When you walked down the aisle, what were your hopes, dreams and wishes about your husband and your life together? Did you look at other marriages that were struggling and think, “We’ll be different. That will never happen to us.” That is how most of us go into marriage, but when our expectations are not met, we need to alter them or we’ll become bitter.
Shift your thinking by first getting rid of these 3 Beliefs that can Lead to a Dead End Marriage. Then leave your old assumptions about marriage at the altar and pick up these 8 expectations for a great marriage.
1. Expect Conflict. Conflict will happen, and that’s okay, if you handle conflict in a loving, mature way.
2. Expect Delays. Planning for your future is a great thing to do as a couple, just understand that things don’t arrive on schedule – not babies, not raises, not the sitter!
3. Expect Disappointments. File this in the, “you’re both only human” category. Your husband will not be the answer to all of your problems. He won’t be a mind reader or anticipate all of your needs. Be prepared to forgive.
4. Expect to be annoyed. Be ready for that habit of his you found so adorable while you were dating, to become annoying. But remember this, there are things you’re doing that are likely annoying him too. Cut him some slack and continually focus on his good qualities. If you just can’t overlook what’s bothering you, talk to him about it in a loving, kind way.
5. Expect to think you’re doing more. You might feel like you’re doing more dishes, more laundry, more bedtime reading with the kids, more taking the garbage out, you get the idea. When you start feeling put out and put upon, take some time to assess the situation. Then, instead of attacking your husband and demanding more help, sit down and calmly express your desire to do your jobs well, and ask for his help. (This “taking care of the house” worksheet can also help figure out who’s best at doing what.)
6. Expect to disagree with some of his decisions. Just because you are “one” in marriage, doesn’t mean you will agree on everything. And, guess what? That’s okay. Respect his right to have a different opinion than you. Don’t shoot down his ideas automatically. There is more than one way to get the job done.
7. Expect not to be attracted to him. This may never happen to you. You might go through your entire marriage with the hots for your husband. But if at some point you’re just not that into him, pray that you will have a loving heart. Also, look beyond the physical or lack of chemistry and fall in love with what’s good about your husband.
8. Expect to be with him until the end. This is a mental safety net. Even when you’re furious at him or extremely disappointed, you will not think of leaving. You can’t, remember? You’re with him until the end. This expectation also helps you realize that you might as well make your marriage as good as it can be, because you are in it for the long haul.
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