An Open Letter To My Ex

To the guy who broke my heart,

I fell for you. I fell really hard for you. You were the first person I let into my life in four years, because I'd been broken before and wasn't ready to be broken again. Little did I know that you'd hurt me more than anything I'd ever felt. Little did I know that every second I spent with you meant nothing.

It took six months for you to show your true colours. Six months in which I let my feelings grow, in which I looked forward to whatever time I could spend with you. Six months in which I grew to love a version of you which wasn't real. You showed me a version of yourself that I adored and admired. It's a shame that version was a lie.

You told me you loved me. You told me I was your best friend. Why did you decide days later that you'd never bother to see me again?

You promised me an amazing future together. When I found the long distance between us tough, you told me to just hold on for a few more months until you could move closer. I kept holding on, but you let go.

You kept me a secret from your friends and family so as to not hurt your ex, yet not even a month after you've left I see that you're with someone else. Clearly my emotions don't matter to you. I see you posting on social media days after you've broken my heart, that you're having a great time with your friends. How do you expect me to mend.

Worst of all, you did it over social media. Those six months where I grew a connection with you were ended in a few short drunken words over text. That's the hardest part. Not even a phone call, not even a goodbye. Was it too much to ask to have a face to face conversation? To even give me a reason or explanation? Why tell someone you love them then leave them?

When I spent those seven straight days with you I never imagined that they'd be the last. If I'd have known that was the last time I'd wake up next to you. If I'd have known that was the last time I'd see the person I thought I loved, the person I thought I knew. If I'd have known you were about to show your true colours. If I'd have known you were about to break me.

I let you into my life and I wish I hadn't. You hurt me in ways I didn't know I could. The tears have finished but I'm still filled with anger. I can't wait for the day that you're a distant memory and I don't even remember what you sound like. I regret every minute I spent with you. You didn't deserve to have me. You didn't deserve me.

I would expect this off a 15 year old boy. Not a 23 year old man. But you're not a man, and it took me too long to understand that. Your immaturity in dealing with this has shown that you have so much growing and learning to do, and I hope that some day you'll learn how to properly treat a woman.

When I heal I'll be stronger. I've learnt things that I'll take into future relationships. You've taught me valuable lessons and by breaking my heart, you've made me stronger than before, so for that, I thank you.

I hope no one hurts you in the ways you've hurt me. I hope no one makes you believe that they love you and then ends things out of the blue over social media. I hope you don't learnt to trust someone and then discover they're a completely different person. I hope no one breaks your heart like you've broken mine.

You made me believe in love again. You made me learn to trust again. You made me remember what it's like to be happy. And then you made me unable to do all of those things again.

You made me love a guy who never existed.

01 Jul 2018