt="" class="alignright size-full wp-image-9811" height="266" sizes="(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg 400w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-350x234.jpg 350w" width="400" />at all the same as feeling happy, which is a fleeting emotion dependent on momentary circumstances.  This is something that tends to confuse us when we’re young.  Happy moments feel great and are often fun-filled – if the sun is shining, by all means we should bask in it.  But happy moments always pass, because time passes.  The lifelong pursuit of happiness, on the other hand, is far more elusive; it’s not based on a particular momentary circumstance.  What you are really pursuing is meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your “why” has significance, you are living your life on your own terms, which makes the inevitable obstacles that arise on your path that much easier and more fulfilling to overcome.  In essence, you are putting forth effort and pushing forward because doing so brings meaning into your life.  (Do your best to help your child find their “why,” and let them know that it’s OK if it changes over time.)</li> <li><strong>The right journey is the destination.</strong> – The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in actually achieving something you want, but in seeking it.  It’s the journey towards an endless horizon that matters – goals that move forward with you as you chase them.  It’s all about meaningful pursuits – the “moving” – and what you learn along the way.  Truly, the most important reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in between.  In between is where passions are realized, love is found, strength is gained, and memories are made.  You can’t get any of that without firsthand living.  In other words, the right journey is the destination.  Remember this truth, live by it… set an example for your child.</li> <li><strong>The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want.</strong> – “Don’t think about eating that chocolate donut!”  What are you thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate donut, right?  When we focus on not doing something, we end up thinking more about it.  The same philosophy holds true in all walks of life, regardless of our age.  By persistently trying to move away from what we don’t want, we are inadvertently forced to think about it so much that we end up carrying it’s weight along with us.  But if we instead choose to focus our energy on moving toward something we DO want, we naturally leave the negative weight behind as we move forward with our lives.</li> <li><strong>Actions always speak 100% louder than words.</strong> – Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but they have never failed to imitate them.  Keep this in mind.  Let your children watch you set an example every day in all that you do, and then reinforce your actions with verbal guidance.  Ultimately, all of us – young and old alike – need to remember that what we really want in life comes from what we really do in life.</li> <li><strong>The willingness to do hard things opens significant doors of opportunity.</strong> – One of the most important abilities you can help a child develop in life is being OK with some level of discomfort.  Because the best things are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and discomfort, you’ll miss out on them.  Mastering a new skill is hard.  Building a business is hard.  Writing a book is hard.  A marriage is hard.  Parenting is hard.  Staying in shape is hard.  All are amazing and worth every bit of effort you can muster.  If you get good at doing hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.</li> <li><strong>Uncertainty is inevitable and must be embraced to achieve anything worthwhile.</strong> – When we act with some level of uncertainty, this uncertainty often chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.  Thus, learning to embrace uncertainty relatively early in life is a must.  Because if we need to know exactly how every little thing will turn out, we’ll avoid many life-changing projects, career moves, relationships, etc.  Starting a business, for example, could be a very worthwhile thing to do, but if you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it.  Continually cowering in the face of uncertainty like this means you will never know anything for sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out your hunch was wrong.  For if you were wrong, you could make adjustments and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering what might have been.</li> <li><strong>Lack of effort holds more people back than intelligence ever could.</strong> – It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world progress without putting forth diligent effort.  There’s a huge difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  Knowledge and intelligence are both useless to a person who’s unwilling to put in the effort and take action.  Remember this, and do your best to praise your child for their effort, not their intelligence.  When you praise your child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something they CAN control – the amount of time and energy they put into their work.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, and that progress through hard work is possible.  They come to see themselves as “in control” of their success in life.  Conversely, emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s control, and it provides no good formula for responding to failure.  In turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always going to be a missing element for them, and thus disregard the importance of their effort to learn and grow.</li> <li><strong>Not everything will go as planned, but we can still be prepared.</strong> – For every youngster that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens of others who start strong and get derailed.  Help your child understand that if this happens to them, it isn’t a bad thing.  Unexpected obstacles may come along to shift their perspective, to strengthen their resolve, or to change their direction for the better.  And the destination they fall in love with someday may not even exist now.  For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths of working at Facebook and Snapchat didn’t exist.  Neither did the job of professional coach and writer at Marc and Angel Hack Life.  So if a child can’t plan out their future in its entirety, what should they do?  Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what they can do now that will benefit them no matter what the future brings.  Read inspiring books.  Write.  Learn and practice useful skills.  Build things.  Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences.  Help people.  Cultivate healthy relationships.  These efforts will assist in any future circumstances that come their way.</li> <li><strong>Incredible distance can be covered over time with tiny steps.</strong> – Most people fritter their free time away on things that don’t matter, like TV, video games, social media, etc.  A year of that and you have absolutely zero to show for it.  But if you painted every day, or practiced your web design skills, or wrot<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-10647 alignleft" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" />e on a blog, or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built something interesting.  And you’ll have some great life experiences too – experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned this,” which, sadly, many people can’t do.  Also, it’s important to mention that although it may seem easier for younger people to do these things, it’s 100% possible for all of us to take tiny steps in the right direction, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives.</li> <li><strong>Goals don’t make positive changes happen, rituals do.</strong> – What’s the difference between goals and rituals?  As a parent, your goal is to be a great role model, while your ritual is the time and energy you commit to setting a great example for your child each day.  If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to grow a successful business, while your ritual is your daily work ethic combined with your management, marketing and sales processes.  If you’re a fiction writer, your goal is to write a novel, while your ritual is the writing schedule you follow each day.  Now think about this:  If you ignored your goals for a while and focused solely on your rituals, would you still get positive results?  For example, if you were trying to lose weight and you ignored your goal to lose 20 pounds, and instead focused only on eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results?  Yes, you would.  Gradually, you would get closer and closer to your goal without even thinking about it again.  The earlier we learn this in life, the longer we have to make our positive daily rituals work in our favor.  But it’s never too late either.  <em>(Angel and I build tiny, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)</em></li> <li><strong>Trustworthiness is the foundation of progress.</strong> – The underlying key, for all of us, is to be trustworthy in our relationships.  When someone gives someone an employment or business opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy – that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system.  Someone who has established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more trusted, and more likely to be recommended.  So do you best to teach you child to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in all personal and professional relationships.  When we adhere to this philosophy, we end up building a good reputation and people appreciate and endorse us more openly, which is the best way to get a job, a business investor, or another good friend.</li> </ol> </section></div>

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how chil...

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Why Women Cheat (And How To Stop It)

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; color: #222222; float: left; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="http://www.doctornerdlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/iStock_000006197201XSmall.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Since this blog is concerned with encouraging successful relationships, let’s look at some of the reasons why women cheat on their partners.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #1: She’s Not Being Fulfilled Emotionally</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As I’ve said many times before, the half-life of romantic love is six months to a year. After that point, the initial rush of excitement and passion fades, and relationships begin to settle into a calmer, more intimate level. Unfortunately, it’s extremely easy to fall into a rut; what was new has become common place, or even expected. You’re no longer on your best courting behavior, so you’re not as quick or effusive with the compliments as you used to be. You don’t notice her new hairstyle, or that new dress she’s wearing… one that she bought specifically for you. Now that you’re more relaxed and at ease with the relationship, you allow yourself to be more selfish. You don’t devote as much of your time and attention to her and her interests. You come home from a long day at work or class and all you want to do is play Call of Duty for a couple of hours as you decompress; the last thing you want to do is listen to your girlfriend complain about the office politics or the girl in class she feels is always trying to one-up her. Your days together start to blur; it’s a monotonous repetition of wake up, breakfast, work, dinner, sleep, and the only place you take her is for granted. Your conversations are short and superficial, because your attention is elsewhere… maybe even on that cute girl you always see at the Starbucks as you stop for your morning caffeine hit.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And before you know it, your girlfriend is cozying up with that guy from the office with the dreamy eyes. Why? Well, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em> weren’t meeting her emotional needs… so she went elsewhere to find them.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How To Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Women are emotional creatures; feeling not just loved but <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">desired</em> and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">appreciated </em>is incredibly important, especially in a relationship. Sadly, our society has conditioned them to be deferential towards men, to avoid making men upset or being too demanding or burdensome. As a result, women are far less likely to be upfront about what they need, emotionally. In many cases, they may know they have a need, but be unable to verbalize it, leaving the man confused and the woman frustrated and annoyed.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You need to avoid ruts in the relationship. Routine and familiarity can be numbing, which will in turn leads to boredom… and boredom is the death of relationships. You need to add a certain level of impulsiveness and unpredictability to keep the relationship fresh and exciting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> In addition, you need to remember: communication is key. You need to be emotionally honest with her and be willing to engage her own emotional needs. If she feels that she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can’t</em> talk to you about what she needs, if she feels as though that her issues or wants will just be brushed aside or ignored, she’ll start looking for someone who will appreciate her.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #2: The Sex Has Gone Stale</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It used to be that the two of you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. If you had a free moment, the two of you would be headed straight to the nearest horizontal surface. Or the nearest broom closet. Or the bathroom. You used to pull her hair and bite her neck, she used to smack your ass like a pissed off nun; she used to bend like a pretzel and you were the undisputed <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">king</em> of oral. There wasn’t a position in the book you didn’t try and a few that you may have invented. The orgasms were fast, furious and all over the place – in all senses of the word. Sex could last for <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hours.</em> You used to fuck like <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">gods. </em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And now? Seven to eight minutes of missionary, once a month… twice, if you’re lucky. Half of the time, you’ve found that the only way you can get off is by fantasizing about someone else. Hell, there are times that you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actively avoiding</em> sex. You never thought you would, but it’s become so mind-numbingly routine and boring that there are times you’d really much rather just browse RedtTube and jerk off instead.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And then one day you come home an hour early and find your best beloved riding your boss like she’s about to win the Triple Crown.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just as the infatuation of a new relationship fades, the physical passion and desire will ebb and flow. Time, comfort and familiarity can cause desire to recede in any relationship; Billy Bob Thornton once said of Angelina Jolie: “She may be the hottest woman in the world but after enough time, it’s kind of like fucking the couch.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> nce again: routine leads to boredom and boredom is the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">death </em>of relationships… especially boring sex.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Desire will ebb and flow over the years, but if you want to avoid boredom, you have to be an active participant in your sex life. This doesn’t mean moving your hips, by the way. You can’t just expect nothing but a minimum of foreplay followed by a few minutes of missionary or female superior sex to stay interesting for all your life, and just throwing doggie style into the mix isn’t going to cut it either. To start with, change your location. If you’re mostly having sex in the bedroom… get out of bed. Bone on the floor. Bend her over the couch. Fuck in the shower, in the closet… anywhere but the same old, same old.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Don’t underestimate the importance of foreplay; to you it may be what you have to sit through before you get to the good stuff, but to her, it’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">important</em>. The more orgasms you can provide –<em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not </em>just through penetration – the more satisified she will be. The more satisfied she is, the less likely that she’s going to step out on you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> While you’re at it, work on your communication skills. Open communication and honesty is absolutely key here. You both need to be able to open up to each other and be honest; if she feels like the sex is getting boring, and she can’t tell you, then she’s going to find herself more interested in other guys… ones who she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">hasn’t</em> been having the same old sex, over and over again. And don’t forget to be willing to talk about what you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">actually </em>want. Be willing to explore your fantasies. You may be getting stuck in the sex rut when what you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really </em>want is some Principal and Naughty Student action… and she may want you to tie her up and spank her silly but can’t quite bring herself to admit it to you.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason 3: You’ve Let Yourself Go</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Let’s be honest: when you’re single, you take <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">much</em> better care of yourself than when you’re in a relationship. After all, you’ve gotta compete with all of those other guys out there. You’ve gotta keep your edge! So you watch what you eat, put your time in at the gym. You keep your clothes fresh, stylish and clean, your hair impeccably coiffed and your breath is <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">always </em>minty fresh.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> At least, it <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">used </em>to be. Ever since you and your girl became exclusive… well, you’ve gotten a little more comfortable with her and maaaybe you haven’t been hitting the gym quite as often as you should. A few too many snacks, too many romantic dates to your favorite restaurants instead of staying in and cooking have taken their toll on you. But it’s ok… she loves you anyway, and you don’t need to impress her anymore. And hey, you’re not out on the prowl any more so you don’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> need to throw some product in your hair today, right?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Before you know it, you’re not the guy you used to be. You’ve gone up a couple pants sizes and your wardrobe is more “functional” than “fun”. Your hair’s started to go, you’re spending more time in sweats than in suits and a lot more time on the couch than on the treadmill. But hey, it’s not like she hasn’t loosened up a little too, right?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well, maybe that’ll comfort you when her personal trainer at the gym has been coming for some “extra” sessions, if you know what I mean.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well this one’s simple: maintain some standards. Time and age may make mockery of us all eventually, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t put up a good fight. It’s easy to let things slide when you don’t feel the need to impress her anymore or that you don’t have anything to prove… but that’s going to be the exact reason why she’s out looking at Captain HotBuns instead. Keep up with your exercise, eat healthy and maintain your style. In fact, you may want to get her involved; two can work better than one when it comes to trying to keep each other on a healthy lifestyle.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #4: She’s Bored.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Maybe it’s the sex. Maybe it’s the relationship. Or maybe it’s that you don’t offer her the excitement she craves. Maybe you and she have different cultural appetites; you’re TVs and beer, she’s opera and Cabernet Sauvignon. Maybe when you were both young and single she was the wild party girl and you convinced her that it was time to settle down. It may be that she has intellectual needs that aren’t being met and all of your conversations are focused around the Real Housewives of Orange County.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Or perhaps she feels that things have been stagnant – or worse, degrading – for so long that it’s time for a change. And you have to admit, finally “letting” the cute banker at the gym who’s been chatting her up finally take her out is going to be exciting in ways she hasn’t felt in a long, long time.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> I’m sure you can see this coming, but I’m going to say it again: Communication, communication, communication. If you’re sensing a theme here, then good. Both you and your lady <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">need</em> to have full and open lines of communication. If she’s feeling a lack in her life, or if she’s feeling restrained or held back and she feels as though she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">can’t </em>bring it up to you, then you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going</em> to have problems.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And while you’re busy listening attentively to what she’s trying to tell you, you need to mix things up. I’m not saying that you have to live a life of constant spontaneity where every day is an unplanned delight, but you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">should</em> follow the maxim that variety is the spice of life. Engage your intellectual curiosity and make concerted efforts to try new things – or to go back and do older ones you’ve since given up. Settling down doesn’t mean you can’t go out and party; in fact, it should be <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better. </em>Don’t think of her as your girlfriend or wife when you’re making plans to go bar-hopping or clubbing. Think of her as your <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">partner in crime</em>.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #5: You Cheated On <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Her</em></h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Whether you thought you were in love or you just couldn’t resist the call of the new, the fact of the matter is, you strayed. You stepped out on your woman, you got busted, and now she’s doing <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the exact same thing to you</em>. You’d appreciate the irony if it didn’t drive a spear through your heart every time you thought about her with another man.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Congratulations genius… now you know how <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> felt when <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you </em>did it. She may not be cheating on you as revenge, but you’re going to have to face the fact that you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">did</em> give her a “get out of fidelity free” card when she didn’t dump your ass right then and there. Now <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you </em>have a decision to make about how you’re going to respond.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Do I <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really </em>have to spell this one out for you?</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Reason #6: Some People are Just <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Bad</em> at Monogamy</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> She didn’t mean to. It was just a simple friendly dinner with a friend from work when they were out of town closing the sale. But after the third glass of wine his hand was resting on her knee but it was totally harmless, so she just left it there. And yeah, they were snuggled up in the cab back to the hotel. And ok, maybe she <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">did</em> go back to his room with him, but it was just for a quick nightcap. One thing lead to another and… well, look, she’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really sorry</em>, ok?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just as she was the last two or three times.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> That you know about.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This doesn’t mean that she doesn’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">care</em> about you. She honestly does. But the fact remains that she is <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not </em>the sort of person who can make and keep a monogamous commitment to someone, even someone she loves. Maybe you thought you could change her. Maybe she honestly thought things would be different this time. But they weren’t, and now you have a lot of questions that you need to ask yourself.</div> <h4 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Can Stop It:</span></h4> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> To be perfectly honest… you can’t. There are people who simply aren’t wired for only sleeping with one person at a time, and trying to force them into that particular mold is akin to trying to nail Jello to a tree. The best thing in those cases is for complete and utter honesty <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">up front</em>. If she – or you, for that matter – are the sort of person who honestly <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em> good at monogamy, she has the obligation to her partners to inform them <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">at the beginning.</em>.. and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em> have the obligation to listen and take her seriously. You also have to be honest with <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">yourself</em> on the matter of whether you can handle an open or semi-open relationship. You can’t go into a relationship thinking that her attitude or beliefs are just a phase that either she will grow out of or that you can persuade her to drop. You won’t be the first person to try to change her… and with that attitude, you certainly won’t be the last.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> With some women, an open relationship is part of the price of entry. She will love you with all of her heart, and she will always come back to you at the end of the day, but there <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">will</em> be other men in her life – physically, if not emotionally – and you have to be able to handle that if you want to be with her. Otherwise the best thing you can do for the both of you is to end things quickly and cleanly and find someone new.</div> </div>

Why Women Cheat (And How To Stop It)

Since this blog is concerned with encouraging successful relationships, let’s look at some of the reasons why women cheat on their par...

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Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <ol style="font-size: 18px;"> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img src="http://www.responsys.com/blogs/nsm/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/customer_relationship.jpg" /></div> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Until that time–foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">A woman might consider “just” dating any guy that she’s attracted to as long as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The duduk kasus arises when she’s grown attached to him after a period of time and can’t bring herself to breaking off the relationship, even when it’s not good. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher–only court with a man you’d consider marrying.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider marriage yet, then don’t enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Take time through prayer to discern God’s will.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know God’s will without prayer.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Base your courtship in the family:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">As much as possible, spend time with each other’s families. This is so important–for if you do end up married, you’ll want to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about you!) Family sees things we don’t always see. Love can be blind at times–family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship.</span></blockquote> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Items 6 – 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship. (If you’re starting over–changing from a dating relationship to a courtship model–then begin now with guidelines.) The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines.</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Emotional Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately–just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. The duduk kasus with “dumping” on each other emotionally early on in a relationship is that if you later discern that you are not called to marriage you could have many regrets over having shared those intimate thoughts and secrets with someone who will not be your husband. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away. As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Physical Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage–every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time–you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally. And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">To kiss or not to kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that first kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their relationship–as kissing has the power to ignite their passions. They choose to wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past relationships–where they are struggling to keep control over their passions. They might be coming from a position of never having been kissed before, and now that they’ve waited this long–they want to go all the way with it! There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that “next” kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Other couples, who have allowed for kissing in their relationship, sometimes decide to cut it out and wait to have their “next” kiss at the altar–which could be quite a wait! But they’ve seen how kissing is stirring passions that are making it harder for them to stick to their goal of staying pure in their relationship.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Kissing with limitations:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Some couples allow for kissing–but they limit how and when and where–which is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those passions that can be so easily ignited.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Hugging:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you allowing for hugging–and in what context? Hugging is a completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love. However, prolonged hugging—while all alone and at times when you might be feeling weak (like late at night)—can stir passions. Just be careful that you are guarding the context well so that it doesn’t begin to undermine your good intentions.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">How, where and when you spend time alone:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">During courtship you obviously will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is weakened. It’s best to find time alone together while doing something–going for a walk, cycling, canoeing, playing sports, taking in a show or going out to a restaurant, etc.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Avoid the near occasion of sin.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">This is not to say that a couple who is courting will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together . . . as if to say the only reason they resisted temptation is because they never went near temptation. But there is a teaching that exhorts us to “avoid the near occasion of sin”. We should not deliberately put ourselves in temptation’s way. Hopefully, any couple who makes these resolutions–even if they were given the opportunity to break them–wouldn’t break them, because they are persons of integrity! But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment of weakness (and be sure Satan will be watching for it) for you to make a mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Don’t give rise to scandal.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">But what if we’re not being tempted? Why wouldn’t it be alright to be off, alone, in isolation together–for example staying late over at one or the other’s apartment alone? This is where we get into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The duduk kasus a couple faces here–even if they are strong enough to resist all temptation–is the impression they are giving to others. “So what?” You may ask. “Let them gossip–what do we care? We know we’re not doing anything wrong!” When others perceive you to be leading an impure life, it gives others a sense of it being okay to not embrace purity in their own relationships. They’ll be thinking, “After all, they’re doing it and they’re a nice Christian couple. Obviously it doesn’t make any difference if we do or don’t.” Even though you had been embracing purity, you still misled others to believe you weren’t. In this way you would not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather, through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have inadvertently led others to sin. It is our sense of responsibility in the body of Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others when we decide not to give rise to scandal. </span><br /><br /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Accountability:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing–if you are keeping your resolutions–and you need to be able to answer them honestly.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Mentoring:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couples–ideally that would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. These couples should be well-versed in the Church’s teachings on marriage and the sacraments. They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to marriage: finances (especially tithing), family networking, Natural Family Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and so on.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Time to pray and time to play: </span><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Obviously prayer time is important for a couple who is courting–as they are trying to discern God’s will for their relationship. But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time! Have fun. This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure. Don’t forget to make time to play.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Keep the romance alive:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Remember that courtship is a time of romance. Don’t cheat yourselves out of that. Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romance–true romance–is about blessing the other by giving of self . . . and that’s what true love is about, too. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very point–because physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship. By converse, couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other and together–blessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as often as they can.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Be active in your faith community:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is a great time to grow in faith together–and to spend time together in your faith community. In this way your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship. We cannot live in isolation–we need that community to be there for us, which means, we need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons . . . and are great opportunities to dedicate your time and talents to the Lord.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">There is a great deal that can be said about courtship.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">And each family will establish their own model–sometimes a different model for the varying circumstances of each child. What is import is that you discuss these things in the family and when the time comes in your life for courtship you will be prepared with an excellent game plan!</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> </ol> </div>

Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage.   Until that time–foster the virtue of friends...

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