Dear Editor of 9JAPEN, I’m in a dilemma as a write this because of an action I took few weeks ago concerning my relationship life.
I want you to please publish my story on your platform so that your readers can advice me on how to get myself out of this trouble.
My name is Folasade and I’m in my late 20s. I decided to give a brief description of myself so as to prevent people from connecting the dots to fully identify me.
I have had my own safe of heartbreaks while growing up and I will say it took me sometimes to recover from some of them.
A bit into my heartbreaks:
My very first heartbreak came 2 years into my first relationship then I was still in my early 20s. I loved this guy (name withheld) wholeheartedly and I looked forward to nothing but getting married to him.
His friends were already referring to me as “iyawo wa” (our wife) and I blushed anytime was addressed like that.
Fast forward to two years after, it was his birthday, we spoke in the morning and we agreed to meet at his place by 6:00pm
Let me say while I worked 8-4pm a day, he is self employed.
I decided to surprise him by arriving his place with gift earlier than agreed. I approached my supervisor and requested if I could close for the day by 2:00pm.
She knew I don’t make such request if I’m not in dire need of it, so without hesitating, she stamped my request.
Excited like a girl who just got her first toy, I raced home to freshen up and package the gift I had already bought.
I decided to surprise him by going to his place earlier than scheduled. I have a my own key to his apartment and I gaining access was not an issue.
Thirty minutes later when I arrived his place, it took me forever to recover from the shock that enveloped. I met ‘my man’ half naked with my best friend (if there is anything like that), who on her part was completely naked.
What followed was history, they both made an attempt to justify the obvious but it was too late, both for them and me.
Since then, I find it rather difficult to open my heart to any man. I was so devastated that he could keep me in darkness while cheating with my supposed best friend.
Several other men have tried coming after that encounter but they’ve met a bricked wall.
After my mum advised that I cannot continue to seal my heart and expect to see a good man, I decided, with every strength within, me to give chance to a man who appeared and looked responsible.
Two months after, I found out he was already married with kids. That was the end of the journey for the two of us.
I concentrated fully on my career for two years without getting distracted by men issue. My friends are leaving spinsterhood one after the other but I was unperturbed. I was buying the Aso udang kering and attending their weddings and mum kept disturbing not to be an uniform slayer. I began to feel really lonely thereafter, but I felt it was not the affection of a man I needed.
There is this guy that met me in a bank some months ago and has been ‘struggling’ to get around me, but I was not to be deceived again. With my heart still sealed, he invited me for couple of dates to which I made it clear to him that man is not the next thing in my life. He made frantic efforts at convincing me to see life from a different perspective.
I decided to give him a chance but not without still withholding a part of my heart.
Just 3 months into our relationship, we were out for dinner and after explaining how he won’t be complete without getting married to me, he went on his knee and brought out a ring to pop the usual question, “Will you marry me”.
Not wanting to embarrass him, I stylishly moved closer to whisper into his hears that I was not ready for that. But he wasn’t listening to my whispers. People have started giving us unpaid photoshoots with their smart phones with others clapping like they just won a lottery.
I reluctantly stretched my hand forward for the ring which fits in perfectly.
It’s been days after the tawaran and I still feel like returning his ring, I have told him on phone that collecting the ring was not to embarrass him not because I was ready to get married.
I need your advice as I am really confused at this point.
Thank you.
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