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Married Sex Can be Great Sex

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Married Sex Can be Great Sex</h1>
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<em>Richard
 Nicastro, PhD takes a deeper look at married (or long-term 
relationship) sex and some of the unique reasons it can be so 
satisfying.  He encourages couples to understand their ruts and look for
 opportunities for change.</em></div>
You might have read about—or 
personally experienced—the challenges some married couples (or couples 
in long-term relationships) face when it comes to keeping sexual desire 
and sexual passion alive. The newness of a relationship clearly brings 
with it certain perks, one being the euphoria and excitement that seems 
to envelop every aspect of our life (including our sexuality). It’s not 
uncommon for married couples to look back fondly on the days when more 
frequent love-making, greater sexual exploration and risk-taking, and 
heightened sexual intensity were a part of the relationship landscape.<br />
The
 struggle of married couples—as well as couples in long-term 
relationships—to keep sex a rewarding part of their union is the reason I
 created <i>How to Spice Up Your Marriage</i><em>.</em><br />
But this 
is only part of the picture for married couples. Clearly, not all 
couples who have been together for years (or even decades) complain 
about a sexless marriage or have to settle for mediocre sex. In fact, a 
percentage of married couples report that sex within their long-term 
union has benefits they couldn’t have imagined. Even if the frequency of
 sex has diminished, these couples report high levels of sexual 
satisfaction, and a deep and meaningful intimacy that arises from sex.<br />
Let’s turn our attention to five benefits of married sex (as well as sex in a long-term relationship).<br />
<h3>
Sex As an Expression of Love</h3>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“Every time I have sex with my wife, it is an act of deep, profound love.”</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~Ken, married almost twenty years</div>
</blockquote>
It’s
 usually assumed that couples who are married love each other, unless, 
of course, their love has faded and they’re heading for divorce or 
staying in a loveless marriage for the sake of their children. But for 
the many married couples who do love each other, they have the wonderful
 opportunity to express and share their love through sexual expression. 
The entwining of sex and love takes sex to new heights for many 
couples—in these instances, the act of sex itself becomes a powerful way
 to transform the subjective feelings of love into tangible acts of 
loving expression and appreciation.<br />
<h3>
The Benefits of a Shared History</h3>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“Married
 sex is like dancing with a partner you are totally familiar with; it 
makes for a great dance because you know his particular rhythms and 
moves.” </em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~Holly, married fourteen year<strong>s</strong></div>
</blockquote>
A
 deep connection arises out of a shared history where trust is 
established. It is through a couple’s shared history that a deeper 
knowing and understanding of the other occurs—a knowing that results not
 just from time spent together, but from ongoing, meaningful 
communication. For intimacy to be nurtured, the evolution of this 
communication must include discussions about one another’s most 
important desires and longings; sexual and emotional likes and dislikes;
 as well as an understanding of each other’s hopes, dreams and 
vulnerabilities.<br />
When this knowing occurs in the bedroom, a sexual
 empathy is set in motion that becomes part of the foundation for a 
couple’s sexual exploration. Great sex arises from sexual empathy: a 
mutual appreciation of what each partner/spouse needs sexually, as well 
as emotionally.<br />
<h3>
A Sexual Foundation Built upon Emotional Security</h3>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“The
 longer we’ve been married, the more secure I feel in our relationship. 
That security allows me to take risks sexually with my wife. I always 
felt sexually anxious the times I had sex and didn’t know the person 
really well.”</em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~Michael, married seven years</div>
</blockquote>
When
 you love someone, they have a great deal of power and influence over 
you (there’s no denying this fact). Feelings of insecurity and anxiety 
arise when we start to feel we no longer matter to our partner, that our
 needs and concerns are falling on indifferent ears. But when we feel 
emotionally secure and safe, a whole new world of possibilities is 
opened to us.<br />
Sexually, this might take the form of taking greater
 risks sexually (like it did for Michael in the above quote)–a giving of
 the parts of you no one else gets to see (your emotional 
vulnerabilities, as well as a sharing of your sexual longings and 
fears). This emotional security gives you greater emotional and sexual 
freedom; a freedom to let your guard down and be swept away in the 
mutual pleasures and connecting moments of sexual intimacy.<br />
<h3>
When Sexual Passion and Love Converge</h3>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“I’ve had passion without love and love without passion. Now I have both, and it’s indescribable.” </em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~Raquel, married eleven years</div>
</blockquote>
One
 of the common sexual complaints of couples in long-term relationships 
is diminished passion—what was once spontaneously ignited now requires 
effort and planning. Many of these couples might still have a rewarding 
sex life (“We enjoy sex whenever we have it…<i>if</i> we have it…”), 
even if their sexual dance has become somewhat predictable. But for some
 married couples, passion and love have blended, making for mind-blowing
 sex.<br />
These couples aren’t afraid to be sexually adventurous. They
 trust each other enough to try new things and give fully of themselves.
 They communicate effectively about their sexual needs and use their 
deep knowledge of each other to generously give and openly receive 
sexual and sensual pleasure. And, most importantly, these couples create
 a shared space (unencumbered by the stresses and obligations of daily 
life) where sexual passion is allowed to take root.<br />
<h3>
Playing Between the Familiar and the Unknown</h3>
<blockquote>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em>“I
 got so turned on when my wife did something totally unexpected the 
other day…she became a little unrecognizable to me in that moment, and I
 have to admit, it was hot…”</em><i> </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
~Daniel, married four years</div>
</blockquote>
Part
 of the emotional security married couples take comfort in arises out of
 the familiar and predictable routines that come to define their 
couplehood. Psychologist Esther Perel, in her brilliant book <i>Mating in Captivity</i>
 describes how a certain level of emotional closeness (the hallmark of a
 loving marriage) also has the potential to extinguish sexual desire. 
It’s when a level of psychological separateness occurs that the other 
person can be seen and experienced; and it is in this contact with a 
separate other that the fires of sexual passion are able to ignite.<br />
Why
 does this make married sex so amazing? It’s a very different experience
 having someone you know well (your spouse/partner) let go sexually 
and/or act in a surprising or provocative manner, compared to someone 
you’ve just met or don’t know so well. Married couples are in an 
enviable position in this regard since they can bounce back and forth 
between the familiar/secure and the novel/tantalizing. In the psychic 
space between these seemingly contradictory experiences, a tension 
exists, a tension that can fan the flames of sexual desire and allows 
for passion’s potential.<br />
While the above list is by no means 
exhaustive, it does point to some important benefits that married 
couples can enjoy when it comes to sex. The loss of sexual intimacy and 
passion in long-term relationships is not an <i>inevitable</i> outcome 
of domesticity. In fact, couples who have been together for a long time 
have unique opportunities to build upon their emotional foundations of 
love and security, whether this involves nurturing love and emotional 
intimacy through sex, or pushing against each other’s sexual boundaries 
in order to stimulate moments of sexual excitement.<br />
The challenge 
is for married couples to identify any routines that may have led to 
relationship and sexual ruts, the routines they may too heavily rely on 
out of habit or complacency. Once those routines are identified, you can
 create and nurture opportunities that make your sex life a rich and 
meaningful part of your marriage or long-term relationship.</section>

Married Sex Can be Great Sex

Married Sex Can be Great Sex Richard Nicastro, PhD takes a deeper look at married (or long-term relationship) sex and some o...

Things Men Want In A Relationship?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <a href="http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/African-American-Couple-in-Bed.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://dailyplateofcrazy.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/African-American-Couple-in-Bed.png" /></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">I</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">t is commonly said that women are complex in mental nature while men remain easy to understand and simple. Whatever be the reasons that backup this comment, in relationships both men and women follow slightly diverted paths. What men look for in a relationship is not what motivates women to fall in relationships. The differences in desires, mentalities, passion, expression levels etc., are resulted from some unknown causes; might be hormonal differences, mindset changes or social concepts.</span><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Unconditional love</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Demands and conditions are a big turn off for men of all nature. Men prefer unconditional love, especially in a relationship. Many women adhere often to the mistake of demanding or putting forward certain conditions in return to the love offered.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> It is a common nature of men that mechanical way of life makes them bored and frustrated soon. They want life like a free flowing leaf in the water. Conditions are often understood as barriers in the free flow of love and men may look for someone else to share the life.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Friendship and communication</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Instead of being authoritarian in life, men look for real friendship and a partner for open communication in relationships. Many men accept that they look for a better friend when they get into relationships, rather a sex partner or female companion. The friendship aspect helps them to open mind and share the life through active communication. Though women are labeled as born with rarely-silent tongue, even men like to talk and be listened.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> The couples who nurture better friendship in the relationship are more likely to enjoy lifelong romance and happiness. Times are gone when the husband had to take over the role of all-controlling and all-deciding authority while wife remains the silent and all accepting partner. Today better families are which constitute a union of partners based on deeper friendship and never irritating communication strategies.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Sexuality</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Lovemaking has prominent role in helping people to progress in relationships. Many couple fails pathetically to understand the right role of sexuality in relationships, especially in marriage. Sexuality is not a forbidden fruit which is often misconceived as a necessary evil; but an essential harmonizer in relationships. It unites men and women so deeply in love. Many people consider sex as just a process of procreating and begetting kids. In fact, procreation is just one of the aspects of lovemaking. The name lovemaking says it all as it is making or establishing love and affection between two people.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Every relationship has to understand the sexual elements involved in it and denying it to any of the couples, is a big mistake which make lead to a breakup. Men are very much bound to sexuality as the male sexuality is very much dynamic. Sexual desires and mode of sexual appetite differs in men and women, Men are fast beginners while women slow-starters. Understanding the differences in sexual nature may help the partners to deal with it most successfully. Men want more sex; of course, while women may not feel the necessity often.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Support and encouragement</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Each partner in a relationship has to support and each other and encourage themselves. Men are very much addicted to incessant support and perpetual encouragement. Female partners need to tune up men consistently by encouraging them and offering support in all the matters related to his personal life as well the matters related the relationship. All men strive for the support of the partner in relationships and when he doesn't get adequate support he may think about another relationship in which he expects more encouragement and support.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Commitment and fidelity</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Needless to say, men look for utmost commitment and uncompromised fidelity in relationships. They want their partners to solely dedicate themselves in the relationships and many men feel it heartbreaking to even think that the partner is less committed. Women with 'roaming-eye' are always considered unaccepted by men.</div> </div>

Things Men Want In A Relationship?

I t is commonly said that women are complex in mental nature while men remain easy to understand and simple. Whatever be the reasons that b...

Secrets To Happy Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: left; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: justify;"> <img src="http://mybrownbaby.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/African-American-Couple-Exercising.jpg" style="background-color: transparent; text-align: left;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Relationships like marriage, romance, live together or any of similar kinds can be sustained with a happy note if some of the secret rules are followed. Relationship is completely subjective and no clear cut rules can be executed on it, yet following certain guidelines may help proceeding happily in a relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Many of these, so called, rules are based on the life experience of many happy couple and also the observation of people. When two people get into relationships, many of them wish for lasting relationships. But pathetically, a good number of them go apart after a while, in search of new partners. Let us see the secrets that constitute long lasting relationships or ever remaining relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> <span style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; line-height: 1.1; text-align: left;">Breakup and Divorce are not the Solution</span></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> When asked about the best possible way of resolving the issues in relationships or marriage, many people may comment that breakup or a divorce is the best possible method of putting an end to all the troubles in a relationships. It is the biggest mistake people commit.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> The reason for increased divorce rate is analyzed as the mentality of people who even before getting into a relationship think divorce as means of solving possible issues in it. Divorce is never an option but it's the utmost decision to be taken in life only at an inevitable situation. Do not even think about a breakup or marriage whenever you confront with minor issues in relationships. Issues are just byproducts of the happiness experienced in the relationships.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> No Perfect Relationships, but Perfect Situations</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> No one can be considered in a perfect relationship, how happy the couple is, as happiness in a relationship is just the happiness of the situations created by the partners. No relationship, as a whole, is destined to be jovial and satisfying. There can be moments of happiness and moments of struggles.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> The couple who learns the secrets of balancing both happiness and struggles wins the life and enjoys the best possible relationship and life. When in tension or issues, many people may think that they are fated to fall in to wrong relationship, and at the same time ignore the possible chances of making each moments in life happy by understanding the partner a bit more and adjusting a bit more.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Never be Afraid or Make Him/Her Afraid</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Another secret of happy relationship lies in being open and frank with the partner. Do not feel afraid to express you mind to the partner and never ever make him/her afraid of you to tell out the mind. When people communicate each other many of the issues can be melted down. An issue, how ignorable it is, when kept in mind for several days, can take forms of anger, frustration, dislike etc., and get expressed in the most undesirable manners. Let the communication between the partners be a frequent element and no one should hold the words when he/she really wants to talk.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Love Defined is Respect and Care</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> You can just tell that you love your partner but can never express the love as it is. There is no emotion like love, but it comes as a package which includes, respect, care, share, dedication, forgiveness etc., express the emotions whenever possible to make the other person feel the intensity of your love. Do not be a miser in loving the partner and let your love be unconditional. It is rightly said that love is defined as respect and care. When the partner feels that you do not care for him/her or do not give him/her the due respect, the person may think of an alternative to you.</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 19px; font-weight: 500; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 10.5px; margin-top: 21px;"> Always Support Each Other</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10.5px; text-align: justify;"> Never ever leave your partner unsupported. Whatever be the opinions and ideas, know that you are the only one he/she can lean for support. When both of you are alone, you can argue among yourself on points you disagree with the other one, but in public both of you have only one mind. Holding the hands, especially when he/she is sad or broken, is helpful to convey you care for the person. Once you have decided to live together, then no questions of separation may arise, even in the opinions.</div> </div>

Secrets To Happy Relationship

Relationships like marriage, romance, live together or any of similar kinds can be sustained with a happy note if some of the secret r...

10 Mariage Tips Every Wife Need To Learn

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: left; color: #404040; float: left; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="130" src="https://deenaroseministries.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/marriage-logo12.jpg" width="400" /></div> <br /> <ol style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #404040; font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 20px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; margin: 0px 0px 20px 3em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Respect your husband</strong>.  – </em>Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife.  The trap that we’ve all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they <em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">earn </em>it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone. Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn’t deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn’t mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren’t. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Guard your heart</em>.</strong>  – The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don’t have the best of the best, but it’s simply not true. Live the life you’ve been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough.  There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you’ll never be satisfied with more until you’re fulfilled with what you have now.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">God, husband, kids…in that order</em>.</strong>  – I know this isn’t a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It’s no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you’re married to someone who is abusive  (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my blog can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That’s not what this means. When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can’t breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Forgive</em>.</strong>  – No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter ;)) – you will keep resentment from growing.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Over-communicate</em>.</strong>  – I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard “You should know why I’m mad” game, and that’s just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON’T always know that they’ve been insensitive. I’m still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I’m trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Schedule a regular date night</em>.</strong>  – This one isn’t new, but it’s very important. Never stop dating your spouse.  Even if you can’t afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don’t talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Never say the “D Word”</em>.</strong>  – If you’re gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I’m not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Learn his love language</em>.</strong>  – Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.  Edited to add: If you are unfamiliar with the principles behind love languages, you can learn more about it <a href="http://www.5lovelanguages.com/" sl-processed="1" style="border: 0px; color: #9c5d5f; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">here</a>.</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Never talk negatively about him</em>.</strong>  – I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you’re going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn’t subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you’re close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective.  News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!</li> <li style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><em style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-weight: inherit; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Choose to love</em>.</strong>  – There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore. Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don’t say “if you have bad times”. They say “in good times AND in bad”, implying that there WILL be bad times. It’s inevitable. So choose to love anyway. He’s worth it.</li> </ol> </div>

10 Mariage Tips Every Wife Need To Learn

Respect your husband . – Notice how it doesn’t say “Respect your husband if he has earned it”. A man’s greatest need in this world i...

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy

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The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy</h1>
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</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">“I’ve
 been married for over twenty years. I know I’m not perfect, but I can 
honestly say that I do my best to be a good husband…I care about what my
 wife thinks of me asa husband and father.” ~Sal<br />
“It scares me to 
admit this, but I’d be totally lost without my wife. She’s my best 
friend and she tells me that I’m hers. Making her happy is everything to
 me…” ~Luis<br />
“You only hear about the guys who are abusive or cheat, but how about the tons of men who are faithful and kind?” ~John<br />
These
 are some of the messages several men shared with me while discussing 
their thoughts about intimacy, their partners and spouses. Before long, a
 theme arose:<br />
What especially bothered these men were the rampant 
myths that go unchallenged in society about what men really want from 
marriage or a long-term relationship.<br />
<br />
<strong>Myth 1</strong>: Men do not value intimacy and emotional connection.<br />
<strong>Myth 2</strong>: Men are motivated to control and tell women what to do (and therefore prefer passive women).<br />
<strong>Myth 3</strong>: Men only want sex (rather than emotional connection).<br />
<strong>Myth 4</strong>: Men do not care about their partners’/spouses’ feelings.<br />
<strong>Myth 5</strong>: Men would rather spend time with their guy friends than their wives/girlfriends.<br />
<br />
Let’s
 take a closer look at the first myth, the one that claims that men do 
not value emotional closeness. This myth arises out of the difficulty 
some men have with emotions: in particular, expressing and sharing their
 feelings. This reality is partly rooted in the way in which many men 
are socialized. Emotional self-expression is not considered an important
 and useful trait for many men—therefore young boys aren’t given the 
psychological tools needed to identify and appropriate express their 
feelings.<br />
 <img alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-5284" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy.jpg 424w" style="margin: 5px;" title="The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy" width="300" />Of
 particular importance is the way in which fathers (and other male 
mentors) act as role-models for their sons. While many fathers are 
becoming more comfortable with their sons’ emotional lives, some fathers
 continue to hold the expectation that once their male child hits a 
certain age, this emotionality will give way to stoic self-control.<br />
All
 too often these fathers are perpetuating what was handed down to them 
by their own fathers—a type of intergenerational legacy of difficulty 
tolerating and expressing emotions.<br />
<strong>Why are feelings difficult for men?</strong><br />
Feelings
 of vulnerability (tenderness, sadness, fear, feeling “less than,” 
embarrassment and shame) conflict with the ideal of masculinity—central 
to this ideal is the trait of control and <em>masculine strength</em>. Men value power and in the arena of love, power and strength equate to being able to take care of your loved ones.<br />
As
 the requirements of marriage and intimate relationships change and men 
are asked to be more emotionally available, the guiding questions for 
many men are:<br />
<strong>How can masculinity and vulnerability exist side by side?</strong><br />
Do I need to totally abandon the traits of masculinity I value in order to be a good husband and/or father?<br />
Unfortunately,
 the mentality that emotional vulnerability equates to weakness is alive
 and well in many cultures and held by too many men. This deep-seated 
attitude is often triggered in relationships that require and demand 
greater intimacy. Faced with the challenges of intimacy, men may shut 
down and withdraw, rather than allow themselves to feel confused and 
emotionally impotent.<br />
But men still value connection!<br />
Difficulty
 sharing emotions does not necessarily mean that emotional connection 
isn’t important to men. Think of it this way: You can deeply enjoy music
 and yet not know how to play a musical instrument.<br />
How men go 
about creating connection has less to do with emotional sharing and more
 to do with actions that validate their masculine identity–providing for
 their loved ones, tangential giving that leads to concrete results.<br />
<em>As Roger recently said:</em><br />
“My
 wife didn’t like the color of our bedroom and when she was out with her
 sister, I painted the entire room her favorite color. I couldn’t wait 
to see her reaction. When she got home she gave me this big hug and I 
felt like a million bucks…”<br />
In other words, Roger felt emotionally
 connected to his wife. He experienced intimacy through doing for his 
wife, rather than emotional expression.<br />
For the men who feel most 
at home in the familiar but constrictive strait-jacket of 
hyper-masculinity, there are significant hurdles to overcome as they 
attempt to adjust to the new requirements of love and marriage. But for 
many other men, self-expression and emotional intimacy are seen as 
long-overdue and a welcome addition to what relationships can offer. 
These men have long realized that messages that continue to perpetuate 
the stoic, need-to-be-in-control, warrior mentality are as detrimental 
to men as they are to women.</section></div>

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy “I’ve been married for over twenty years. I know I’m not perfect, but I can hone...

Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <ol style="font-size: 18px;"> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img src="http://www.responsys.com/blogs/nsm/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/customer_relationship.jpg" /></div> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Until that time–foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">A woman might consider “just” dating any guy that she’s attracted to as long as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The duduk kasus arises when she’s grown attached to him after a period of time and can’t bring herself to breaking off the relationship, even when it’s not good. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher–only court with a man you’d consider marrying.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider marriage yet, then don’t enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Take time through prayer to discern God’s will.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know God’s will without prayer.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Base your courtship in the family:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">As much as possible, spend time with each other’s families. This is so important–for if you do end up married, you’ll want to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about you!) Family sees things we don’t always see. Love can be blind at times–family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship.</span></blockquote> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Items 6 – 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship. (If you’re starting over–changing from a dating relationship to a courtship model–then begin now with guidelines.) The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines.</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Emotional Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately–just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. The duduk kasus with “dumping” on each other emotionally early on in a relationship is that if you later discern that you are not called to marriage you could have many regrets over having shared those intimate thoughts and secrets with someone who will not be your husband. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away. As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Physical Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage–every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time–you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally. And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">To kiss or not to kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that first kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their relationship–as kissing has the power to ignite their passions. They choose to wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past relationships–where they are struggling to keep control over their passions. They might be coming from a position of never having been kissed before, and now that they’ve waited this long–they want to go all the way with it! There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that “next” kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Other couples, who have allowed for kissing in their relationship, sometimes decide to cut it out and wait to have their “next” kiss at the altar–which could be quite a wait! But they’ve seen how kissing is stirring passions that are making it harder for them to stick to their goal of staying pure in their relationship.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Kissing with limitations:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Some couples allow for kissing–but they limit how and when and where–which is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those passions that can be so easily ignited.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Hugging:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you allowing for hugging–and in what context? Hugging is a completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love. However, prolonged hugging—while all alone and at times when you might be feeling weak (like late at night)—can stir passions. Just be careful that you are guarding the context well so that it doesn’t begin to undermine your good intentions.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">How, where and when you spend time alone:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">During courtship you obviously will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is weakened. It’s best to find time alone together while doing something–going for a walk, cycling, canoeing, playing sports, taking in a show or going out to a restaurant, etc.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Avoid the near occasion of sin.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">This is not to say that a couple who is courting will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together . . . as if to say the only reason they resisted temptation is because they never went near temptation. But there is a teaching that exhorts us to “avoid the near occasion of sin”. We should not deliberately put ourselves in temptation’s way. Hopefully, any couple who makes these resolutions–even if they were given the opportunity to break them–wouldn’t break them, because they are persons of integrity! But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment of weakness (and be sure Satan will be watching for it) for you to make a mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Don’t give rise to scandal.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">But what if we’re not being tempted? Why wouldn’t it be alright to be off, alone, in isolation together–for example staying late over at one or the other’s apartment alone? This is where we get into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The duduk kasus a couple faces here–even if they are strong enough to resist all temptation–is the impression they are giving to others. “So what?” You may ask. “Let them gossip–what do we care? We know we’re not doing anything wrong!” When others perceive you to be leading an impure life, it gives others a sense of it being okay to not embrace purity in their own relationships. They’ll be thinking, “After all, they’re doing it and they’re a nice Christian couple. Obviously it doesn’t make any difference if we do or don’t.” Even though you had been embracing purity, you still misled others to believe you weren’t. In this way you would not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather, through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have inadvertently led others to sin. It is our sense of responsibility in the body of Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others when we decide not to give rise to scandal. </span><br /><br /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Accountability:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing–if you are keeping your resolutions–and you need to be able to answer them honestly.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Mentoring:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couples–ideally that would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. These couples should be well-versed in the Church’s teachings on marriage and the sacraments. They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to marriage: finances (especially tithing), family networking, Natural Family Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and so on.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Time to pray and time to play: </span><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Obviously prayer time is important for a couple who is courting–as they are trying to discern God’s will for their relationship. But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time! Have fun. This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure. Don’t forget to make time to play.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Keep the romance alive:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Remember that courtship is a time of romance. Don’t cheat yourselves out of that. Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romance–true romance–is about blessing the other by giving of self . . . and that’s what true love is about, too. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very point–because physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship. By converse, couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other and together–blessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as often as they can.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Be active in your faith community:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is a great time to grow in faith together–and to spend time together in your faith community. In this way your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship. We cannot live in isolation–we need that community to be there for us, which means, we need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons . . . and are great opportunities to dedicate your time and talents to the Lord.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">There is a great deal that can be said about courtship.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">And each family will establish their own model–sometimes a different model for the varying circumstances of each child. What is import is that you discuss these things in the family and when the time comes in your life for courtship you will be prepared with an excellent game plan!</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> </ol> </div>

Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage. Until that time–foster the virtue of friends...

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

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20 Relationship Tips:  Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves</h1>
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<img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div>
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<strong>Richard
 Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve your relationship,
 noting that it usually doesn’t just “happen” but requires effort to be 
sure it gets adequate attention.  </strong></div>
Let’s face it: there 
is a staggering volume of marriage/relationship help advice out there. 
Any Internet search on the topic will give you page after page of 
relationship “How to’s” and “What not to do’s.” Depending on your 
perspective, this can be either good news (the easy availability of 
helpful information) or bad news (trying to navigate the overwhelming 
maze of relationship tips).<br />
The truth is, there is also a great 
deal of overlap in what is being said about how to strengthen a 
marriage/relationship—and while some authors are more eloquent in how 
they get this information across than others, often the underlying 
message is consistent. This is good news. The repetition in 
marriage/relationship advice suggests that there are important 
hard-and-fast principles that couples should pay attention to.<br />
So 
rather than searching for the golden goose that will magically send you 
down the path of marital or relationship bliss, it’s time to roll up 
your sleeves and give your relationship the attention it deserves.<br />
<br />
<strong>20 Relationship Tips:</strong><br />
<ol>
<li>Couples need to set up a <strong>clear boundary</strong> around their relationship—this boundary involves saying “no” to the influences that can undermine your relationship.</li>
<li>Healthy marriages/relationships require <strong>balance</strong>
 between having shared couple-experiences that will feed the 
relationship while at the same time nurturing their individual interests
 and pursuits.</li>
<li>Without a clear expression of <strong>commitment</strong> to the relationship, trust and emotional security will suffer. A strong relationship foundation is built on mutual commitment.</li>
<li>Direct, <strong>clear communication</strong> should always be a top priority.</li>
<li>Being <strong>attuned to your needs</strong>,
 wants and desires is the first step in getting them met—when you’re 
unclear about your own needs, how can your spouse/partner ever meet 
them?</li>
<li>Not everything needs to be discussed, analyzed and “processed” between partners. Letting go, <strong>giving your partner the benefit of the doubt</strong>, and practicing forgiveness will go a long way in creating a fulfilling relationship.</li>
<li>Words have the power to build empathic bridges between partners, and <strong>words</strong> also have the power to hurt and create a wasteland of distance between you. Choose your words wisely.</li>
<li>Important
 issues that are repeatedly ignored, minimized or go underground will 
resurface with a vengeance. A healthy relationship requires <strong>facing uncomfortable issues</strong> from time to time.</li>
<li>Like
 a wildfire, emotional wounding and defensiveness can spiral out of 
control and quickly consume a relationship.  Couples need to be <strong>mindful of the negative cycles</strong> that arise in their relationship.</li>
<li>Deliberately <strong>creating positive experiences</strong>
 and interactions between the two of you (while facing the uncomfortable
 issues that need to be addressed) should be an ongoing priority.</li>
<li>Emotional intimacy and closeness are built upon both partners being consistent, <strong>emotionally available</strong> and responsive to one another.</li>
<li>Expecting
 to get all (or even most) of your needs met whenever you want is like 
expecting the weather to change based upon your whims and preferences.  
Unrealistic <strong>expectations</strong> lead to unhappy marriages/relationships.</li>
<li>For some, emotional closeness is a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; for others, sexual intimacy leads to <strong>emotional intimacy</strong>.</li>
<li>Passion and <strong>fulfilling sex</strong>
 often needs to be talked about, planned and negotiated (a lack of 
sexual spontaneity isn’t necessarily a sign of marital/relationship 
problems).</li>
<li>What makes you feel loved and <strong>emotionally connected</strong>
 may be very different from what makes your partner feel loved and 
emotionally close. Communicating and understanding these differences can
 go a long way in improving your relationship.</li>
<li>Certain differences between your and your partner’s <strong>communication styles</strong>
 and emotional expressiveness need to be accepted. You can’t make an 
introvert outgoing, and likewise, don’t expect an extrovert to happily 
sit home every evening.</li>
<li>Friendships are built on joint activities and common interests. In addition to being lovers, couples need to <strong>learn to be friends</strong>.</li>
<li>Couples who actively practice <strong>gratitude and appreciation</strong>
 feel a deep sense of connection with one another. It’s too easy to 
simply focus on what bothers you about your mate while ignoring why you 
fell in love with him/her in the first place.</li>
<li>While a relationship obviously takes two committed people, one person can make a difference in improving the overall <strong>quality of the relationship</strong>.</li>
<li>Fulfilling, healthy relationships are co-created, not found. Couples who <strong>work together</strong> (at keeping their relationship strong) are more likely to stay together.</li>
</ol>
While
 it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the information presented in this
 article, remember that you can pick one or two items from the above 
list and began implementing them into your relationship right away. As a
 marriage/couples counselor, I’ve seen couples make big differences in 
their relationship with a simple and relatively small change—the goal is
 to be consistent and persistent with whatever positive change you’re 
trying to make.</section></div>

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve ...

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships

<header class="article-header" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #565656; font-family: Signika, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Sanchez, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.333em; margin: 0.67em 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships</h1>
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<img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="500" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S.jpg 849w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: auto; max-width: 100%;" width="750" /></div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #565656; font-family: Signika, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; zoom: 1;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Richard Nicastro, PhD, examines how the sexual intimacy stakes rise when you fall in love.  He highlights the conditions that either encourage or discourage trust in a committed relationship.</em></strong></div>
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When love becomes part of the relationship landscape, when the other starts to <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">matter</i> to you, then how they respond takes on a heightened importance. And once love is set into motion, the more you are moved to share and give of yourself to your partner, the more vulnerable you become. Now trust becomes increasingly important to the workings of your relationship.</div>
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Trust isn’t just a concept couples must learn about—rather, it’s a subjective experience that must be repeatedly lived and <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">felt</i>.<i style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </i>When trust is experienced in this way, the relationship offers a secure space for the couple, a space that offers solace and opportunities for deeper sharing and connection. Once <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">mutually</i> established, trust can then quietly recede into the background of the relationship where it continues to support the couple, offering comfort and stability, allowing each person to take the risks necessary for meaningful emotional and sexual expression and connection.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">There are conditions that enhance or violate trust.</strong></div>
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Trust requires certain relationship conditions in order to take hold, and when these conditions are violated, when the foundation of trust is shaken, anxieties and insecurities awaken. The intensity of your trust-insecurities may periodically intrude or they may blanket every aspect of your relationship. A lack of trust (or trust that is doubted/questioned) is emotionally disruptive to all involved, and for emotional and sexual intimacy to be (re)established, trust must first be established.</div>
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<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Pro-trust Conditions</strong></div>
<ul style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 1em 0px 1em 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em;">
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">accepting / encouraging</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">sensitive / concerned</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">emotionally open</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">responsive / engaged</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">committed / reliable</span></li>
</ul>
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<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Anti-trust Conditions</strong></div>
<ul style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 1em 0px 1em 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em;">
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">critical / judgmental</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">aloof / indifferent</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">defensive / closed-off</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">unresponsive / detached</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">erratic / unpredictable<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;"> </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">            </span></li>
</ul>
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These behaviors (both pro- and anti-trust) take on particular significance when they come from the person you love and care for. The loved spouse/partner has particular power and influence over you—the power to help you feel secure and connected as well as intensely insecure and anxious. When trust conditions are violated, couples often shift from a secure to an insecure-anxious way of relating (even when anger predominates, the anger is often fueled by undercurrents of anxiety about losing the other).</div>
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<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">“Having sex with someone I didn’t really know or care about was easy. It’s when I fell in love that sex became amazing and dangerous at the same time. All of a sudden, trust and the potential for betrayal became relevant.”</em>~Eric, 33 years old</div>
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During sex, the stakes are always elevated because sexual intimacy is inherently risky emotional business—that is, the level of emotional vulnerability evoked with someone you deeply care about presents both the potential for intimate sharing and authentic contact and, when things go awry, emotional wounding and withdrawal. And during these heightened-vulnerability circumstances, your best intentions may not be enough to circumvent painful misunderstandings.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Having conversations about the conditions you and your partner each need to enhance trust is important in making these conditions <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">explicitly</i> known to you both. Using the above list of pro- and anti-trust conditions can be a good starting point to jump-start such a discussion. Remember, when trust is solidified, the couple enters an orbit of emotional security surrounding the marriage/relationship, a security that allows for the potential of deeper emotional sharing and sexual exploration and expression.</div>
</section>

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships Richard Nicastro, PhD, examines how the sexual intimacy stake...

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

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17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child</h1>
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<strong>Life
 coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can 
shape how children view themselves and their place in the world. 
 Parents, no matter how old your child (or adult child), it’s never too 
late to help them integrate these lessons.</strong></div>
Our children 
grow up so fast.  Before we know it they’re out there somewhere in the 
real world, and we’re left hoping that we’ve done enough to prepare them
 for everything they’ll encounter.  Angel and I talk to course students 
and coaching clients on a regular basis – mothers and fathers alike – 
who share these sentiments.  They worry about their children.  They 
wonder if they’ve done a good enough job parenting up to this point.  
And Angel and I totally get it too.  Oftentimes we feel the same way.  
We’re concerned about our son Mac’s well-being and education, and we 
discuss it frequently, just like most parents.<br />
In fact, from what 
we’ve researched and studied, the well-being and education of their 
children is more important to most parents than just about anything else
 – health care, cost of living, public safety, and even their own 
well-being.  And believe it or not, most non-parents also say they’re 
concerned about the well-being and intellectual growth of society’s 
youth; this concern seems to cut cleanly across gender, ethnicity, age, 
income and political affiliation.  So the reality is, to a great extent,
 we all collectively care about our children.   And that’s a really 
beautiful thing when you think about it.<br />
Anyway, I awoke this 
morning thinking about all of this – especially the miraculous, 
life-changing responsibility of parenthood – and two related thoughts 
immediately crossed my mind:<br />
<ul>
<li>Whoa!  Time flies.  How in the 
world did Angel and I suddenly become parents to a little boy that’s 
running all over the place and asking questions about everything under 
the sun?</li>
<li>There are so many important truths I want to share with Mac… as soon as feasibly possible.</li>
</ul>
So I’m writing this post as a reminder to myself, and to all parents…<span id="more-4358"></span><br />
Here
 are 20 simple yet powerful truths you can add to your daily 
conversations with your child that will gradually change how they think 
about themselves and their place in the world, and ultimately transform 
how they live their life.  Please remember, also, that it’s never too 
late to discuss these truths – in most cases they are equally relevant 
to youngsters, adolescents, and adult children alike.<br />
<ol>
<li><strong>Learning how to think is far more useful than learning what to think.</strong>
 – A big part of your life is a direct result of the decisions you make;
 if you don’t like your life for some reason, it’s time to start making 
changes and better decisions.  And the same is true for all of us, 
including our children.  It’s crucial that our children gradually grow 
to understand that THEY must learn to make good decisions for 
themselves, without us.  Parents can only guide by example and put their
 offspring on the right path, but the final forming of a person’s 
character and life story lies in their own hands.  You can walk beside 
your child most of the time, but not in their shoes.  And someday, when 
you’re not around, they’ll come to a fork in the road that forces them 
to think for themselves.  Which is why it’s important to teach your 
child how to think, not what to think.  (The remaining points in this 
article will help you do just that.)</li>
<li><strong>Everything is hard before it’s easy, and we get stronger as we go.</strong> – One of the best things you can do for your child as they grow is to let go and allow them to do things for themselves, all<img alt="" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-10408" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Fotolia_93394019_S.jpg 849w" width="300" />ow
 them to be strong and responsible, allow them the freedom to experience
 things on their own terms, allow them to take the bus or the train and 
learn from life firsthand – allow them to be better people, allow them 
to believe more in themselves and do more by themselves.  Journeying 
through life on your own two feet is a learning process – you become 
stronger as you go.  It’s like a little girl who struggles to find her 
way home from school without her parent’s help – doing it the first few 
times is daunting and scary, but in the long run she’s safer and better 
off having learned the way.</li>
<li><strong>The biggest disappointments in life are often the result of misplaced expectations.</strong>
 – When we are really young our expectations are few, but as we age our 
expectations tend to balloon with each passing year.  The key is to help
 your child understand that tempering unrealistic expectations of how 
something “should be” can greatly reduce unnecessary stress and 
frustration.  With a positive attitude and an open mind, we often find 
that life isn’t necessarily any easier or harder than we thought it was 
going to be; it’s just that “the easy” and “the hard” aren’t exactly the
 way we had anticipated, and don’t always occur when we expect them to. 
 This isn’t a bad thing – it makes life interesting, if we’re willing to
 see it that way.</li>
<li><strong>Worry is the cruelest enemy of personal growth.</strong>
 – Worrying does nothing but steal your joy and keep you very busy doing
 absolutely nothing at all.  When you spend time worrying, you’re simply
 using your imagination to create things you don’t want.  And, as every 
child knows deep down, there are much better ways to use an 
imagination.  Do your best to remind them of this.</li>
<li><strong>Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference.</strong>
 – If you want to be effective in life, you can’t base your attitude on 
how things are.  Instead, you have to choose your attitude so it 
supports and expresses the way you wish to be.  It’s not about expecting
 the best to always happen, but instead accepting whatever happens and 
then making the very best of it.  Truly, most of our long-tern 
frustration and stress comes from the way we respond and react to 
circumstances, not the circumstances themselves.  Learn to adjust your 
attitude, and all that extra frustration and stress is gone.  Practice 
this in your own life, so your child can witness the results firsthand.</li>
<li><strong>Reflecting on what we’re grateful for makes us happier and healthier.</strong> – In <em>1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently,</em>
 Angel and I discuss the powerful benefits of keeping a gratitude 
journal.  And the really good news is it works for children too.  In one
 celebrated example, Dr. Robert Emmons, of UC Davis, asked teenage 
students to keep a gratitude journal – over ten weeks, the young 
undergrads listed five things that had happened in the past week which 
they were grateful for.  The results were astoundingly powerful – the 
students who kept the gratitude journal were up to 25% happier, more 
optimistic about their future, and got sick less often during the 
controlled study.  They even got more exercise than usual.  The bottom 
line is that children who keep a gratitude journal are statistically 
happier, more optimistic, and healthier.  As soon as your child is old 
enough, help them start one.</li>
<li><strong>The lifelong pursuit of happiness is about finding meaning.</strong> – Pursuing happiness is not <img alt="" class="alignright size-full wp-image-9811" height="266" sizes="(max-width: 400px) 100vw, 400px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373.jpg 400w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Fotolia_37190292_S-e1494606571373-350x234.jpg 350w" width="400" />at
 all the same as feeling happy, which is a fleeting emotion dependent on
 momentary circumstances.  This is something that tends to confuse us 
when we’re young.  Happy moments feel great and are often fun-filled – 
if the sun is shining, by all means we should bask in it.  But happy 
moments always pass, because time passes.  The lifelong pursuit of 
happiness, on the other hand, is far more elusive; it’s not based on a 
particular momentary circumstance.  What you are really pursuing is 
meaning – living a meaningful life.  It starts with your “why.”  (Why 
are you doing what you’re doing every day?)  When your “why” has 
significance, you are living your life on your own terms, which makes 
the inevitable obstacles that arise on your path that much easier and 
more fulfilling to overcome.  In essence, you are putting forth effort 
and pushing forward because doing so brings meaning into your life.  (Do
 your best to help your child find their “why,” and let them know that 
it’s OK if it changes over time.)</li>
<li><strong>The right journey is the destination.</strong>
 – The most prolific and beneficial experience is not in actually 
achieving something you want, but in seeking it.  It’s the journey 
towards an endless horizon that matters – goals that move forward with 
you as you chase them.  It’s all about meaningful pursuits – the 
“moving” – and what you learn along the way.  Truly, the most important 
reason for moving from one place to another is to see what’s in 
between.  In between is where passions are realized, love is found, 
strength is gained, and memories are made.  You can’t get any of that 
without firsthand living.  In other words, the right journey is the 
destination.  Remember this truth, live by it… set an example for your 
child.</li>
<li><strong>The most effective way to move away from something you don’t want, is to move toward something you DO want.</strong>
 – “Don’t think about eating that chocolate donut!”  What are you 
thinking about now?  Eating that chocolate donut, right?  When we focus 
on not doing something, we end up thinking more about it.  The same 
philosophy holds true in all walks of life, regardless of our age.  By 
persistently trying to move away from what we don’t want, we are 
inadvertently forced to think about it so much that we end up carrying 
it’s weight along with us.  But if we instead choose to focus our energy
 on moving toward something we DO want, we naturally leave the negative 
weight behind as we move forward with our lives.</li>
<li><strong>Actions always speak 100% louder than words.</strong>
 – Children have never been perfect at listening to their parents, but 
they have never failed to imitate them.  Keep this in mind.  Let your 
children watch you set an example every day in all that you do, and then
 reinforce your actions with verbal guidance.  Ultimately, all of us – 
young and old alike – need to remember that what we really want in life 
comes from what we really do in life.</li>
<li><strong>The willingness to do hard things opens significant doors of opportunity.</strong>
 – One of the most important abilities you can help a child develop in 
life is being OK with some level of discomfort.  Because the best things
 are often hard to come by, and if you shy away from difficulty and 
discomfort, you’ll miss out on them.  Mastering a new skill is hard.  
Building a business is hard.  Writing a book is hard.  A marriage is 
hard.  Parenting is hard.  Staying in shape is hard.  All are amazing 
and worth every bit of effort you can muster.  If you get good at doing 
hard things, you can do almost anything you put your mind to.</li>
<li><strong>Uncertainty is inevitable and must be embraced to achieve anything worthwhile.</strong>
 – When we act with some level of uncertainty, this uncertainty often 
chases us out into the open where opportunity awaits.  Thus, learning to
 embrace uncertainty relatively early in life is a must.  Because if we 
need to know exactly how every little thing will turn out, we’ll avoid 
many life-changing projects, career moves, relationships, etc.  Starting
 a business, for example, could be a very worthwhile thing to do, but if
 you’re scared of uncertainty you’ll skip it.  Continually cowering in 
the face of uncertainty like this means you will never know anything for
 sure, and in many ways this unknowing will be worse than finding out 
your hunch was wrong.  For if you were wrong, you could make adjustments
 and carry on with your life without ever looking back and wondering 
what might have been.</li>
<li><strong>Lack of effort holds more people back than intelligence ever could.</strong>
 – It doesn’t matter if you have a genius IQ and a PhD in Quantum 
Physics, you can’t change anything or make any sort of real-world 
progress without putting forth diligent effort.  There’s a huge 
difference between knowing how to do something and actually doing it.  
Knowledge and intelligence are both useless to a person who’s unwilling 
to put in the effort and take action.  Remember this, and do your best 
to praise your child for their effort, not their intelligence.  When you
 praise your child’s efforts you are bringing attention to something 
they CAN control – the amount of time and energy they put into their 
work.  This is immensely important because it teaches them to persist, 
and that progress through hard work is possible.  They come to see 
themselves as “in control” of their success in life.  Conversely, 
emphasizing God-given intelligence takes progress out of your child’s 
control, and it provides no good formula for responding to failure.  In 
turn, your child may begin to think that innate intelligence is always 
going to be a missing element for them, and thus disregard the 
importance of their effort to learn and grow.</li>
<li><strong>Not everything will go as planned, but we can still be prepared.</strong>
 – For every youngster that succeeds in doing exactly what they set out 
to do in the exact time frame they set out to do it in, there are dozens
 of others who start strong and get derailed.  Help your child 
understand that if this happens to them, it isn’t a bad thing.  
Unexpected obstacles may come along to shift their perspective, to 
strengthen their resolve, or to change their direction for the better.  
And the destination they fall in love with someday may not even exist 
now.  For example, just a few short years ago the esteemed career paths 
of working at Facebook and Snapchat didn’t exist.  Neither did the job 
of professional coach and writer at Marc and Angel Hack Life.  So if a 
child can’t plan out their future in its entirety, what should they do? 
 Focus a little less on the future and focus more on what they can do 
now that will benefit them no matter what the future brings.  Read 
inspiring books.  Write.  Learn and practice useful skills.  Build 
things.  Be adventurous and seek real-world experiences.  Help people.  
Cultivate healthy relationships.  These efforts will assist in any 
future circumstances that come their way.</li>
<li><strong>Incredible distance can be covered over time with tiny steps.</strong>
 – Most people fritter their free time away on things that don’t matter,
 like TV, video games, social media, etc.  A year of that and you have 
absolutely zero to show for it.  But if you painted every day, or 
practiced your web design skills, or wrot<img alt="" class="size-medium wp-image-10647 alignleft" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/05/Fotolia_142119393_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" />e
 on a blog, or updated and perfected a video channel on YouTube, or 
started building a side business/passion project, or spent more time 
networking with the right people… at the end of a year you’ll have built
 something interesting.  And you’ll have some great life experiences too
 – experiences you can point to and say, “I built that, and I learned 
this,” which, sadly, many people can’t do.  Also, it’s important to 
mention that although it may seem easier for younger people to do these 
things, it’s 100% possible for all of us to take tiny steps in the right
 direction, day in and day out, for the rest of our lives.</li>
<li><strong>Goals don’t make positive changes happen, rituals do.</strong>
 – What’s the difference between goals and rituals?  As a parent, your 
goal is to be a great role model, while your ritual is the time and 
energy you commit to setting a great example for your child each day.  
If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to grow a successful business, 
while your ritual is your daily work ethic combined with your 
management, marketing and sales processes.  If you’re a fiction writer, 
your goal is to write a novel, while your ritual is the writing schedule
 you follow each day.  Now think about this:  If you ignored your goals 
for a while and focused solely on your rituals, would you still get 
positive results?  For example, if you were trying to lose weight and 
you ignored your goal to lose 20 pounds, and instead focused only on 
eating healthy and exercising each day, would you still get results?  
Yes, you would.  Gradually, you would get closer and closer to your goal
 without even thinking about it again.  The earlier we learn this in 
life, the longer we have to make our positive daily rituals work in our 
favor.  But it’s never too late either.  <em>(Angel and I build tiny, daily, life-changing rituals with our students in the “Goals and Growth” module of Getting Back to Happy.)</em></li>
<li><strong>Trustworthiness is the foundation of progress.</strong>
 – The underlying key, for all of us, is to be trustworthy in our 
relationships.  When someone gives someone an employment or business 
opportunity, the biggest fear is that this person is not trustworthy – 
that they’ll slack off and try to cheat the system.  Someone who has 
established a positive reputation over the years will likely be more 
trusted, and more likely to be recommended.  So do you best to teach you
 child to be trustworthy by being honest, admitting mistakes and fixing 
them, and generally going above and beyond the call of duty in all 
personal and professional relationships.  When we adhere to this 
philosophy, we end up building a good reputation and people appreciate 
and endorse us more openly, which is the best way to get a job, a 
business investor, or another good friend.</li>
</ol>
</section></div>

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child

17 Must-Have Conversations with Your Child Life coach, Mark Chernoff, breaks down some important life truths that can shape how chil...

Relationships and Love