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How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff

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How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff</h1>
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</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">If
 you’re wondering why your relationships often go awry or seem more 
difficult than they should be, perhaps it’s time to consider your role. 
 “I have a role?” you ask.  Yes, you just might.  The baggage you’ve 
been carrying could be weighing you AND your relationships down.<br />
There
 are many ways that your stuff can get in the way of how you relate to 
people.  What is your narrative about yourself and how others will treat
 you?  Your value?  This story plays out as an <em>underlying belief system</em>
 in which you filter how you see the world.  You might be unconsciously 
scanning your environment for evidence to support your story.  What if 
your story is inaccurate?<br />
Here are some possible ways you might be sabotaging your relationships by not owning your stuff:<br />
<ul>
<li>You
 have rigid expectations of how others are with with you and can be 
easily disappointed, leading you to cut off from people –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>People will let me down.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>You
 are a people pleaser to avoid conflict but you carry resentment for 
doing more than your share or being taken advantage of –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>People will reject or abandon me unless I make them happy.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>You struggle to let intimate partners in too close to you yet desperately want connection. –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>I am unlovable</strong> …or… <strong>Intimate relationships</strong> <strong>can’t be trusted.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li>There is a big difference between how your portray yourself to others and how you feel.  –><ul>
<li>Underlying Belief:  <strong>I am not ok</strong>…or…<strong>There is something wrong with me.</strong></li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
Belief
 systems such as the ones above can develop from painful experiences or 
messages received from the important people in your life about 
connection, love, safety and your value.  This can reflect itself in 
unhealthy relationship patterns.  You might even be attracting partners 
who reinforce your negative story!<br />
If you’ve never worked through 
your painful experiences, you can inadvertently sabotage your 
relationships with your narrative.  You might ASSUME that things happen a
 certain way and these expectations can either make it be so (self 
fulfilling prophecy) or make it hard to believe someone’s intentions.  
This can also ultimately lead to a self fulfilling prophecy when the 
partner who never gains trust finally leaves because it’s too painful to
 stay!<br />
If you take ownership of your wounds and the strategies in 
which you developed to defend against further pain, your world view can 
actually shift.  Self-love, fulfilling relationships and a sense of 
peace become possible.<br />
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<a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Fotolia_40322538_XS-300x216.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-9109" height="216" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Fotolia_40322538_XS-300x216.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Fotolia_40322538_XS-300x216.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Fotolia_40322538_XS-350x252.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/Fotolia_40322538_XS.jpg 408w" width="300" /></a></div>
<strong>How to unwind out of a painful past</strong><br />
If you can do the following three things, you have a great chance of lightening your load and break out of unhealthy patterns.<br />
<ol>
<li>Identify your issues.</li>
<li>Understand the source of the problem.</li>
<li>Resolve the issues with deeper level change.</li>
</ol>
This
 can be done by finding a local therapist to help, processing with a 
trusted friend or diving into the world of self help if you’re more of a
 “Do-It-Yourself” type.  Check out my mini guide, Break Your Unhealthy Relationship Patterns for a step in the right direction.<br />
What
 you’re trying to avoid is inadvertently sabotaging your relationships 
with unresolved emotional issues.  This deeper kind of work is the 
ultimate act of self-care for YOU and your relationships, potentially 
with life long impact.<br />
Be well.</section></div>

How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff

How to Sabotage Your Relationships by Not Owning Your Stuff If you’re wondering why your relationships often go awry or seem ...

Ninetips For Building A Loving Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; clear: left; color: #222222; float: left; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img height="266" src="http://ioneblackdoctor.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/179133949.jpg" style="background-color: transparent;" width="400" /></div> <br /> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These indispensable tips were written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family and even work relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without being afraid.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; margin: 0px;"> <div id="mobile_ad_top"> </div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Don’t interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don’t make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you’re too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself,breathe and “calm down.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <em>Remember: your partner is not the enemy.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <em><br /></em></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>2. Separate the facts from the feelings.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong><br /></strong><strong>3. Connect with the different parts of yourself.</strong>What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I’m seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What’s the real truth? Once you’re able to differentiate facts from feelings, you’ll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Each of us is not a solo instrument. We’re more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your ‘gut’ saying? For example: My mind is saying ‘definitely leave her,’ but my heart says ‘I really love her.’ Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>4. Develop and cultivate compassion.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don’t have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoging respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>5. Create a “we” that can house two “I’s”.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually-supportive relationship is to be separate and connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or her self, compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual “I” contributes to the creation of a “we” that is stronger than the sum of its parts.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don’t need to be with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they’re often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of <em>good fire</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>6. Partner, heal thyself.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Don’t expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don’t try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can be supportive as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>7. Ask questions when you’re unsure or are making assumptions.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners’ behavior means. For example: “She doesn’t want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore.” We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what’s not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>8. Make time for your relationship.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making “playdates” and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow.</div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> <strong>9. Say the “hard things” from love.</strong></div> <div style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"> Become aware of the hard things that you’re not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you’re feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.</div> </div>

Ninetips For Building A Loving Relationship

How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to ...

10 Ways To Build Loving Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <img alt="THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship 10 Ways to Build Loving Relationship" height="316" src="https://static.yourtango.com/cdn/farfuture/Y9Rm_i3NF-KSh9tEEJJHXwMubGAv0Mhwsai8mPYXA9g/mtime:1438161330/sites/default/files/styles/header_slider/public/image_blog/Z_7.jpg?itok=pLRen4Vl" width="640" /><br /> <br />  <span style="background-color: white; color: #131313; font-family: "fselliot" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 18px; font-weight: 700;">THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship.</span><br /> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> How many of us have learned how to build loving relationships? Where did we learn? At home? At school? There is an art and science to building strong relationships. These are indispensable tips, written with romantic relationships in mind, but with a little modification you can apply them to your friendships, family, and even work relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">1. Create a safe environment where you can trust and share openly without fear. </span><br /> Don't interrupt, even if you need to put your hand over your mouth to stop yourself. Learn to fight fairly. No name calling. Don't make threats. Apologize when you know you should. If you're too angry to really listen, stop! Go into another room, take space for yourself, breathe, and calm down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Remember: your partner is not the enemy.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">2. Separate the facts from the feelings.</span><br /> What beliefs and feelings get triggered in you during conflicts? Ask yourself: Is there something from my past that is influencing how I'm seeing the situation now? The critical question you want to ask: Is this about him or her, or is it really about me? What's the real truth?</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Once you're able to differentiate facts from feelings, you'll see your partner more clearly and be able to resolve conflicts from clarity. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">3. Connect with the different parts of yourself. </span><br /> Each of us is not a solo instrument. We're more like a choir or an orchestra with several voices. What is your mind saying? What is your heart saying? What is your body saying? What is your "gut" saying?</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> For example: My mind is saying "definitely leave her," but my heart says "I really love her."</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> Let these different voices or parts of you co-exist and speak to one another. In this way, you will find an answer that comes from your whole self. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">4. Develop compassion.</span><br /> Practice observing yourself and your partner without judging. Part of you might judge, but you don't have to identify with it. Judging closes a door. The opposite of judging is compassion. When you are compassionate, you are open, connected, and more available to dialoguing respectfully with your partner. As you increasingly learn to see your partner compassionately, you will have more power to choose your response rather than just reacting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">5. Create a "we" that can house two "I's." </span><br /> The foundation for a thriving, growing, mutually supportive relationship is being separate, yet connected. In co-dependent relationships, each person sacrifices part of him or herself — compromising the relationship as a whole. When you are separate and connected, each individual "I" contributes to creatimg a "we" that is stronger than the sum of its parts. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">6. Partner, heal thyself.</span><br /> Don't expect your partner to fill your emotional holes, and don't try to fill theirs. Ultimately, each of us can only heal ourselves. Your partner, however, can support the journey as you work with yourself, and vice versa. In fact, living in a loving relationship is healing in and of itself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">7. Relish the differences between you. </span><br /> The differences between you and your partner are not negatives. You don't need a relationship with someone who shares all of your interests and views. We may sometimes fear that these differences are incompatibilities, but in fact, they're often what keeps a relationship exciting and full of good fire.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">8. Ask questions.</span><br /> All too often, we make up our own stories or interpretations about what our partners' behavior means. For example: "She doesn't want to cuddle; she must not really love me anymore." We can never err on the side of asking too many questions, and then listen to the answers from your whole self — heart, gut, mind and body. Equally important is to hear what's not being said — the facts and feeling that you sense might be unspoken. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">9. Make time for your relationship. </span>No matter who you are or what your work is, you need to nurture your relationship. Make sure you schedule time for the well-being of your relationship. That includes making "play dates" and also taking downtime together. Frequently create a sacred space together by shutting off all things technological and digital. Like a garden, the more you tend to your relationship, the more it will grow. </div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #131313; font-family: FSElliot, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; margin-bottom: 10px;"> <span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-weight: 700;">10. Say the "hard things" from love.</span><br /> Become aware of the hard things that you're not talking about. How does that feel? No matter what you're feeling in a situation, channel the energy of your emotions so that you say what you need to say in a constructive manner.</div> </div>

10 Ways To Build Loving Relationship

THIS is a one size fits all guide to building the right kind of relationship. How many of us have learned how to build loving relatio...

Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

<h2 style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: #5d696f; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 1.3; margin: 18px 0px;">
Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship?</h2>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s1600/sex+and+relationship.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="sex and relationship" border="0" data-original-height="299" data-original-width="592" height="161" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-H2wmkMd_7orJudmPW1SUTlVnGalDupgZT5rz1bKkrNt2jJ67qWUUE6-6BfmzStkj5soq4TeAwOECKl4S7jmkAH3BVJc3jQMr6lo19XYgA0vG-3ph86wcTI1CDyVjAvoah1N5LJ1mcReU/s320/sex+and+relationship.jpg" title="sex and relationship" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once feel like an act of pure connection and pleasure, then seemingly turn into an overwhelming topic that only creates tension, insecurity, rejection and discomfort in your relationship? Many couples suffer from intimacy “issues” and I often hear complaints by my clients in regards to “incompatible sex drives.” This can often lead to arguments, full-blown resentment and even affairs, as the lack of understanding the underlying issues of each other’s sexual needs, desires, and (especially) discomfort and expectations fall to the waist-side.</div>
<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
My approach to understanding physical intimacy is largely influenced by the emotional security and understanding of each other within the relationship. This doesn’t mean that sex has to become rigid and overly emotional, but it does mean that in order for both parties to feel desire and passion, emotional vulnerability is truly key. Can you trust your partner? Do you feel they really understand you (or want to?) Do you feel the commitment you have to each other is sacred? Do you enjoy your relationship, feel appreciated and acknowledged?</div>
<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
Sexual issues within a relationship are most often a symptom of a deeper problem. Identifying what that may be requires personal reflection, but also involves strengthening your communication and challenging yourself to be open about your own feelings about love, sex, and overall emotions.</div>
<div style="background-color: #eae7e2; box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
While sex may have felt “easy” and safe in the beginning of your relationship, it may now cause conflict between you and your partner. It may feel like an obligation; it may feel overwhelming or not reciprocated; you may feel rejected, embarrassed or frustrated.</div>
<blockquote style="background: url("images/quote.png") 7px 5px no-repeat scroll rgb(255, 255, 255); box-sizing: border-box; color: #222222; font-family: Muli, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 18px; hyphens: none; line-height: 30px; margin: 24px 40px; padding: 0px 0px 0px 50px; position: relative; quotes: none; width: auto;">
<div style="box-sizing: border-box;">
(Relax… this is quite normal and here’s what you can do about it).</div>
</blockquote>
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First thing’s first. Get clarification!</div>
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Don’t be afraid to ask your partner about sex, even if you feel these are things you <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">should already know. </em></div>
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What does sex represent to them? How do they feel they show love and feel connected to you? How important is sex? How often do they expect it?  What helps create the mood for them? How does it make them feel when sex isn’t fully enjoyable or when it isn’t present in your relationship? How comfortable with sex do they feel they are? How do they view intimacy and is that important to them? What specific things really turn them on?  What are their biggest fantasies? <span style="box-sizing: border-box; text-decoration-line: underline;"><strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Most importantly, are they feeling connected to you on all other levels of your relationship?</strong></span></div>
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All of these questions about sex in relationships require trust, honesty, and vulnerability. All of these questions embody truths that outline your partners underlying meaning(s) of your relationship, sex in its entirety, and <em style="box-sizing: border-box;">how they feel about themselves</em> in relation to sex with you. Answering these questions may allow you both to uncover the hidden issues that haven’t been discussed or fully understood, which have been displaced onto the topic of sex in your relationship.</div>
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Communicating about sex in relationships is part of strengthening your entire connection and can even positively affect your self-esteem and sex drive. Good sex, along with other elements of your relationship, <span style="box-sizing: border-box;">take effort, patience and emotional vulnerability for both members.</span></div>
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Sex may feel like a dark cloud hovering over your bed, but once you start understanding the elements that have contributed to it, you may find that it’s an opportunity to really bond with each other, rather than be the percieved cause of disconnection. You may also uncover each other’s perception of sex altogether which can be very helpful when identifying each other’s needs and overall differences that have been fueling the disconnection.</div>
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Bottom line, “sex” changes as the relationship changes and it’s important to realize that sex in relationships may have underlying meanings to each person that aren’t easy to address. Best practice is to remember that if sex in your relationship is creating anxiety and frustration, there is a good chance that both partners aren’t feeling secure in their relationship.</div>

Is Sex Causing Anxiety In Your Relationship?

Sex & Relationships: Is sex causing anxiety in your relationship? How is it that sex, something so magical and intimate, can once f...

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSP7-ZL7AyPeCbMVzB0ajoo7rCx86J7gbBR20YVlCvzCuYUKG74S6sm9IARR46LG1afJtKKsf0ELbnmU4sOGbg3I0JcCaMKAX2uZ9WrORPzQKpYV7GXatDQPCXUYDz5Osz5ZGLjU1akXn5/s1600/man+woman+dqwe.png" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can learn how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Doesn’t seem like that makes sense, does it? Stick with me here for a second and you’ll understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are kind of like Fight Club: if you’re you’re dating someone, you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going </em>to fight. There’s no getting around it. It’s the inevitable result of being in a relationship with another person – there’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going</em> to be conflict, no matter how (drift) compatible you may be.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Trying to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</em> fighting means trying to avoid conflict – which usually means that important issues get swept under the rug in the name of “keeping the peace” instead of, y’know, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving </em>them. And of course, we all know how well denial works when it comes to conflict resolution.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Rather than trying to <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</i> conflict, people in the most successful relationships learn <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how </em>to fight so that they don’t end up doing more damage to one another. But learning <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> to fight is only part of the answer. You also have to know how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting so that you can actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em>things and move on to the more important parts of the relationship… like the make-up sex.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> So just <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> can you stop fighting with your partner? Well I’m glad you asked…</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span id="more-5460" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1) Walk It Off</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Anger is like fire; when properly harnessed, it’s an incredibly useful and important tool. On the other hand, if you’re careless with it then you’re going to lose control and it will end up destroying everything you care about.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan is that anger is rarely a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rational</em> emotion. It’s almost impossible to have a practical discussion with your partner when you’re caught up in anger; it’s entirely too easy to get distracted by side issues or to dredge up old issues to justify why you’re so pissed right now. And like fire, anger can be deceptive. Just because the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">immediate</em> argument is over doesn’t mean that you’re not still ticked off. Like a campfire, it may <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">seem</em> like things are settled, but one errant spark and suddenly the whole thing flares up again and burns the forest down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you want to stop fighting and actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em> things, then you need to give yourself time to cool down. Separately.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Yes, separately. It can be hard to let go of things when the person who’s ticking you off is right there with you; you end up feeling pressured to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">say</em> you’re better, even if you’re still angry. So the best thing you can do? Get a little bit of space and let yourself calm down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You want to get away from the scene of the argument (which is going to just keep reminding you of the fact that you’ve had one) and do the things that let you cool off. Take a walk. Hit the gym and jump on the treadmill and burn out that fire by exhausting yourself. Go listen to music that helps calm you down. Beat on the heavy bag like it owes you money.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are a lot of people who will tell you that you shouldn’t walk off, that every argument should be resolved right then and there. This is a spectacularly, crossing-the-streams-level <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">bad</em>idea; not every conflict is one that can be resolved in one sitting and trying to do so while you’re still angry makes it next to impossible. It’s better to take time to vent, decompress and come back when you’re cool and collected.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just make sure you let your partner know what you’re doing and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em>; just standing up and storming out is a great way to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> hurt someone. Tell them: “Look right now I’m too angry to think straight. I need to go do X to calm down so we can sort this out. I’ll be back in 15 minutes/a half hour/an hour.”</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 2) Ask Yourself: Is This The Hill You’re Willing To Die On?</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that trips a lot of people up: sometimes we pick the wrong battles, whether we’re the aggressor or not. We get upset over the wrong things. We get into fights – or make fights worse – because we don’t stop to ask ourselves whether the fight is one <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worth having</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One of the most common conflicts in relationships involves the desire to be “correct” rather than “right”. Chalk it up to how men and women are socialized; men are taught that they’re supposed to be “doers” while women are the “feelers”. Men tend to look for concrete “do this and things will be better” solutions to conflicts. Unfortunately, one of the ways that we tend to express this is by pointing out that the other person is mistaken or doesn’t understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let me tell you: there’s nothing like telling a person “no, you’re wrong” to turn a minor fight into a major confrontation. This is a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> bad idea when your goal is to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop fighting in the first place.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If we take the classic domestic conflict of “you don’t help me do the dishes” and respond with all the ways that we <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> contribute (paying the bills, picking up around the house, whatever) then we’re trying show that what we do is equivalent… which it may well be in terms of comparative time/effort spent, but that doesn’t actually address the issue.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Similarly, yeah, your girlfriend may have seen what <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">looked</em> like you flirting with the cute redhead from Accounts Receivable, but <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">clearly</em> nothing was going on, therefore it’s completely unreasonable for her to be mad at you!</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan with this approach is that we tend to equate being correct with having the budbahasa high-ground and that immediately puts <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everybody</em> on the defensive. Suddenly you’re feeling unfairly attacked while <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> is hearing you tell her that she has no right to feel the way that she does. Now you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">both</em> put in the position where you’re no longer actually addressing the problem, you’re arguing about who’s “right” and there’s no real way to back down without losing face. Now you’re fighting to defend your <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ego</em> and there’s no real way to “win” without losing at the same time.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Being factually correct doesn’t mean that you’re actually in the right – especially when it’s not about the “facts” but about how a person’s behavior makes the other person <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feel. </em>Being “correct” isn’t going to win you any points, especially when your partner’s seeing it from a completely different perspective. “Winning” the argument is a pyrrhic victory when it ruins the relationship in the process, especially when it’s over comparatively <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">minor details</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You have to ask yourself: “Is this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> the hill I want to die on?” Are you really willing to prolong the fight, or even make it worse, rather than just swallowing your pride and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listening to what she’s actually saying</em>?</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 3) Apologize. The Right Way.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The fastest way to stop fighting is simple: apologize. But you can’t just say “well, sorry” and expect everything to be magically ok. You have to apologize the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">right</em> way.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is another area that trips a lot of people up: we tend to equate apologizing with being morally wrong. Why should we apologize when we don’t believe we’ve done anything wrong?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well… because like I said earlier: being “correct” doesn’t mean that you’re “right”. Apologizing isn’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">just</em> about who’s wrong or who’s right. It’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">also</em> about taking responsibility for how you’ve made other people feel. A sincere apology means understanding <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> your partner is upset with you and copping to your part in having made it happen.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> First: make sure you understand what you’re actually apologizing <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">for</em>. The best way to do this: try to summarize your understanding as to why she’s upset. “You’re upset because you saw me flirting with Helena, am I right?” Then <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listen</em>. Don’t defend yourself – just listen to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> she’s upset. Then apologize for it. “I understand. I’m sorry I hurt you by doing X.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Did you do something wrong? That’s (sometimes) debatable. What <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em> debatable is the way you made her feel. And if you actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">care</em> about the person you’re dating, then you damn well <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better</em> care about how you make her feel.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Notice very carefully that this is the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">active</em> voice. There is nothing more infuriating than a weaselly non-apology apology like “I’m sorry you were hurt”; it’s a lisan way of putting the blame on <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">her</em> for being unreasonable, rather than taking responsibility for your part in hurting her. Similarly, you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">never</em> give an apology with a qualifier. Saying “I’m sorry, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">but…</em>” is telling her that not only are you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry but once again, she’s wrong for feeling that way in the first place.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> (To pre-empt the obvious objection: if you feel that she’s consistently unreasonable about the way she feels, then it’s probably well past time the two of you broke up. Either you’re right and she’s impossible, in which case you shouldn’t be dating her in the first place or <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she’s</em> right and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re</em> the asshole and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> shouldn’t be dating <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em>. Same result either way.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And above all else: never, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ever</em> apologize just to make the fight stop and get her off your back. This not only invalidates the apology – because you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry<i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> – </i>but tells her that you’re not going to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> anything about it. You’re essentially interacting on bad faith- you have no intentions of actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving</em> the problem, you just want her to shut up. This is incredibly insulting on just about every level and is only going to hasten the inevitable demise of your relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Also: if you’re the one being apologized to – <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">accept the apology without editorializing</i>. Responding to “I’m sorry, I was an asshole” with “Yup, you were” is just going to start the fight all over again.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 4) Stop Fighting, <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Then</i> Resolve The Issue</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you’ve been following the steps, then ideally you’ve both calmed down and gotten to a point where you’ve forgiven each other. <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This</em> is the time to work out a resolution to the cause of the fight. It’s great that you’ve stopped fighting but that’s just treating a symptom. Unless you actually address the cause, then all you’ve done is just put things on pause until you fight <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">again.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Resolving the conflict should be a collaborative approach. This means you have to work on this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">together</em> to fix things, not just dictate terms to one another as though you’re negotiating the Treaty of Versailles. You want to ask two questions: “What do you need to make things better?” and “How can we make this happen?” <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are inherently a partnership; you’re supposed to be working together towards a common goal and understanding. They’re not about “who wins” and “who loses”; <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everyone</em>loses when you’re fighting, no matter who’s actually in the right. Collaborating together to find a way to make things right reinforces the fact that at the end of the day, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re on the same side.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s worth noting: not every solution is going to be a compromise. Sometimes you have to be willing to accept that what you’ve done has hurt your partner and that you’re going to need to make concessions in the name of <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> hurting them. That’s part of the price of entry to being in a relationship with someone; if you’re unwilling to pay it… well, then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them in the first place.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1)Take Time To Make Up.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You’ve managed to stop fighting. You’ve worked together to find a solution. Now it’s time to make up… and in many ways, this is the most important part of arguing with your partner. You may have patched up the issues from the fight, but you’re both still going to feel the sting of the fight and those lingering emotions can poison your relationship if you don’t take care of them.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As it turns out, there’s actually some truth to the old adage of “don’t go to bed angry”; going to sleep can actually preserve negative emotions or even make them <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worse. </em>It doesn’t do you any good to try to stop fighting if all you’re going to do is cement the anger and hurt.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is why making up is important. You’re not just resolving the problem, you’re reminding one another that even though you may fight, you still have that core of love and affection for one another. Yes, you may get angry, but that doesn’t mean that at the end of the day, you don’t love each other. It’s important to keep that in sight.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Taking the time to make up afterwards is a form of relationship self-care. It’s a way of reinforcing the bond and making each other happy again. You’re soothing the hurt that you’ve both caused and replacing it with love and contentment. It reaffirms the strength of your relationship and rewards you for fixing the problems instead of just fighting over and over again.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And besides… if you don’t take time to make up, when are you going to have that awesome make-up sex when you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> stop fighting?</div> </div>

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this...

Twelve Things You Need To Do If You Have Been In An Abusive Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> <img alt=" your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war Twelve things you need to do if you have been in an abusive relationship" height="345" src="https://i2.wp.com/www.relrules.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/shutterstock_395227735.jpg?fit=1000,541" style="background-color: transparent;" width="640" /></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> An abusive relationship destroys you; your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war. A person is very vulnerable when they come out of such a relationship. They have been hurt way too many times to be able to put themselves back together again on their own. You will need help from people who love you and care for you. You will have to learn to trust and open up to people, all over again, just as you did when you were a toddler.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> The journey to self-healing is hard and long, it takes a person time to be able to find their true identity. They lose their spirituality after they have been in an abusive relationship. Abuse takes away your light bit by bit; darkness consumes you to a point of dismay. The most dangerous thing a human can lose is hope. When we lose hope, the world feels pointless and you let your self drown in a sea of self-loathe. You consider yourself responsible for things you had no control over. This is exactly what happens in an abusive relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You lose interest in yourself and life to a point that you don’t want to live anymore. Why aren’t there stress berat centers for people who have been in such relationships? I have broken many bones but believe me; mental abuse hurts a lot more than physical abuse.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> The struggle to leave such a relationship is your last try to stop yourself from drowning in to the pit of never-ending despair. There isn’t much of a fight left in you after that. If you are lucky, the abuser let go of you! It might hurt initially but trust me, it’s the best thing that can ever happen to you.</div> <ol style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin: 0px 0px 26px 24px; padding: 0px;"> <li style="box-sizing: border-box;"><h3 style="box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: inherit; font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 0px 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Call your family</strong></h3> </li> </ol> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> No matter how distant you are from them, family will always be there for your. Call your parents and tell them to take you away, ask them if they would let you spend a month with them. This time will put you back together again; it will remind you of all the beautiful moments you once spent with them. Remembrance of love and care will work wonders on your broken soul.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">2. Reach out to your friends</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Your friends will help you connect with the outer world again. You will smile and laugh in their presence, something you haven’t been able to do since ages. They will make you feel that there is more to life than a havoc-wreaking relationship! Friends are the most beautiful creatures on earth, they are not your family by blood they are your family by soul. Your friends will heal your soul and you will feel the difference.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">3. Get a Job</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> No, it’s never too late to get a job, get a job right away even if it’s a small one, you will not be able to put yourself together again unless your are completely independent. Financial stability will make you feel more confident than ever, you don’t need a human to support your existence. You are strong enough to support yourself.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">4. Get Counseling</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You might keep telling yourself that you don’t need any additional help, but if you have been abused to an extent that you lost the ability to care for yourself, get help right away. Depending on your condition, the counselor might recommend medication or meditation.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">5. Get a pet</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You need to start trusting and caring for people again and the best way you can do that is by getting yourself a pet. Remember, a pet is a huge responsibility and you need to care for it just as you want to be cared for yourself. I would suggest a cat, cats are great for people with depression, caressing and brushing your cat will help you unwind and relax.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">6. Get your own place</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Get your own place somewhere near your parent’s house or, if you cannot afford one with your own pay, ask them if they will let you rent the room you live in. You need to know that you will now be able to support yourself completely. You don’t need a human to take care of you. </div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">7. Work around the house</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Help your parents with all the chores, not only will they keep you busy but they will also help you get your mind off things. Your parents will appreciate the extra help around the house and it will help you guys bond better. Plus, a sense of accomplishment will really help boost your self-esteem.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">8. Take a vacation</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Go on a vacation, you need to learn to appreciate the beauty of the world on order to help you live once more. The world is waiting to be discovered.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">9. Interact with neighbours</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Go for a walk around the neighbourhood, smile and enjoy life a little, get to know the people who live around you.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">10. Work on yourself</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Save up for some new clothes and a trip to the saloon. Change how you look, wear lipstick and dye your hair. You have no idea how confident you will feel once you look good. People will notice you and it will feel amazing!</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">11. Improve your health</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> Start working out and get back into shape, such a relationship can ruin your physical health, and you need to be able to trust your body again just like you once did.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 24px; line-height: 1.1667; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> <strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">12. Put yourself our there</strong></h3> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> You might want to open up to the idea of dating again. Chances are, you will now be able to be in more stable relationships since you will be able to detect early signs of abuse.</div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> I hope that you are able to live life to its fullest. May you become a better, stronger person than you ever were!</div> <h2 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; clear: both; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "Open Sans", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 29px; line-height: 1.2069; margin: 1.414em 0px 0.5em; opacity: 1; transition: opacity 0.24s ease-in-out; visibility: visible;"> Talk to me</h2> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.8); font-family: "PT Serif", Georgia, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 26px;"> How did you deal with healing yourself? Let me know in the comments down below!</div> </div>

Twelve Things You Need To Do If You Have Been In An Abusive Relationship

An abusive relationship destroys you; your heart feels as if it were the remains of a war. A person is very vulnerable when they come ou...

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

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Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know</h1>
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Fresh
 off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in Washington 
DC, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop with John Gottman.  Dr. 
Gottman is a dominant figure on the relationship research and couples 
therapy scene since the mid 80’s, when he began observing couples 
fighting in his “original couples laboratory,” dubbed the Love Lab.  His
 findings provided some of the scientific underpinnings of what we know 
about what maintains and erodes intimate relationships.</div>
</div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">The Love Lab has been given new life and a new name; the Gottman Love Lab Experience is
 now being offered as “the world’s first science-based relationship 
evaluation service,” measuring three primary important areas of your 
relationship; friendship, conflict and shared meaning.<br />
Along with 
this cutting edge assessment opportunity for couples who are able to 
make it to Seattle, Washington, he is also offering therapists a new 
online tool, the Gottman Relationship Checkup, providing the ability to 
receive a score reviewing couples strengths and vulnerabilities, with 
feedback for possible treatment suggestions.<br />
From a recent study 
Dr. Gottman conducted of 40,000 Relationship Checkup participants, he 
has new data.  I compiled some relationship research nuggets on 
heterosexual couples from his presentation.  You might find some of the 
results surprising!<br />
<strong>For how many couples in therapy is at least one partner considering an exit?</strong>   66%<br />
82% of couples are having problems with <strong>loneliness in the relationship</strong><br />
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<a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-11014" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" /></a></div>
<strong>What About Problems with Intimacy and Sex?</strong><br />
Romance 83%<br />
Sex Quality 55%<br />
Sex Frequency 49%<br />
<strong>How many partners had problems with trust?</strong>   66%<br />
<br />
<strong>The Top 3 Things Couples Fight About</strong><br />
86% Not having fun anymore<br />
76% Finances<br />
74% No emotional connection<br />
Speaking
 of conflict, the biggest obstacle to productively navigating conflict 
in relationships is flooding.  This means the heart gets to 100 beats 
per minute which makes it nearly impossible to communicate from a calm, 
grounded place as your physiology will get the best of you.  In fact, 
when flooded, communication can be erratic, irrational and possibly 
damaging to the relationship.  The antidote is self-soothing or helping 
each other soothe, if possible.  Sometimes leaving the situation (in a 
structured time out) is the best thing a couple can do for a 
relationship.<br />
<strong>96% of couples are flooded during conflict</strong><br />
Though
 I didn’t catch all of the numbers Dr. Gottman shared at his 
presentation, particularly the gay and lesbian stats, what I did notice 
was a trend demonstrating that compared to heterosexual couples, they 
did a much better job with conflict and communication.<br />
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<strong><em>“As far as interaction, gay and lesbian couples really have a lot to teach heterosexual couples.” </em></strong></div>
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– John Gottman</div>
Something
 to think about.  I will leave you with one more nugget and it’s an 
important one to consider for those who are struggling in married or 
long term relationships:  The #1 predictor of divorce is contempt.  If 
you are calling your partner names, assassinating their character or 
hitting below the belt in other ways…and you would like to save your 
relationship, please seek counseling for help.</section></div>

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know Fresh off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Sympos...

7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s1600/12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="483" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEio-rcjaQh2_iaekyk8deZSE-FWL_gm740Kb9wmpzzfzvtiIICYuV34YtiIw3LEJCjDY60CbQ1ZsrRq7_RyoQ3IwgaWBOoahZedi1o152HXg3h2EH58mKkpNI4ZJkvJj5kY9HFRFtsexyU/s640/12.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> <br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views on life and how to live it, and when two people get into a relationship they start sharing a life together, and that’s when the fights slowly start to happen. It’s perfectly normal to fight your significant other, but the fights should not get out of hand and should be controlled by one of the two. I’m going to mention some of the most common relationship fights, because these fights can often lead to harsh breakups (I’ve seen them happen and also been through a few). The point of this article is to prepare you guys for the negativities that come with every relationship and I’ll try my best to teach you how to deal with those negativities. Let’s begin.<span id="more-114" style="box-sizing: border-box;"></span></div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 7. Fights pertaining to money</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> “Money” is one of the strongest evils of the world, we all need it, some of us have a lot of it, some of us don’t have enough to lead a normal life, some of us have more than enough but we still want more. Every person is different in this aspect and money is something that can literally cause a lot of damage to any relationship if it’s not properly dealt with. My ex, for example, always expected me to spend on her even when I didn’t have enough, this made me feel bad about myself and greatly lowered my self-esteem and made me apply for small-time jobs just to make her needs meet. Eventually, I started believing that the relationship was fueled with money, which shouldn’t be the case in any relationship because money is a very temporary luxury, so even though I started earning a lot of money, I left her. I’ve seen even the richest of friends go poor over one stupid decision. The girl I’m with now, who I mentioned in my previous article – “<a href="https://justandmyguys.blogspot.com//search?q=" style="background-color: transparent; box-sizing: border-box; color: #f53e2a; text-decoration: none;">10 Ways to really make her happy</a>“, is an amazing person. She knows I spend a lot on myself and on her, she keeps asking me to lower my expenses and to save more for our future. It’s not unhealthy to sit and talk about money if it’s going in a positive direction, try and understand what your partner means, try to grasp where they are coming from. Don’t shun the idea of saving. But if it seems like a relationship where money is discussed more than it should be, you’re with the wrong person.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 6. Fights about In-laws</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> It is bound to happen at one point. When you find your significant other, you need to be prepared to be okay with their family. The fights happen because you naturally can’t love their family like your own no matter how hard you try, but you still have to keep trying. You can’t be happy with your partner if you don’t respect their family, because your partner expects that from you and they understand that you don’t see eye to eye with them but they will still love you for smiling at the awkward dinners and just being nice around them. My in-laws are a blessing on me because they didn’t make things difficult for me, but I’ve known a few friends who’ve had major fights over this point. A friend of mine chose to just stay quiet in front of his in-laws because he just didn’t like them, I told him that’s not the way but he didn’t listen. Eventually, the inevitable fight happened and it was caused because his girlfriend was sad about him not respecting her family. You have to be very selfless here, look at it through your partner’s eyes and you’ll get it.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 5. Fights caused by jealousy</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Jealousy is another natural element of everyone’s life, it happens and it can easily be controlled, it’s all in your head and the insecurities caused by jealousy can be very fatal for a relationship. We often get jealous of our partners, but it’s okay as long as it’s the sweet sort of jealousy. My girlfriend knows her limits with her friends and she knows I’ll never bound her from anything, so she doesn’t give me a reason to be jealous of anything. One easy way to deal with jealousy is to get a strong grip over your insecurities and to end them. If you’re insecure about yourself, you’ll always be insecure about your relationship which causes jealousy to appear in the mix in a way it really shouldn’t.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 4. Fights about “Nothing”</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> This might seem funny to most people in new relationships, but people who’ve been together for a couple of years know what I’m talking about. Fights over “nothing” are very common in couples who know and love each other for too long. These fights are so trivial that both sides have no idea how the fight started in the first place. These fights are caused by other tensions that are left unsolved in the past, these little tensions slowly develop into a fight that leads nowhere and the couple starts being normal with each other after a while. To avoid such fights, make sure you speak your heart out with each other all the time. Don’t think that you shouldn’t tell them something if it’s bothering you just because it would lead to an argument, have that argument to save yourselves from a bigger argument later. Speak your mind, be free.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 3. Fights over bad habits</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> I used to smoke cigarettes, and a lot of them per day. My ex didn’t mind because she herself used to smoke. But my girlfriend now, the amazing woman that she is, doesn’t smoke or do anything of the sort. She told me to stop smoking, not because she didn’t like it, but because she wanted me to be a healthier person. As long as she was clear about it, I had literally no second thoughts about leaving that habit. So we didn’t fight over my bad habit. Fights over bad habits occur when your partner wants you to refrain from something but give little or no reason or justification for it. They need to understand that they need to tell you “why” your bad habit is “bad” for you, just saying something like “stop it because I don’t like it” isn’t a strong enough way to make you leave something. Leaving a bad habit is a very hard process and having an open-minded partner helps by a mile.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 2. Fighting because of friends</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Ah friends, they’re important aren’t they? We all have a very close group of friends who we call our best friends, we listen to them, we help them out, we love them for who they are, we want to spend more and more time with them, but friends are also often the reason for couples to fight. I’ve noticed this more with girls than with guys, because I have a personal example for this. My guy friends are all very cool with my girlfriend, they like her and they hang out with us without asking me to “make her stay out of our guy time”. But one fine day, my girlfriend was pretty upset, because one of her girls told her some very mean lies about me, she didn’t believe what she said but she was just upset over the fact that one of her close friends isn’t okay with me. I tried my best to make her friend like me but I’m not required to so I stopped after a while, a while later my girlfriend discovered that her “close friend” wanted to make her hate me because she was, and I quote, “too tired of seeing us so happy”. Yeah, I know it sounds pretty psychotic, but it happened. So natually, my girlfriend stopped talking to her to avoid any more of said issues. Try not to let your friends get too involved in your relationship, don’t let them judge you for your decisions (true friends never do, anyway) it is bound to cause a lot of problems later.</div> <h1 style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Roboto Condensed', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 36px; font-weight: 200; line-height: 1.1; margin: 20px 0px;"> 1. Fights over the past</h1> <div style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #353535; font-family: 'Open Sans', 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 1.5; margin-bottom: 20px;"> Some people have a harder time letting go of the past than others. Some people linger on to it and want to keep something to themselves for leverage, it shouldn’t be like that because it’s not healthy but that’s how it is. If your significant other musters up the courage and strength to tell you everything about their past, even their most embarrassing of mistakes, please don’t use those things against them in the past. Accept them completely for who they were and for who they are, do NOT linger on to the past.</div> </div>

7 Of The Most Common Fights That May Harm Your Relationship

It’s in our nature to disagree, more than we agree on things. Every individual is different, every person has their own point of views...

Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <ol style="font-size: 18px;"> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img src="http://www.responsys.com/blogs/nsm/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/customer_relationship.jpg" /></div> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Until that time–foster the virtue of friendship and hold off the romance until you are really ready for it.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Only enter into a courtship with a man whom you would consider marrying.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">A woman might consider “just” dating any guy that she’s attracted to as long as she has no sense of long-term commitment. The duduk kasus arises when she’s grown attached to him after a period of time and can’t bring herself to breaking off the relationship, even when it’s not good. She may end up marrying a man that she otherwise would not have. Set the stakes higher–only court with a man you’d consider marrying.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Enter a courtship to discern whether or not you are called to marriage with a certain man.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is dating with a purpose. If you know that you would not consider marriage with this man, or you are not ready to consider marriage yet, then don’t enter into a courtship. Stay friends or acquaintances for the time being. Courtship is about prayerful discernment, which means you will decide either that God is not calling you to marriage with this man or that He is not. Both outcomes are valid in a courtship!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Take time through prayer to discern God’s will.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">You need to foster prayer in your lives individually and as a couple. You can not know God’s will without prayer.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Base your courtship in the family:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">As much as possible, spend time with each other’s families. This is so important–for if you do end up married, you’ll want to get along. Family is an invaluable resource and such an integral part of who we are. You will learn much about each other by seeing how each other relates to family members. And your family, in turn, can give you much insight about the man with whom you are courting (and his family, about you!) Family sees things we don’t always see. Love can be blind at times–family (and friends) can really help to correct our vision. If you are far from family, make every effort to get home and spend time with them. And in the meantime, adopt a family (friends from Church, for example) to provide for you all the benefits of a family-based courtship.</span></blockquote> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Items 6 – 15 deal with setting guidelines for yourselves from the very beginning of your courtship. (If you’re starting over–changing from a dating relationship to a courtship model–then begin now with guidelines.) The following points will cover areas you should consider in those guidelines.</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Emotional Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Guard your hearts and do not dive emotionally into a courtship relationship head first. Give yourselves time to learn about each other. Do not open up all your intimate secrets, desires and longings to each other immediately–just because you are courting. Allow your relationship to grow naturally. Keep the mystery alive by not revealing everything all at once. The duduk kasus with “dumping” on each other emotionally early on in a relationship is that if you later discern that you are not called to marriage you could have many regrets over having shared those intimate thoughts and secrets with someone who will not be your husband. You need to be honest with each other, but that does not mean you have to reveal everything right away. As the relationship grows, you will discover a natural pace for sharing those emotional intimacies.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Physical Intimacy:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Decide what your limits will be and write them down. Remember that as you store up your treasures of physical intimacy before marriage–every sacrifice that you make to stay pure becomes a jewel for you to share with each other in marriage. At that time–you will be able to delight in the beauty of giving yourselves to each other completely and totally. And your pleasure in marriage will be magnified by your time of waiting.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">To kiss or not to kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you going to allow for kissing or not? Kissing is NOT a sin. It is not bad. It does not mean that a couple is less virtuous in courting if they allow for kissing. It is a decision you make as you set your guidelines. So think through the reasons why you would choose to allow for it or not!</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that first kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Many couples decide to leave kissing out of their relationship–as kissing has the power to ignite their passions. They choose to wait until the altar for their first kiss. They also might be coming out of past relationships–where they are struggling to keep control over their passions. They might be coming from a position of never having been kissed before, and now that they’ve waited this long–they want to go all the way with it! There are a variety of reasons why some couples choose this path.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Saving that “next” kiss:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Other couples, who have allowed for kissing in their relationship, sometimes decide to cut it out and wait to have their “next” kiss at the altar–which could be quite a wait! But they’ve seen how kissing is stirring passions that are making it harder for them to stick to their goal of staying pure in their relationship.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Kissing with limitations:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Some couples allow for kissing–but they limit how and when and where–which is wise if they want to keep it from stirring those passions that can be so easily ignited.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Hugging:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Are you allowing for hugging–and in what context? Hugging is a completely acceptable and beautiful expression of affection, support and love. However, prolonged hugging—while all alone and at times when you might be feeling weak (like late at night)—can stir passions. Just be careful that you are guarding the context well so that it doesn’t begin to undermine your good intentions.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">How, where and when you spend time alone:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">During courtship you obviously will want and need to spend time alone together. But how and where are important questions. If you are spending time alone late at night or in complete isolation, you may just find that your resistance to temptation is weakened. It’s best to find time alone together while doing something–going for a walk, cycling, canoeing, playing sports, taking in a show or going out to a restaurant, etc.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Avoid the near occasion of sin.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">This is not to say that a couple who is courting will only stick to their goal of purity if they are NEVER alone together . . . as if to say the only reason they resisted temptation is because they never went near temptation. But there is a teaching that exhorts us to “avoid the near occasion of sin”. We should not deliberately put ourselves in temptation’s way. Hopefully, any couple who makes these resolutions–even if they were given the opportunity to break them–wouldn’t break them, because they are persons of integrity! But we are all weak at times. All it takes is one moment of weakness (and be sure Satan will be watching for it) for you to make a mistake that you could regret for a lifetime.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Don’t give rise to scandal.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">But what if we’re not being tempted? Why wouldn’t it be alright to be off, alone, in isolation together–for example staying late over at one or the other’s apartment alone? This is where we get into the whole issue of giving rise to scandal. The duduk kasus a couple faces here–even if they are strong enough to resist all temptation–is the impression they are giving to others. “So what?” You may ask. “Let them gossip–what do we care? We know we’re not doing anything wrong!” When others perceive you to be leading an impure life, it gives others a sense of it being okay to not embrace purity in their own relationships. They’ll be thinking, “After all, they’re doing it and they’re a nice Christian couple. Obviously it doesn’t make any difference if we do or don’t.” Even though you had been embracing purity, you still misled others to believe you weren’t. In this way you would not be helping to build the body of Christ by your good example. Rather, through the scandal you would have given rise to, you would have inadvertently led others to sin. It is our sense of responsibility in the body of Christ that leads us to make the necessary sacrifices for the sake of others when we decide not to give rise to scandal. </span><br /><br /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Accountability:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">We all are more responsible when we are held accountable for our actions. Make a list together of your resolutions and guidelines for your courtship and give that list to some mentoring couples and accountability partners. These could be your parents, other married couples from Church, friends, roommates, family members. Basically you are looking for people you trust and respect to be able to talk with openly about your relationship. They should be able to ask you at any time how your are doing–if you are keeping your resolutions–and you need to be able to answer them honestly.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Mentoring:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Along with this idea is the need for mentoring couples–ideally that would be your parents, but it is not limited to parents. These couples should be well-versed in the Church’s teachings on marriage and the sacraments. They should be couples who can advise you on all kinds of issues related to marriage: finances (especially tithing), family networking, Natural Family Planning and the gift of human sexuality, balancing work and family life and so on.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Time to pray and time to play: </span><span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Obviously prayer time is important for a couple who is courting–as they are trying to discern God’s will for their relationship. But a couple should never neglect to be sure to allow for play time! Have fun. This season of life should be fun and filled with excitement and adventure. Don’t forget to make time to play.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Keep the romance alive:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Remember that courtship is a time of romance. Don’t cheat yourselves out of that. Enjoy dynamic, exciting, God-glorifying romance by seeking ways to give of yourselves to each other, to serve each other and to show your love for each other in simple ways. Romance–true romance–is about blessing the other by giving of self . . . and that’s what true love is about, too. So you see, the two go hand in hand. Couples who engage in an intensely physical relationship often lose out on this very point–because physical pleasure has become the focus of their relationship. By converse, couples who do not distract themselves with physical intimacy have more time on their hands to spend creatively doing romantic things for each other and together–blessing each other with their loving deeds and gestures as often as they can.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">Be active in your faith community:</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">Courtship is a great time to grow in faith together–and to spend time together in your faith community. In this way your relationship is supported by like-minded people who will become for you that community that celebrates with you in times of joy, consoles you in times of grieving, and that lifts you up you in times of hardship. We cannot live in isolation–we need that community to be there for us, which means, we need to be there for them as well. Be involved, have fun taking in events and activities together, volunteer service time together, and join in prayer groups and Bible studies together. These opportunities to spend time together, in a larger group setting, help you to learn much about each other by seeing how each other deals with a variety of situations and other persons . . . and are great opportunities to dedicate your time and talents to the Lord.</span></blockquote> </div> </li> <li class="style25" style="font-family: Geneva, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><div align="justify"> <div align="justify"> <blockquote> <br align="justify" class="style25" /><span class="QuestionBodyItalicsGreen" style="color: #003a00; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 15px; font-style: italic; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px;">There is a great deal that can be said about courtship.</span> <span class="QuestionBody" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">And each family will establish their own model–sometimes a different model for the varying circumstances of each child. What is import is that you discuss these things in the family and when the time comes in your life for courtship you will be prepared with an excellent game plan!</span></blockquote> </div> </div> </li> </ol> </div>

Twenty Tips About Courtship For Women

Only consider courtship at a time in your life when you are ready to consider marriage. Until that time–foster the virtue of friends...

Relationships and Love