Relationships and Love: Search results for Sex And Relationships

75 Love & Relationship Quotes That Will Change Your Life

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <div style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img src="http://sophisticatedignorance.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/black-happy-couple.jpg" /></div> <br /> <ol style="background-color: white; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.799999237060547px; margin: 0px 0px 15px 40px; padding: 0px;"> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy.  If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  </li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smiling.  And even more beautiful is knowing that you are the reason behind it.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Choose your relationships wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean<span id="more-483" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"></span>you are alone.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t wait for the right person to come into your life.  Rather, be the right person to come to someone’s life.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Some relationships are like glass.  It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Silence is often the loudest cry.  Pay attention to those you care about.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">We don’t always need advice.  Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">It’s not so much what you say that counts, it’ how you make people feel.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">A silent hug means a thousand words to the unhappy heart.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t mess with someone’s feelings just because you’re unsure of yours.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">True happiness comes from within, not from someone else.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world, choose the one who makes your world beautiful.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">If you feel like your ship is sinking, it might be a good time to throw out the stuff that’s been weighing it down.  Let go of people who bring you down, and surround yourself with those who bring out the best in you.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Just because it didn’t last forever, doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth your while.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Say what you mean and mean what you say.  Don’t expect others to read your mind, and don’t play games with their heads and hearts.  Don’t tell half-truths and expect people to trust you when the full truth comes out.  Half-truths are no better than lies.  And don’t ignore someone you care about, because lack of concern hurts more than angry words.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Lies help no one in the long run.  So… 1) Don’t say “I love you” if you don’t mean it. 2) Don’t say “I understand” if you have no clue. 3) Don’t say “I’m sorry” if you’re not. 4) Be honest with yourself and your loved ones.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Tell the truth, or eventually someone will tell it for you.  </li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Good relationships don’t just happen; they take time, patience and two people who truly want to work to be together.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Love doesn’t hurt.  Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurts.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">When it comes to relationships, remaining faithful is never an option but a priority.  Loyalty is everything.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">A great relationship is about two things: First, appreciating the similarities, and second, respecting the differences.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Jealousy is the art of counting someone else blessings instead of your own.  Don’t waste your time on jealousy.  The only person you’re competing against is yourself.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Do not become possessive.  The purpose of a relationship is to complement each other, grow together, and achieve your common goals as a couple.  At the same time, you must each maintain your individual identity as a human being.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t ever change just to impress someone.  Change because it makes you a better person and leads you to a better future.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Give, but don’t allow yourself to be used.  Listen to others, but don’t lose your own voice.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">You don’t really need someone to complete you.  You only need someone to accept you completely.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Speak when you are very angry, and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness.  Let it go.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Respect is earned, honesty is appreciated, trust is gained, and loyalty is returned.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Never waste a moment, it may be the last with someone you love.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">If you love someone, tell them.  Forget about the rules or the fear of looking ridiculous.  What is really ridiculous is passing up on an opportunity to tell someone that your heart is invested in them.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Nobody gets through life without losing someone they love, someone they need, or something they thought was meant to be.  But it is these losses that make us stronger and eventually move us toward future opportunities.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Never stop doing little things for others.  Sometimes those little things occupy the biggest part of their hearts.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">A real person is not perfect, and a perfect person is not real.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">To the world, you might be just one person.  But to one person, you might be the world.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Just because you have a past with someone, doesn’t mean you should have a future with them.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">No relationship is a waste of time.  The wrong ones teach you the lessons that prepare you for the right ones.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">The first to apologize is the bravest.  The first to forgive is the strongest.  The first to move forward is the happiest.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Characterize people by their actions and you will never be fooled by their words.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">When the pain of holding on is worse than the pain of letting go, it is time to let go.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">If a friend is in trouble, don’t bother them by asking if there is anything you can do.  Think of something appropriate and do it.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Sometimes it is better to be kind than to be right.  We do not always need an intelligent mind that speaks, just a patient heart that listens.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Be the friend that you want to have.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">There are times when family are like strangers, and strangers are like family.  Both sets of people are priceless.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation.  Don’t bring up the past.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Instead of judging people by their past, stand by them and help repair their future.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Don’t try to be everything to everyone.  Be everything to someone.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Let us remember that we can’t force anyone to love us.  We can’t beg someone to stay when they want to leave and be with someone else.  This is what love is all about. However, the end of love is not the end of life.  It should be the beginning of understanding that love leaves for a reason, but never leaves without a lesson.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">When things fall apart, consider the possibility that life knocked it down on purpose.  Not to bully you, or to punish you, but to prompt you to build something that better suits your personality and your purpose.  Sometimes things fall apart so better things can fall together.  </li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Everyone wants a perfect ending.  But over the years I’ve learned that some of the best poems don’t rhyme, and many great stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, or end.  Life is about not knowing, embracing change, and taking a moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">In human relationships, distance is not measured in miles but in affection.  Two people can be right next to each other, yet miles apart.  So stay in touch with those who truly matter to you.  Not because it’s convenient, but because they’re worth the extra effort.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Never neglect the people who are most important to you simply because you think they will always be there.  Because one morning you might wake up and realize you lost the moon while counting the stars.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">True friendship and true love do sustain the tests of distance and time.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">When someone gives you their time, they are giving you a portion of their life that they will never get back.  It’s one of the most precious gifts you can receive.  Don’t waste it.</li> <li style="margin: 0px; padding: 3px 0px;">Good relationships are not just about the good times you share; they’re also about the obstacles you go through together, and the fact that you still say “I love you” in the end.</li> </ol> </div>

75 Love & Relationship Quotes That Will Change Your Life

In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet. Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you. Bu...

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="single-featured-image" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;">
</div>
<br />
<header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline">
The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy</h1>
<div class="social-share-container">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-750x500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="266" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-768x513.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Fotolia_71242957_S.jpg 848w" style="cursor: move;" width="400" /></a></div>
<h3>
<br /></h3>
<span class="st_facebook_large" displaytext="Facebook"></span> <span class="st_twitter_large" displaytext="Tweet"></span> <span class="st_pinterest_large" displaytext="Pinterest"></span> <span class="st_linkedin_large" displaytext="LinkedIn"></span> <span class="st_googleplus_large" displaytext="Google +"></span> <span class="st_email_large" displaytext="Email"></span></div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">“I’ve
 been married for over twenty years. I know I’m not perfect, but I can 
honestly say that I do my best to be a good husband…I care about what my
 wife thinks of me asa husband and father.” ~Sal<br />
“It scares me to 
admit this, but I’d be totally lost without my wife. She’s my best 
friend and she tells me that I’m hers. Making her happy is everything to
 me…” ~Luis<br />
“You only hear about the guys who are abusive or cheat, but how about the tons of men who are faithful and kind?” ~John<br />
These
 are some of the messages several men shared with me while discussing 
their thoughts about intimacy, their partners and spouses. Before long, a
 theme arose:<br />
What especially bothered these men were the rampant 
myths that go unchallenged in society about what men really want from 
marriage or a long-term relationship.<br />
<br />
<strong>Myth 1</strong>: Men do not value intimacy and emotional connection.<br />
<strong>Myth 2</strong>: Men are motivated to control and tell women what to do (and therefore prefer passive women).<br />
<strong>Myth 3</strong>: Men only want sex (rather than emotional connection).<br />
<strong>Myth 4</strong>: Men do not care about their partners’/spouses’ feelings.<br />
<strong>Myth 5</strong>: Men would rather spend time with their guy friends than their wives/girlfriends.<br />
<br />
Let’s
 take a closer look at the first myth, the one that claims that men do 
not value emotional closeness. This myth arises out of the difficulty 
some men have with emotions: in particular, expressing and sharing their
 feelings. This reality is partly rooted in the way in which many men 
are socialized. Emotional self-expression is not considered an important
 and useful trait for many men—therefore young boys aren’t given the 
psychological tools needed to identify and appropriate express their 
feelings.<br />
 <img alt="" class="alignright size-medium wp-image-5284" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="http://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/The-Truth-About-Men-Love-and-Intimacy.jpg 424w" style="margin: 5px;" title="The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy" width="300" />Of
 particular importance is the way in which fathers (and other male 
mentors) act as role-models for their sons. While many fathers are 
becoming more comfortable with their sons’ emotional lives, some fathers
 continue to hold the expectation that once their male child hits a 
certain age, this emotionality will give way to stoic self-control.<br />
All
 too often these fathers are perpetuating what was handed down to them 
by their own fathers—a type of intergenerational legacy of difficulty 
tolerating and expressing emotions.<br />
<strong>Why are feelings difficult for men?</strong><br />
Feelings
 of vulnerability (tenderness, sadness, fear, feeling “less than,” 
embarrassment and shame) conflict with the ideal of masculinity—central 
to this ideal is the trait of control and <em>masculine strength</em>. Men value power and in the arena of love, power and strength equate to being able to take care of your loved ones.<br />
As
 the requirements of marriage and intimate relationships change and men 
are asked to be more emotionally available, the guiding questions for 
many men are:<br />
<strong>How can masculinity and vulnerability exist side by side?</strong><br />
Do I need to totally abandon the traits of masculinity I value in order to be a good husband and/or father?<br />
Unfortunately,
 the mentality that emotional vulnerability equates to weakness is alive
 and well in many cultures and held by too many men. This deep-seated 
attitude is often triggered in relationships that require and demand 
greater intimacy. Faced with the challenges of intimacy, men may shut 
down and withdraw, rather than allow themselves to feel confused and 
emotionally impotent.<br />
But men still value connection!<br />
Difficulty
 sharing emotions does not necessarily mean that emotional connection 
isn’t important to men. Think of it this way: You can deeply enjoy music
 and yet not know how to play a musical instrument.<br />
How men go 
about creating connection has less to do with emotional sharing and more
 to do with actions that validate their masculine identity–providing for
 their loved ones, tangential giving that leads to concrete results.<br />
<em>As Roger recently said:</em><br />
“My
 wife didn’t like the color of our bedroom and when she was out with her
 sister, I painted the entire room her favorite color. I couldn’t wait 
to see her reaction. When she got home she gave me this big hug and I 
felt like a million bucks…”<br />
In other words, Roger felt emotionally
 connected to his wife. He experienced intimacy through doing for his 
wife, rather than emotional expression.<br />
For the men who feel most 
at home in the familiar but constrictive strait-jacket of 
hyper-masculinity, there are significant hurdles to overcome as they 
attempt to adjust to the new requirements of love and marriage. But for 
many other men, self-expression and emotional intimacy are seen as 
long-overdue and a welcome addition to what relationships can offer. 
These men have long realized that messages that continue to perpetuate 
the stoic, need-to-be-in-control, warrior mentality are as detrimental 
to men as they are to women.</section></div>

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy “I’ve been married for over twenty years. I know I’m not perfect, but I can hone...

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships

<header class="article-header" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #565656; font-family: Signika, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px;"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline" style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Sanchez, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.5em; font-weight: 400; line-height: 1.333em; margin: 0.67em 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships</h1>
<div class="single-featured-image" style="box-sizing: border-box;">
<img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="500" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/Fotolia_65349056_S.jpg 849w" style="border: 0px; box-sizing: border-box; height: auto; max-width: 100%;" width="750" /></div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody" style="box-sizing: border-box; color: #565656; font-family: Signika, "Helvetica Neue", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; zoom: 1;"><div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;"><em style="box-sizing: border-box;">Richard Nicastro, PhD, examines how the sexual intimacy stakes rise when you fall in love.  He highlights the conditions that either encourage or discourage trust in a committed relationship.</em></strong></div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When love becomes part of the relationship landscape, when the other starts to <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">matter</i> to you, then how they respond takes on a heightened importance. And once love is set into motion, the more you are moved to share and give of yourself to your partner, the more vulnerable you become. Now trust becomes increasingly important to the workings of your relationship.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Trust isn’t just a concept couples must learn about—rather, it’s a subjective experience that must be repeatedly lived and <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">felt</i>.<i style="box-sizing: border-box;"> </i>When trust is experienced in this way, the relationship offers a secure space for the couple, a space that offers solace and opportunities for deeper sharing and connection. Once <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">mutually</i> established, trust can then quietly recede into the background of the relationship where it continues to support the couple, offering comfort and stability, allowing each person to take the risks necessary for meaningful emotional and sexual expression and connection.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">There are conditions that enhance or violate trust.</strong></div>
<h3 style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: Sanchez, Georgia, Cambria, "Times New Roman", Times, serif; font-size: 1.125em; font-weight: 400; margin: 1em 0px; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">
</h3>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Trust requires certain relationship conditions in order to take hold, and when these conditions are violated, when the foundation of trust is shaken, anxieties and insecurities awaken. The intensity of your trust-insecurities may periodically intrude or they may blanket every aspect of your relationship. A lack of trust (or trust that is doubted/questioned) is emotionally disruptive to all involved, and for emotional and sexual intimacy to be (re)established, trust must first be established.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Pro-trust Conditions</strong></div>
<ul style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 1em 0px 1em 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em;">
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">accepting / encouraging</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">sensitive / concerned</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">emotionally open</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">responsive / engaged</span></li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;"><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">committed / reliable</span></li>
</ul>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong style="box-sizing: border-box;">Anti-trust Conditions</strong></div>
<ul style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin: 1em 0px 1em 1.5em; padding: 0px 0px 0px 1.5em;">
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">critical / judgmental</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">aloof / indifferent</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">defensive / closed-off</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">unresponsive / detached</li>
<li style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.5em;">erratic / unpredictable<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;"> </span><span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 1em; line-height: 1.6em;">            </span></li>
</ul>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
These behaviors (both pro- and anti-trust) take on particular significance when they come from the person you love and care for. The loved spouse/partner has particular power and influence over you—the power to help you feel secure and connected as well as intensely insecure and anxious. When trust conditions are violated, couples often shift from a secure to an insecure-anxious way of relating (even when anger predominates, the anger is often fueled by undercurrents of anxiety about losing the other).</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<em style="box-sizing: border-box;">“Having sex with someone I didn’t really know or care about was easy. It’s when I fell in love that sex became amazing and dangerous at the same time. All of a sudden, trust and the potential for betrayal became relevant.”</em>~Eric, 33 years old</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
During sex, the stakes are always elevated because sexual intimacy is inherently risky emotional business—that is, the level of emotional vulnerability evoked with someone you deeply care about presents both the potential for intimate sharing and authentic contact and, when things go awry, emotional wounding and withdrawal. And during these heightened-vulnerability circumstances, your best intentions may not be enough to circumvent painful misunderstandings.</div>
<div style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Having conversations about the conditions you and your partner each need to enhance trust is important in making these conditions <i style="box-sizing: border-box;">explicitly</i> known to you both. Using the above list of pro- and anti-trust conditions can be a good starting point to jump-start such a discussion. Remember, when trust is solidified, the couple enters an orbit of emotional security surrounding the marriage/relationship, a security that allows for the potential of deeper emotional sharing and sexual exploration and expression.</div>
</section>

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships Richard Nicastro, PhD, examines how the sexual intimacy stake...

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline">
20 Relationship Tips:  Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves</h1>
<div class="single-featured-image">
<img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Fotolia_40455924_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody"><div style="text-align: center;">
<strong>Richard
 Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve your relationship,
 noting that it usually doesn’t just “happen” but requires effort to be 
sure it gets adequate attention.  </strong></div>
Let’s face it: there 
is a staggering volume of marriage/relationship help advice out there. 
Any Internet search on the topic will give you page after page of 
relationship “How to’s” and “What not to do’s.” Depending on your 
perspective, this can be either good news (the easy availability of 
helpful information) or bad news (trying to navigate the overwhelming 
maze of relationship tips).<br />
The truth is, there is also a great 
deal of overlap in what is being said about how to strengthen a 
marriage/relationship—and while some authors are more eloquent in how 
they get this information across than others, often the underlying 
message is consistent. This is good news. The repetition in 
marriage/relationship advice suggests that there are important 
hard-and-fast principles that couples should pay attention to.<br />
So 
rather than searching for the golden goose that will magically send you 
down the path of marital or relationship bliss, it’s time to roll up 
your sleeves and give your relationship the attention it deserves.<br />
<br />
<strong>20 Relationship Tips:</strong><br />
<ol>
<li>Couples need to set up a <strong>clear boundary</strong> around their relationship—this boundary involves saying “no” to the influences that can undermine your relationship.</li>
<li>Healthy marriages/relationships require <strong>balance</strong>
 between having shared couple-experiences that will feed the 
relationship while at the same time nurturing their individual interests
 and pursuits.</li>
<li>Without a clear expression of <strong>commitment</strong> to the relationship, trust and emotional security will suffer. A strong relationship foundation is built on mutual commitment.</li>
<li>Direct, <strong>clear communication</strong> should always be a top priority.</li>
<li>Being <strong>attuned to your needs</strong>,
 wants and desires is the first step in getting them met—when you’re 
unclear about your own needs, how can your spouse/partner ever meet 
them?</li>
<li>Not everything needs to be discussed, analyzed and “processed” between partners. Letting go, <strong>giving your partner the benefit of the doubt</strong>, and practicing forgiveness will go a long way in creating a fulfilling relationship.</li>
<li>Words have the power to build empathic bridges between partners, and <strong>words</strong> also have the power to hurt and create a wasteland of distance between you. Choose your words wisely.</li>
<li>Important
 issues that are repeatedly ignored, minimized or go underground will 
resurface with a vengeance. A healthy relationship requires <strong>facing uncomfortable issues</strong> from time to time.</li>
<li>Like
 a wildfire, emotional wounding and defensiveness can spiral out of 
control and quickly consume a relationship.  Couples need to be <strong>mindful of the negative cycles</strong> that arise in their relationship.</li>
<li>Deliberately <strong>creating positive experiences</strong>
 and interactions between the two of you (while facing the uncomfortable
 issues that need to be addressed) should be an ongoing priority.</li>
<li>Emotional intimacy and closeness are built upon both partners being consistent, <strong>emotionally available</strong> and responsive to one another.</li>
<li>Expecting
 to get all (or even most) of your needs met whenever you want is like 
expecting the weather to change based upon your whims and preferences.  
Unrealistic <strong>expectations</strong> lead to unhappy marriages/relationships.</li>
<li>For some, emotional closeness is a prerequisite for sexual intimacy; for others, sexual intimacy leads to <strong>emotional intimacy</strong>.</li>
<li>Passion and <strong>fulfilling sex</strong>
 often needs to be talked about, planned and negotiated (a lack of 
sexual spontaneity isn’t necessarily a sign of marital/relationship 
problems).</li>
<li>What makes you feel loved and <strong>emotionally connected</strong>
 may be very different from what makes your partner feel loved and 
emotionally close. Communicating and understanding these differences can
 go a long way in improving your relationship.</li>
<li>Certain differences between your and your partner’s <strong>communication styles</strong>
 and emotional expressiveness need to be accepted. You can’t make an 
introvert outgoing, and likewise, don’t expect an extrovert to happily 
sit home every evening.</li>
<li>Friendships are built on joint activities and common interests. In addition to being lovers, couples need to <strong>learn to be friends</strong>.</li>
<li>Couples who actively practice <strong>gratitude and appreciation</strong>
 feel a deep sense of connection with one another. It’s too easy to 
simply focus on what bothers you about your mate while ignoring why you 
fell in love with him/her in the first place.</li>
<li>While a relationship obviously takes two committed people, one person can make a difference in improving the overall <strong>quality of the relationship</strong>.</li>
<li>Fulfilling, healthy relationships are co-created, not found. Couples who <strong>work together</strong> (at keeping their relationship strong) are more likely to stay together.</li>
</ol>
While
 it can be easy to feel overwhelmed by the information presented in this
 article, remember that you can pick one or two items from the above 
list and began implementing them into your relationship right away. As a
 marriage/couples counselor, I’ve seen couples make big differences in 
their relationship with a simple and relatively small change—the goal is
 to be consistent and persistent with whatever positive change you’re 
trying to make.</section></div>

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves Richard Nicastro, PhD explores specific ways you can improve ...

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://www.quotemaster.org/images/c5/c5911c3a28c28f4ed7134378aebfe29a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="800" data-original-width="800" height="640" src="https://www.quotemaster.org/images/c5/c5911c3a28c28f4ed7134378aebfe29a.jpg" width="640" /></a></div> <br /> <br /> <br /> <figure class="entry-thumbnail" style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; max-width: 1030px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></figure><br /><br /> <h2 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.5rem; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: 1.3; margin: 0px 0px 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> True love and happiness are inseparable, I can attest to this. I have heard countless of times, young people people lamenting how they’ve never really come to real happiness in their relationships especially with the opposite sex.</h2> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Such persons could not explain why it is difficult to find happiness in others contrary to their believe or what they’ve been fed.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Being happy in a relationship requires one key step before anything else. This step is so important that it cannot be skipped, for anyone wanting to enjoy his or relationships.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Let me start by saying that you can’t possibly be happy just because you are in a relationship. I’m not saying relationships do not radiate joy, No! Far from it, I’m simply saying the principal way to happier relationships with others is the one you first have with yourself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It is difficult some times not to hurt others, however, we hurt ourselves more when we do not express love to ourselves.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you have not loved yourself genuinely, you re never going to find happiness from others you are seeking it from. You must first take adequate care of yourself and by that, I mean not getting frustrated at slightest hurt or provocation.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Are you stressed out? Do you feel constantly irritated at people’s behavior? If yes, then you need to drop the idea of finding happiness in other people. You must deal with these issues and get rid of them. You are to love your neighbour as yourself, how can you love another person when you have not loved yourself.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: both; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0em 0px 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <a class="ud7a5959060c83edeada3fdde0dcbe1ac" href="http://relationshipgoals.com.ng/10-important-traits-healthy-relationship/" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: inherit; border: 0px !important; color: #e64946; display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; opacity: 1; padding-bottom: 1em !important; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 1em !important; text-decoration-line: none; transition: opacity 250ms; vertical-align: baseline; width: 678.047px;" target="_blank"></a><br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 1em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br /></div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here are some practical steps to take in achieving self love.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">1. Feed Your Mind With Positive Thoughts<br /><br /></b></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Having quality and positive thoughts is one way to attain self happiness. Desist from negative thinking or bottling irrational thoughts in your heart. It’s a sure way to be frustrated and burned out easily. What you feed your mind with determines the level of self confidence you will exude. You cannot live a positive life with a negative mind. The things we experience daily in this country are frustrating enough, do not add negative thoughts to them.<br /><br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> <b style="border: 0px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;">2. Spend Some Time Alone</span></span></b></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> </div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The company of friends and loved ones is sure good, however, a greater avenue to ease tension and get relaxed is to spend some quality time in a quiet place devoid of noise and distractions. You can go sightseeing of natural habitats, such as cool and serene environment or water bodies. Get fresh air, relax your mind and body and you are on your way to replenishing your energy.<br /><br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">3. Stay Active</b></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Apart from enhancing adequate blood flow to all parts or the body, regular exercise enhances mental alertness. 10-15 minutes daily exercise keeps you active with a feeling of joy radiating all over you. By so doing, you attract others who are themselves happy.<br /><br /><br /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">4. Play</b></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Having fun is part of life, it cannot be exchanged for anything. No matter how busy your schedules are, create time to enjoy yourself. Engage in those things you find joy in doing. Visit the movies, treat yourself to a special dinner…simply have fun. Happiness attracts happiness, watch as people queue up to be around you.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; clear: both; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0em 0px 1em; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <a class="u4269dc50e5cd5604f5857e98313e1baa" href="http://relationshipgoals.com.ng/7-simple-things-you-should-be-doing-in-your-relationship-but-probably-arent/" rel="nofollow" style="background-color: inherit; border: 0px !important; color: #e64946; display: block; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: 600; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; opacity: 1; padding-bottom: 1em !important; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 1em !important; text-decoration-line: none; transition: opacity 250ms; vertical-align: baseline; width: 678.047px;" target="_blank"></a><br /> <div style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px 1em; vertical-align: baseline;"> <br /></div> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <b style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-size: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">5. Just Be Happy</b></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Smile for any accomplishment, no matter how little. Appreciate those that have been nice to you, being nice in present day Nigeria is a lot of effort. Bask in the euphoria of your breakthroughs and success.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Finally, be very assured that hooking up with another person is not going to guarantee you happiness if you are not already a happy person. Know the person you are and enjoy your company first. If you can’t figure out you, you cannot have thorough knowledge of someone else, neither can you find joy in them.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; font-family: "Open Sans", Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant-numeric: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin-bottom: 1.25rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> So, if you want to be happy in relationships, get a life! Good life, I mean.</div>

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

True love and happiness are inseparable, I can attest to this. I have heard countless of times, young people people lamenting how the...

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

True love and happiness are inseparable, I can attest to this. I have heard countless of times, young people people lamenting how the...

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on"> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSP7-ZL7AyPeCbMVzB0ajoo7rCx86J7gbBR20YVlCvzCuYUKG74S6sm9IARR46LG1afJtKKsf0ELbnmU4sOGbg3I0JcCaMKAX2uZ9WrORPzQKpYV7GXatDQPCXUYDz5Osz5ZGLjU1akXn5/s1600/man+woman+dqwe.png" style="background-color: transparent;" /></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can learn how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Doesn’t seem like that makes sense, does it? Stick with me here for a second and you’ll understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are kind of like Fight Club: if you’re you’re dating someone, you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going </em>to fight. There’s no getting around it. It’s the inevitable result of being in a relationship with another person – there’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">going</em> to be conflict, no matter how (drift) compatible you may be.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Trying to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</em> fighting means trying to avoid conflict – which usually means that important issues get swept under the rug in the name of “keeping the peace” instead of, y’know, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving </em>them. And of course, we all know how well denial works when it comes to conflict resolution.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Rather than trying to <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">avoid</i> conflict, people in the most successful relationships learn <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how </em>to fight so that they don’t end up doing more damage to one another. But learning <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> to fight is only part of the answer. You also have to know how to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop</em> fighting so that you can actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em>things and move on to the more important parts of the relationship… like the make-up sex.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> So just <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">how</em> can you stop fighting with your partner? Well I’m glad you asked…</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> <span id="more-5460" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"></span></div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1) Walk It Off</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Anger is like fire; when properly harnessed, it’s an incredibly useful and important tool. On the other hand, if you’re careless with it then you’re going to lose control and it will end up destroying everything you care about.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan is that anger is rarely a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">rational</em> emotion. It’s almost impossible to have a practical discussion with your partner when you’re caught up in anger; it’s entirely too easy to get distracted by side issues or to dredge up old issues to justify why you’re so pissed right now. And like fire, anger can be deceptive. Just because the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">immediate</em> argument is over doesn’t mean that you’re not still ticked off. Like a campfire, it may <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">seem</em> like things are settled, but one errant spark and suddenly the whole thing flares up again and burns the forest down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you want to stop fighting and actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">fix</em> things, then you need to give yourself time to cool down. Separately.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Yes, separately. It can be hard to let go of things when the person who’s ticking you off is right there with you; you end up feeling pressured to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">say</em> you’re better, even if you’re still angry. So the best thing you can do? Get a little bit of space and let yourself calm down.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You want to get away from the scene of the argument (which is going to just keep reminding you of the fact that you’ve had one) and do the things that let you cool off. Take a walk. Hit the gym and jump on the treadmill and burn out that fire by exhausting yourself. Go listen to music that helps calm you down. Beat on the heavy bag like it owes you money.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> There are a lot of people who will tell you that you shouldn’t walk off, that every argument should be resolved right then and there. This is a spectacularly, crossing-the-streams-level <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">bad</em>idea; not every conflict is one that can be resolved in one sitting and trying to do so while you’re still angry makes it next to impossible. It’s better to take time to vent, decompress and come back when you’re cool and collected.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Just make sure you let your partner know what you’re doing and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em>; just standing up and storming out is a great way to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> hurt someone. Tell them: “Look right now I’m too angry to think straight. I need to go do X to calm down so we can sort this out. I’ll be back in 15 minutes/a half hour/an hour.”</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 2) Ask Yourself: Is This The Hill You’re Willing To Die On?</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Here’s something that trips a lot of people up: sometimes we pick the wrong battles, whether we’re the aggressor or not. We get upset over the wrong things. We get into fights – or make fights worse – because we don’t stop to ask ourselves whether the fight is one <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worth having</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> One of the most common conflicts in relationships involves the desire to be “correct” rather than “right”. Chalk it up to how men and women are socialized; men are taught that they’re supposed to be “doers” while women are the “feelers”. Men tend to look for concrete “do this and things will be better” solutions to conflicts. Unfortunately, one of the ways that we tend to express this is by pointing out that the other person is mistaken or doesn’t understand.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And let me tell you: there’s nothing like telling a person “no, you’re wrong” to turn a minor fight into a major confrontation. This is a <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> bad idea when your goal is to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">stop fighting in the first place.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If we take the classic domestic conflict of “you don’t help me do the dishes” and respond with all the ways that we <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> contribute (paying the bills, picking up around the house, whatever) then we’re trying show that what we do is equivalent… which it may well be in terms of comparative time/effort spent, but that doesn’t actually address the issue.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Similarly, yeah, your girlfriend may have seen what <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">looked</em> like you flirting with the cute redhead from Accounts Receivable, but <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">clearly</em> nothing was going on, therefore it’s completely unreasonable for her to be mad at you!</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The persoalan with this approach is that we tend to equate being correct with having the budbahasa high-ground and that immediately puts <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everybody</em> on the defensive. Suddenly you’re feeling unfairly attacked while <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> is hearing you tell her that she has no right to feel the way that she does. Now you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">both</em> put in the position where you’re no longer actually addressing the problem, you’re arguing about who’s “right” and there’s no real way to back down without losing face. Now you’re fighting to defend your <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ego</em> and there’s no real way to “win” without losing at the same time.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Being factually correct doesn’t mean that you’re actually in the right – especially when it’s not about the “facts” but about how a person’s behavior makes the other person <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">feel. </em>Being “correct” isn’t going to win you any points, especially when your partner’s seeing it from a completely different perspective. “Winning” the argument is a pyrrhic victory when it ruins the relationship in the process, especially when it’s over comparatively <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">minor details</em>.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You have to ask yourself: “Is this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">really</em> the hill I want to die on?” Are you really willing to prolong the fight, or even make it worse, rather than just swallowing your pride and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listening to what she’s actually saying</em>?</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 3) Apologize. The Right Way.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> The fastest way to stop fighting is simple: apologize. But you can’t just say “well, sorry” and expect everything to be magically ok. You have to apologize the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">right</em> way.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is another area that trips a lot of people up: we tend to equate apologizing with being morally wrong. Why should we apologize when we don’t believe we’ve done anything wrong?</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Well… because like I said earlier: being “correct” doesn’t mean that you’re “right”. Apologizing isn’t <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">just</em> about who’s wrong or who’s right. It’s <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">also</em> about taking responsibility for how you’ve made other people feel. A sincere apology means understanding <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> your partner is upset with you and copping to your part in having made it happen.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> First: make sure you understand what you’re actually apologizing <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">for</em>. The best way to do this: try to summarize your understanding as to why she’s upset. “You’re upset because you saw me flirting with Helena, am I right?” Then <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">listen</em>. Don’t defend yourself – just listen to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">why</em> she’s upset. Then apologize for it. “I understand. I’m sorry I hurt you by doing X.”</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Did you do something wrong? That’s (sometimes) debatable. What <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">isn’t</em> debatable is the way you made her feel. And if you actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">care</em> about the person you’re dating, then you damn well <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">better</em> care about how you make her feel.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Notice very carefully that this is the <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">active</em> voice. There is nothing more infuriating than a weaselly non-apology apology like “I’m sorry you were hurt”; it’s a lisan way of putting the blame on <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">her</em> for being unreasonable, rather than taking responsibility for your part in hurting her. Similarly, you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">never</em> give an apology with a qualifier. Saying “I’m sorry, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">but…</em>” is telling her that not only are you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry but once again, she’s wrong for feeling that way in the first place.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> (To pre-empt the obvious objection: if you feel that she’s consistently unreasonable about the way she feels, then it’s probably well past time the two of you broke up. Either you’re right and she’s impossible, in which case you shouldn’t be dating her in the first place or <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she’s</em> right and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re</em> the asshole and <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she</em> shouldn’t be dating <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you</em>. Same result either way.)</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And above all else: never, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">ever</em> apologize just to make the fight stop and get her off your back. This not only invalidates the apology – because you’re <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> sorry<i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> – </i>but tells her that you’re not going to <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> anything about it. You’re essentially interacting on bad faith- you have no intentions of actually <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">resolving</em> the problem, you just want her to shut up. This is incredibly insulting on just about every level and is only going to hasten the inevitable demise of your relationship.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Also: if you’re the one being apologized to – <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">accept the apology without editorializing</i>. Responding to “I’m sorry, I was an asshole” with “Yup, you were” is just going to start the fight all over again.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 4) Stop Fighting, <i style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Then</i> Resolve The Issue</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> If you’ve been following the steps, then ideally you’ve both calmed down and gotten to a point where you’ve forgiven each other. <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This</em> is the time to work out a resolution to the cause of the fight. It’s great that you’ve stopped fighting but that’s just treating a symptom. Unless you actually address the cause, then all you’ve done is just put things on pause until you fight <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">again.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Resolving the conflict should be a collaborative approach. This means you have to work on this <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">together</em> to fix things, not just dictate terms to one another as though you’re negotiating the Treaty of Versailles. You want to ask two questions: “What do you need to make things better?” and “How can we make this happen?” <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Relationships are inherently a partnership; you’re supposed to be working together towards a common goal and understanding. They’re not about “who wins” and “who loses”; <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">everyone</em>loses when you’re fighting, no matter who’s actually in the right. Collaborating together to find a way to make things right reinforces the fact that at the end of the day, <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">you’re on the same side.</em></div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> It’s worth noting: not every solution is going to be a compromise. Sometimes you have to be willing to accept that what you’ve done has hurt your partner and that you’re going to need to make concessions in the name of <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">not</em> hurting them. That’s part of the price of entry to being in a relationship with someone; if you’re unwilling to pay it… well, then you probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with them in the first place.</div> <h3 style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #333333; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.25rem; line-height: 1.2; margin: 0px 0px 1rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> 1)Take Time To Make Up.</h3> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> You’ve managed to stop fighting. You’ve worked together to find a solution. Now it’s time to make up… and in many ways, this is the most important part of arguing with your partner. You may have patched up the issues from the fight, but you’re both still going to feel the sting of the fight and those lingering emotions can poison your relationship if you don’t take care of them.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> As it turns out, there’s actually some truth to the old adage of “don’t go to bed angry”; going to sleep can actually preserve negative emotions or even make them <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">worse. </em>It doesn’t do you any good to try to stop fighting if all you’re going to do is cement the anger and hurt.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> This is why making up is important. You’re not just resolving the problem, you’re reminding one another that even though you may fight, you still have that core of love and affection for one another. Yes, you may get angry, but that doesn’t mean that at the end of the day, you don’t love each other. It’s important to keep that in sight.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Taking the time to make up afterwards is a form of relationship self-care. It’s a way of reinforcing the bond and making each other happy again. You’re soothing the hurt that you’ve both caused and replacing it with love and contentment. It reaffirms the strength of your relationship and rewards you for fixing the problems instead of just fighting over and over again.</div> <div style="background-color: white; border: 0px; color: #222222; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 26px; margin-bottom: 1.625rem; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> And besides… if you don’t take time to make up, when are you going to have that awesome make-up sex when you <em style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">do</em> stop fighting?</div> </div>

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

Here’s something that most relationship coaches aren’t going to tell you: fights are a part of relationships. The sooner you accept this...

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<header class="article-header"><h1 class="entry-title single-title" itemprop="headline">
Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know</h1>
<div class="single-featured-image">
<img alt="" class="attachment-gz-thumb-750 size-gz-thumb-750 wp-post-image" height="426" itemprop="image" sizes="(max-width: 750px) 100vw, 750px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-750x500.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-750x500.jpg 750w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-768x512.jpg 768w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S-350x233.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_181341694_S.jpg 849w" width="640" /></div>
<div class="social-share-container">
<div style="text-align: left;">
Fresh
 off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Symposium in Washington 
DC, I had the opportunity to attend a workshop with John Gottman.  Dr. 
Gottman is a dominant figure on the relationship research and couples 
therapy scene since the mid 80’s, when he began observing couples 
fighting in his “original couples laboratory,” dubbed the Love Lab.  His
 findings provided some of the scientific underpinnings of what we know 
about what maintains and erodes intimate relationships.</div>
</div>
</header><section class="entry-content clearfix" itemprop="articleBody">The Love Lab has been given new life and a new name; the Gottman Love Lab Experience is
 now being offered as “the world’s first science-based relationship 
evaluation service,” measuring three primary important areas of your 
relationship; friendship, conflict and shared meaning.<br />
Along with 
this cutting edge assessment opportunity for couples who are able to 
make it to Seattle, Washington, he is also offering therapists a new 
online tool, the Gottman Relationship Checkup, providing the ability to 
receive a score reviewing couples strengths and vulnerabilities, with 
feedback for possible treatment suggestions.<br />
From a recent study 
Dr. Gottman conducted of 40,000 Relationship Checkup participants, he 
has new data.  I compiled some relationship research nuggets on 
heterosexual couples from his presentation.  You might find some of the 
results surprising!<br />
<strong>For how many couples in therapy is at least one partner considering an exit?</strong>   66%<br />
82% of couples are having problems with <strong>loneliness in the relationship</strong><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="" border="0" class="alignleft size-medium wp-image-11014" height="200" sizes="(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px" src="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg" srcset="https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-300x200.jpg 300w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS-350x234.jpg 350w, https://loveandlifetoolbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/Fotolia_176639190_XS.jpg 424w" width="300" /></a></div>
<strong>What About Problems with Intimacy and Sex?</strong><br />
Romance 83%<br />
Sex Quality 55%<br />
Sex Frequency 49%<br />
<strong>How many partners had problems with trust?</strong>   66%<br />
<br />
<strong>The Top 3 Things Couples Fight About</strong><br />
86% Not having fun anymore<br />
76% Finances<br />
74% No emotional connection<br />
Speaking
 of conflict, the biggest obstacle to productively navigating conflict 
in relationships is flooding.  This means the heart gets to 100 beats 
per minute which makes it nearly impossible to communicate from a calm, 
grounded place as your physiology will get the best of you.  In fact, 
when flooded, communication can be erratic, irrational and possibly 
damaging to the relationship.  The antidote is self-soothing or helping 
each other soothe, if possible.  Sometimes leaving the situation (in a 
structured time out) is the best thing a couple can do for a 
relationship.<br />
<strong>96% of couples are flooded during conflict</strong><br />
Though
 I didn’t catch all of the numbers Dr. Gottman shared at his 
presentation, particularly the gay and lesbian stats, what I did notice 
was a trend demonstrating that compared to heterosexual couples, they 
did a much better job with conflict and communication.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><em>“As far as interaction, gay and lesbian couples really have a lot to teach heterosexual couples.” </em></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
– John Gottman</div>
Something
 to think about.  I will leave you with one more nugget and it’s an 
important one to consider for those who are struggling in married or 
long term relationships:  The #1 predictor of divorce is contempt.  If 
you are calling your partner names, assassinating their character or 
hitting below the belt in other ways…and you would like to save your 
relationship, please seek counseling for help.</section></div>

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know Fresh off attending the 2018 Psychotherapy Networker Sympos...

Relationships and Love

75 Love & Relationship Quotes That Will Change Your Life

The Truth about Men, Love and Intimacy

Trust: A Critical Component of Sexual Intimacy in Committed Relationships

20 Relationship Tips: Give Your Relationship the Attention it Deserves

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

The Principal Way To Finding Happiness In Relationships

How To Stop Fighting With Your Girlfriend And Start Making Up

Study: Top 3 Things Couples Fight About and Other Things You Should Know

Popular Posts

Labels

Blog Archive