When To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfRH4xf-vmg1dgjSjueu8VWzsAlP9Bt0mUgRX17cXFFdjK6euE03CV5TiEGgMDz8KNTjCpuZZV5YxHsDhj2o4oZsa5wdBAb-UQy2n2hQfh-lfu5TgUg7DvoDyyKJkXd96zpBPl4gOa_NQ/s1600/African-American-Couple-Arguing-in-Bed-1024x682.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgfRH4xf-vmg1dgjSjueu8VWzsAlP9Bt0mUgRX17cXFFdjK6euE03CV5TiEGgMDz8KNTjCpuZZV5YxHsDhj2o4oZsa5wdBAb-UQy2n2hQfh-lfu5TgUg7DvoDyyKJkXd96zpBPl4gOa_NQ/s400/African-American-Couple-Arguing-in-Bed-1024x682.jpg" width="400" /></a></div> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><br /></span> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Not every relationship is meant to last for a life time. YES! That’s true. Not all relations work out. You need to admit this fact. If you feel you are not with the ‘right partner’ you should just get out of that relation without wasting any more of your time.</span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Based on my experiences and learning I have list down signs of bad relationships. If you feel you are experiencing one or more of these, you should know it’s time for you to get out of this bad relationship.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">5. Feeling Worthless:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You are a beautiful person and you should feel like one. If you are in a relation that makes you feel worthless then there is no point to carry on. If your partner doesn’t appreciate you, or love you for the person you are, there is no need to stay with that person. Never, ever settle for less than your worth.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. Lack of Passion:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You don’t have to be just comfortable in your relationship. You should be passionate about your relation. If any of you is not passionate with the other, then your relationship has already ended. There is no point to linger on with a person who doesn’t love you passionately.</span></div> <h3 class="p3" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. Abusive Relation:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Whether it’s physical abuse, mental torture or emotional abuse, you should not take it. You deserve a partner who can treat you with love, care and respect. Don’t let anyone to degrade you emotionally or hit you physically.</span></div> <h3 class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">2. He Wants You To Change:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">You should be loved for the person you are. That is most important thing to realize. If your partner wants you to change as a person then they don’t deserve you. Healthy relations do need compromises and a little change of habits but it doesn’t mean that other person has right to rule your life. Love should be unconditional. If he demands you to transform into a totally new personality, you should know it’s time to get out of this relationship.</span></div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-top: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">1. Lame Excuses:</b></span></h3> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">…..’But we are together for so long’, if that’s the only reason you are staying together, just forget it. Don’t force yourself to be in an unhealthy relation just because you both are together for years. Don’t give yourself lame excuses for staying in that relation. Ask yourself why you want to stay in that relation. If you don’t get a valid answer just break out of it.</span></div> <div class="p4" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"><b style="box-sizing: border-box;">Talk To Me:</b></span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">If you are experiencing any of these signs of bad relationship, you should know it’s high time to move on.</span></div> <div class="p1" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <ul style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 22.8571px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-top: 0px; padding-top: 0px;"> <li class="li1" style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: square; padding-bottom: 5px;"><span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">Tell us your experiences about having a bad relationship?</span></li> <li class="li1" style="box-sizing: border-box; list-style: square; padding-bottom: 5px;"><span class="s1" style="box-sizing: border-box;">How did you manage to get out of your bad relationship? Comment below</span></li> </ul> </div>

When To Get Out Of A Bad Relationship?

Not every relationship is meant to last for a life time. YES! That’s true. Not all relations work out. You need to admit this fact. If ...

Read more »

3 Surprisingly Common Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; clear: left; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img alt="ve heard of cheating and fighting leading to divorce 3 Surprisingly Common Marriage Mistakes that Lead to Divorce" src="http://static.eharmony.com/dating-advice/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/whycouplesdivorce-400x267.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You’ve heard of cheating and fighting leading to divorce, but what about selflessness and lack of hugs? Behaviors such as cheating and fighting are the manifestation of deeper behavior patterns that undermine marriages. These three common marriage mistakes are at the root of what make many unions fizzle:</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Altruism</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Altruism, also known as selflessness or even self-sacrifice, sounds like a good thing in a relationship. It’s comforting to know that your partner would do anything to protect or help you, and you would do the same for him or her. Unfortunately, outside of the occasional emergency situation, altruism is a damaging habit. The happiest and most enjoyable marriages are ones in which both spouses feel that their concerns, desires and needs are met and valued. You and your spouse should feel that each of you has power and significance in the marriage. Altruistic behavior denies that importance. Over time, constantly suppressing your desires and needs for those of your spouse can lead to a disorder of power in the relationship, which, even if voluntary, can lead to depression and resentment.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Avoid this marriage pitfall by speaking up. Make your preferences and needs known to your spouse, even if you think the matter isn’t a big deal. Want Italian for dinner when your spouse wants Chinese? Say so! Just remember to speak your mind pleasantly and tactfully. And make sure you have the marriage skills to turn the occasional difference of opinion into a discussion rather than an argument.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 2. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Negativity</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Negativity is the number one contributor to an unpleasant environment that can eventually erode the whole marriage. Negativity includes small gestures such eye rolling, out of place humor, sarcasm, and signs of frustration, as well as more obvious negative comments such as disparaging your spouse’s opinion, mocking, and insults. Every piece of negativity, big or small, can have an enormous impact on the climate in your marriage. Negativity breaks down the trust you have for your partner to be a loving and supportive haven from the world’s challenges. It makes you not want to be around each other. It can also instantly trigger arguments.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Monitor yourself carefully for negative body language and speech patterns and try to eliminate them completely. This doesn’t mean that you can’t get frustrated or upset at something your spouse has done. Simply tell him or her about your feelings using, calm, neutral language. Focus on yourself by using the phrase “When you … I feel …” instead of inviting defensiveness with you-statements. Also explain to your spouse how much it hurts when he or she uses negativity towards you.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 3. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Loss of non-sexual intimacy</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Since physical intimacy depends on feeling comfortable with your partner, physical affection is one of the first victims of rampant negativity in a marriage. This is unfortunate because physical affection is the glue of marriages. Loss of physical intimacy can precipitate the loss of emotional intimacy, increasing distance in a relationship, sexual affairs, and finally divorce.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Physical affection means much more than sex. It means, cuddling, hugs, kissing, holding hands, a gentle squeeze on the shoulder or stroking an arm.  New couples display this non-sexual intimacy constantly and it signals that they are attracted to and interested in each other.  In addition, researchers have found that non-sexual intimacy is a significant contributor to long-term marital happiness. This warm, positive, skin-to-skin contact releases the same bonding chemicals in your brain as sex. While a marriage may be fine without sexual intercourse (as long as both spouses are on the same page about it), it will likely struggle mightily without any physical intimacy.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The homework to remedy this marriage duduk masalah is easy: set the goal of touching your spouse in a positive way ten times daily. Then increase that frequency! Adding non-sexual intimacy to your marriage is a more low-pressure goal than initiating sex. And since regular physical contact can make you both more receptive to sensual experiences, it can by a good way for a sexless marriage to ease into more frequent sex.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Have you noticed any of these common marriage mistakes in your marriage or new relationship? Not to worry. In fact, noticing them is the first step in fixing them and building the foundation for a strong, happy future together. It is never to late to start your happily-ever-after.</div> </div>

3 Surprisingly Common Marriage Mistakes That Lead To Divorce

You’ve heard of cheating and fighting leading to divorce, but what about selflessness and lack of hugs? Behaviors such as cheating and...

Read more »

Ladies: Five Signs Your Boyfriend Will Make A Good Husband (Or Not!)

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; clear: left; color: #333333; float: left; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img alt="s easy to fall head over heels right away Ladies: Five Signs Your Boyfriend Will Make a Good Husband (or Not!)" src="http://static.eharmony.com/dating-advice/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/good-boyfriend-material-or-not-400x257.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <br /> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> When relationships start out, it’s easy to fall head over heels right away, thinking maybe he’s “the one.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This phase, however, is not the ideal time to start planning a future together — especially because you’re only seeing the very best version of your partner. If you allow yourself to get blinded by this fantasy, you could miss the real signs that show what type of boyfriend (or husband) he’ll be later on in the relationship.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> While we can’t predict the future, there are certain things we can pay attention to, early on, to determine if he’s a keeper.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How He Treats People</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Being respectful to other people, especially the elderly, is an indication that he’s got good manners and good character, says marriage counselor Dr. Paul Hokemeyer. “If he’s only solicitous to young pretty women and ignores everyone else, that’s a sign he’s a complete narcissist who is only interested in people who can feed his ego.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Aside from the elderly, it’s a plus if he’s also affectionate toward animals and babies. That can indicate he is relationship- and family-oriented.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How He Handles Work</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Having a man with good work ethic can infer he will make a solid financial partner, notes psychotherapist Dr. Karen Ruskin. But, as author and dating coach Laurel House adds, there’s a fine line between “solid financial partner” and incurable workaholic. “If he puts work first all the time, cancels on you last minute, and is constantly emailing, texting, and taking calls when you’re out, expect for his business to always come first.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How He Deals With Stress</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Real character emerges during times of stress and conflict. When things get rough at work or home, does he roll with the punches or become overly stressed and blame everyone and everything for his troubles, including you?</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> “If even waiting in lines is hard for him, that’s an indication he has low frustration tolerance and will be reluctant to tolerate any imperfections or challenges from you,” says Hokemeyer.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How He Supports You</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Make sure he listens to you and supports your interests and choices, because a supportive man is positive, and a man who tries to control and downplay your hopes and dreams is dangerous and negative, says Ruskin.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s also important to be open about yourself — expose your vulnerabilities and red flags early on, says House. “Don’t let him be the one with the stories, charisma, and personality. Dig deep, connect through stories, talk about your core values, and let your guard down.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you don’t, you risk wasting your time, falling for a façade and even boredom due to a perception of perfection.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">How You Met Him</strong></div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Do you remember how the two of you met? Even this can indicate if the relationship will last, the experts say.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> “If you meet him in a situation where he is the center of attention, unless you immediately level the playing field, he will always be the one on the pedestal,” says House.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A more mutual kind of meet-cute, Ruskin explains, will likely offer a more positive outcome. “Meeting through a friend, he will treat you nice [because] you are a direct connection. Through religious means, there is a spiritual connection. Meet at surf camp? Then you share a common interest.” (And if you met through one of those “hook up” apps or via a fling affair, don’t expect to be walking down the aisle anytime soon.)</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Once you’ve determined that your guy might be all he’s cracked up to be, it’s still important to take things slow.</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As Hokemeyer says, “As hard as it may be, don’t make any major relationship- or life-changing decisions for at least three months of a new relationship.”</div> <div style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: myriad-pro, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Besides, if he’s really “the one,” he’ll be more than willing to take the time to show it.</div> </div>

Ladies: Five Signs Your Boyfriend Will Make A Good Husband (Or Not!)

When relationships start out, it’s easy to fall head over heels right away, thinking maybe he’s “the one.” This phase, however, is n...

Read more »

12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up

<div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZft4EFTq9w7GzHjwdJyW04s5S5wy9inMKXbwLNPdpWuXlZ-JBFwb6dJmcDBch5Sh_c-ey0RWgsp7e-yUqTBXBzv7Wo92PdUnQOVhE1A_Ve-rRXmk17cxJbcxwg2-Gr8VPaJNo5Ejn1U/s1600/how+to+get+over+a+break+up.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Getting over a break up can be one of the toughest things you 12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="740" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKZft4EFTq9w7GzHjwdJyW04s5S5wy9inMKXbwLNPdpWuXlZ-JBFwb6dJmcDBch5Sh_c-ey0RWgsp7e-yUqTBXBzv7Wo92PdUnQOVhE1A_Ve-rRXmk17cxJbcxwg2-Gr8VPaJNo5Ejn1U/s1600/how+to+get+over+a+break+up.png" title="12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up" width="436" /></a></div> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Getting over a break up can be one of the toughest things you'll go through in life, especially if it was someone you loved and who meant a lot to you. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Moving on from a break up is very difficult and challenging, and sometimes it feels like you're never going to get over it, but the reality is that, feelings fade over time and you <i>will</i> move on from this relationship and things will get better.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Whether your boyfriend or girlfriend broke up with you or you knew the breakup had to happen, it's a hard thing to go through whether you wanted it to happen or not.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It's especially difficult to move on from a painful breakup when you still love the person and you didn't want to break up with them in the first place.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The change from being in a happy relationship and spending time with someone you love, to being alone and never seeing that person again is an extremely difficult situation to adjust to. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">One of the toughest parts of a break up is not being able to contact that person anymore and not having them in your life.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The way the relationship ended can be a big determining factor on how much pain you're going through. </span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Whether it was a face to face breakup, a phone call breakup or if it ended over social media  (which you should never do because it's one the <b>most</b> horrible ways to end things with someone) you'll understandably be feeling a lot of pain and you'll find it hard to understand why the relationship has ended. It's hard to terms with the fact that that person isn't in your life anymore.</span><br /> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Related articles:</span><br /> <a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=15-signs-you-need-to-end-your-relationship"><span style="color: #e06666;">15 Signs You Need To End Your Relationship Now</span></a><br /> <a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=15-signs-you-need-to-end-your-relationship"><span style="color: #e06666;">10 Signs You're In A One-Sided Relationship</span></a></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Whether you're wondering how to get over a break up fast or want to move on from an ex, these are the <i>10 best ways to get over a breakup</i>:</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>1. Let It All Out</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">You can tell yourself to be strong and try not to let the break up get to you, but you're only human and you need to let yourself cry and be miserable for a few days. It's understandable that you'll be heartbroken after losing someone you love, so take some time to cry your eyes out, eat your favourite foods, binge watch a good TV show and give yourself the ultimate self care week. It may take days, weeks or even months to get all the emotions out, but let yourself feel the sadness and hurt instead of bottling it all up. You'll feel a million times better after having a good cry and letting all of your emotions out.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>2. Get Rid Of Any Memories Of Them</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">The saying 'out of site, out of mind,' definitely applies to breakups. If they broke your heart or you just want to move on from the breakup as quickly as possible, delete all of the photos you have on your phone together, get rid of any cute gifts they got you, hide anything away that reminds you of them at the back of your wardrobe or chuck it in the trash. You don't want to have constant reminders of them in your life, so have a spring clean and redecorate your life without them in it. You don't want to think you've moved on from them and then one day you walk past a teddy that they got you and all the emotions come flooding back.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>3. Delete Them Off Social Media</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">If you've decided amicably to end the relationship, then you may not need to do this. But if it was a painful break up then you need to delete them off Snapchat/Instagram/Facebook etc. immediately. There's no point in trying to check up on what they're doing with their life now because it will only make you hurt more and make it harder to move on from them. Don't watch their insta or snap stories and resist the urge to stalk them on Facebook. Deleting your ex off social media is a big step in moving on without them.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>4. Don't Try To Make Them Jealous</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It can be so tempting to post lots of stories and photos of you with friends out enjoying yourselves to show your ex what an amazing time you're having without them. However, they really don't even deserve to know what you're doing with your time now and you shouldn't waste your energy on trying to make them jealous and regret breaking up with you. They're not worth your time and so you should focus on yourself rather than trying to show them that you're happy without them.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>5. Don't Go Back To Them</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">When you're in the midst of your heartbreak and you're hurting a lot, sometimes all you want is to cuddle up with your ex and have everything be ok again like it was before. If they reach out to you, don't respond. It can seem extremely hard to do because even though they broke your heart, you still miss them and want to be with them at times. Have the strength to realise that that person was not the one for you and if you go back to them, you'll only end up breaking up again in a matter of months and have to go through the heartache all over again. Let go of the hope that your love might rekindle and realise that you're a much better person without them.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>6. Don't Stay Friends</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Staying friends with your ex rarely ever works. If they suggest that they want to keep you as a friend, it's giving you some type of hope that the relationship isn't 100% over. It is well and truly over. If your ex wants to stay friends after the break up, this can be like a power play so they have some time of control over the situation. You won't be able to completely get over them if you're still their friend and they might just be keeping you as an option in the future by still wanting to be your friend. If you wanted a friendship, you would of put them in the friend zone a long time ago.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>7. Start Reinventing Your Life</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">After you've gotten through most of the crying and depression stage of the break up, it's time to pick yourself up and start making an amazing life for yourself again. It's a huge shock to the system when you go from being in a relationship with someone to being single. You'll find yourself with a lot more time on your hands and wondering what to do instead of hanging out with your ex now. Take up a new hobby such as an exercise class or learning an instrument, and if you started doing this before you met your ex, then pick up where you left off and get back into doing things for yourself.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>8. Hang Out With Friends</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Your friends are your support group in times of need and they will play a major part in helping you move on from a break up. Good friends will be there to hear you talk crap about your ex and listen to why they're a complete jerk. Go out with your friends for lunch or for a walk and have a night out to enjoy yourselves and realise that there's so many other people out there in the world. Your friends will give you great advice on how to deal with the breakup, especially if they've been through one themselves. Getting over a breakup is a lot easier when you have good people around you to help you get through it.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>9. Don't Start Dating Too Soon</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">It can be temping to jump straight back on the dating grup band wagon and get back in them game as soon you've broken up with your ex. It's completely fine if you want to set up a Tinder profile or get on Bumble to distract yourself and realise that there are plenty more fish in the sea. However, you risk the rebound relationship situation by dating again too soon, so if you really want to date someone straight away, take your time with it and don't rush into anything serious. If you think it will help, then by all means get back out there whenever you feel like it!</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>10. Keep Yourself Busy</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Whenever you find yourself alone with your thoughts, that's when you'll start to overthink about the relationship, such as why it ended and start getting emotional about the whole situation. Don't let your mind wander and start to think about what went wrong and how you could of done things differently. Keep your mind busy, even if you're alone at home, read a good book, run a bath, plan a holiday or travel, play music or do anything that you enjoy that will keep you occupied and not thinking about the breakup. It's hard enough to take your mind off your ex when all you seem to think about is them, so it's important to do things you enjoy to stop yourself from thinking about them.</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>11. Remember That 'The One' Is Still Out There</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">During a breakup, it can feel like you've lost the only person you ever wanted to be with. But the fact that you've both broken up shows that it wasn't meant to be and they weren't your happy every after. It sometimes feels like they're the only potential person for you in the world and you're never going to find someone who makes you happy again. The reality is that there are probably thousands of people out there that you could have a happy relationship, and now that you're not with out ex, you can start finding that one person who you're truly meant to be with. Just remember that the person you're going to spend the rest of your life with is still out there and you haven't even met them yet. There's so many exciting things coming your way!</span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 30px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><b>12. Focus On You</b></span></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; min-height: 27px; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "Avenir Next Condensed"; font-size: 32px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal;"> </div> <div style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Avenir; font-size: 20px; font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> <span style="font-kerning: none;">Now that you have your ex boyfriend or girlfriend out of your life, you can start focusing on you as a person. When you're in a relationship it sometimes feels like the two of you are one person and you do a lot of the same things together. Now's the time to start doing the things you've always wanted to do and focus on making yourself happy. If there's a fun new exercise class you've been wanting to try, join up this week. If you've been wanting to fix your diet then start experimenting with new foods and cooking. Have some self-care nights where you pamper yourself with a face mask, a good book and have a bath to relax. If you've always wanted to travel but felt like you couldn't because your partner didn't want to, start planning that trip now.</span><br /> <span style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span> <br /> <div style="text-align: center;"> Pin it for later:</div> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMvgncZQFu3UaxuOPQgBlie9oWR0DSDv9GJQKle8i4LmzCSzJqEZ4A2ZyUiwaReE3ELbgLYqiylzPcjSD7bURojyZUV1Y7cY1PesIQ2zz1RS_6iXx7v2vYQ8Qafzb-dq6yu7TChQ7h8Hc/s1600/how+to+get+over+a+break+up.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="Getting over a break up can be one of the toughest things you 12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up" border="0" data-original-height="1400" data-original-width="735" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMvgncZQFu3UaxuOPQgBlie9oWR0DSDv9GJQKle8i4LmzCSzJqEZ4A2ZyUiwaReE3ELbgLYqiylzPcjSD7bURojyZUV1Y7cY1PesIQ2zz1RS_6iXx7v2vYQ8Qafzb-dq6yu7TChQ7h8Hc/s1600/how+to+get+over+a+break+up.png" title="12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up" width="210" /></a></div> </div>

12 Ways To Get Over A Break Up

Getting over a break up can be one of the toughest things you'll go through in life, especially if it was someone you loved and who ...

Read more »

7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s640/12.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views on life and how to live it, and when two people get into a relationship they start sharing a life together, and that’s when the fights slowly start to happen. It’s perfectly normal to fight your significant other, but the fights should not get out of hand and should be controlled by one of the two. I’m going to mention some of the most common relationship fights, because these fights can often lead to harsh breakups (I’ve seen them happen and also been through a few). The point of this article is to prepare you guys for the negativities that come with every relationship and I’ll try my best to teach you how to deal with those negativities. Let’s begin.<span id="more-114" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 7. Fights pertaining to money</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> “Money” is one of the strongest evils of the world, we all need it, some of us have a lot of it, some of us don’t have enough to lead a normal life, some of us have more than enough but we still want more. Every person is different in this aspect and money is something that can literally cause a lot of damage to any relationship if it’s not properly dealt with. My ex, for example, always expected me to spend on her even when I didn’t have enough, this made me feel bad about myself and greatly lowered my self-esteem and made me apply for small-time jobs just to make her needs meet. Eventually, I started believing that the relationship was fueled with money, which shouldn’t be the case in any relationship because money is a very temporary luxury, so even though I started earning a lot of money, I left her. I’ve seen even the richest of friends go poor over one stupid decision. The girl I’m with now, who I mentioned in my previous article – “<a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #f53e2a; text-decoration: none;">10 Ways to really make her happy</a>“, is an amazing person. She knows I spend a lot on myself and on her, she keeps asking me to lower my expenses and to save more for our future. It’s not unhealthy to sit and talk about money if it’s going in a positive direction, try and understand what your partner means, try to grasp where they are coming from. Don’t shun the idea of saving. But if it seems like a relationship where money is discussed more than it should be, you’re with the wrong person.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 6. Fights about In-laws</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It is bound to happen at one point. When you find your significant other, you need to be prepared to be okay with their family. The fights happen because you naturally can’t love their family like your own no matter how hard you try, but you still have to keep trying. You can’t be happy with your partner if you don’t respect their family, because your partner expects that from you and they understand that you don’t see eye to eye with them but they will still love you for smiling at the awkward dinners and just being nice around them. My in-laws are a blessing on me because they didn’t make things difficult for me, but I’ve known a few friends who’ve had major fights over this point. A friend of mine chose to just stay quiet in front of his in-laws because he just didn’t like them, I told him that’s not the way but he didn’t listen. Eventually, the inevitable fight happened and it was caused because his girlfriend was sad about him not respecting her family. You have to be very selfless here, look at it through your partner’s eyes and you’ll get it.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 5. Fights caused by jealousy</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Jealousy is another natural element of everyone’s life, it happens and it can easily be controlled, it’s all in your head and the insecurities caused by jealousy can be very fatal for a relationship. We often get jealous of our partners, but it’s okay as long as it’s the sweet sort of jealousy. My girlfriend knows her limits with her friends and she knows I’ll never bound her from anything, so she doesn’t give me a reason to be jealous of anything. One easy way to deal with jealousy is to get a strong grip over your insecurities and to end them. If you’re insecure about yourself, you’ll always be insecure about your relationship which causes jealousy to appear in the mix in a way it really shouldn’t.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 4. Fights about “Nothing”</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This might seem funny to most people in new relationships, but people who’ve been together for a couple of years know what I’m talking about. Fights over “nothing” are very common in couples who know and love each other for too long. These fights are so trivial that both sides have no idea how the fight started in the first place. These fights are caused by other tensions that are left unsolved in the past, these little tensions slowly develop into a fight that leads nowhere and the couple starts being normal with each other after a while. To avoid such fights, make sure you speak your heart out with each other all the time. Don’t think that you shouldn’t tell them something if it’s bothering you just because it would lead to an argument, have that argument to save yourselves from a bigger argument later. Speak your mind, be free.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 3. Fights over bad habits</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> I used to smoke cigarettes, and a lot of them per day. My ex didn’t mind because she herself used to smoke. But my girlfriend now, the amazing woman that she is, doesn’t smoke or do anything of the sort. She told me to stop smoking, not because she didn’t like it, but because she wanted me to be a healthier person. As long as she was clear about it, I had literally no second thoughts about leaving that habit. So we didn’t fight over my bad habit. Fights over bad habits occur when your partner wants you to refrain from something but give little or no reason or justification for it. They need to understand that they need to tell you “why” your bad habit is “bad” for you, just saying something like “stop it because I don’t like it” isn’t a strong enough way to make you leave something. Leaving a bad habit is a very hard process and having an open-minded partner helps by a mile.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 2. Fighting because of friends</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Ah friends, they’re important aren’t they? We all have a very close group of friends who we call our best friends, we listen to them, we help them out, we love them for who they are, we want to spend more and more time with them, but friends are also often the reason for couples to fight. I’ve noticed this more with girls than with guys, because I have a personal example for this. My guy friends are all very cool with my girlfriend, they like her and they hang out with us without asking me to “make her stay out of our guy time”. But one fine day, my girlfriend was pretty upset, because one of her girls told her some very mean lies about me, she didn’t believe what she said but she was just upset over the fact that one of her close friends isn’t okay with me. I tried my best to make her friend like me but I’m not required to so I stopped after a while, a while later my girlfriend discovered that her “close friend” wanted to make her hate me because she was, and I quote, “too tired of seeing us so happy”. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty psychotic, but it happened. So natually, my girlfriend stopped talking to her to avoid any more of said issues. Try not to let your friends get too involved in your relationship, don’t let them judge you for your decisions (true friends never do, anyway) it is bound to cause a lot of problems later.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 1. Fights over the past</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Some people have a harder time letting go of the past than others. Some people linger on to it and want to keep something to themselves for leverage, it shouldn’t be like that because it’s not healthy but that’s how it is. If your significant other musters up the courage and strength to tell you everything about their past, even their most embarrassing of mistakes, please don’t use those things against them in the past. Accept them completely for who they were and for who they are, do NOT linger on to the past.</div> </div>

7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views...

Read more »

12 Golden Rule To A Happy And Long Lasting Marriage/Dating

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <img src="http://static.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/KAo2PPwFWDG0Fwq7dQMNqrkMNprh4Fmm6mivRRQb9CA/mtime:1427941577/sites/default/files/styles/listing_big/public/image_feature/golden.jpg?itok=xae17eRc" /><br /> <br /> <div class="field-value value-bold summary dek no-label" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <div class="field field-name-field-daily-dish-feature-summar field-type-text-long field-label-above" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> <div class="field-items" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> <div class="field-item even" style="box-sizing: border-box;"> Fairy-tale love is hard to find. Here are some tips for keeping your relationship healthy and happy.</div> </div> </div> </div> <div class="field-value body no-label" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #333333; font-family: 'Open Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22.399999618530273px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> One of the most common questions we hear is, "<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">How do we make our relationship work?</em>" The answers are complicated, varied, and after a while, start to sound like muddled platitudes. But these commonplace sayings get repeated because <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">they work</em>. With this in mind, we pulled together 12 cliches that, in fact, reveal simple, tried-and-true advice for having a healthy, happy relationship. Read on and let us know what you think:</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">1. Mind your manners.</strong> "Please," "thank you" and "you're welcome," can go a long way in helping your partner remember that you respect and love him and don't take him for granted.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">2. Variety is the spice of life.</strong> Studies have shown that dullness can lead to dissatisfaction with a relationship. Trying something new can be as simple as visiting an unfamiliar restaurant or as grand as a backpacking trip through Sri Lanka. Discoveries you make together will keep you feeling close. </div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. The couple that plays together, stays together.</strong> Find a sport or hobby that you both love (no, watching TV doesn't count) and make it a priority in your relationship. Camping, biking, building model trains. .. whatever it is, find something you enjoy doing together.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. Fight right.</strong> In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind: Don't call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don't initiate a discussion when you're angry.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">5. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine.</strong> No one likes demands (unless you're in a BDSM role play) but everyone can appreciate a compromise. If you want your lover to do something and you're not sure he'll be agreeable, the quickest way to avoid a confrontation is to sweeten the deal. For example: "Sure, I'll watch Monday Night Football if you take me to see the next movie of my choice."</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">6. Two heads are better than one.</strong> Being in a relationship basically means you've made a merger; you've not only joined assets but inherited the other's problems as well. Rather than looking at his problems as merely his own, tackle them together. For example, if he's gaining weight, rather than pushing him to diet on his own, enroll in an exercise kegiatan together.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">7. Distance makes the heart grow fonder.</strong> Maintain your own friendships and occasionally have a night out without your significant other. Doing things without your s.o. not only makes you miss him or her, it also keeps you sane. And in case the relationship doesn't work out, you'll still have your friends.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">8. Sound it out.</strong> It other words: communicate! Talking out the tough subjects — money, religion, fidelity, raising kids —will not be the most fun you've had, but it'll be valuable.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">9. Laughter is the best medicine.</strong> Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If he throws your $300 cashmere sweater in the dryer, laughing it off is better than getting angry in the long run. It's just a $300 cashmere sweater, not the end of the world.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">10. Keep your eyes on the prize. </strong>Yes, he forgot your co-worker's name for the tenth time, but it probably doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. If you keep your perspective fixed on the goal — to be in a happy, functioning partnership — you're less likely to get tangled up in every minor annoyance. Remember, you both want the same thing.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">11. Quitters never win.</strong> Find a ritual and keep it alive, no matter what. Whether it's always kissing each other good night, renewing your wedding vows every year, sleeping in as late as you want once a month or committing to having sex once a week, pick something that makes you both feel good and stick to it, even when you're tempted to skip.</div> <div style="box-sizing: border-box; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">12. When the going gets tough, the tough get going ... to therapy.</strong> Studies show that couples who seek counseling during rocky periods are more successful in resolving their issues than those who don't. Whether its from a religious figure, counselor or mental health professional, getting an expert to help sort out strife is as wise as forgoing self-installation and hiring a plumber to put in a new sink.</div> </div> </div>

12 Golden Rule To A Happy And Long Lasting Marriage/Dating

Fairy-tale love is hard to find. Here are some tips for keeping your relationship healthy and happy. One of the most common que...

Read more »

10 Biggest Reasons People Fall Out Of Love

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <h1 style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #3089a2; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img height="472" src="http://www.essence.com/sites/default/files/images/2011/09/20/frustrated-african-american-couple-400x295.jpg" width="640" /></h1> <h1 style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: 0px; color: #3089a2; font-family: ProximaNova, Calibri, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 22px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 0px 5px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br /><div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here are ten reasons why people fall out of love:</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They stopped communicating.</strong> Conflict went unresolved, needs went unexpressed, and affirmations went unspoken. If good communication is key to building a healthy relationship, the lack of it can surely dissolve one.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 2. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">They took each other for granted.</strong> It’s easy to assume that love is unconditional and to subsequently get lazy with each other. When respect and kindness disappear, so can the love.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 3. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Expectations weren’t met.</strong> In the beginning, it’s easy to accommodate your partner’s needs and wishes. Over time, however, people often default to “just being themselves” and stop bending to the expectations of their partner if those expectations are not shared ones.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 4. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">One of them discovered something new about his/her partner.</strong> Betrayal can radically alter how someone feels about their partner. Discovering that your partner has hidden something from you, cheated on you, or behaved in a way that’s inconsistent with who you thought they were can do irreparable damage to the relationship.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 5. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Overwhelming jealousy took over.</strong> Yes, it’s reassuring to know that your partner wants you for himself. But when jealousy takes over, there’s no room for trust.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 6. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The relationship wasn’t built on a solid foundation.</strong> If the relationship started poorly, moved too fast in the beginning, or was the product of an affair, it’s likely not rooted enough to withstand time or overcome any real relationship obstacles.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 7. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Incompatibility.</strong> As a couple gets to know one another better — and the initial fireworks die down — they may discover that their lifestyles, priorities, and values don’t align.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 8. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Boredom.</strong> Or exhaustion. The relationship has either lost its spark or become too much work for one or both people to handle.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 9.<strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> A major life event changed things</strong>. She’s given birth and he no longer sees her as a lover, just as a mother. He got fired and suddenly retreats into depression and refuses her help. Instead of embracing life’s adventures together, some couples crack under the pressures of hardships or the unknown.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 10. <strong style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It wasn’t love in the first place.</strong> Lust can disguise itself as love. Once the honeymoon is over, however, it can also leave a relationship feeling empty and lacking.</div> <div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; background-size: initial; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 1.5em; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <em style="background: transparent; border: 0px; margin: 0px; outline: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Have you fallen in…and then out of love? What was the reason? Drop your comment below</em></div> </h1> </div>

10 Biggest Reasons People Fall Out Of Love

Here are ten reasons why people fall out of love: 1.  They stopped communicating.  Conflict went unresolved, needs went unexpressed, ...

Read more »

Twelve Things You Need To Do If You Have Been In An Abusive Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> <img alt=" your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war Twelve things you need to do if you have been in an abusive relationship" height="345" src="https://i2.wp.com/www.relrules.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/shutterstock_395227735.jpg?fit=1000,541" style="background-color: transparent;" width="640" /></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> An abusive relationship destroys you; your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war. A person is very vulnerable when they come out of such a relationship. They have been hurt way too many times to be able to put themselves back together again on their own. You will need help from people who love you and care for you. You will have to learn to trust and open up to people, all over again, just as you did when you were a toddler.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> The journey to self-healing is hard and long, it takes a person time to be able to find their true identity. They lose their spirituality after they have been in an abusive relationship. Abuse takes away your light bit by bit; darkness consumes you to a point of dismay. The most dangerous thing a human can lose is hope. When we lose hope, the world feels pointless and you let your self drown in a sea of self-loathe. You consider yourself responsible for things you had no control over. This is exactly what happens in an abusive relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You lose interest in yourself and life to a point that you don’t want to live anymore. Why aren’t there stress berat centers for people who have been in such relationships? I have broken many bones but believe me; mental abuse hurts a lot more than physical abuse.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> The struggle to leave such a relationship is your last try to stop yourself from drowning in to the pit of never-ending despair. There isn’t much of a fight left in you after that. If you are lucky, the abuser let go of you! It might hurt initially but trust me, it’s the best thing that can ever happen to you.</div> <ol style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 26px 24px; padding: 0px;"> <li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h3 style="box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: inherit; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Call your family</strong></h3> </li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> No matter how distant you are from them, family will always be there for your. Call your parents and tell them to take you away, ask them if they would let you spend a month with them. This time will put you back together again; it will remind you of all the beautiful moments you once spent with them. Remembrance of love and care will work wonders on your broken soul.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">2. Reach out to your friends</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Your friends will help you connect with the outer world again. You will smile and laugh in their presence, something you haven’t been able to do since ages. They will make you feel that there is more to life than a havoc-wreaking relationship! Friends are the most beautiful creatures on earth, they are not your family by blood they are your family by soul. Your friends will heal your soul and you will feel the difference.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. Get a Job</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> No, it’s never too late to get a job, get a job right away even if it’s a small one, you will not be able to put yourself together again unless your are completely independent. Financial stability will make you feel more confident than ever, you don’t need a human to support your existence. You are strong enough to support yourself.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. Get Counseling</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You might keep telling yourself that you don’t need any additional help, but if you have been abused to an extent that you lost the ability to care for yourself, get help right away. Depending on your condition, the counselor might recommend medication or meditation.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">5. Get a pet</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You need to start trusting and caring for people again and the best way you can do that is by getting yourself a pet. Remember, a pet is a huge responsibility and you need to care for it just as you want to be cared for yourself. I would suggest a cat, cats are great for people with depression, caressing and brushing your cat will help you unwind and relax.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">6. Get your own place</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Get your own place somewhere near your parent’s house or, if you cannot afford one with your own pay, ask them if they will let you rent the room you live in. You need to know that you will now be able to support yourself completely. You don’t need a human to take care of you. </div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">7. Work around the house</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Help your parents with all the chores, not only will they keep you busy but they will also help you get your mind off things. Your parents will appreciate the extra help around the house and it will help you guys bond better. Plus, a sense of accomplishment will really help boost your self-esteem.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">8. Take a vacation</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Go on a vacation, you need to learn to appreciate the beauty of the world on order to help you live once more. The world is waiting to be discovered.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">9. Interact with neighbours</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Go for a walk around the neighbourhood, smile and enjoy life a little, get to know the people who live around you.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">10. Work on yourself</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Save up for some new clothes and a trip to the saloon. Change how you look, wear lipstick and dye your hair. You have no idea how confident you will feel once you look good. People will notice you and it will feel amazing!</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">11. Improve your health</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Start working out and get back into shape, such a relationship can ruin your physical health, and you need to be able to trust your body again just like you once did.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">12. Put yourself our there</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You might want to open up to the idea of dating again. Chances are, you will now be able to be in more stable relationships since you will be able to detect early signs of abuse.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> I hope that you are able to live life to its fullest. May you become a better, stronger person than you ever were!</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 29px; line-height: 1.2069; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> Talk to me</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> How did you deal with healing yourself? Let me know in the comments down below!</div> </div>

Twelve Things You Need To Do If You Have Been In An Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship destroys you; your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war. A person is very vulnerable when they come ou...

Read more »

Rewire Your Sense of Hurt or Shame in Painful Relationship Interactions

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline"> Rewire Your Sense of Hurt or Shame in Painful Relationship Interactions</h1> <div class="single-featured-image"> <img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="500" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/01/Fotolia_52020589_S.jpg 849w" width="750" /></div> <div class="social-share-container"> <h3> Share this!</h3> <span class="st_facebook_large" displaytext="Facebook"></span> <span class="st_twitter_large" displaytext="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_pinterest_large" displaytext="Pinterest"></span> <span class="st_linkedin_large" displaytext="LinkedIn"></span> <span class="st_googleplus_large" displaytext="Google +"></span> <span class="st_email_large" displaytext="Email"></span></div> </header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;"> <strong>Linda Graham, MFT offers this powerful tool to help get through and actually rewire challenging relational experiences resulting in emotional pain.</strong></div> There’s a teaching story in the Buddhist tradition that can guide us in repairing and rewiring any troubling experiences in relationship in the present or traumatizing memories that still hijacks us from the past.  If you take a teaspoon of salt, dissolve it in a glass of water, and then take a sip of the water, the water tastes disgusting – it’s too salty to drink.  But if you take a teaspoon of salt, dissolve it in a large freshwater lake, then dip the glass into the lake and sip that water, the salt has dissolved in the larger lake; there’s no taste of it at all.<br /> We can dissolve teaspoons of relational upset or trauma in the vast lake of mindful empathy, positive emotions, and our own deep goodness, too, through re-conditioning.  Old memories of difficult experiences seem to “dissolve.”  They no longer have the power or charge they once had to weaken our internal secure base or de-rail our resilience.<br /> Re-conditioning is a powerful tool for altering the brain’s circuitry and we want to make sure we’re re-wiring old memories and not reinforcing them.<br /> <strong>The ground rules before you begin the exercise:</strong><br /> <ul> <li>Anchor your awareness firmly in the present moment. You are safe here, now, and will still be safe even when you retrieve a memory of what happened back there, back then.</li> <li>Focus your awareness on positive resources first – positive self-regard, self-acceptance, trusting your innate goodness, evoking the wisdom of your Wiser Self.</li> <li>Start small!  A teaspoon of trouble, not a ton.  Consider one small specific relational moment when resilience went awry such as being chosen last for the neighborhood softball team and the sting of “not good enough” lingers to this day…or your sister-in-law just can’t seem to hear that you won’t be coming to her house for Thanksgiving and will instead celebrate with friends as you have for three years and you resent her obliviousness to your own wishes.</li> </ul> With practice, over time, re-conditioning can indeed dissolve a ton of salt, but please let your brain feel successful with the smaller memories first.<br /> <b>Exercise: Wished For Outcome </b><br /> This exercise creates the resource of a better outcome to recondition a troubling or traumatizing memory.<br /> <strong>1. Find a time and place to sit quietly without interruption. </strong> Focus your attention on your breathe, breathing calmly and deeply into your heart center.  Call to mind a particular moment of ease and well-being, a particular sense of your own goodness, or a moment when you felt safe, loved, connected, cherished.  Or think of a moment when you were with someone who loves and believes in you.  Remember one of these moments in as much detail as you can, in as many levels of your body-brain as you can – a visual image, the feelings in your body that the memory evokes, any thoughts you have about yourself now as you remember the sweetness of that moment.  Let yourself savor this moment in a mindful and compassionate “holding” of the memory.<br /> <strong>2. When you feel bathed in the good feeling, and still anchored in the awareness of safety in the present moment, call to mind a moment of experience when things went awry between you and another person. </strong> It may be slight or terrible, but if it’s terrible, break the experience to little chunks.  As you re-imagine that moment, remain in your observer role rather than reliving the experience.  Evoke this memory to light up all the neural networks – visual images, body sensations, emotions, thoughts or beliefs at the time.  Recall memories of what you said and did, what someone else said or did; who else was there; how old you were and how old the other person was; what you were wearing and what that person was wearing,  Maybe you wish you could have said or done something differently at the time.  Maybe you wish someone else had done something differently at the time, even if that could never have happened in real life.<br /> <strong>3. Then begin to visualize a wished for outcome, even if this never could have happened in real life: what you would have said or done differently; what the other person could have done differently.</strong> What someone else not even in the original scenario could have said or done. If you simply wish none of this had happened at all, you can imagine what would have happened instead.  Let the new story unfold as you would have wished, in as much detail as you can.  You are creating a scenario that completely disconfirms or contradicts what happened before.<br /> <strong>4. Hold the two scenarios in your awareness at the same time, or switch back and forth between them, always refreshing and strengthening the newer, more positive scenario.</strong> After a few moments, “let go” of the old memory and just rest your attention in the new scenario.  Let your mind play out this new scenario, and then notice how you feel.  Notice any emotions or thoughts or beliefs about yourself that come up now, and if they are more positive, resilient, let them soak in.  Then bring your awareness back to the present moment.<br /> Using this technique does not change what happened, but it does change our relationship to what happened. It doesn’t re-write history but it does re-wire the brain. The kind of careful re-conditioning can re-wire a shame-based sense of self, dissolve self-doubt and smallifying,  help the inner critic retire.  Altering your brain circuitry through re-conditioning creates a stronger neural platform of resilience in the internal secure base and allows a new relational intelligence to emerge that allows you to deal with even intrusive, withdrawn, hostile people, in any situation, resiliently.</section></div>

Rewire Your Sense of Hurt or Shame in Painful Relationship Interactions

Rewire Your Sense of Hurt or Shame in Painful Relationship Interactions Share this! Linda Graham, MFT offers this powerful t...

Read more »