Most people jump into relationships for emotional reasons. This person makes you feel good and so you automatically assume committing to a relationship with this person is the best way to keep the good feelings coming. You are also afraid of losing those positive emotions and so locking this person down in a committed relationship seems like the appropriate thing to do at the time.
But people grow and change. You also don’t need other people to feel good about yourself. Your positive emotions are always your own choice and responsibility.
Enjoying a temporary relationship with someone is fine as long as you are honest to yourself about what you want from a relationship.
If you actually want your relationship to last beyond the first few months of passion and even longer here are some tips to help you:
1. Don’t be jealous
Jealousy is the biggest killer of relationships. When you are jealous it communicates that you feel threatened. And you would only feel threatened by another person if you believe you aren’t good enough to keep your partner in your life.
If you ever feel jealous about the attention she gives others, your best bet is to hide your jealousy. If you argue with your girlfriend about the attention she gives other men she will only resist, view you as low value and continue to hang out with other men. There is no way to win this situation.
2. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential. Imagine a man who feels all his positive emotions come from his girlfriend. If she left him for whatever reason he would emotionally destroyed.
So he lets his girlfriend be late, be rude to him, hang out with other guys, and even when she crosses the line of kissing or dating other men he does nothing. Because he is afraid of losing her.
She does not see consequences in her actions and so does whatever she pleases. She knows she can get validation and even sexual stimulation from multiple men while she still has this weak boyfriend acting as a provider and buying her gifts, dinners and emotional affection.
I believe of course many women are not like that. But I have had the misfortune to have met and even dated one girl who is just as I described above.
By setting boundaries you are demonstrating that there are consequences to your partner’s actions.
Let them know what behaviors bother you. Such as being late, rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, or anything that is important to you.
2. Don’t Force Them to Change
Some people might want to yell at and argue with their partner over inappropriate behavior. But that kind of reaction will just make people angry and resist your desire for her to change her behavior.
Instead, for example, if your girlfriend is always late to meet you, tell her you are disappointed that she is late and you appreciate it when she is on time.
She will work harder to avoid dissapointing you. This is also the best method for you to enforce your boundaries. Don’t let her walk all over your boundaries or else she will lose respect for you.
3. Value Your Time
If your girlfriend is the only meaningful part of your life then you are investing too much of yourself into one person. You need to have your own life.
When I first start dating a girl I always tell her that the most I can see her is twice a week. I even feel like that is a lot because there are many things I want to do during the week that I would like to focus on. When I do meet her, I focus on her and every moment is special.
Focus on quality not quantity of visits.
However, If your girlfriend is used to meeting up with you 6 times a week and suddenly you only want to meet up with her twice a week she will suddenly wonder why you are showing her less attention. It will feel strange.
It’s always better to give as little as possible of yourself in the beginning of your relationship so your partner values you more. When you do suddenly give her extra attention it’s a welcome surprise.
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